David Thompson
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August 19, 2015

Comments

Jonathan

Hey, baby. Wanna talk about patriarchy?

Wasn't that a Barry White song?

Joan

As an expert in relationships, “she currently lives in Philadelphia, PA, with her cat.”

Bazinga!

Jonathan

Maybe it isn’t appropriate for your partner to take you home to meet their parents.

Yeah, it's not 'cause you're mental or anything like that.

And that starts with recognizing that you do, in fact, have a race and that your whiteness – and whiteness in general – plays a huge role in how race relations play out socially and interpersonally.

I thought race was just a'social construct'?

she currently lives in Philadelphia, PA, with her cat.

Ah, the money shot...er so to speak

Mr Ecks

I bet the cat is sick of the silly cow by now.

Anon

So if I tried to date someone who felt discomfort to the point of clamming up every time I brought gender into the conversation, that “It’s not you, it’s me” discussion would come up quick.

I think this is true but not in the direction she thinks.

Theophrastus

Is it a black cat?

rjmadden

Seriously, just get the hell out of there.

That would be the sane response.

David

That would be the sane response.

I suppose some people may feel strangely drawn to Ms Fabello’s tangle of ideological tics and pretentious neuroses, and the fact she’s been undone by her so-called education. But I’d imagine the people who do are best avoided too.

JL

Gosh, I wish I read this advice before I hooked up with my Chinese partner 15 years ago. It's amazing our relationship survived without my apologising for the Opium Wars and foot binding. I'll go and do it now - better late than never!

jabrwok

On the upside, she's cute, and she's just given anyone who wants to shtup her a "how to get into my pants" guide. Just mention patriarchy, sexual/racial oppression, and how feminism empowers women and *bang*, nookie!

R. Sherman

. . . being responsible for the ways in which your whiteness affects the world . . . is hard work, too.

I think we've found the mother lode of narcissism in one independent clause.

sysadmn

with her cat

The first of many, no doubt.

Jon Powers

Does screaming "Whose your Daddy" during sex count as talking about the patriarchy?

Jon Powers

Who's. Stupid grammar.

RY

Oh please let this be true.

http://www.breitbart.com/big-government/2015/08/19/did-black-lives-matter-organiser-shaun-king-mislead-oprah-winfrey-by-pretending-to-be-biracial/

Jonathan

On the upside, she's cute,

Feminist - check

Tattoos - check

Daddy Issues - check

Too much makeup - check

House smells of cat p**s - check

Computer says no.

Steve E

Self-loathing is hot!

Off to pick up the hair shirt from the cleaners.

Tim Newman

It’s important to remember that as a white person being sexual with a person of colour, you’re in a position of power

There's a whole genre of pornography which would suggest otherwise.

Jamie MacMaster

Ms Fabello is a “community educator” and a “fierce feminist activist.”

Gosh, and all along here I was, thinking that she was nothing but yet another run-of-the-mill driveller.

mojo

Jungle Fever.

And "every time" you "bring up Patriarchy" a black man will probably slap yo bitch mouth.

Word.

SDMatt

It’s important to remember that as a white person being sexual with a person of colour, you’re in a position of power… And it can be difficult for a marginalised person to feel comfortable expressing their needs without a safe space being intentionally created by the person of privilege… The power dynamics bestowed upon us by our fucked up, oppressive society don’t disappear just because you’re intimate with someone… Sex should be considered in relation to social power.

It used to be that one would think of baseball or some such to ward off an early climax. I suppose this could be added to the early popper's arsenal but I suspect it's liable to go too far and make one's member limp tout de suite

The original Mr. X

Jabrwok:

On the upside, she's cute, and she's just given anyone who wants to shtup her a "how to get into my pants" guide. Just mention patriarchy, sexual/racial oppression, and how feminism empowers women and *bang*, nookie!

It doesn't matter if she's the female equivalent of Cassanova, no sex could be good enough to be worth listening to her nonsense.

Q30

I have been in an interracial marriage for 10 years.

Am I a bad person for never talking about my white privilege, like, EVER?

I just don't think my wife particularly cares.

How much am I supposed to talk about my white privilege? Every day?

mojo

And I believe the accepted Yankism is "honkie cooties", different connotations from germs.

Charlie Suet

As a feminist and a woman, I could never be in a relationship with someone who didn’t feel comfortable talking about agree supinely to my every pronouncement on patriarchy.

Fixed

pst314

"Do Not Date Bedlamites"

I used to know people who sang the "Tom o'Bedlam" song with an enthusiasm for certain passages that was deeply disturbing.

Quint&Jessel, Sea of Azof, Bly, UK

My GOD, she sounds unbearably dreary. Valentine's Day must be hell.

David

I just don’t think my wife particularly cares.

This kind of identitarian claptrap really is corrosive to a person’s sense of realism. And, I’d imagine, to their chances of happiness in a functional relationship. Ms Fabello talks about the wickedness of “exotifying” sex with what she calls “people of colour,” and about how “exotification” and “racial fetishization” are racist and things one mustn’t do. “It’s never appropriate to stereotype people,” says she.

And yet her own article is premised on “othering” and “exotifying” people with browner skin than hers. Chiefly by treating them as eternal victims of some all-pervasive “white supremacy,” which apparently renders them “marginalised” and powerless even in the bedroom, and as therefore in need of endless, neurotic accommodation by Immensely Sensitive White People With The Right Kind Of Politics.

pst314

"with her cat"

Fun game: Append that phrase to a feminist's blatherings.
To wit:
"I could never be in a relationship with someone who didn’t feel comfortable talking about patriarchy with my cat."
and:
"Interracial dynamics always add a layer of work to romance with my cat."

Ofay Cat

It's not a white supremacy thing ... It's a black inferiority thing. They have the problem.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

It’s important to remember that as a white person being sexual with a person of colour, you’re in a position of power...

Yes, I am sure she would be in a position of power with person of color Big Jim Slade !

[+]

Because as white people, we’ve been socialised racist.

It's so good of her to use her psychic powers to tell me how I was socialized.

David

It’s so good of her to use her psychic powers to tell me how I was socialized.

It’s your false consciousness. Didn’t you know?

Now sign the confession.

pst314

"Now sign the confession"

Not even if you get out the comfy chair!

Q30

David, here's another set of items that confuse me... I, evil privilege-drunk white guy, have been living in a country in which I am a racial minority. I have been here since the mid-2000s. Have I lost my white privilege yet? Or is that invisible monster still stalking me after all these years? How am I supposed to know?

When the people around me say that I speak their language well or if they ask me where I'm from? These acts are being considered micro-aggressions in some colleges in the U.S. So am I being assaulted by micro-aggressions all the time, without even realizing it? Am I not properly trained in seeing these things?

It seems to me that ALL of this woman's white privilege/white supremacy arguments are basically rendered invalid when applied to white expatriates who live in places like Hong Kong or Dubai or Cambodia or wherever and there are millions of us. People who own businesses, have careers, families, despite linguistic and cultural barriers. And, if you were to ask her about us, she would probably insist that we are all horribly uncomfortable and unable to cope without our precious white privilege.

D

So wait -- she's obsessive about trying to "empower" non-white people or something, but then if they're not super into feminism she'll dump them immediately?

Isn't it racist for her to reject a non-white person, just one more way a white person is imposing her will on a non-white person? Is she allowed to tell them no to anything, or would that be abusing her white privilege because she can expect them to do what she says due to our screwed up society?

No wonder there's a whole field of study to figure out how these stupid ideas interact with each other. They sure seem to "intersect" the way cars in a pileup on the highway "intersect" to me.

Fuel Filter

God, where's a ball gag when you need it?

D

Being with a non-white person "adds a layer of work," what with the "acknowledging" and the "dealing with" and the "not exotifying" and the "awkward talks" about "racial justice issues."

She makes it sound so horrible that it seems like people should just stick to their own race so they don't have to deal with it. Voluntary segregation was what she was trying to advocate, right?

Q30

Being with a non-white person "adds a layer of work,"

I will say that the "layer of work" of merely having a non-white spouse is absolutely nothing when compared to the "layer of work" required by a situation in which one's spouse is not a native English speaker and you are not a native speaker of their language. THAT can take some actual work. It seems to me that the author doesn't need to deal with that sort of situation, so whatever kind of extra "layer of work" she's so heroically struggling with is a bit too abstract for my ignorant white-boy ass.

pst314

"God, where's a ball gag when you need it?"

David, did you leave all of them in the punishment booth?

Mark

You have to say Latinx not Latino now by the way.

Rich Rostrom

It doesn't matter if she's the female equivalent of Cassanova, no sex could be good enough to be worth listening to her nonsense.

Posted by: The original Mr. X | August 19, 2015 at 16:28

Earplugs!

HarvardR

"community educator”
“fierce feminist activist"

Yep, the synonym finder says "loser"

Fay

"a person of pallor"

Thank you David. Duly stolen.

David

She makes it sound so horrible that it seems like people should just stick to their own race so they don’t have to deal with it.

Heh. Quite.

Vince N

Commenters are on fire tonight.

Hey baby, wanna talk about patriarchy?

This set the bar high right off the bat.

I’d love to be able to give you a formula – some kind of fool-proof ratio of number-of-white-to-POC partners – to help you determine if you’re racist.

If you choose only to date members of the opposite sex, does that make you a homophobe?

The purpose of this "white privilege" nonsense is to induce guilt in the unsophisticated. If you can do that, you've got them by the short and curlies. She seems to have fallen for it good and hard (so to speak).

"White privilege" is the crackpot left's version of Original Sin.

David

The purpose of this “white privilege” nonsense is to induce guilt in the unsophisticated. If you can do that, you’ve got them by the short and curlies.

It certainly doesn’t seem intended to help anyone; it just seems intended to perpetuate tribalism, grievance and pretentious guilt, with the “activists” themselves as the gatekeepers of atonement. And yes, even pretentious guilt offers leverage to those inclined to exploit it.

Which may explain why so many of these identitarian hustlers mouth the most extraordinary bollocks. For instance, they tell us that “racism is an outgrowth of capitalism,” that “white people invented racism,” and that, “to ignore race is to be more racist than to acknowledge race. I call it neo-racism.” It’s guilt in all directions. Which almost sounds like a trap. And apparently the way to get past small differences in physiology is to continually fixate on small differences in physiology, and to treat people first and foremost as bearers of those differences.

Rob

Her ideal partner would be herself.

Jon

I'm confused. If a white woman is dating a black man, who has the most social power? The white woman because of white supremacy, or the black man because of the patriarchy?

Jason

You have to say Latinx not Latino now by the way.

Would LatinX be like the Roman, or Central American cousin of Professor X? Secret leader of the X-Hombres, or possibly the X-Hominibus (if Google Translate is giving me the right word).

pst314

"You have to say Latinx not Latino now by the way."

And what do you say if the Latinx identifies as a cat or a horse or a skunk? ;-)

wtp

If a white woman is dating a black man, who has the most social power? The white woman because of white supremacy, or the black man because of the patriarchy?

The white woman because of the patriarchy.

And what do you say if the Latinx identifies as a cat or a horse or a skunk? ;-)
caballx or zorrillx

Just wear those thinking caps like rally caps and it all makes sense.

Captain Nemo

I'm confused. If a white woman is dating a black man, who has the most social power? The white woman because of white supremacy, or the black man because of the patriarchy?

I don't know, but I do know that if you asked a Guardian reader that question, then his head would explode.

Dom

How do you pronounce "Latinx"? La-tinks, or la-teen-x? I need to write a limerick.

TomJ

You have to say Latinx not Latino now by the way.

Well that's blatant imposition of US values* onto Latinate languages. Disgraceful.


*for a tiny, tiny subset of the US

clazy8

"Othering" -- i can't imagine sex without it. I suspect this woman simply feels guilty for enjoying it.

Hal

How do you pronounce "Latinx"? La-tinks, or la-teen-x? I need to write a limerick.

It's an Asterix character names addition reference.

Paul A'Barge

View the author here, wart, piercing and all
http://abeautyfullmind.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/bodyimageheroes_melissa.jpg

dicentra

without a safe space being intentionally created by the person of privilege

Sounds like the White Man's Burden, 21st-Century Edition.

If I were a Person of Color, and some white person asserted that I can't get a safe space except whitey creates it -- never mind that I don't need no damn safe space -- I'd pop that white fool in the mouth and run, not walk, elsewhere.

Argh

View the author here, wart, piercing and all

The thing is, she is beautiful. Her extreme preciousness is evident, too - it seeps from every digitalised pore of her being - but there you are.

Drake D

I'm blaming the lousy economy. What we have today is a vast surplus of young people trying to eek out a living by being blog writers, since there are no real jobs to be had.

A few decades ago someone like Melissa would've been too busy as a rising editor at a publishing house to write click-bait bilge like this.

And please. Leave the cat out of this. I like cats.

wtp

Perhaps the economy wouldn't be so deep into the suckage were it not for the vast sums of money we have "loaned" to young people to have their souls nourished through beauty, contemplation of our world, and identity studies. Why, otherwise their existence grinds into mechanics and dust. I shudder to think what would happen to such snowflakes in such unsafe spaces as Fluid Mechanics or Thermodynamics classrooms.

If perhaps Melissa were to, I don't know...get a job making sammiches, she, the taxpayers, and most everyone else would at least be a skoosh better off. Could probably afford to feed her cat on her own dime as well.

Steve Roberts

I doubt this SJW had a man stick around long enough to experience genuine power dynamics of a relationship. I've Been married to a genuine South American Latina with lots of Indian blood for almost 10 years. White privilege? Ha! The heavy hand of Hispanic oppression is feared in our home and not taken lightly.

RTW

I would guess she spends a lot in this aisle: http://www.smalldeadanimals.com/2015/08/heh-14.html

David

Link fixed.

ac1

Read this
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolution-the-self/201311/6-signs-narcissism-you-may-not-know-about
Then read her article and play Personality disorder bingo.

Rafi

Is this about you, David? :-)

https://twitter.com/fyeahmfabello/status/634479148375908352

David

Is this about you, David?

I’ve no idea. If it is, Ms Fabello has apparently taken care not to comprehend the substance of the post, or to link the thing so others might judge for themselves. If it is about the post above, Ms Fabello seems to believe that to mock her mannered, dogmatic and question-begging claptrap, to point out its contradictions, is somehow to endorse not talking at all. Which is quite a leap, and somewhat self-flattering.

Jonathan

Is this about you, David? :-)

This is a good one:

When people are like "I don't FEEL privileged," I wanna be like, "Well, I don't FEEL like you understand the concept of privilege."

Says the thin, white, woman. Isn't there something about motes and beams somewhere?

David

White woman’s burden.

David

Right. The sun is shining and I’m heading out into the countryside. Do try not to oppress anyone with your whiteness.

DefendUSA

Wow. My mother never taught me to look at color as a condition to like, dislike or not love someone. My mother taught me that if someone treats you well and with respect that all the other bullshit one can try and find, fault or none is beside the point. If you love someone and you close your eyes, can you see the color of their skin or are you FEELING what is in your heart? Not everything must be labeled as something. JHC. #SOS

Michel Ouellette

Oh the irony. The people attempting sooooo hard to prove they are not racists - are the ACTUAL racists in this country - BY DEFINITION! Get out your Funk and Wagnals and look up the definition of the fucking actual word you asshole!

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