David Thompson
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December 05, 2016

Comments

Sam

Saw title. Rushed over. Massive disappointment.

David

No refunds, credit note only.

Liz

Why is she acting like a stereotyped sassy black woman?

David

Apparently, Ms Dallagiacomo is “interrupting the dominant power” with her poems, and “writing through the complexities” of her experience “as a woman living in my body.” Because living in her body – which, to my eye is unremarkable - is tremendously fascinating. We’re also told that with “other people connecting to [the poem],” Ms Dallagiacomo “began to feel more connected” to her thighs.

Uma Thurmond's Feet

It did expose me to the EF site, with this compelling headline: "4 Ways White People Can Process Their Emotions Without Bringing the White Tears."

R. Sherman

Heterosexual male riposte: "My, er, stuff says,'No thanks.'"

Min

My thighs say, "Feminism, bitch!"

Will these people *ever* get over themselves?

David

You know, in just two posts I think we’ve covered the major themes of feminist poetry. “I’m so fat” and “Hey, let’s all talk about my vagina.”

Trevor

I am obviously unqualified to comment on feminist poetry, so I consulted a person of gender, the eminent cultural critic 'Nan' Taylor.

Sporkatus

Randall Monroe went Full Retard during the election, but I think his contribution to thigh poetry is relevant here.

Sporkatus

I think the major themes of feminist rhetoric might actually be three: "I'm so fat", "let's talk about my vagina", and "people should love me for who I am(I should be able to *make* them)". I'm unaware of how much #3 creeps into the poetry, however, because I've been studiously avoiding it.

Jacob

I don't think people who are really okay with having big thighs spend so much time *telling* everyone they're okay with it.

David

I don’t think people who are really okay with having big thighs spend so much time *telling* everyone they’re okay with it.

Well, quite.

Sporkatus

I think what I chiefly don't understand is why, if one had oversize thighs (overthighs?) one wouldn't train them to superhuman strength and embrace a career as a supervillainess. Xenia Onatopp has shown the way.

Tim Newman

Randall Monroe went Full Retard during the election

Indeed. I stopped following him after that. I wish he'd have just STFU about politics.

aelfheld

"Beauty is in the thigh of the beholder."

Burnsie

I look forward to your third installment in the Feminist Poetry series, now that you've shared these thoughtful vagina and thigh meditations.

There must be some feminist "ass" poetry out there, somewhere, and I'm sure it's equally brilliant.

peter

Never mind, you know what they say - thighs isn't everything.

David

“I’m so fat”, “let’s talk about my vagina”, and “people should love me for who I am (I should be able to *make* them)”

Somewhere under the self-indulgent word pile, there are the same old grumbles and resentments. Among which, a dislike of the fact that human pairing is generally a competitive business, that agreeable features and proportions turn heads more often, and that the features and proportions most in demand aren’t equally distributed. Ditto agreeable personalities. Well, such is life. Not “patriarchy,” mind you, or “society’s beauty standards,” but life. The attempt to apply assumptions of societal fairness to the issue of desirability is, as we’ve seen, pointless and absurd. And in terms of turning heads, even the most physically attractive of us would in later years struggle to compete with their earlier, prettier selves.

Except, perhaps, for the actress Gillian Anderson, who seems to be getting more handsome with age. I suspect witchcraft.

Sporkatus

Except, perhaps, for the actress Gillian Anderson

Most notable, of course, for the X-Files, which would be an excellent sort of show for muddying the waters if there really *were* an alien infiltration. Might want to reward participants therein, as it were.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Three minutes of this young miss trying to convince herself and everyone else she really doesn't have massive insecurity about the way she looks.

PiperPaul

.

Hal

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.

---Robert Heinlein

Jonathan

If you wouldn't date a trans wo/man you're a bigot. Apparently.

David

Most notable, of course, for the X-Files,

Over the years I think there’s been a pleasing elongation. Doubtless assisted by good lighting and some expensive tailoring.

David

If you wouldn’t date a trans wo/man you’re a bigot. Apparently.

So fat-shaming, for instance, is bad, but sexual-preference-shaming is not only good but a “social justice” imperative? Isn’t that a bit like asking, “Why aren’t you aroused by clowns? What’s wrong with you?”

Sporkatus

Doubtless assisted by good lighting and some expensive tailoring.

And the alien gene therapy, of course.

Frank

Thanks, but I'm not going to click on that little red triangle. The comments are more than enough.

David

Thanks, but I’m not going to click on that little red triangle.

[ Flaps elbows, does chicken noise. ]

Farnsworth M. Muldoon

If you wouldn't date a trans wo/man you're a bigot.

OK, I'm a bigot, but if I wasn't, I wouldn't date one who is so obviously a male pretending to be a female like young master Riley who is less convincing than Bruce Jenner.

Shiggz

David, Gillian you say? As an academic e she is topless stripper in one of her early movies. Her slumped shoulders and saggy bewbs in that Netflix series were disappointing. For me her community says were her peak.

Shiggz

"dislike of the fact that human pairing is generally a competitive business, that agreeable features and proportions turn heads more often, and that the features and proportions most in demand aren’t equally distributed. Ditto agreeable personalities. Well, such is life"

Well said.

Most of us work through this by Jr high.

Shiggz

My bad was thinking of Gillian Jacobs .

lovegoats

I became fixated with young master Riley's adam's apple, which is as far as I wanted to go.

Jonathan

So fat-shaming, for instance, is bad, but sexual-preference-shaming is not only good but a “social justice” imperative?

Xe obviously believes that sexual attraction is merely a matter of choice. Don't leftists give Evangelical Christians a hard time for believing the same thing re: homosexuality?

james

Heterosexual male riposte: "My, er, stuff says,'No thanks.'"

Indeed. Not even if I had a bag of them.

GUEST

You know, it's sad. The "poetry" is a joke, but her emotions are real. My heart aches for her pain, but it is invalid pain. Unrighteous and foolish. It is pain that comes from believing lies. Lies that have made her afraid of phantoms and boogeymen and lies that have filled her heart with hate. Lies that have put a log in her eye so large that she can't bear its weight, let alone remove it.

The devil is called the "prince of lies" with good reason.

TimT

"So that's a zero from David and a 10 from Laurie Penny, but as we know the lowest and the highest scores are disqualified. Who said democracy was the best form of government again?"

TimT

Another thigh slam poem

I exercise
My sexy thighs
My flexy thighs
Not for your eyes
- My exes thighs
His peaks and sighs
His sexy pies
His squeaks and cries,
These I despise
Not for these my Mexy-thighs
I monetise
My super thighs
Not for your lies
Not for your eyes
My flexy thighs
My sexy thighs
Okay that's 16 lines vote for me please.

David

If Tim does that again, spray him with the hose.

Jones

Deep.

sk60

If Tim does that again, spray him with the hose.

He's ruined feminist poetry for me.

Heather

Its not that difficult in our society to groom oneself, to exercise, to dress tastefully (in any price range) and to learn basic manners. It also helps if you smile and are cheerful. If you do these things you will be attractive no matter your figure or your face.

Most people will never be supermodels but most people can achieve basic self respect. I think its amazing that these things are not self-evident to these young ladies, but then I was raised by a southern belle who dressed up to go the post office.

I will now report to the re-education camp for horribly old fashioned gender traitors.

Farnsworth M. Muldoon

He's ruined feminist poetry for me.

Guy pries,
Thighs wide,
Riley's disguise,
Surprise lies,
Stupefied - retires.

TimT

Hose? At least it's not a water cannon.

dan

So..
Gay conversion therapy = extremely evil
But if you are a man and you aren't attracted to masculine-seeming people with penises, you are a bigot and need to unlearn your "preferences".

Gay: not a preference
Straight: a preference

TimT

I'm sure her friends think very thighly of her.

Farnsworth M. Muldoon

Hose? At least it's not a water cannon.

You call that crowd control ? This is crowd control.

Fred the Fourth

Farnsworth,
Not to change the topic or anything (cuz this one's so delightful) but that looks like an...extremely interesting way to fly a 747.
Full flaps, angle of attack around 14 degrees (hard to tell), losing weight rapidly from god knows where with respect to the CG, maybe 20 knots over stall speed, altitude a few grand...
Oh boy. Sign me right up.

Spiny Norman

Fred,

See one of those in action, up close, is a sight to behold.

{O.O}

(Living in wildfire country, it's not a rare thing for me.)

Spiny Norman

Oh, by the way, during the "Blue Cut Fire" here recently, it was operating well below 1,000'.

Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA

If Tim does that again, spray him with the hose.

The original Tim T

(I'll direct myself to the Correction Booth....)

Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA

I heard once that a 747 can do a barrel roll, but it's not exactly advisable....

Farnsworth M. Muldoon

I heard once that a 747 can do a barrel roll...

There is a fake video of one, and a case of an inadvertent vertical roll after an engine failure, but the only deliberate roll was a 707 prototype by test pilot Tex Johnson.

Hopp Singg

You can sideslip a 767 like a glider in an emergency, so why not barrel roll a 747?

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Bct1mWUp8to

Caution, only been tried once, only been done once. Otherwise impossible.

Hal

The original Tim T

Meh. The original T. Tim.

Hal

. . . test pilot Tex Johnson.

Right,

Hal

. . . that looks like an...extremely interesting way to fly a 747.

Oh, doesn't it, though . . .

Farnsworth M. Muldoon

...extremely interesting way to fly a 747...

Yeah, and though it evidently has much more capability, it will never be a cool as the Martin Mars.

Hal

. . never be a cool as the Martin Mars.

Hmmm. Does look interesting . . .

Farnsworth M. Muldoon

Weird - link didn't work - Martin Mars.

Also here.

Fay

Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thigh...Thighmon and Garfunkel

Fay

Thigh Me To The Moon

Fay

Now I've had the thigh of my life
And I owe it all to you...

Fay

Thigh can't get no satisfaction

Hal

Oh Dear.

We seem to have a general assessment of a metaphoric multi vehicle pileup.

Perhaps in sympathy, have the real thing . . .

PiperPaul

If the sand spreader truck had crashed first we might not have this great video. I used to work just uphill from this ice-olated incident.

Sporkatus

It's fun to stay at the Thigh-M-C-A.

Fay

Thigh loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
Thigh loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah
Thigh loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah

You think you've lost your thigh
Well, I saw it yesterday
It's you thigh's thinking of
And thigh told me what to say-ee-aa

Thigh says she loves you
And you know that can't be bad...

Fay

Thigh'm really sorry. I'll stop now. I promise (maybe).

Darleen

Oh my ... maybe we should send some compassionate poetry to this poor woman.

I’ve lost the desire to attempt the courtship phase. The future is uncertain. I am not the optimistic person I was on the morning of Nov. 8, wearing a T-shirt with “Nasty Woman” written inside a red heart. It makes me want to cry thinking of that. Of seeing my oldest in the shirt I bought her in Washington, D.C., that says “Future President.”

There is no room for dating in this place of grief. Dating means hope. I’ve lost that hope in seeing the words “President-elect Trump.”

Fay

"There is no room for dating in this place of grief."

And that EXTREME NOISE you are hearing is a collective sigh of relief.

Of all available dates.

Everywhere.

TimT

But thigh eternal beauty shall not fade....

TimT

To thighn own self be true.

David

[ Rummages in drawer for nunchucks. ]

ACTOldFart

You must remember this
A kiss is just a kiss
A thigh is just a thigh
The fundamental things apply ...

Spiny Norman

[ Hands David the Taser ]

Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA

[ Rummages in drawer for nunchucks. ]

I thought this was what the henchlesbians were for.

WTP

She's got Betty Davis thighs...

David

[ Hands David the Taser ]

Charger. Where’s the damn charger?

[ Rummaging intensifies. ]

God damn sonofabi...

Ooh.

An early Nineties mixtape.

The original Mr. X

Bright thighs, burning like fire.

When you look me in the thighs
And tell me that you love me
Everything's alright.

And your thighs, your thighs, your thighs,
Tell me how much you care.

Patrick Brown

Altogether now...

Thigh, thigh, thigh, Delilah (diddle diddle diddle doo)...

Farnsworth M Muldoon

She's got Betty Davis thighs...

Probably not...

Microbillionaire

Thighlent Night, Holy Night
All is calm, all is thight

Horace Dunn

You can't hide your lying thighs...

Don't it make your brown thighs blue...

Your thighs are the thighs of a woman in love ... and oh! how they give you away... (as sung by Thigh Masterson)

Sporkatus

And thiiiiiigh... will always love you.

peter

Come thigh with me, come thigh let's thigh away...

Sporkatus

Revvin' up your ankles
Listen to her howlin' roar
Leggings under tension
Beggin' you to touch and go

Thighway to the Danger Zone
Thighed into the Danger Zone

Hal

An early Nineties mixtape.

For such occasions I've recommended a random play of several CDs of John Denver and Riders In The Sky.

Boatswain's Mate

And she's thighing a stairway to heaven.

Boatswain's Mate

Layla, you've got me on my knees
Layla, I'm beggin', darlin', please
Layla, darlin' won't you ease my worried thigh. Ooooh.

David

[ Surveys outpouring of poetic work. ]

I see you’ve been busy.

[ Writes note to self. Buy bear traps. ]

Sporkatus

Leave your cares behind
Come with us and find
The pleasures of a journey to the center of the thighs

Come along if you care
Come along if you dare
Take a ride to the land inside of your thighs

Beyond the queef of thought
Beyond the realm of box
Between the limbs of pubes and quims where things are really not

Come along if you care
Come along if you dare
Take a ride to the land inside of your thighs

But please realise
You'll probably be surprised
For it's the land unknown to man
Where fantasy is fact
So if you can, please understand
You might not come back...

I'm actually surprised how easy it is to twist this one.

Boatswain's Mate

Sportakus, Ted Nugent would definitely approve (more so than he did once (he said) he learnt what the original was all about).

Sporkatus

@Boatswain's Mate: Oh, quite. Making a song by the author of "Wang Dang Sweet Poontang" and a number of *very* salty lyrics in "Cat Scratch Fever" more about anatomy than it was originally seems almost more of a return to form.

Boatswain's Mate

Subtle Ted was not. For an example of his nonsexual manifest forthrightness, I refer you to his 1995 song "Kiss My Ass."

So much hidden meaning (not).

Boatswain's Mate

And I just remembered, in the spirit of this thread, the first song on Ted's 1995 album Spirit of the Wild was called "Thighraceous."

Oh, Uncle Ted. How you do amuse.

Captain Nemo

Thigh no more, ladies, thigh no more.
Men were deceivers ever,
One foot in sea, and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.
Then thigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into bad poetic nonny.

Write no more ditties, write no more
Of frumps so dull and heavy.
The fraud of men was ever so
Since summer first was leafy.
Then thigh not so, but let them go,
And be you blithe and bonny,
Converting all your sounds of woe
Into bad poetic nonny.

(With apologies to Shakespeare).

Sporkatus

So much hidden meaning (not).
Indeed. Not a man to reserve his observations for sake of politeness, our Ted. See also "suck on my machine guns, ya punk!" o_O

Oh, Uncle Ted. How you do amuse.
I have to think after one has actually named an album "Love Grenade", one has to weep because of no more worlds to conquer.

Sporkatus

Superfluous comment to curb runaway italics.

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