David Thompson
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January 12, 2017

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[+]

I've been on hold for nearly an hour.

David

An operator will be with your shortly.

Ray

And when you do get through there's the coup de grâce:

"Leave it with me."

David

I’m afraid you’ve been put through to the wrong department.

Please hold.

Hal

An operator will be with your shortly.

Hmmm. My shortly what?


---One time I called some organization and got their voicemail. Their announcing message was quite literally the following, with only the organization name redacted.

Thank you for calling our organization. Your call is very important to us. To hear this message in English, press one. To hear this message in Spanish, press dos.

. . . . . I still have no idea what language I was listening to, given that English was a choice to change to . . .

David

My shortly what?

Gah. You can imagine how that chafes my undercarriage.

Hal

There was an occasion when I and a client with internet connection problems were on the phone waiting for some local telco to return to our shared phone call.

First, the client was in agony when the muzak started playing a version of Me and Bobby McGee. The client's agony then intensified when I helpfully pointed out that given a particular wobble in the playing of the notes, the muzak was very particularly a very faithful rendition of the Janis Joplin edition rather than the Kris Kristofferson . . . . !

Lisboeta

I got a different, but equally frustrating version of the waiting game: "Epa! Houve um problema na reprodução deste arquivo de áudio." And no, I do not wish to "fazer o download".

Runcie Balspune

TL:FF

R. Sherman

The sad thing is someone's parents started him on violin lessons at age five. He proceeded to attend a posh performing arts high school followed by four or five years of conservatory, not to mention probably spending six figures on instruments, as well.

All to get a gig doing elevator music.

David

But it’s charmingly cheesy.

Tim Newman

The client's agony then intensified when I helpfully pointed out that given a particular wobble in the playing of the notes, the muzak was very particularly a very faithful rendition of the Janis Joplin edition rather than the Kris Kristofferson . . . . !

Indeed. The Joplin version changes from G to A for the second verse. The Kristofferson version stays in the same key. I sing it in C, if anyone is interested, and I don't change key for the second verse.

sH2

"Sorry, you can't view or download this file at this time. Too many users have viewed or downloaded this file recently. Please try accessing the file again later. If the file that you are trying to access is particularly large or is shared with many people, it may take up to 24 hours to be able to view or download the file."

David

No refunds, credit note only.

Hal

All to get a gig doing elevator music.

On occasion I've wondered what one in that position puts down on tax forms for Occupation.

Ed Snack

Re the "your shortly", I once saw a letter addressed to our Human Resources person about a job application that ended with "Hoping to hear from you shorty". I'm afraid that it was passed around and generated much mirth...the applicant did NOT get the job.

WTP

applicant did NOT get the job.

By all means. God forbid accidentally offending an HR clown. Complete non-starter there.

Done some recruiting myself, job fairs, etc. working and going to lunch with HR types. Many of the shallowest "professionals" I've ever spent time around. Good number of snowflake majors.

Hal

. . . . HR types. Many of the shallowest "professionals" I've ever spent time around. Good number of snowflake majors.

The last fiasco I collected a paycheck from rather irreversibly demonstrated that "HR" as an actual existent, workable concept means being a very minor function of the finance and accounting department---one staff member, who has a real job to do that is quite different---, and is strictly limited to providing no opinion support to the local manager, where the manager is the one running the hire.

Trevor

But it’s charmingly cheesy.

I find it simply charming. (But then I am steeling myself for a call to TalkTalk later and would sooner be kept on hold for all eternity listening to Yoko Ono's worst than attempt to communicate with whichever English non-speaker is on duty today.)

I really don't understand this sniffiness about so-called 'elevator' music, which is invariably musical and pleasant.

I'll get my coat.

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