David Thompson
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February 09, 2018

Comments

Darleen

A little something towards getting some ice cream for that cake.

R. Sherman

* Crosses arms. Harumphs. *

Fine.

pst314

The cake is a lie.

pst314

...but in vino veritas.

Pogonip

Happy birthday dear bloo-oo-g, happy birthday to you!

Lab Rat

It's not a round number, but it is a very symmetrical prime number!

I enjoy your bog, David, even if at times it makes me want to repeatedly smash my face into my desk.

Have a few things to get on Amazon here soon, will use your US portal. Hope it helps.

Spiny Norman

The cake is a lie.

Oh, okay. Is there pie? (O_O)

Ping!

Jacob

I enjoy your bog, David,

...
...

Jacob

Also ping.

sH2

*hits tip jar*

Get yourself a big chocolate one.

David

A little something towards getting some ice cream for that cake.

Thanks to all who’ve chipped in so far. It’s much appreciated. May your online grocery orders never be compromised with unwanted substitutions.

Em

Thanks for keeping me occupied on long train journeys. :-)

*kerching*

David

Thanks for keeping me occupied on long train journeys. :-)

I do sometimes wonder where people are when they’re reading this thing. Peak traffic seems to occur on weekdays, during office hours.

Sam

Peak traffic seems to occur on weekdays, during office hours.

Don't tell my boss.

Have put a bribe in the tip jar.

David

Have put a bribe in the tip jar.

My silence is easily bought. I just want to make that clear.

JoeP

There should be enough for a small cake.

Keep it up.

Pogonip

I just saw a weather balloon bobbing gently in the sky. I thought those had been replaced by drones. Maybe they’re testing something new. I live near a large Air Farce base whose mission is R and D. Anyway, I suggest we all view this conveniently timed test flight of whatever-it-is as the U. S. Government’s way of recognizing the birthday of this fine Allied blog. 🎂

Connor

Peak traffic seems to occur on weekdays, during office hours.

*hits tip jar*
*tries to look busy*

David

Today’s word is repurposed.

David

From the same thread, this:

Lab Rat

I enjoy your bog, David,

...
...

Sigh.

Blog. I enjoy the blog.

I should know better than to write posts late at night.

David

Blog. I enjoy the blog.

You’ll notice I was all classy about it and didn’t say a thing.

Lab Rat

You’ll notice I was all classy about it and didn’t say a thing.

Hehe - that is one bit of British slang I did NOT know! That typo takes on a whole new meaning on your side of the pond. Oops.

Although now come to think of it - a couple things I have read in the comments make a whole lot more sense knowing that.

See - this is why I keep coming back. I learn new things here!

Eeek - think I hear the Boss coming - time to open that spreadsheet and look busy!

Daniel Ream

Always happy to support the place. *ding*

I'm a recent convert to the convenience of Amazon Prime. I know there are few other Canucks out there, an amazon.ca affiliate link wouldn't go amiss. If I can buy socks and support the Mother Country at the same time, that's just a bonus.

David

If I can buy socks and support the Mother Country at the same time, that’s just a bonus.

Noted. It’s just a bit of a faff, having multiple accounts.

WTP

Case of T-bird should be jingling your pocket about now.

David

May your brand new roll of kitchen foil never stick to itself and then tear in a useless spiral.

Liz

May your brand new roll of kitchen foil never stick to itself and then tear in a useless spiral.

It happened to me at Christmas. 😊

David

It happened to me at Christmas.

I feel your pain. It’s one of those events that, while fairly unimportant in the great scheme of things, is intensely maddening. And as the spiral progresses down the entire roll, reducing the useable surface area at a rate of knots, the frustration escalates, until you’re much too infuriated to have any hope of fixing the bloody thing. And so you just stand there, swearing, surrounded by 30 metres of now-useless foil.

The gods, they mock us.

Nikw211

Many happy returns, David.

< slides envelope across bar >

Classy joint this.

David

< slides envelope across bar >

I feel dirty.

Again.

Nikw211

Heh.

Perhaps if you open the envelope first you might find it contains something like this ...

... with a small token of appreciation inside.

I fear you may have misunderstood the nature of the gesture(!)

David

May your squeezy talcum powder container never spring a leak, thereby projecting said powder over every nearby surface except the intended one.

Killer Marmot
It’s not a round number, I know, but it is a tissue-thin pretext to remind patrons that this rickety barge is kept afloat by the kindness of strangers.

Why are numbers that are multiples of ten or a hundred or a thousand privileged over other numbers, and over prime numbers in particular? Eleven is a great number, an interesting number, a diverse number. Bugger this oppressive decinormative bullshit; prime numbers matter!

Paul Carlton

No cash, credit notes only.

OK, tomorrow.

kenji

Woo hoo! A B-day gift paid from my PayPal balance ... FREE MONEY!! I didn't even have to dip into my bank account Woo hoo!!

Wait ... what?

WTP

prime numbers matter!

C’mon. You gotta admit prime numbers are a bit odd.

JuliaM

Happy blogiversary!

Greg

Your tipjar has been hit. Keep up the good work.

Jonathan

Cake is very unhealthy, so I've chipped in something to enable you to purchase a nourishing bowl of Guardian approved 'Pleb' brand gruel.

David

May you never be faced with a choice of watching Finding Bigfoot, Hitler’s Jurassic Monsters or When Pedicures Go Wrong.

H

Something for your trouble, David. *hits tip jar*

David

Much appreciated.

May your never discover that the exotic, neglected condiment at the back of the fridge, the one that you’re finally about to use, actually expired several years ago.

LW

My thanks and a bit of cash on its way from across the pond.

David

Thank you.

May the smell of fried onions never linger when houseguests descend.

ftumch

"Eleven is a great number, an interesting number"

https://www.haggardhawks.com/single-post/2015/03/25/Eleven

David

Eleven is a great number, an interesting number

Well, I, for one, have learned something today.

ftumch

Meant to post that link a while back.

Am off out to (maybe) buy a new computer. Will see if I've got owt left when I get back.

DrD

Did my contribution buy you off or merely encourage you?

David

Did my contribution buy you off or merely encourage you?

Oh, I’m feeling quite encouraged. And thanks. I’m always slightly amazed that the fundraisers work. It tempers my usual cynicism.

Jonathan

Black Panther = We Wuz Kangz - The Movie, confirmed:

http://twitter.com/NBCBLK/status/960949980210061312

PiperPaul

I didn't realize I could add remainders from gift cards to my paltry PayPal balance, but now I can finally toss that otherwise useless piece of plastic.

What kind of blogging thong accessories can you get for 0.0008747713429846743 Bitcoins?

Spiny Norman

Black Panther = We Wuz Kangz - The Movie, confirmed

postimg.org

Jonathan

Spiny right now:

Pogonip

I’m so old I remember when the tinfoil problem could be avoided by buying the name brand.

I think that, in revenge for the Victorian period, the Chinese ship west everything that fails quality control.

Darleen

I still enjoy the movie experience but it's a commitment of time and money so I don't go often. And movies with GEE WHIZ special effects and fantasy realms are usually at the top of my list.

But, hell's bells, all the racist politicking from the black supremacists over Black Panther has crushed any enthusiasm I had to go see it.

Great job, guys.

The Hickory Wind

It’s one of those events that, while fairly unimportant in the great scheme of things, is intensely maddening. And as the spiral progresses down the entire roll, reducing the useable surface area at a rate of knots, the frustration escalates, until you’re much too infuriated to have any hope of fixing the bloody thing. And so you just stand there, swearing, surrounded by 30 metres of now-useless foil.

The gods, they mock us.

God, that was tense. I think I stopped breathing halfway through.

David

God, that was tense. I think I stopped breathing halfway through.

I still have flashbacks.

Elephants Gerald

I'm going to send Thompson to tin-foil nightclasses. 2 or 3 years should see him properly certified in Aluminium Foil theory and mechanism.

I blame the public school system.

Elephants Gerald

And if you think the great foil ripping of '18 was bad, ask him what happened to the electric razor, or how we got red wine all over the wall in the hall.

Or the garlic banana horror of 2012

Spiny Norman

[ posting from the Correction Booth ]

Banana horror? Wha....? Something like this?

postimg.org

[ Oh! The henchlesbians have arrived. Waitaminute... what the hell is that??? ]

Pogonip

America has reached a new high in lunacy: U.S. pharmacy chain CVS is now refusing to accept its own coupons.

You globetrotters—is there anywhere else less nutty I could retire to? My requirements are minimal: decent infrastructure, access to medical care, reasonably stable government. Would appreciate being able to practice my religion in public but will go into the catacombs if I have to. I’ll learn the language if it’s not English or Spanish. Suggestions?

(If there IS no place less nutty I might as well stay here.)

Pogonip

That banana picture is really disgusting. 😊

pst314

Speaking of rude bananas, this advertisement for fine art would never be allowed today:

Daniel Ream

[...] all the racist politicking from the black supremacists over Black Panther has crushed any enthusiasm I had to go see it.

That's too bad, as it's likely going to be the last really good superhero movie before the entire genre collapses into self-parody and low-budget long-form television.

From what I've seen, the politicking is orthogonal to the movie itself, which cleaves pretty closely to the original Hamlet-esque premise. There's a lot of rah-rah Wakanda-our-history-and-legacy stuff, and it's intended as Afrocentric boosterism, but if you just take it straight up with no subtext the movie works fine. After all, it's just Wakanda that hyper-advanced. The rest of the continent is still a sh*thole.

Black Ball

Speaking of Black Panther:
https://hotair.com/headlines/archives/2018/02/black-panther-film-barack-obama-presidency/

David

But, hell’s bells, all the racist politicking from the black supremacists over Black Panther has crushed any enthusiasm I had to go see it. Great job, guys.

Quite. And it’s not just the hotep Twitter contingent. The actors, writers and director have made such pretentious and cringeworthy noises, piling their baggage high and invoking “white supremacy,” that I’ve been actively repelled by the people whose job is to make me want to turn up and hand over money.

So. Roll on Infinity War.

[+]

*hits tip jar to temper David's cynicism*

David

May your coat sleeve remain free of grease when carrying fish and chips home.

Pogonip

David, do you write your own funny blessings? Or is there a book of same?

If you write them, I think you should put out a book.

David

There’s no book, so far as I know, and if there were, I seriously doubt it would be a big seller.

PiperPaul

Someone (Hal?) posted a bunch a while ago and I started appending to the list...

May the grip-strip of your ‘resealable’ cheese wrapper never tear away in your hand the very first time you use it.
May your heels never require the attention of a dampened pumice stone on the eve of the local swimsuit modelling competition.
May your furnishings always be spotless, and the gin always plentiful, when the mother-in-law descends.
May your neighbours never copulate with such enthusiasm that they can be heard while you’re trying to complete a customer satisfaction survey.
May your window cleaner never startle you while coffee is being poured.
May your online grocery orders never be compromised with unwanted substitutions.
May your brand new roll of kitchen foil never stick to itself and then tear in a useless spiral.
May your squeezy talcum powder container never spring a leak, thereby projecting said powder over every nearby surface except the intended one.
May you never be faced with a choice of watching Finding Bigfoot, Hitler’s Jurassic Monsters or When Pedicures Go Wrong.
May your never discover that the exotic, neglected condiment at the back of the fridge, the one that you’re finally about to use, actually expired several years ago.
May the smell of fried onions never linger when houseguests descend.
May your tights remain orderly and your woollens never bobble.
May your sock drawer remain organised even in times of crisis.
May your smalls retain their shape after many, many washes.
May your towels never be darkened by unwanted houseguests.
May your toilet roll remain dry even after your other half has had a suspiciously long and thorough shower.
May your towels remain orderly even in times of crisis.
May your sandals remain fragrant on the hottest of days.
May your socks never be mispaired, however hastily they've been thrown in a drawer.
May your fridge remain fragrant despite the most potent of cheeses.
May your towels never lose their fluffiness, even after many washes.
May your towels remain fragrant after even the lengthiest spell in storage.
May your bathroom tissue never lose its structural integrity at an inopportune moment.
May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen.
May your sandals remain fragrant on the hottest of days.
May your toaster bottom remain free of combustible crumbs.
May your visit to the supermarket never be blemished by accidentally picking up slimline tonic water.
May your fridge remain fragrant despite the most potent of cheeses and regardless of sell-by dates.
May your towels stay fragrant when houseguests descend.
May your sandals remain fragrant on the hottest of days.
May your bathroom tissue never lose its structural integrity at an inopportune moment. Even if it's single-ply and heavily discounted.
May your car’s glove compartment never be bereft of wine gums or lemon-scented antibacterial hand wipes.
May your upholstery never discolour in places that are hard to conceal with carefully positioned cushions.
May your earbud cables never tangle, even after being stuffed in a pocket and jiggled about at length.
May your coat sleeve remain free of grease when carrying fish and chips home.

David

Some people have way too much time on their hands.

WTP

Heh...along the lines of the “chains set lightly upon you...”, I have been known to use variations of an old Rodney Dangerfield line:

May the ugliest of shirts always look good on you.

David

PiperPaul,

chains set lightly upon you...

I don’t know why that one’s in the list. It isn’t anything to do with me.

Shouldn’t you be washing the car, or walking the dog, or out in the garden, breaking lumps of dirt into smaller lumps of dirt?

PiperPaul

Whoops, that one must have snuck in there by mistake.

David

This.

Via Obnoxio.

David

Today’s word is Buzzfeed.

Pogonip

David, may your valid coupons always be accepted without argument, even by those who issued them.

In my search for Sane Shangri-La, I have already ruled out the following:

—Japan, obviously; if you’re seeking less nuttiness, Japan sure ain’t the place to look.
—Ecuador. I don’t know how nutty the citizenry is or isn’t, but I do know that if you’re not a member of a race adapted to high altitude, you can live at high altitude for years, and then with no warning develop a deadly form of altitude sickness so that you must descend permanently.
—China. I don’t know how nutty the citizenry is or isn’t, but I know their air is so polluted you can slice it with a knife. I’m surprised they aren’t cutting it into blocks, shipping it over here, and selling it.

pst314

their air is so polluted you can slice it with a knife. I’m surprised they aren’t cutting it into blocks, shipping it over here, and selling it.

Used to be said about London in the late 1800's.

Trevor

David, do you write your own funny blessings?

I never doubted the authorship. They surely offer (perhaps inadvertently revealing) glimpses into life chez Thompson.

David

They surely offer (perhaps inadvertently revealing) glimpses into life chez Thompson.

Only some of them. The ones about the long-expired condiment and the cheese wrapper grip-strip are definitely true stories.

You wish you had my glamorous life.

Pogonip

I want him to write a book. And then there’ll be a movie. The tinfoil scene alone will be worth the ticket price.

Just to make it clear, I’m not looking to retire abroad just because of CVS. They were merely the okay-that’s-enough moment of 35 years of constantly increasing lunacy.

You’d think CVS’s business model was, er, unique, but in fact, in all 50 U.S. states a business can refuse to accept a straight customer’s coupons, or money, so the issue must have come up somewhere, sometime, before. Whether a business can do the same if a gay customer attempts to make a purchase is a question kicking around the courts right now. (So far all cases involve bakeries, no drugstores.)

Pogonip

Here’s a meaty question: what’s so special about Candy Crush? There are a lot of jokes about the man-hating Human Resources ladies playing Candy Crush all day. If they did, they’d get pretty bored; the last time I read one of those jokes I got curious and tried it; it’s just another of many, many match-3 games.

Pogonip

Also, computer mavens, why ARE there zillions of match-3 games? Are they particularly quick and easy to program? Just curious.

Anxiously awaiting Foil Battles, where the hero and his henchlesbians struggle through 100 levels of increasingly difficult food-wrapping, with occasional bail-outs from tough spots by The Other Half who wields the deadly Incininerator.

(I now have enough games and puzzles to make my 2-hour commute zip right past, but while shopping, believe it or not, I saw a game where the player runs a fast-food place.)

Pogonip

David, what was the long-expired condiment? I’ve noticed mustard and miso last forever, but ketchup has a short lifespan, as does Miracle Whip.

At least in the U. S., where the survey was conducted, researchers found that whether a woman used mayo or Miracle Whip mainly depended on which one her mom used. I had a Miracle Whip mom, and yea, verily, once I used 2 fast-food packets of Kraft mayo to devil a few leftover Easter eggs, and they just didn’t taste right.

Hal

Someone (Hal?) posted a bunch a while ago . . .

Ehn, bgates posted a list of May your . . .---and that seems to be where May your chains set lightly upon you, and may posterity forget that you were our countrymen. came from, with jabrwok posting originally. I pointed out to do a search for May you . . . as well.

Some people have way too much time on their hands.

Some people write entire short books cheerfully announcing a lifetime of just having fun.

As far as blessings, just as before, doing searches is what tools are for.

Apparently there is also:

May your duvet always remain equally distributed throughout the duvet cover.
may your baubles shine brightly and free you from the dangers of warble gloaming and the Moonbat.
---Albeit that one was a comment to David rather than from.
May you never be short of deodorant.
May you never be mocked on laundry day by that defiant single sock, somehow overlooked until it was five seconds too late.
May you always find your roasting tin spotless and ready for use.

The list of blessings may actually be rather short. That bit of tool use got only four pages of responses, and also notes that another someone else's comment of may your wives be infected with the camel's ear parasite and they become barren. was all the way back from 2007. Apparently at that point there was already an archive.

jabrwok

There’s no book

Perhaps a line of greeting cards would be a productive endeavo(u)r?

WTP

ketchup has a short lifespan,

Really? I was under the impression that ketchup had a nearly infinite lifespan. I used to marvel in my youth how bottles of Heinz in diners were (sometimes annoyingly) almost always full. Then as I entered my drinking years and spent a few too many late nights closing down a Denny’s or two or three or four how at the end of the late shift, waitresses would stack bottles on top of each other to drain. It occurred to me that at the bottom of many bottles was ketchup that was likely many years old. Yet I never heard of anyone getting sick from such.

David

This.

Via dicentra.

David

what was the long-expired condiment?

I can’t remember now. Something Chinese or Thai, I think. It was probably bought during a fit of enthusiasm for adventurous cooking, which isn’t my area of expertise, then sat neglected, gathering dust. It was only unearthed during a belated clear-out of cupboards and fridge compartments, during which I found several items of almost archaeological age.

Governor Squid

Ecuador...you can live at high altitude for years, and then with no warning develop a deadly form of altitude sickness so that you must descend permanently.

You don't have to live at the top of the mountain. Guayaquil is at sea level, and Santo Domingo is a lovely town in the foothills, at around 2,000 feet. I have a cousin in Cuenca, which is way too far up in the sky (~8,000 feet) for my comfort.

TomJ

@Pogonip: I'm given to understand NZ is quite good on the letting people get on with things front...

https://offsettingbehaviour.blogspot.com/2017/09/the-outside-of-asylum.html

...plus they have some of the best club rugby in the world to watch.

Paul

Thanks for some fun reads, David. Tip jar hit.

David

May you always find adequate parking.

Pogonip

Happy Valentine’s Day!

http://mysteriousuniverse.org/2018/02/a-i-tries-to-make-romantic-candy-hearts-and-fails-miserably/

Bad News Quillan

Tip jar hit.
Still looking for "Hitler’s Jurassic Monsters".
Was that a jape?

-- Bad News

Pogonip

Speaking of Valentine’s Day, Fat Tuesday is tomorrow. David, we want pix of the flambeed whatever-he-comes-up-with.

Except for my 2 hours per day commute, I’m giving up screens for Lent. Can I have an adjustment on my subscription service fee?

David

Was that a jape?

Would I kid?

Pogonip

I was waiting for David to say, “No refunds. Credit note only.” :(

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