David Thompson
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May 30, 2018

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David

A gripped onlooker.

Mags

Please don't make me watch it.

David

Please don’t make me watch it.

Ms Schaefer’s artistic odyssey is also available in list form.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

...“asks how one copes with acceleration and deceleration while enduring institutional mediation, shared space, and other external forces.”

For those among you who are so inspired by the moving works of Miss Sanhedrin, I offer this modest means to get a jump start on your fabulous and lucrative career as a Serious Artist™. You may also obtain an Artist Certificate at the link, as well statements suitable for your twitter or tumblr showings, e.g.;

What starts out as triumph soon becomes corrupted into a dialectic of greed, leaving only a sense of failing and the unlikelihood of a new beginning.

I am sure Miss Sanhedrin has become certified, have you ?

Captain Nemo

Truly a groundbreaking work. From beginning to end I was only bored once.

Jen

“The tension between mechanical and affective time is,” we’re told, “always palpable.”

She lied.

David

She lied.

Well, that’s the thing, isn’t it? It’s not just the usual display of the Dunning-Kruger effect; it’s the wider, institutional expectation of dishonesty, of complicity and pretending. As I said following our last encounter with Ms Schaefer’s talents:

The pretence of intellectual heft and critical discernment is quite funny, given the unspoken rules of pretend artists and their pretend art. Like practically all of her fellow hustlers, Ms Schaefer tells us that she “investigates” and “questions” things, and presumably interrogates them; but despite this allegedly relentless curiosity, I doubt that any specific insight or profundity is ever conveyed to her audience, such as it is, via the art, such as it is. And of course we’re not supposed to notice this, or notice the comical mismatch of arch rhetoric and inept flummery. And so, in order to feign discernment, one has to not discern any number of really obvious things.

I’ve often thought that the audience is more interesting than the wearying faff that we’re supposed to be enthralled by. Why are they there?

David

Related.

MC

Why are they there?

Lost wagers?

Sella Turcica

It’s jolly good fun to ridicule this sort of thing, but this guy

https://remodernreview.wordpress.com

says it’s something far more ominous. His provocative thesis is that these works of “art” are actually a tool of the elite to convey the impression that they have the key to some mysterious code to which the unwashed brutes in their sports bars and shopping malls don’t have access, and in this way actually constitute a tool of oppression.

Jon Powers

Hello. I did not have a satisfactory experience with this art. I would like a refund, please. (looks nervously around for hench lesbians)

ComputerLabRat

Is this the same one who bent over in her undies, showed us her bottom, and squeaked her shoes to release the ghosts of the Yucatan or some such from her travels there?

David

Is this the same one who bent over in her undies, showed us her bottom, and squeaked her shoes to release the ghosts of the Yucatan or some such from her travels there?

It is indeed. I knew she’d made an impression on you.

David

I did not have a satisfactory experience with this art.

No refunds. Credit note only.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

...to which the unwashed brutes in their sports bars and shopping malls don’t have access, and in this way actually constitute a tool of oppression.

The difficulty with that is although the alleged elites may think it a tool of oppression, a tool of oppression actually has to oppress.

The alleged unwashed brutes, OTOH, may not have access, but they also don't give a fat rat's patoot that they don't have access, and those of us washed brutes merely point and laugh. I suspect the reaction of the unwashed would be the same, however.

David

An earlier, no less gripping iteration of the above can be found here.

bilbaoboy

Sorry David, hope you'll forgive me for skipping this one.

There are only so many minutes (of all sizes) in a day and if the hench lesbians don't block the door, I'm outta here!

David

hope you’ll forgive me for skipping this one.

Lightweight.

Captain Nemo

Why are they there?

Trying to look cultured in order to impress a potential boyfriend/girlfriend, perhaps?

John B

I blame Reagan and his canceling of the Mental Health Systems Act

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Lightweight

Denounce yourself for body shaming bilbaoboy.

SumDumGuy
but this guy says it’s something far more ominous.

While looking into his eyes I felt an almost irresistible urge to clutch my children close and move to the other side of the street.

Sporkatus

...those less gifted than herself...

I harbor doubts.

What begins as a 1 minute performance incrementally becomes a 2 hour 13 minute performance

So, it's a visit-to-the-local-goverment-office metaphor, then.

The tension between mechanical and affective time

Any boss or manual laborer is aware of the difference between "how long this should take" and "how long this is actually taking". This is not an *interesting* tension, merely an irritating one. Whether this is suggestive regarding Mx Schaefer having ever worked a day in her life is left as an exercise.

bilbaoboy

Hi Farnsworth

I'm an older, but not yet dead, white man.

I can only self-denounce for a maximum 30 minutes per day (doctor's orders doncha know). And today my time is up.

Oh, and I tricked the hench lesbians by claiming a customer was oiling up the pole-dancing pole and they just had to go have a look :-)

Found my coat and grabbed my hat and made the bus in seconds flat..

Sporkatus

"I'm performing my dance quintet. You know, my cycle?"

Daniel Ream

You Look Like You Need Some Art

Oh no, I couldn't possibly.

how one copes with acceleration and deceleration

I think this woman needs to be accelerated to about 11 km/s.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

I can only self-denounce for a maximum 30 minutes per day...

No, no, not you self denounce, David needs to self denounce for calling you a lightweight - if you are thin, that is body shaming, and if not, cyberbullying by mocking you.

Sporkatus

Oh no, I couldn't possibly.

Just one teeny mental case? It's wafer thin!

TimR

WTF am I even looking at?

David

No, no, not you self denounce, David needs to self denounce for calling you a lightweight

[ Opens large file named “Muldoon,” scrolls past numerous incriminating entries, adds the words known troublemaker. ]

bilbaoboy

I like to think I am thin, so I shall be lawyering up and looking for a life sentence!

Franklin

You Look Like You Need Some Art

And after that, I still do.

David

And after that, I still do.

Er, as I recall, this is all your fault, Einspruch.

Sporkatus

WTF am I even looking at?

WTF am I even looking at? is the title of a new and exciting ruminative production put on by the David Thompson Collective, which playfully interrogates the interaction of a peripheral audience with a deeply meaningful performance art piece, which is abstracted both in frame and in time signature by its drawing-out over a period of days on a blog. The start point of the clip is at once instant and redundant, recurring in a staccato manner as long as visitors engage with the piece - though in a possible deference to Derrida - the engagement itself is deconstructed by the lack of presence of the commentators bodies and representation only by spirographs and a leitmotif of chosen nicknames.

By altering perceptions of what it is to be in/not-in an art-defined space, this successfully represents a queering of the space itself and of the performance. The performance is mother, welcoming. The performance is rapist, ejaculating into the mind a metaphorical gene of meaning, which then fails to grow as the mind is rendered sterile, neutered by the length of performance.

The acceptance that this will continue on this blog as long as similar art continues to crop up is gendered femme, and also represents a cycle - but of uncertain nature. The Jesuve, the role created by David's presence, represents both our fulfilment and the instrument of our capture and torture. Is de Sade not in some way the erotic master of the onlooker? Is faffing about, commenting not also masturbatory? The rhythmic nature of the comment genders also the form of the response as impregnatory and gestating, ejecting via the metaphorical anus of Typepad.

*Pauses, begins studying coffee for signs of tampering*

R. Sherman

Pace Investigations No. 7

You mean there are at least six more of these?

(BTW, I find it curious that you never post one of these performance "art" videos in conjunction with your occasional fund-raisers. Coincidence?)

David

the metaphorical anus of Typepad

[ Opens new file, names it Sporkatus. ]

ComputerLabRat

Ye gods, Sporkatus, that was brilliant!!
I think tampered-with coffee is probably the only way any of us will ever make sense of this stuff!

It is indeed. I knew she’d made an impression on you.

That she did...
[shudders]
But then I do come here of my own accord, and even sometimes, god forbid, click on some of the links, fully realizing what horrors may await my brain and eyeballs.

David

Coincidence?

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. You’re breaking up.

Sporkatus

[ Opens new file, names it Sporkatus. ]

Sorry about that. The Bataille sort of bursts out sometimes, IYKWIM.

...would you believe I'm not even a humanities major?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

...adds the words known troublemaker...

Justice for bilbaoboy ! Attica ! Attica ! Attica !

Governor Squid

This immense artistic work, “repeats 15 times consecutively over 6 hours and 27 minutes. In each cycle, the performance duration is either increased or decreased by half.”

If you start with a one-minute duration, and increase by half a dozen times, you get to 2 hours and 9 minutes, but then you'd need another seven cycles to get down to 61 seconds, which puts you at 20 cycles and a total duration of 8 hours, 35 minutes, and 58 seconds.

If "increase by half" is our esteemed artist's way of saying "doubled", then you get to 2 hours and 8 minutes in just seven cycles, and back to one minute in seven more. This gives you the quoted 15 cycles, but your longest cycle is 2:08, not 2:13, and your total duration is 6:22, not 6:27.

I'm starting to think that the entire premise of her routine is forcing sane people to check her math.

Sporkatus

...forcing sane people to check her math.

sane

I may have some bad news to convey to you, old man.

Franklin

Er, as I recall, this is all your fault, Einspruch.

I deny everything.

Monty James

.

WTP

The wife and I spent Memorial Day painting our small office. Three doors, one window, lots of trim. Took longer than expected and we slopped some paint on the tile floor. When we were finished, wife took pictures. Does anyone know, can we still apply for a grant for our art or did we need to secure one before starting the work? Need to know because I'm planning to fix some drywall in the next couple weeks and I'd like to get a grant for that as well. Doesn't seem "fair" that our hard work should go unappreciated by society.

R. Sherman

More performance art FWIW.

jabrwok

I bring you...criticism.

Thomas Fuller

Sporkatus is a filthy plagiarist!

http://www.elsewhere.org/journal/pomo/

:-)

Hal

And 8 minutes should do it. . . .

Here, y'all, for an antidote, have something that's only 4 minutes 12 or so.

If David doesn't mind, there's even his review of it available.

Boatswain's Mate

Y'know, I'm just going to go ahead and denounce myself without watching, since that's what I'd end up having to do anyway. Let's just cut out the middleman (or middle ... thing, whatever it is).

Yeah, yeah, yeah, just gimme the credit note. I'm a busy man (he, his, him pronouns, please).

Sporkatus

Sporkatus is a filthy plagiarist!

Bugger, I knew I was forgetting one of my pomo namechecks. I left off Foucalt on purpose, but I really should have had Sontag in there somewhere.

Comes of not taking the time to do things properly and mostly just riffing on The Solar Anus.

Governor Squid

I may have some bad news to convey to you, old man.

I chose to spend five minutes plugging my calcs into a spreadsheet, rather than spending 8 minutes watching the performance. You tell me who's mad.

ComputerLabRat

I'm starting to think that the entire premise of her routine is forcing sane people to check her math.

I had a similar thought reading those cycles numbers - the odd juxtaposition of what sounded like (on the surface) to be seriously math-y sounding numbers and the faffing about that made up the routine.

I almost wanted to check the numbers, but couldn't be bothered. Thanks to the Governor for checking them out - a drink for the gentleman, please, Bartender! Make it a double and put it on my tab.

Sporkatus

I chose to spend five minutes plugging my calcs into a spreadsheet, rather than spending 8 minutes watching the performance. You tell me who's mad.

Rather than doing either, I spent five minutes writing postmodernism about the act of watching the performance. I suspect my answer is "I'd rather not say".

Governor Squid

Aye, Spork, you're in a league of your own. I'm not worthy to fasten the straps on your jacket.

Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA

Here, y'all, for an antidote, have something that's only 4 minutes 12 or so.

This antidote is only 3 minutes 33 seconds.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

This antidote is only 3 minutes 33 seconds.

You are a sick, sick, man.

PiperPaul

Seen at Ace's today:

Art is anything you can get away with.

- Marshall McLuhan

Captain Nemo

And here's an antidote to the antidotes, or Neo-Classical graffiti:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btm6Zq2E9OI

(Fair warning - you may find the music quite irritating).

WTP

Re antidote to the antidotes, I liked the cat/bus thingy that they painted over much better. Cute how they painted over the graffiti on their graffiti though. I’ve become cynical (realistic?) enough to think that was part of the piece itself.

Surreptitious Evil

Ms Schaefer, who teaches performance art to those less gifted than herself

Okay, even in the world of the modern US college community, they must be going some to find enough of those to justify a class?

Spiny Norman

And 8 minutes should do it. Specifically, 8 minutes of Ms Sandrine Schaefer...

postimg.org

Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA

It's been done, Spiny Norman.

Hal

This immense artistic work, . . . over 6 hours and 27 minutes.

Come to think of it, for anyone who want to go for length, there is always Warhol.

Greg Allan

"Schaefer, whose Pace Investigations No. 7, seen in edited form below, “asks how one copes with acceleration and deceleration while enduring institutional mediation, shared space, and other external forces."

I ran around basketball courts for forty years. Had you joined us, Ms Schaeffer, you may actually look like a dancer.

Hal

The horror, the horror.

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