Melanin Revisited
Old Hatreds


carbon based lifeform

And just in time for Christmas.

John D

"Ephemera, Toys."


My first thought was, of course, "How did we live without it?", but then the questions start. How does it know when the food is chewed enough? How is it calibrated? Have the designers merely assumed that biting motions are sufficient without taking into account the strength of the bite or the toughness of the food. Are children more efficient chewers at one age than another? Does it have to be individually trained as dictation software has to be? So many questions.

At least prospective purchasers can be confident that it will horribly embarrass their children (an important parental duty) and probably help keep future psychiatrists in yachts.


I’m sure there’ll soon be an upgrade that delivers a mild yet persuasive electric shock whenever little Trixie-May fails to meet her chewing quotas.


"But mommy, it's soup...!"



I want a wireless version for my Wii. Or possibly a wireless breathalyzer module now that I think about it.

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