The un-named man, who appears to have been home at the time, was left unable to move, but luckily had his mobile phone close by. Firemen who attended the scene were able to free him from the object successfully, but he did require on the spot medical treatment from paramedics. The firemen then provided the man, from Newport, South Wales, with “suitable advice” to avoid getting into a similar predicament again.
I suppose it’s possible he slipped and fell onto it, quite firmly.
Via Julia.
I blame poor labeling. Those things should come with clear instructions for proper use.
Posted by: Mags | December 15, 2013 at 11:52
Those things should come with clear instructions for proper use.
Despite all notions of propriety, it’s hard not to speculate as to which particular kind of item was involved in the, er, mishap. As the man was apparently immobilised, I assume it was something attached securely to the wall. And then you have to wonder how decorative it was. The possibilities are bewildering.
Posted by: David | December 15, 2013 at 12:08
Perhaps he was diligently rehearsing an avant garde performance art to be performed at his local arts centre?
Posted by: Nik White | December 15, 2013 at 13:22
But how detailed will descriptions need to be? "Please do not insert this object in your rectum or other orifice".
Mind you, I've just been reading Patrick Leigh Fermor's 'A Time of Gifts'. He records an incident from his childhood when a child in the same village held a lighted Roman candle in his teeth on bonfire night. He held his head back but alas lost grip and the firework slid down his gullet. Thankfully he died nearly instantly. Maybe H&S isn't such a bad idea after all.
Posted by: Dr Cromarty | December 15, 2013 at 14:05
One in a million shot, Doc, I swear.
Posted by: R. Sherman | December 15, 2013 at 14:06
"As the man was apparently immobilised..."
But physically? Or just with shame?
Posted by: JuliaM | December 15, 2013 at 15:41
It's like that time I was vacuuming while naked and totally by accidental coincidence happened to get a certain part of my anatomy stuck in the hose nozzle.
(and let me tell you, my poor tongue was never quite the same afterwards.)
Posted by: DensityDuck | December 15, 2013 at 15:43
Not sure that counts as a 'novel' use. ;-)
Posted by: Anna | December 15, 2013 at 17:57
Odin’s beard.
Posted by: David | December 15, 2013 at 18:04
I hope I've contributed to a jolly Christmas. I enjoy your blog and your commentators so much. PJA
Posted by: Paul Anthony | December 15, 2013 at 23:20
Oh come on. Which one of us can honestly say that we haven't had a toilet roll holder accidentally enter our backside at some point in our lives ?
I know I have.
Posted by: Jamie | December 15, 2013 at 23:42
I know a girl who (ahem) didn't read the warning label. While nothing got stuck, she did tear her intestine causing a bleeding problem and had to spend over a week in the hospital.
When I laughed at her predicament she said "It's not funny! I could have DIED!" I tried to point out that if she had died then it wouldn't have been funny. It would have been tragic. However, since she didn't die and the fact that she nearly masturbated herself to death becomes hilarious. She disagreed.
Knowing that someone has put random things in unconventional places raises two important questions. What else in the home has gone on a similar adventure? Has everything been cleaned appropriately and sufficiently?
Posted by: Col. Milquetoast | December 15, 2013 at 23:53
Paul,
I hope I’ve contributed to a jolly Christmas.
Much appreciated. Likewise, thanks to all who’ve helped keep this barge above water.
Posted by: David | December 16, 2013 at 08:15
I always lubricate my doorknobs, lest I should while bending over to stroke the cat find myself similarly impaled. True, this practice makes it hard to open doors but stops the cat laughing at me.
Posted by: Watcher | December 16, 2013 at 12:42
This is why we need toilet-paper-holder marriage, bigots.
Posted by: asdf | December 16, 2013 at 17:03
The question is: who is this um, 'person' going to sue for this horrible injustice? Obviously, society failed to provide adequate safety mechanisms that would prevent this from happening.
Posted by: model_1066 | December 17, 2013 at 09:25
I must ask, from my American exile, if there are no sheep left in Wales? I always understood our ovine friends to be the traditional Welsh folk remedy for such...needs.
Posted by: Banished To A Pompous Land | December 18, 2013 at 16:43
A Welshman was forced to call 999 after he got a toilet roll holder stuck up his bottom.
Is the nationality relevant?
Shurely not.......
Posted by: jones | December 24, 2013 at 05:34