Elsewhere (108)
Friday Ephemera

The Agonies of the Left Are Not To Be Laughed At

Brace yourselves, dear readers. Colette is positively trembling with feminist rage.

Colletee is angry.

What, you ask, could make a person so upset, so swollen with indignation? I fear we need a trigger warning before you click below.



Deep breath.


Be brave. 




Angry about Man Crisps

Via Pootergeek, who had this exchange with the tweeter of said item mere seconds before Colette had her fit of womanly umbrage.

For God’s sake, no-one mention the existence of these things

The full catalogue of agonies – from tennis and bacon to non-socialist poor people and the word “mum” - can be found here.





As a wise man once observed, "Skirts is weird."

Jon Powers

I prefer CIS MAN crisps. That's just me.




So if it's not sexism that has them all a-tweeting on the Twitter, what IS so upsetting about Man Crisps?


Reassurance? I presume Ms Collette isn't from the UK.

Given that the ad campaign for McCoy's Man Crisps feature things like men being sucked through a glass tube for such man-violations as knowing ballet terminology and suggesting his friends ask someone for directions, it should be insultingly obvious to all that the whole Man Crisps thing is a tongue-in-cheek dig in the ribs at male foibles of popular stereotype.

I mean, an equally OTT female stereotype would be something absurd like a woman getting ridiculously overemotional at something completely inconsequential and innocuous (like, say, a packet of crisps), then shouting hysterically about it in public. And nobody would think women in real life would behave in such a cartoonishly caricatured -

oh wait...


Reminds me of The Guardian articles...

while (opinion writer for The Guardian)
X = Some triviality;
Denounce X as part of the heternormative, paternalistic,
militaristic, capitalistic system of oppression;




"For God’s sake, no-one mention the existence of these things."

I was amused to see that they feature both compact and, um, expanded versions of the things.


Oh please, someone point Colette here


or here


I so want to see her pointy head launch itself ...


I prefer CIS MAN crisps. That’s just me.

I hadn’t realised the aforementioned savoury snack item was offensive on so many levels. It’s an affront to all decency.


Better not show him the Yorkie advert then!

Steve 2


I like me some man crisps. I was eating a packet of polar bear and powertools flavoured man crisps last night when the wife became upset.

"Do you have to eat those in bed?" she asked.

Turns out I do. I have no idea how I put up with that woman.

Anyway, apart from man crisps I also like man-sized tissues, my manly 4x4 car (with amusing rubber testicles on the tow hitch, and the music of Melissa Manchester.

I'm so manly I once got into a fist fight with a peacock at Warwick Castle. Technically the peacock won and I can never go back there or the RSPCA will prosecute, but I did get a good handful of his tail feathers before he flogged me so I count that as a moral victory for man over beast.

So it's a good thing that crisp makers and whatnot sell products to meet manly needs, but why not also cater to feminists? I have some suggestions:

* Girl Crisps in the following flavours: passive-aggressive, trinkets 'n' bonbons, and topless

* Lady Laptops - like normal laptops, but with a little vanity mirror attached and preloaded with recipies and pictures of kittens

* A car that automatically touches up your makeup when stopped at red lights

* A body pillow shaped like a man for lonely feminists to cuddle up to - comes in Gerard Butler, Antonio Banderas, and a slimline Benedict Cumberbatch model for single beds

Come to think of it, the problem the feminist movement has is that it needs an ideas man like me to be in charge. We'd soon cut through all the pointless gabbing and overcome the Patriarchy.


I quite like the idea of a laptop with a tiny vanity mirror.



Man Crisps? Hell, I haven't got over Man Chest Er yet...

Steve 2

David, don't be ashamed of being handsome. I check out my own relection whenever I can, even in supermarket fridges, and I like what I see.

It's not narcissism if you're gorgeous.

Steve 2

Unfortunately my big manly hands are too large to spell properly on this little smartphone though.


Hubris meets Nemesis.

Patrick Brown

I remember getting a pop-up ad once inviting me to identify a photo of a "party girl" celebrity and "win a pink laptop!" Even sadder, Pritt Stick now comes in pink, "Just 4 Girls!" Not to mention those ridiculous fake eyelashes for your car headlights.

sackcloth and ashes

'Hubris meets Nemesis'.

Unfortunately Catharsis will never make an appearance with these clowns.


How privileged and entitled do you have to be to get this upset about a snack food?

Girl Crisps in the following flavours: passive-aggressive, trinkets 'n' bonbons, and topless


John West

A feminist is a female of some sort who cannot get a boyfriend or a husband. They are often fat and have hair on their backs. They usually work in government non-profit offices which is a mind destroying profession at best. Do I have that right? Oh wait, the ones with a BA (degree required to become a BArista) do work in the private (coffee shop) sector until they can get a government job where they will move from providing a good service in the coffee shop, to providing nothing in a government office.

the wolf

Perhaps she would be interested in their new product, Chippy Chips


Get me a beer, Toots, pronto,


How on earth did these people cope when a frequent phrase in TVs 'Gavin & Stacey' was "Sugar Tits"?


I did like Ellen's take on the Lady Pen issue.

David Gillies

When the signal is weak, the Automatic Gain Control has to fight harder and harder to amplify it. Getting ever so cross over such evanescent affronts from the patriarchy is what happens when you've nothing left to whinge about. In further Tales of Hyperbole, the always histrionic Morrissey has decreed that Meat is not merely Murder, it is Rape. I must confess the frisson of forbidden lusts this engendered led me to commit some utterly bestial acts of depravity on a pastrami sandwich. There was mustard and rye bread, and possibly even a kosher pickle. Stop me before I rape again!



Meat may be murder, but vegetarianism is genocide.


David Gillies,

When the signal is weak, the Automatic Gain Control has to fight harder and harder to amplify it.

There’s also the issue of status and establishing one’s feminist bona fides. As we noted a few weeks ago, the people who buy into identity politics and its grievance theatre often elevate rage to a virtue, a credential. Apparently, whatever the subject of discussion is - from nail polish and hair styles to salted snack treats - you’re supposed to get very, very angry about it. Because the fate of all womanfolk - the universe itself - may hinge on such things.



I did like Ellen’s take on the Lady Pen issue.

Heh. Yes, it’s a silly product and will presumably disappear unless lots of women feel the need for what they regard as a feminine pen. A concept that, I grant you, is perhaps a little curious. What struck me, though, was Ellen’s need to pad this small joke in lame and antiquated boilerplate, much of which - say, unequal pay - is simply inaccurate and misleading. (See, for example, Tim Worstall on this.) Her opening line is also a tad tendentious. She says, sarcastically, “I saw something that made me think we still have a little way to go [in terms of gender equality].” Taken literally, what on Earth might she mean? That for equality to be achieved to her satisfaction, silly products like gendered pens should cease to be? Who gets decide on such things if not the marketplace? Can women not make up their own minds as to how absurd or desirable a thing is?

Charlie Suet

The problem is that everything that offends these people, from marketing to comparatively epicene and minor insult, has to be linked into a grand unified theory. The 'patriarchy' is supported by this sort of thing, so it's ok to fly into a rage about it.

The fact that this theory is utterly unsupported by any evidence is irrelevant.


It seems to me that you have this all wrong.

The 'Spacebee' character merely asked whether she had been wrong to eat 'Man crisps' and could easily have been joking at her own expense. It was 'Colette' that made the ridiculous "fucking pissed off angry" comment illustrated above so the response by Damian Counsell should have been directed at her not 'Spacebee'.

You could accuse her of being thin skinned and over-reacting but she seems to have been right to be annoyed at being berated for someone else's hysterical comment.

I had a quick, very quick, look at 'Spacebee's profile and could see nothing to suggest that she is a ranting feminist - just lots of inane trivia. The sort you'd expect from a young girl with an apparently large ego.



I’m not sure who you’re addressing. I didn’t offer an opinion about Spacebee or her intent, beyond noting that she tweeted the photo that caused the fuss. Though as you say, she seems a tad prickly.


There are feminists who would pay a premium for a package of Man Crisps...fresh from Final Solution Ovens.



I appreciate that you are a well known fence-sitter. Apparently you are also a very good arse-coverer. I just looked at your wording again and you are correct to say that, unlike Damian Counsell and Richard Dale, you passed no judgement on 'Spacebee'. I do however maintain that berating a young girl with words like "ignorance, petulance and arrogance" over something that she did not say is somewhat worse than the stupid 'Colette' tweet and, as such, worthy of comment. You are free to disagree, this is, after all, your house!



From what I saw, the ridicule should be (and, from me, is) aimed at Colette. I’m not about to defend other people’s tweets on the subject. The link is for context and the fact these twitterfits can sometimes develop after I’ve posted an item. Though at the time I did like the juxtaposition of Spacebee’s denial of thinking the crisps sexist or offensive and the subsequent, almost immediate explosion of womanly rage by one of her followers.

a well known fence-sitter

I’m writing that one down.


In other news, more racism has been discovered.

J.M. Heinrichs

"Apparently you are also a very good arse-coverer."
Is that a euphemistic variant of "You have a superlative taste in the finer aspects of designing and producing men's afternoon apparel"?


Nik White

In other news, more racism has been discovered.

Oh, for crying out loud!

    "This is historically wrong and racist," [Sunshine Coast University lecturer Matt] Mason posted. "Remove them from sale."

Because as everyone knows, pre-European Australians took the English name of their continent from the Latin terra australis incognita which, no doubt, they must have picked up from one of the legionaries at the Roman garrison stationed there in 149 BC.

I wonder what these good Twitters would make of the story?


Time to remind everyone of "The Ace of Spades Women's Magazine, Written By Men"

Original thread

Summary post

I'd add a content warning, but you guys have already stomached Vaginal Knitting and other unspeakable things.


"* A body pillow shaped like a man for lonely feminists to cuddle up to"

Actually a real product available in Japan!


How privileged and entitled do you have to be to get this upset about a snack food?

(tasteful applause)


It's very interesting that a woman such as this one can be so outraged by a snack food yet can turn a blind eye to the misogyny of Islam. Is she just a pretend feminist? The reality is all feminists are fakes as they all ignore Islam. Obviously she has no courage of conviction, proving she is just an attention seeker. This is why feminists are just for idle amusement and BOY do they make me laugh.


She really has a chip on her shoulder!



Time to remind everyone of “The Ace of Spades Women’s Magazine, Written By Men”

I learned so much.

Nik White

If you thought an over reaction to a packet of crisps was a bit much, see this

Nik White

"The Ace of Spades Women's Magazine, Written By Men"



The full catalogue of agonies – from tennis and bacon to non-socialist poor people and the word “mum” - can be found here.

Thanks for the hour I just spent laughing at those. *hits tip jar*


Cheers, Mark.

Steve 2 - The Stevening

Ten - Winner

Thanks! I believe the law says David now has to buy me a chicken dinner.

David - Owen Joneses mum doesn't let him call her "mum"? That explains a lot.

Dicentra - I briefly let my wife out of her heterocage to read the women's magazine written by men suggestions. She loved it, especially the female retorts.

I'm not sure which one she liked best though, as I wasn't listening. I could see squirrels in our back garden, and they were merry.


If you thought an over reaction to a packet of crisps was a bit much, see this

Speaking as someone who was diagnosed with clinical depression, did the drugs for several years, and is now happily off them, wow. Just wow. Little surprise the main character is depressed when he's that sensitive (in the worst way possible) to his social environment.

Nik White

wow. Just wow.

I know.

Depression itself can be quite serious, and I have every sympathy for those who sufferers and their families.

However, whether or not this was the artist's intention (I suspect not in fact), there is a tacit idea in that one-page comic which seems to suggest that non-sufferers should police their own use of hyperbole in everyday conversation just in case they are overheard by someone who is a sufferer.

It seems to me rather divisive – in other comics in the series, virtually all non-sufferers are presented as simple-minded, shallow and insensitive.

It also seems to be not a million miles from the general strategy employed in identity politics everywhere:

You do not have the right to talk about topic X because you do not belong to group Y;

any comment made about topic X is always invalid unless made by a member of group Y;

as all members of group Y have sole ownership over topic X, all members are beyond reproach or criticism for any comments they make on it, however ludicrous

Patrick Brown

Applying identity politics to depression, embracing "depressed" as your identity rather than as an illness that can be overcome, seems to be a virtual guarantee that you won't get better.


'Better' implies an objective standard by which things can be measured in comparison to one another, and the very concepts of standards and, indeed, of objectivity, were invented by the patriarchy as a tool of oppression.


(Just like the concept of intelligence was).

Nik White

… the very concepts of standards and, indeed, of objectivity, were invented by the patriarchy as a tool of oppression.*

Merely believing and then stating a thing to be true, as you do above, does not make it true regardless of how many times it is repeated.

Granted, there is a school of thought that is committed to using the constant repetition of certain ideas, such as that we live under patriarchal capitalist oppression, in the belief that if only it can be repeated often enough, widely enough and vehemently enough, it will come true. That strategy, which is incidentally barely indistinguishable from bullying and intimidation, is certainly neither objective nor measurable.

While it is true that the criteria by which things are measured can be developed and refined over time (and may include wrong turns, set-backs and errors), it would be a mistake to conclude from this that all measurement is necessarily arbitrary and, therefore, invalid.

If your blood pressure is 120 over 80 you should be healthy; if it's 240 over 120 you are very likely to be meeting your maker very soon unless you can find a tool of patriarchal oppression expert medical help, and quick.

Going further back in time, had it not been possible for early societies to develop technologies for measuring the movements of the stars and predicting changes in season, I would ultimately not now be in a position to write to you using the Internet.

*At first I thought your comment was a joke and had been generated using The Postmodernism generator. It then occurred to me you may actually mean what you are saying, hence the reply above.


I think it's sarcasm, Nik.

I hope it's sarcasm.

Nik White

I think it's sarcasm

So did I at first … but I actually really can't tell.


I bet her poor parents are really proud of her, after they get over their embarrassment.

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