It’s a World of Wonder

When skimming through the Guardian and Observer in search of something notable after a bank holiday break, some days you’re really spoilt for choice. I mean, would you rather hear about how conventional grammar (and an aversion to “most tastiest”) is obviously “right-wing,” according to Harry Ritchie, or would you be more tempted by Nick Baines’ account of eating his wife’s placenta? Both as a garlic taco and liquidised as a smoothie, albeit one that’s grey and with a grim metallic taste. Because apparently eating afterbirth is “a modern obsession.” 

Perhaps you’d be compelled by Tracy McVeigh’s conviction that “rewards don’t make anyone happy,” and that two-year-olds, the universal yardstick of human selflessness, are being rendered grasping and unfeeling by “post-industrial capitalism.”  

And then there’s the causal conundrum facing both the Observer’s Daniel Boffey and the Guardian’s Owen Hatherley, a man whose deep socialist wisdom has previously enthralled us. Mr Hatherley takes a break from telling us that alternative pop music is impossible without an Arts Council grant and urging us to share a toilet and kitchen with people we may not like, and turns his mental cutting beam to even more pressing matters: “Can places turn you into a Tory?” asks he. 

A question supposedly answered by left-leaning researchers who claim, in Mr Hatherley’s words, that, “Moving to some Stepford-like place in the home counties, where you will regularly encounter a close-knit network of conformist locals, has the effect of dragging you rightwards.” We also learn that, “richer people tend to vote for their own interests.” Assumptions somehow not extended to nobler beings like Mr Hatherley and his peers, or to those utterly non-conformist leftwing students who, being so altruistic, wish to extract as much money as possible from strangers who vaguely resemble their parents. 

Or maybe you’d rather hear about the 51-year-old performance artist arrested in Paris for gyrating around the Eiffel Tower with a cockerel tied to his penis? See? Something for every appetite.

With tips of the hat to Julia and Mr Eugenides. 

Comments

[rjmadden]

Tracy McVeigh’s conviction that “rewards don’t make anyone happy,”

Written for free, I presume. Or was she paid under duress?

and that two-year-olds, the universal yardstick of human selflessness, are being rendered grasping and unfeeling by “post-industrial capitalism.”

Snork. Long live the Guardian.

[sk60]

Because apparently eating afterbirth is “a modern obsession.”

Before you get hired by the Guardian you have to walk through the mirror.

[Bart]

Mr Hatherley. When he's not fretting about how "a close-knit network of conformist locals, has the effect of dragging you rightwards," he's dreaming of a world where everyone's forced to live in collectives with shared facilities.

The secret identity of Captain Consistency remains a mystery, but we can at least rule out one suspect.

[David]

Long live the Guardian.

Our days would be dull without it and its writers have much to teach us. Among my favourite discoveries is news that the word “serve” is sexist; that “not reading anything written by white authors” is a sign of piety, not presumption; and that cupcakes are not only sexist and “demeaning,” and therefore banned from the Guardian office, but “snares of self-loathing” that are “almost certainly followed by remorse and disgust.” Oh, and that the way to make poor people rich is to not buy their goods.

[Rob]

Poor Tracy, anxiously refreshing the Amazon page to view how unhappy she is in the Amazon Best Sellers rank.

[AC1]

“Moving to some Stepford-like place in the Islington, where you will regularly encounter a close-knit network of conformist locals, has the effect of dragging you leftwards.”

[Steve 2: Steveageddon]

David - naturally, I went straight to the story of the man who tied a cock to his, er, penis:

Wearing platform shoes and an outlandish costume including feathers on his fingers and a headdress made of a stuffed pheasant, he danced for 10 minutes with his penis attached to the rooster, before police intervened.

"I think the victim is art," Cohen said after the verdict

...

The artist had told the court his performance had "nothing to do with sexuality" and that no one – not even a group of passing nuns – had complained.

If anything, it probably reassured those nuns that a vow of chastity was the right choice.

As for the rooster, Tricoire said the only time it was "manhandled" was by police during Cohen's arrest. The animal is now in a chicken coop and living "a totally happy life in Normandy".

Poor Clucky's going to need years of therapy.

[Franklin]

"I think the victim is art," Cohen said after the verdict.

I agree. But I think the assailant is Cohen.

[Anna]

"Mindfulness will soon be mandatory", says Madeliene Bunting. "What role could mindfulness play in schools, in the NHS or in the criminal justice system?"

[David]

The secret identity of Captain Consistency remains a mystery, but we can at least rule out one suspect.

Yes, it’s a little odd watching Mr Hatherley – a man who says he misses the hammer and sickle and doesn’t like the word ‘individual’ – sneering at the conformity of people who don’t wish to conform to his authoritarian conception of “social justice.” But then, this is the man who coined the term “rightwing determinist urban planning orthodoxy.” For which I feel we should be eternally grateful.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

I won't link the video (NSFW, obviously) of M. Cohen's performance, but it is a quite literal bit of bellendery. The video is more instructive to see a bit of the mindset of pretentious, talentless, histrionic twits such as this. In his discussion of his "art", he does not miss a single leftoid cliché. Even more apalling is another video of a "performance art" piece in which he appears to shove a wine bottle up his fundament, and later drinks from it, to much approval from the audience. Alas, said approval, speaking to the abnormal psychology of the audience, appears to be real, and not that of admirers of side-show geekery. drt

In a happier time, people this delusional would be enjoying the comforts of a rubber room, and displaying the latest fashions in canvas camisoles with wrap-around sleeves.

M. Franklim above is spot on as to the perp in this assault.

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

The artist had told the court his performance had "nothing to do with sexuality" and that no one – not even a group of passing nuns – had complained.

Two nuns were sitting on a park bench when, suddenly, a streaker ran past them.

One of the nuns had a stroke.

The other one couldn't reach that far.

[David]

One of the nuns had a stroke. The other one couldn’t reach that far.

And people say this joint ain’t classy. Pff.

[svh]

"The truth is that America only started to care about abortion for reasons of sexism and racism."

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/may/06/reason-restrict-womens-options-abortion

[Anna]

"The truth is that America only started to care about abortion for reasons of sexism and racism."

The comments underneath it are the usual Guardian horror show.

[Steve 2: Steveageddon]

Farnsworth - "Even more apalling is another video of a "performance art" piece in which he appears to shove a wine bottle up his fundament"

Whaaaat?

That one's nearly as ancient as Marcel Duchamp's pissoire. Sticking a bottle up your brown trumpet and calling it art dates back at least 50 years. That sort of thing had the bourgeoisie dropping their monocles in épatement back when Keith Richards was still a fresh faced young thing with a Beatles mop top.

What the art world needs is fresh ideas, like sticking an iPad up their bottom.

Or something truly daring and shocking, like smoking a cigarette indoors.

And if you're going to tie a bird to your willy, why not up the stakes and make it an ostrich or an angry swan rather than a poor defenceless chicken? I'd watch the crap out of that on Youtube.

[David]

It’s worth noting the extent to which contemporary art has been made redundant by Rude Tube.

[Nikw211]

I think a combination of May 1st and reasonably bright sunshine enlivens the more optimistic regions of the Revolutionary brain.

There was apparently something in the air in any case.

[Pete]

Because apparently eating afterbirth is “a modern obsession.”

I don't think that caught on in Leeds.

[Mr_Eugenides]

I don't think that caught on in Leeds.

Those aren't mushy peas...

[Jim]

Assumptions somehow not extended to nobler beings like... those utterly non-conformist leftwing students who, being so altruistic, wish to extract as much money as possible from strangers who vaguely resemble their parents.

Still laughing. Have a glass of something on me. *hits tip jar*

[David]

Have a glass of something on me.

Why, thank you. I shall.

[D]

David, in the category of soft student brains, I'd enjoy your insights on this proposal for mandatory privilege shaming in Harvard:

At Friday’s event, about 80 students participated in an exercise to visualize the differences in privilege created by race and gender. The students began in a single line, but as students were asked to step forward or backward based on questions about the social repercussions of their socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, and sexual identities, the line became disjointed.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

The truth is that America only started to care about abortion for reasons of sexism and racism. Abortion was legal until the late 1800s, when concern over increased calls for women's suffrage and worry about immigrants' increasing birth rates sparked a movement to legislate the procedure and to get more white Protestant women procreating.

I see. Given that abortion is a "progressive" shibboleth, and given that in the US the rate of abortion among blacks is almost 4 times that of whites, and "other minorities" nearly twice that of whites, it must be, therefore, that "progressives" are the racists and sexists.

This, of course, would not be news to those who have not whitewashed (I denounce myself) the eugenicist history of one Margret Sanger.

[David]

D,

this proposal for mandatory privilege shaming in Harvard

I don’t have much to add to previous outings on the subject. What’s interesting, I suppose, and discouraging, is that those fretting as instructed about “power differentials” don’t seem overly troubled by the rather obvious and intimate power - and willingness to intrude - of those who wish to purge them of WrongThought™. I just wonder if there comes a point at which an institution is so snarled in dogma and begged questions, and so steeped in dishonesty, that it becomes not only unworthy but unsalvageable.

[ajf]

When I went to uni in England in 1996-2000 the only 'events' that were mandatory for the students to attend, as far as I can recall were matriculation in the first week of first year and university exams. I really don't think anything else was compulsory (and that includes lectures and tutorials). Is this an American thing trying to compel students to complete 'orientation programs' etc?

[Chris S.]

From the privilege training article: "We just can’t learn when we are only hearing from one side,”

Somehow I don't think they're referencing a missing balance in political ideas.

Also this: “You can either go to a diversity talk, or you can go play soccer.”

Hmm, choices, choices. No wonder they're seeking to make it mandatory.

[Steve 2: Steveageddon]

David - "What’s interesting, I suppose, and discouraging, is that those fretting as instructed about “power differentials” don’t seem overly troubled by the rather obvious and intimate power - and willingness to intrude - of those who wish to purge them of WrongThought™"

A lot of them seem to like it.

It's like paying good money to be spanked with a hairbrush by a middle aged woman and told you're a naughty pony.

Except less dignified.

The big draw for these Maoist self-criticism sessions seems to be a combination of the thrill of humiliating others while wallowing in delicious victimhood, and even for the poor pathetic specimens who get to denounce themselves for their hideous whiteness or whatever, at least it's all about THEM.

[Hal]

That one's nearly as ancient as Marcel Duchamp's pissoire. Sticking a bottle up your brown trumpet and calling it art dates back at least 50 years.

Ah, but how else do we get this version of another restaging of Hamlet or MacBeth?

[Andi Lucas]

Is Jackass considered high art in France?

[Joan]

the rather obvious and intimate power - and willingness to intrude - of those who wish to purge them of WrongThought™.

I hadn't heard about the PC eavesdroppers. Some people have no shame.

[WTP]

Is Jackass considered high art in France?

I wouldn't pretend to know but FWIU, they adored Jerry Lewis.

[David]

Joan,

Some people have no shame.

No, the ideologues and monomaniacs behind such policies show an extraordinary disregard for normal boundaries and proprieties. It’s a defining feature of the type, one we’ve seen again and again and again. Imposing on others, especially the young and impressionable, and making them uncomfortable, anxious and dishonest seems to be the pay-off for all that bogus piety. It’s a license for sadism and it therefore attracts a certain kind of person. And the fact that their efforts are typically absurd doesn’t make them any less sinister.

[Revnant Dream]

Because apparently eating afterbirth is “a modern obsession.”

Man that even beats Islamic craziness. You have to cross many light years to beat it, but this does it.

I thought sucking Mothers milk from a female member of a Muslim family to render an outsider part of the family temporarily nuts.

After birth & cannibalism. How could we have known?

[R. Sherman]

The sad fact is, the absence of general European wars inevitably leads us to "artists" such as Mr. Cohen. I a better world, he would be hanging limply from a some barbed wire in Flanders, instead parading around Paris with his dong tied to barnyard foul.

[Walter Sobchak]

Steven Cohen is the meaning of the Yiddish phrase "Shanda fur die Goyim"

[sackcloth and ashes]

'Moving to some Stepford-like place in the Islington, where you will regularly encounter a close-knit network of conformist locals, has the effect of turning you into a cunt'.

I'd agree with the amendment offered here.

'Because apparently eating afterbirth is “a modern obsession''.

Once you have decided that it's cool to drink coffee made from beans shat out of a civet's arse, there is no act of self-abasement you will not consider in order to be 'la dernier cri'.

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/wordofmouth/2013/sep/13/civet-coffee-cut-the-crap

[Sean]

odious socialist cannibal - he should be criminally charged

[dicentra]

"Check your privilege!"

"It's fine: I topped it off last week."

::bows::

[ac1]

Dan Hodges Cat says:
May 5, 2014 at 4:50 pm

There’s a word that describes when one left winger stabs another left winger in the back.
C*nticide.

[ACTOldFart]

At Friday’s event, about 80 students participated in an exercise to visualize the differences in privilege created by race and gender. The students began in a single line, but as students were asked to step forward or backward based on questions about the social repercussions of their socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, and sexual identities, the line became disjointed.

At the conclusion of the event, the left-handed, dyslexic, alcoholic Afro-American lesbian with 3rd stage autism and a stutter was declared the winner.

[David]

Tanya Gold follows the obligatory Guardian trajectory with an avalanche of assertion:

The materialistic tend to be unhappy, those with material goods will remain unhappy, and the market feeds on unhappiness… If you love material objects, you are less likely to love people and so, of course, the planet… Money is a brutalising agent and a paranoiac drug… an infection swallowing happiness and peace.

Ms Gold’s own mental health problems and struggles with addiction will be familiar to regular readers, along with a tendency to displace responsibility for her own actions onto “society” or “capitalism.” Like many of her peers, Ms Gold seems determined to excuse her own personal shortcomings and convoluted hang-ups by invoking dark and dastardly forces. It’s practically a rule. If a Guardian contributor drinks too much, eats too much, buys too many shoes… well, obviously, they’re the victim because capitalism made them do it. The premise is generally “capitalism made me fat,” followed by “capitalism made me anxious about being fat,” followed by “tax such-and-such to buggery and then I’ll be thin.”

(See also Madeleine Bunting, Dianne Abbott, Oliver James, VJD Smith, Jill Filipovic, George Monbiot, et al.)

[Steve 2: Steveageddon]

Hal - "Ah, but how else do we get this version of another restaging of Hamlet or MacBeth?"

Or should I say Prince Hal?

As Falstaff says, "Well, if this bottle earns you an angel, then keep it for your troubles." He might have added, "Also, wash your hands."

When I were a lad, our English teacher had a creative way of punishing naughty boys, short of lines and detention or a quick smack around the ears. He'd make us read out loud the girls' parts in Shakespeare.

Girls! Ewwwww! I thought they were magical, angelic creatures, but it was mortifying to pretend to be Lady Macbeth or Juliet Capulet while the other boys rolled their eyes and sniggered.

Almost as embarrassing as trying to get showered for rugby with a towel wrapped around your waist...

Anyway, I look forward to the big budget remake of Bottle Autoerotica where the starring role is played by a melchior of champagne.

[MikeG81]

"Because apparently eating afterbirth is “a modern obsession.”"

With some fava beans and a nice chianti?

[Dr Cromarty]

"Because apparently eating afterbirth is “a modern obsession.”"
With some fava beans and a nice chianti?

****makes salacious movement with tongue****
Ssslllppppssssslllllpppppsssssslllllppppp.....

[David]

[ Seizes opportunity to link to this. ]

[Andi Lucas]

I'm looking forward to the Grauniad getting round to the politics of mining and eating nose oysters - it's only a matter of time.

[dicentra]

If you love material objects, you are less likely to love people and so, of course, the planet…

I thought that love of people was antithetical to love of planet.

I wish they'd update the score card: mine's too dog-eared to stay flat anymore.

[Spiny Norman]

Is Jackass considered high art in France?

Well, as a "performance artist", I find Johnny Knoxville far more engaging than that Steven Cohen fool.

[Steve 2: Steveageddon]

Spiny Norman - Johnny Knoxville is a legend. I'm a fan of Jackass, especially the antics of "The Wee Man".

The Ringer was hilarious too, particularly the outrageously awful character played by noted Dundonian thespian and former Hannibal Lecktor, Brian Cox. (The good Brian Cox, not the floppy haired baby-faced scientist with the brainwashed cult acolyte grin).

When I grow up, I want to be like Johnny Knoxville and never grow up.

If blowing paint-infused snotters or pulling wool out of your vagina is art, then J. Knoxville and co. are the new Old Masters.

[The original Mr. X]

In other news, a debate in Cambridge over whether disability should be considered a valid reason for abortion has met with opposition by pro-abortion groups. The final quote in particular stood out for me:

"Debate is a conversation of power, where the objective is to win: to overpower the other side. This is violence. It is not ‘discussion’."

http://www.varsity.co.uk/news/7158

[Anna]

"Debate is a conversation of power, where the objective is to win: to overpower the other side. This is violence. It is not ‘discussion’."

In other words, "don't talk back".

[David]

In other words, “don't talk back”.

But being contradicted must be distressing for a narcissist. Imagine the indignity. Why don’t you CARE™ about the feelings of narcissists?