Embrace Bonkersness

This Scientology promo video - complete with “floating tone arms” and wildly upbeat mad people - may not be online for long, so watch it while you can. 

Via MeFi, via Anna. 

Comments

[sk60]

The music, it burns.

[David]

The music, it burns.

It is a tad unrelenting.

[ac1]

Something's "obviously" going more and more wrong with the subtitles, they get more and more gibberish!

[David]

Something’s “obviously” going more and more wrong with the subtitles

That’s the beauty of it. If you watch it first with the sound off you might assume, quite reasonably, that the captions were added later for comic effect. But then of course you’d miss the bigger joke, and the music.

[John D]

Buy the new, improved Scientology!

[Jacob]

Hail Hydra.

[Nikw211]

I only watched the beginning - are you sure this is for Scientology?

It looks more like an actors' audition tape for a Skittles advert.

[Tom]

They all seem very well presented despite the obvious handicap of being stark, raving, mad.

[Jimmy]

Imagine being confronted by all these people in person...

[David]

For the bewildered, here’s a (remarkably thorough) guide to Scientology jargon.

[Henry]

here’s a (remarkably thorough) guide to Scientology jargon

Thanks, David. Didn't help me with why the tone arms were "floating" though. I wonder if they're floating for me, too. Or do they only do it for that guy?

Even though I'd walked past that shop on Tottenham Ct road many a time, I had No. Idea. At. All. about the levels of lunacy contained therein.

[David]

Didn’t help me with why the tone arms were “floating” though.

Apparently, a “floating tone arm” (or “floating needle”) is a good thing as this refers to the readings supposedly taken with an “electro-psychometer” when “auditing” devotees, i.e., charting their progress into higher mental realms. Said “floating” indicates “blowing charge,” which allegedly entails the purging of “engrams,” or clumps of pain lurking in the unconscious, and “body thetans,” which are basically evil spirits, the remnants of beings abandoned on Earth some 75 million years ago and nuked into atoms by the galactic tyrant Xenu.

I swear to God I’m not pulling your leg.

[Joe]

Thanks for finding this. I find Scientology and North Korea to be two very entertaining topics.

[Mojo]

A religion for aliens, invented as a joke/dare by a 3 rd rate sf author.

Sign me up!

[Spiny Norman]

The music, it burns.

It is a tad unrelenting.

Fairly standard for late-night "infomercial" programming here in the US. In fact, I have heard that very same score on a number of occasions. I assume it's "copyright-free".

Also, I recall someone made a quip in another thread about the CAGW promoters resembling something closer to "Climate Scientology" than actual science.

I couldn't agree more.

[carbon based lifeform]

nuked into atoms by the galactic tyrant Xenu.

It's so mad it's parody-proof.

[David]

It’s so mad it’s parody-proof.

Yes, it does sound like it was cobbled together as a dare while inhaling butane. As if Mr Hubbard wanted to see just how bonkers his racket could be and still suck in punters.

[Nikw211]

[For comic nerds only]

Does anyone else remember the late 80's Vertigo comic Wasteland?

Amongst the many bizarre one-off stories was one illustrated by David 'V for Vendetta' Lloyd which featured - by name - L. Ron Hubbard.

How they were not sued I can't guess (other than calling him 'Elron' as opposed to 'L. Ron').

A link to the story can be found here if you scroll down to 'Del & Elron' for anyone still curious.

[pst314]

"may not be online for long"

You're thinking they will decide it's too crazy and will put off potential dupes--I mean recruits. But what if it's consciously designed to appeal to nuts?

[jones]

I have to say that these seem like intelligent and thoughtful people.

That frightens.....

[Hal]

Hmmm. So if one spouts enough Scientology fast enough, can one win a debate?

[Spiny Norman]

I don't see why not.

[Nikw211]

OT

Oh dear God - "a theatre group whose director went undercover to experience cleaning jobs" - it's a Perfect Storm (see under Economic recovery fuelled by cheap labour)

Jazz hands everybody!

[TimT]

The music, it burns.

If you think that's bad....

[David]

a theatre group whose director went undercover to experience cleaning jobs

I’m still processing the implication that there’s a small demographic of well-heeled middle-class Guardianistas who want to spend their evenings watching a play about how grim it is to be a cleaner.

[Steve 2: Steveageddon]

"I’m still processing the implication that there’s a small demographic of well-heeled middle-class Guardianistas who want to spend their evenings watching a play about how grim it is to be a cleaner."

When they could be watching...

SMALL FAMILY BUSINESS, A
by Alan Ayckbourn
at Olivier, National Theatre
A 'riotous exposure' of entrepreneurial greed.
(from 01 Apr 2014 - Closing on 27 Aug 2014)

RED FOREST
Devised by Belarus Free Theatre
at Young Vic Theatre (The Maria)
Tells real-life stories from people living in war zones, in dictatorships, in unjust and unequal societies across the globe. It is also the story of people who cannot go home - environmental migrants, people displaced by natural disasters.
(from 12 Jun 2014 - Closing on 05 Jul 2014)

PITCAIRN
By Richard Bean
at Shakespeare's Globe Theatre
In the southern Pacific Ocean on the remote island of Pitcairn, the infamous mutineers of The Bounty, led by Fletcher Christian (or should it be Titreano?), begin to establish a new society alongside their Tahitian followers. Tensions quickly swell as the British settlers refuse to relinquish the vices of their past.
(from 22 Sep 2014 - Closing on 11 Oct 2014)

LITTLE REVOLUTION
By Alecky Blythe
at Almeida Theatre (Off West End)
In the summer of 2011, London was burning. Alecky Blythe took her Dictaphone to the streets.
(from 26 Aug 2014 - Closing on 04 Oct 2014)

LAND OF OUR FATHERS
by Chris Urch
at Trafalgar Studios 2
Land Of Our Fathers is set on the eve of the 1979 General Election. The play depicts the dramatic two weeks of a community of Welsh miners trapped down a collapsed coalmine.
(from 02 Sep 2014 - Closing on 04 Oct 2014)

HOLY WARRIORS
By David Eldridge
at Shakespeare's Globe Theatre
Saladin’s great army have corrected a great wrong by taking Jerusalem back for Islam, after the barbaric slaughter of their people one hundred years ago. But for Muslim and Christian alike Jerusalem is a Holy City. Across England and Outremer, nobles answer the call to arms from Richard the Lionheart to march on Jerusalem in the third crusade and retake the Holy City from Saladin.
(from 19 Jul 2014 - Closing on 24 Aug 2014)

GOOD PEOPLE
by David Lindsay-Abaire
at Noel Coward Theatre
(formerly Albery)
If you were born in South Boston you've started life on the wrong side of the tracks, so just making ends meet will need all the energy you can muster. Imelda Staunton plays sharp-tongued single mother Margie, who will do anything it takes to pay the bills after losing yet another job. Hearing that an old boyfriend who has made good is in town, she decides to corner him - old loyalties should be good for something.
(from 10 Apr 2014 - Closing on 14 Jun 2014)

EAST IS EAST
By Ayub Khan Din
at Trafalgar Studios 1 Theatre
Pakistani chip-shop owner George Khan - Genghis to his kids - is determined to give his children a strict Muslim upbringing against the unforgiving backdrop of 1970s Salford. Household tension reaches breaking point as their long-suffering English mother, Ella, gets caught in the cross fire - her loyalties divided between her marriage and the free will of her children.
(from 04 Oct 2014 - Booking to 03 Jan 2015)

LOVE AND DOMESTOS
By Richard Rice-Wheatley
at Todd Carty Lyceum (off East End)
Julian, a thirty year old English Literature graduate, is forced by the Jobcentre to enter a heartless world of zero-hours contracts and toilet cleaning. Befriending a diverse group of migrant workers, he seeks to answer the one question on everybody's lips: "Who Is Owen Jones?" This hard-hitting modern play explores the terrifying savagery of austerity Britain.
(from 01 Nov 2014 - Booking to 03 Jan 2015)

[Haley]

Scientologists are wacky but, you know, at least they don't blow people up.

[Theophrastus]

Clearly, the evidence for Scientology is about as hard as the evidence for Minnow's socialism. Both are fantasies.

[Nikw211]

Steve 2: Steveageddon

I see you and I raise you:

The Dishwashers

Emmett (Rik Makaram) used to be a high flyer in the City until the financial crisis abruptly changed his life. He was used to dining upstairs amongst the glitterati but today he’s back with a new career – as a dishwasher!

Alongside his new colleagues, dominant self-appointed leader, Dressler (David Essex), who’s been happily scraping and scrubbing for over 30 years, and the decrepit Moss who’s about ready for retirement, Emmett attacks the endless supply of crockery that descends from above.

In this world of soapsuds and despair, playwright Morris Panych brings wit and humour to their quest for existential meaning.

I was quite stunned to discover that far from being an earnest Trotskyish student type on a gap year before university, Panych is actually a 61 year-old Canadian playwright with multiple titles under his belt.

[David]

A ‘riotous exposure’ of entrepreneurial greed.

Staged to entertain a narrow demographic of middle-class lefties who expect their leisure activities to be heavily subsidised by other people.

[Steve 2: Steveageddon]

Nikw211 - Oh, it's on.

Fracking: The Musical!

Les Cabbage (Bob Carolgees) is a petroleum geologist who stumbles across a terrible secret. The plan to frack his beloved West Midlands is a conspiracy to awake the Elder Gods and harness their unholy power to fulfil the Second Coming of Margaret Thatcher.

Can Les save Britain from the cannibal holocaust and cuts to Arts funding that would be inflicted under 1,000 years of Neo-Thatcherism?

Original music by S Club 7

...wait... "The Dishwashers" is real?

[Nikw211]

Steve 2: Steveageddon

...wait... "The Dishwashers" is real?

Oh, yes sireee I'm afraid it very much is.

Read 'em and weep 'cos I got a winning hand.

[Steve 2: Steveageddon]

David - yarp.

I like the use of the adjective 'riotous', which suggests you're in for a madcap comedy laugh-fest.

I bet it isn't. I bet it's about as funny as Radio 4.

Once, I was driving through Cumbria and could only get good reception on BBC stations, so I listened to some Radio 4 'comedy'.

Damn near crashed my jeep, and not because my sides were splitting. The BBC pays good money for posh-sounding people to exclaim "Daily Mail!" (snigger) and "Michael Gove!" (boooo!) as if they were brilliant comedy catchphrases.

A lot of people looked down on the politically incorrect working class comics of yesteryear, and the likes of Bernard Manning or Freddie Starr were never my cup of tea either, but at least those guys knew how to construct a joke.

How the hell does someone like Marcus Brigstocke get away with calling himself a comedian? That's like Mark Chapman calling himself "the fifth Beatle".

[David]

I like the use of the adjective ‘riotous’, which suggests you’re in for a madcap comedy laugh-fest.

It’s the fact that when I started reading the play summaries I had no idea whether they were parodies or real. I actually googled some, just to check. It reminded me of when the Observer’s Jay Rayner wrote a piece admitting, somewhat belatedly, that the London theatre establishment is overwhelmingly leftist in its pretensions and eerily uniform. To such an extent that when some of its leading figures were quizzed on what a non-leftist production might look like, should such a thing exist, what came to their minds, eventually, were racism, sexism and rape. Because, hey, what else could there be?

[WTP]

I thought they were parodies as well until I got down to East is East, which had been a film I had seen many years back that fit the approximate storyline described here. Minus any mention of adolescent circumcision. Guess that would be rather discomforting to stage in the theater district.

[dicentra]

As an adherent of a religion whose cosmology is nearly as kooky as Scientology's, I find myself wondering what's wrong with them, something I try not to do to other religions.

No, not because they believe odd things about the universe — everybody does that to one degree or another — but because their promotional materials suggest that the goal is a state of hebephrenic glee.

Or a Mountain Dew commercial.

Which, that doesn't appeal to me in the least. I'd rather have a peaceful mind than a blown one.

[Hal]

Prolly only tangentally related, a coworker's comment has reminded me of a primary difference between protestant christians and catholic christians.

The protestants all have their crosses too bare, the catholics have their crosses go all out with decorative frou-frou . . . .

[JeremiadBullfrog]

As an adherent of a religion whose cosmology is nearly as kooky as Scientology's, I find myself wondering what's wrong with them, something I try not to do to other religions.

Agreed. But the problem I find with Scientology is that pound for pound it looks more like "achievement porn" than "religion". Of course, practitioners of any belief system can fall into this trap, but my impression is that standard religious cultures do generally discourage this by setting limits (e.g., RC daily communion is encouraged, but more than twice a day is prohibited), whereas Scientology is always pressing you to become more and more exclusively involved to an unlimited degree.

Put another way, this is what I see when I look at how different groups present themselves in their own literature:

Mainstream religions--We are a wisdom tradition that makes strong truth claims about reality; we promise happiness, but be warned that it's character may not be what you initially expect and it may not always be easy.

Scientology--Moar lvl ups!!1!!!11 w00t!!1!

[clazy]

Where is that confounded bridge?

Sorry, I had to.

[dicentra]

Scientology is purported to be a scientific method for achieving higher consciousness, so it's bound to deviate from the older, analog paths to holiness.

As it were.

[Hal]

Scientology is purported to be a scientific method for achieving higher consciousness, so it's bound to deviate from the older, analog paths to holiness.

My favorite assessment is that Scientology is a fascinating version of, and clearly one of, one of the assorted versions of psychiatry.

Now, if the giggle wasn't immediate, go look up how big a button that is . . . !

[Rich Rostrom]

JeremiadBullfrog:

>As an adherent of a religion whose
>cosmology is nearly as kooky as
>Scientology's, I find myself wondering
>what's wrong with them, something I try
>not to do to other religions.

...standard religious cultures do generally ...set limits (e.g., RC daily communion is encouraged, but more than twice a day is prohibited), whereas Scientology is always pressing you to become more and more exclusively involved to an unlimited degree.

And pay them more money. This is not like a collection plate, or a fund-raising drive - they sell you "services", and nothing is free. Christian churches give away salvation - it is the Grace of God, and he that accepts it is fully saved. Any beggar can be a faithful Moslem without paying a dirham to an imam. All the benefits of Scientology come with explicit price tags, and there is always another one to buy.

Or, if you have no money, you can become a slave-worker in the SEAORG.

[The original Mr. X]

And of course there's that whole thing about members cutting themselves off from the world outside the cult. Whilst there are of course people who do this is mainstream religious traditions -- monks, hermits, and so forth -- the ordinary man in the pew (mosque, temple, whatever) isn't expected to shun everybody else who doesn't already share his religion. Indeed, a lot of religions encourage their members to get involved in working for the common good, whereas cults generally try and prevent this.

[dicentra]

the ordinary man in the pew (mosque, temple, whatever) isn't expected to shun everybody else who doesn't already share his religion. Indeed, a lot of religions encourage their members to get involved in working for the common good, whereas cults generally try and prevent this.

Sounds like what they're trying to inculcate in the Universities these days.