Because Waitrose Eats Your Soul
Friday Ephemera

There May Be Some Swelling

Menfolk, avert your eyes.

The 23-year-old ended up in hospital where his penis had to be drained of two pints of blood – after suffering from an erection lasting 17 hours.


Jason first woke up with the condition last Friday morning and initially didn’t worry about it. However by lunchtime he was beginning to get concerned and tried to address the situation by... 

No, don’t. Bad dog.

taking an ice bath and then going for a jog.

When these measures failed, 

He went to the hospital where his condition was diagnosed and doctors drew off two pints of blood to try and reduce the pressure. They also had to inject medication 24 times to restrict the blood flow. 

Mercifully, this tale has a happy ending.

All is now well with Jason, who described the pain of his treatment as “ten out of ten.” “It is completely normal now,” he added, “apart from the fact that it looks like it’s been through a war. It’s all a bit black and blue.”

Via Chris Snowdon



All is now well with Jason, who described the pain of his treatment as “ten out of ten.”

I'm feeling a two just reading about it.

R. Sherman

Caps off.


The men in my family call 17-hours a "premature ejaculation". The rest of you better get yourselves checked.

Lancastrian Oik

17 hours? Amateur.

This is a real-life re-run of the old joke which ends with punchline "Can you take away the pain but leave the swelling?"

Watcher In The Dark

Looks like a cock up to me, somewhere


I am so glad they limited their graphics for this story.

David Gillies

I did a project for a telesales pharmacy flogging Viagra over the phone and Internet. I created an interactive questionnaire for the sales reps to guide them through deciding whether we could sell to a given customer, and to warn the customers about potential side effects. We had a doctor on staff whose job it was to make the final sign-off based on the questionnaire. I remember asking him about the priapism warning we had to give (it won't go down after four hours seek medical assistance etc.) and was this a big problem. He said that if anyone ever found himself in that position he should call an ambulance or get someone to drive him to A&E as quickly as possible. Possible complications included gangrene, amputation, septicaemia and death. It's an absolutely dire medical emergency along the lines of a strangulated hernia or burst appendix in terms of severity. At 17 hours this guy's lucky to be undamaged.



Suggested musical accompaniment: ZZ Top, "Woke Up With Wood"


Career in emergency medicine, anyone?

The Lurker on the Threshold

and then going for a jog

Much to the amusement of passers by.

The original Mr. X

OT, but another bout of madness has arisen in academia, where the precious flowers of Trinity College, Oxford, are upset by their college's "heteronormative" college marriage system:

The random ballot system used for college marriages at Trinity has come under fire for being “antiquated”, “heteronormative” and contributing to “oppression” [...]

NoHeterOx co-editor Annie Teriba criticised the system, saying: “I recognise the attempt to make sure everybody is included in College marriages; they can certainly be a social minefield as a fresher, but beyond recognising the bourgeois construct of marriage, we needn’t buy into its heteronormativity too.

“I’m firstly concerned by the implicit suggestion that non-binary and agender people do not exist and secondly, by the incessant need, it seems, to gender all aspects of College life. I guess whoever is responsible probably didn’t mean it but then that’s how most oppression works isn’t it. As a suggestion, maybe just pick some names out of a hat?”


One or two of Oxford's colleges used to have rules that today a lot of people would call sexist - with some reason - women being excluded from senior common rooms etc. There were a few eminent female dons - some of them very leftwing, now I think about it.

Anyway I'm no longer close to things but I get the impression that feminist and leftist tendencies have been strong for a while at Oxford University. I suppose this has made them susceptible to the loonier parts of those belief systems.

Oxford therefore contains a lot of bright kids who don't know much about the real world - but who have a knack for learning and excellent verbal debating skills (they are definitely not stupid) who also regrettably have a massive investment in very political ideologies that are full of shit. We've seen that list of Guardian staff with the Oxbridge colleges they attended many times

So basically we're wasting some of the country's best talent. A university whose academic staff and tutorial system used to be the envy of the world is now producing quite a lot of the smelly stuff, frankly. Some of the cleverest, most knowledgeable people I ever knew worked for Oxford University. The future looks pretty unpromising, and it doesn't fill me with joy


concerned ... by the incessant need, it seems, to gender all aspects of College life

And just who is responsible? Hmm?

Charlie Suet

The 'heteronormative college marriage' issue resurfaces practically every year. Each time the people complaining appear to believe that they are being new and edgy, while everyone else just sees them as making a silly fuss about a faintly meaningless ritual.

It's very much like any given day on CIF, in fact.


Same thing happened to a friend a few years ago. It's what's known as a case of penis concreteis.
After his operation, we smuggled a belly dancer up to his hospital room to see if she could 'resurrect' things, so to speak.

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