What Fresh Hell is This?

How to ruin a full English breakfast: 

One of these. Via Christopher Snowdon. 

Comments

[Anna]

Yes, greaseproof paper. And beans in a mug.

Wow. Is that salt and pepper in the bottom left corner?

[David]

Is that salt and pepper in the bottom left corner?

And it appears they’ve been mixed. For convenience.

[sk60]

Sacrilege.

[David]

And only one sausage. It’s an affront to all that’s good in the world.

[Ten]

And then they served Western civilization dead on a giant slab of varnished pretension and called it performance art.

[Christopher Snowdon]

The beans in a cup is a special touch, as is the little pile of salt and pepper. It just needs a drink in a jam jar to make it 100% hipster.

Plenty more where that came from at https://twitter.com/WeWantPlates

[David]

It’s so terribly, indecently wrong. You’d think a plate would be a basic prerequisite.

[David]

Next week: soup in a bag.

[rjmadden]

Dear hipsters, I do not want my breakfast deconstructed, thank you very much.

[David]

And then of course, inevitably, meat served on a shovel.

We must chase them from the village. With pitchforks and fire.

[MikeG81]

"The beans in a cup is a special touch"

Is that coffee in a clear glass in the upper right corner?

Sweet Jesus.

[Kevin B]

"only one sausage"

Hah! Call that a sausage?

[Sam Duncan]

“Is that coffee in a clear glass in the upper right corner?

Sweet Jesus.”

Well, indeed. It's not a full English without tea. Tea that you can't see through even before you wave the milk in its general direction.

The thing is, even thoroughly buggered up and hipsterfied like that, it still looks rather appetizing. Although I dread to think what's in the sausage.

[JuliaM]

Hey, at least give them credit for a proper field mushroom, and not a scoop of watery, tasteless button mushrooms.. *shudders*

[JuliaM]

"Is that coffee in a clear glass in the upper right corner?"

Nope. Can't be. It's totally the wrong colour. It could be a latte , I suppose, but only a savage would order that with breakfast.

[Theophrastus]

Ee, tha nose, mother wood allis serve t'bred in dad's cap. Safed on plates an bred were more salty. Them was t'days!

[ACTOldFart]

And I really, really do suspect that the newspaper may be The Guardian

[mojo]

It'd never fly in America, I guarantee you that. Waxed paper? Hangin's too good for 'em.

[james]

You English, with your beans with a fried breakfast.

Where is the black and white pudding?

The toast?

The soda bread?

The potato cakes?

The butter?

All served on a HOT plate!

[R. Sherman]

@James

Chili with one's eggs is quite good, even the "with beans" variety. And cornbread. Do not forget the cornbread and jalapenos.

[David Gillies]

It was bloody chicken in a bloody basket when the rot set in and it was all downhill from there. Someone should have put his foot down. It's like stopping Hitler at Munich.

[David]

All served on a HOT plate!

Quite. For most meals, including a cooked breakfast, a heated plate is preferred. Few people would choose to eat cold fried eggs. Which raises the question of how one keeps hot a piece of greaseproof paper and what’s basically a wooden chopping board.

“How would you like your breakfast, sir?”
“Without the irony.”

[Fruitbat44]

Well, I'd eat it. -ducks-

[Jonathan]

I'm glad they've served the egg and a rasher of bacon on a used wound dressing, otherwise it might have looked unappetising.

[Darleen]

I have never minded creative plating, especially if it's done because of the food itself -- e.g. New England style steamer pot being served family-style to your table.

And I really like hot french fries served up in those paper cones since the paper insulates & keeps them hot longer.

But this deconstructed fad has gone right off the rails.

Heck, I bet somewhere someone is try to use a rail as a plate!

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

And here I thought the way to ruin a British breakfast was Bovril, or maybe Marmite.

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

And what is their Twitter page doing celebrating Mothers' Day in March? :-p

[David]

And here I thought the way to ruin a British breakfast was Bovril, or maybe Marmite.

[ Piano player stops. Room falls silent. All eyes turn to the blasphemer. ]

“Just what you got agin’ Marmite, son?”

[R. Sherman]

“Just what you got agin’ Marmite, son?”

My U.S. mountain heritage deceived me. I saw "Marmite" and immediately thought of this.

Never had one for breakfast, though.

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

If I read correctly, Marmite is made from yeast fecal matter.

Yummy.

Let me redeem myself with this bit from the Guardian:

Privatizing BBC3 would be as bad as what ISIS does

[Hal]

And what is their Twitter page doing celebrating Mothers' Day in March? :-p

Apparently of one of the two Saint Hallmark's days, because today is Mothers Day in the UK

[Hal]

Chili with one's eggs is quite good, even the "with beans" variety.

Ehn. Observations do vary.

Awhile back a request was made in a different forum for recipes for making chili. There were a couple of responses, and then the following, paraphrased from memory.

Take a pot, fill it part way with beans, then add water to the top. Place on stove and add heat, stirring occasionally as the water heats to a boil. When the water is boiling, take the pot off the stove and drain the water. Next, empty the beans into the garbage. For good measure, also throw away the contaminated pot. Now get a clean pot and start making chili.

The immediate next post announced; Ok, we've now heard from the Texas contingent.

[Thomas O]

My strategy if presented with the breakfast above would be to pour the beans on the rest of the breakfast (just the way I like it) and then start moaning to the hipster waiter about the state of the floor. I bet they'd serve it to me on a plate next time.

[Custard Cream]

"And I really, really do suspect that the newspaper may be The Guardian"
Not with an advert for Morrison's on the page, surely? I really can't imagine the massed ranks of Pollys and Georges letting that one through.

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

Hal:

My wall calendar lists the day as "Mothering Sunday", so I was really just trying to engage in gentle teasing over being an outlier in not celebrating the occasion in May. I mean, this is the weird country that likes Marmite.

Then again, Finland celebrates Fathers' Day in November, not June.

[JuliaM]

Hal, yesterday was not 'Mother's Day'. It was Mothering Sunday.

[Hal]

Hal, yesterday was not 'Mother's Day'. It was Mothering Sunday.

Indeed---actually, I was quoting the tweet, hadn't heard of the particular event . . .

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

Although, with the current nanny state government, Smothering Sunday might be more appropriate.

[Van Knutson]

@ftuitbat44:

"I'm glad they've served the egg and a rasher of bacon on a used wound dressing, otherwise it might have looked unappetising."

Need to lose a quick stone in a month? Just read some of these descriptions.