Embracing Herself

When my wife told me she wanted to open our marriage and take other lovers, she wasn’t rejecting me, she was embracing herself. When I understood that, I finally became a feminist. 

Says New York magazine’s Michael Sonmore. And so, 

As I write this, my children are asleep in their room, Loretta Lynn is on the stereo, and my wife is out on a date with a man named Paulo. It’s her second date this week; her fourth this month so far. If it goes like the others, she’ll come home in the middle of the night, crawl into bed beside me, and tell me all about how she and Paulo had sex. I won’t explode with anger or seethe with resentment. I’ll tell her it’s a hot story and I’m glad she had fun. It’s hot because she’s excited, and I’m glad because I’m a feminist.

I don’t think Mr Sonmore is quite making the persuasive case he presumably hopes for. Still, his children, aged six and three, must be thrilled by their parents’ progressive, self-embracing relationship, and delighted to hear that Mommy is out all night shagging strangers again.

Via Ace, who shares a few thoughts on this. 

Comments

[Anna]

cuckold
ˈkʌk(ə)ld
noun
1.
the husband of an adulteress, often regarded as an object of derision.

[David]

cuckold

Yes, the word babysitter also sprang to mind.

It’s telling that Mr Sonmore doesn’t explore how his young children might feel about their parents’ unorthodox arrangement. Or rather, about his wife’s unorthodox arrangement. Despite his rather pitiful attempt to convince, Mr Sonmore doesn’t sound quite as enthusiastic about the deal and tells us that, “I just don’t use [my sexual carte blanche] as much as my wife uses hers. What’s important is equality of opportunity, not outcome.”

But hey, Mommy’s getting hers.

[Joan]

When my wife told me she wanted to open our marriage and take other lovers, she wasn’t rejecting me,

One born every minute.

[ACTOldFart]

A fool and his wife are soon parted

[Timbo]

And he keeps calling himself a man I don't think that word means what he thinks it means.

[svh]

"Daddy, is Uncle Paulo staying for dinner?"

[David]

Hm. I vaguely recall something about “forsaking all others.”

[Karen M]

Is a cuckold fetish a thing now?

[David]

Is a cuckold fetish a thing now?

As Ace notes, it does have the whiff of something wretched.

[sackcloth and ashes]

Sounds like William H. Macy's character in 'Boogie Nights'.

[Timbo]

I think we may have discovered a new strata of maleness below beta.

Honestly though, how can someone be possessed of such low self esteem that this seems like a fair arrangement?

P.S - it's also interesting how this story contains within it the probable reason why M.Sonmore's wife is having these affairs in the first place.

[Jimmy]

What a pathetic dog. Bets on how long until he's served the divorce papers?

[Kevin B]

Let's not get too judgemental here. I mean he might be collecting fifty percent of her fee.

[Jonathan]

Daddy, is Uncle Paulo staying for dinner?

"Daddy, why do you cry every time Mommy goes out?"

One of the saddest things I've ever read. Comments seem to be an equal split: "Be a Man!"/ "Don't be so judgemental dude!"

[jabrwok]

"his" children? Ha! Who wants to bet that they aren't?

There's a reason for the exclusivity clause in traditional marriage: men who have no confidence in the paternity of a woman's children are far less likely to work themselves into early graves for the sake of those children. Much easier to sit around the campfire and tell self-aggrandizing stories about the hunt. Building or maintaining a civilization takes hard work, and why bother if you have no children of your own to leave it to?

[Jimmy]

@jabrwok

But children are just chattel of the governmentcommunity now. Didn't you get the memo?

[WTP]

What’s important is equality of opportunity, not outcome.”

I smell a rat. This and the Loretta Lynn on the "stereo". Though they say that cultural appropriation is doomed to go out of fashion because stupidity and ignorance never last in the face of reasoned arguments. Haven't bought into that, personally. This article suggests that stupidity and ignorance at New York magazine and elsewhere do quite well in spite of reason.

[R. Sherman]

What’s important is equality of opportunity, not outcome.

I'm now confused. Is this true of everything or only with sexual infidelity? I thought disparate outcomes were the result of discrimination and must be eliminated.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

I smell a rat. This and the Loretta Lynn on the "stereo".

Loretta Lynn played on an old stereo phonograph would be consistent with hipster douchebaggery and hence the rest of the idiocy.

[WTP]

Just did a Google search and it seems all "Michael Sonmore" roads lead back to this article. While I'm sure such men exist and always have, which is why we have a word like "cuckold", I suspect this article, or its tone anyway, is a fabrication. Just more bs propaganda from the left. The question I have is who is really paying for this crap? With writers and journalists the world over pleading poverty, is there really that much money in click bait? Surely such people would starve if this was their true source of income.

[David]

I smell a rat.

I did briefly consider Iowahawk’s explanation. But there are other articles in other left-leaning media making not dissimilar noises, though they’re not quite as explicit in their desperate pretension. It’s the latest thing, apparently.

[ima victim 2]

He's not just a cuckold, he's a cuckoo!

I suppose the Loretta Lynn song playing was, "You've Just Stepped In (From Stepping Out on Me)."

[WTP]

I did briefly consider Iowahawk’s explanation. But there are other articles in other left-leaning media making not dissimilar noises, though they’re not quite as explicit in their desperate pretension. It’s the latest thing, apparently.

Not sure about his cat theory, but the there are other articles in other left-leaning media making not dissimilar noises fits my rat theory. I doubt it's coincidence.

[WTP]

Damn....f'd the italics again...

Which raises a question for the void that I just don't get....why if i leave an open italics, the italics flow into the next comment, but I can't close them in the next comment?

[Ofay Cat]

She is embracing her narcissistic slut self. This guy has a ho for a wife and he is justifying it by being a disgusting feeble wimp about it. He richly deserves her.

Loretta Lynne - "Stand By Your Slut/Ho" ..... Yeah ... feminism .... liberalism .... what can go wrong?

[David]

Damn.

Fixed. Using magic.

[neo]

*
what is a man these days, anyway?

"As of right now, no, as of right now, no I don’t have an appointment to do that,” Jenner confirmed in the emotional episode.

jenner says he's still into women. doesn't this make him/her a lesbian with a built-in strap-on?

*

[Darleen]

Oh people, people!! You are all uch stick-in-the-muds for your anti-polyamory bigotry! This is the Brave New World where gender is fluid and relationships are ala carte!

Your hate will be noted and consequences considered.

[Firehand]

'Feminist' my ass; he's a drone paid in occasional mating privileges. And assuming an attitude of superiority.

[David]

“Daddy, is Uncle Paulo staying for dinner?”

Objecting to the arrangement would, we’re told, be due to “fear [of] a woman’s sexual agency” and therefore “patriarchal oppression.”

Oh people, people!! You are all such stick-in-the-muds for your anti-polyamory bigotry!

The correction booth is in the shop for repair. I think we burned out the coils. I suppose we could slap each other’s hands.

[Bluntnose]

I wonder if the men Mrs Sonmore spends her night time adventures with are also committed feminists deeply respectful of her female agency?

[Pops53]

What you want on the stereo is not by Loretta Lynn --- it's by Pat Travers: "Boom, Boom, Out Go The Lights!"

[Darleen]

In all seriousness, the last time we went through the Free Love, Swingers, Open Marriage, Harrad Experiment era was the 1970s and, amazingly, we discovered that sex is never just sex.

It isn't that promiscuity breaks up relationships, it's that promiscuous people are/become incapable of healthy relationships.

And considering Progressives are quite adamant that our primary relationship in life should be with The Government, promotion of sex as snack food is a feature, not a bug.

[sH2]

What happens when one of the kids asks where mommy was last night?

[David]

What happens when one of the kids asks where mommy was last night?

Quite. It’s hard to see how the arrangement can be anything other than fraught with complication and opportunities for disaster, especially when children are involved in the experiment. Which may explain why – despite the length of the article and its irrelevant details - Mr Sonmore somehow manages to avoid such an obvious issue.

[Darleen]

The kids are 3 and 6 ... and in a couple of years the older one will notice mommy leaving the house sans dad.

and "going bowling" will not stand as a excuse for very long because as long as other adults in neighborhood are aware of Ms. Slut and her doormat, other children will be aware.

And there are no secrets among children.

[Mags]

Dear Mrs Sonmore,

You. Are. A. Mother.
Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

Sincerely,

Everyone.

[Herp McDerp]

When my wife told me she wanted to open our marriage and take other lovers, she wasn’t rejecting me, she was embracing herself.

No, you idiot. She's not embracing herself, she's shopping. As soon as she can trade up, she will. And then you, with no job, no marriage, and no self-respect, will become a wallowing mass of self-pity until you can scrape up the courage to overdose on red wine and sleeping pills.

[David Davis]

He ought to take the kids, the house and the money. The woman is doing what in Liverpool is called "'Avvin'-a-Luff". ... But I expect he can't bring himself to. Even though it's quite clear from what he'd call the "metatext" that he'd really quite like to.

So, that's it then.

[WTP]

Maybe it's the Belvedere talking, but I still say this story is a load of crap. Some conservative blogger with infuence in the region should fisk the sh*t out of this story. If there is no such "Michael Sonmore", there should be a Rolling Stone level inquisition. This isn't journalism, it's propaganda and should be exposed as such. I got 20 bucks for anybody who can produce this specific "Michael Sonmore".

[mojo]

So, basically he's a walking wallet. Great.

[Darleen]

WTP

Michael Sonmore is little different from Camille Cosby or Hillary Clinton.

There's a meal ticket to be considered, so defending one's choice to stay with a cheater has to be made to everyone including one's self.

[Joseph Shmeau]

I'm skeptical about this story, and not just because of "Loretta Lynn on the stereo". If, however, any of it is true, there's one more point nobody here has made -- not only is this guy a fool, he's writing about it, writing which his children will presumably one day read.

[kel kel]

I sense a micro aggression. Or maybe a variance of Stockholm syndrome.

[fnord]

Which raises a question for the void that I just don't get....why if i leave an open italics, the italics flow into the next comment, but I can't close them in the next comment? the

-----------------------
Were this Ace of Spades this would earn you a sojurn in the Barrel.

What you need to know is that what you think is the floor of the Barrel is not actually the floor of the Barrel.

The other thing is to never try to expose the floor of the Barrel. Just.... don't.

[wtp]

Oh, there's a number of reasons to be skeptical, JoSchmo. And the "why would he write about it" is definitely a factor. Which is why $20 says this is a psuedonym, which undercuts the "out and proud" part of the narrative. I have another $20 that says that even if the psuedonym is admitted, the underlying story is about as valid as a Lena Dunham rape claim (rape claim where LD is the victim, not the perp of course). Which back to Muldoon's point above regarding the Loretta Lynn factor being hipster douchery, yes. That's the hook. The hipsters want to perpetuate the idea of this being acceptable. They see themselves not as "Michael" but as "Paolo". They like the idea of other people supporting their childruns. There's too many hooks in this story. Ace picked up on the "Paolo" name being a fabrication as a selling point for the story. And judging from the comments on that site, it seems the various hooks have worked quite well. Who really has a significant desire to be a cuckhold? I think the whole thing is fabricated.

Look, as I said above, I don't doubt that there are cuckhold men out there. But this story reeks of creative writing. And as for the cuckhold thing...It's so 1920's tabloid. Back in the day when being gay was dangerous, cuckhold was an option. What's in it for a man today? Especially in NYC.

[Herp McDerp]

Back in the day when being gay was dangerous, cuckhold was an option.

You know, he never specifically said he wasn't gay:

"It does work both ways and, yes, I too enjoy sexual carte blanche. I just don’t use mine as much as my wife uses hers."

I'll bet he's a "bottom."

[Ray]

I had an "open relationship" with an ex-girlfriend. Unfortunately, she must have forgotten to mention it to me. When confronted with such a situation, my advice is: Nuke it from space -- immediately.

[Henry]

Nuke it from space -- immediately

Bit different when they've got kids already - making the mother's behaviour all the more responsible. The problem is - would the father get a good deal in a divorce settlement or would he just get screwed that way as well - no matter how she had behaved?

But I too am a feminist! Yes yes, any man can sleep with my partner (if they want their arms and legs broken)

[Crazed Weevil]

It's reddit so usual caveats / salt pinching apply, but here is something to keep your spirits up...

http://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/2sonxv/kicked_out_my_pregnant_cheating/

[Argh]

Is a cuckold fetish a thing now?

But of course! I have no idea how long it has been a thing, but I suspect a darn long time. I doubt there's a thing in existence that isn't a fetish to somebody, somewhere.

Funny creatures, humans.

[rabbit]

I suspect that a sociopath has found another victim. In fact she's so good, the victim is bragging about it.

That is talent.

[Theophrastus]

"writing which his children will presumably one day read."

If he gets off on cuckoldry, I can't see it's anyone's business but his (and hers). But to write about it, to publicise it, is plain bizarre. Not only because of the hurt and embarrassment it could cause their children, but also because of the sheer vulgarity of his display of self-preening narcissism intended to shock bourgeois sensibilities. In general, I don't care at all what people get up to in their sex lives (unless it inflicts harm on others), but I simply don't want to know about it. Civilised people may have rackety sex lives, but they conceal the details, because they are civilised. Hypocrisy is the tribute that vice pays to virtue, as de la Rochefoucauld observed.

[dicentra]

I think that this article, like the others David referenced, are written by female feminists and are all fabrications or exaggerations.

Like Playboy letters sans the nekkid photos.

[David]

I think that this article, like the others David referenced, are written by female feminists and are all fabrications or exaggerations.

That could also explain the lack of thought for the children. Neither scenario reflects well on the parties concerned.

[pst314]

"Says New York magazine’s Michael Sonmore."

I had a political argument with Michael Sonmore. He angrily told me that I should die in prison or of a loathesome disease. I replied that this depended on whether I embraced his politics or his wife. /channeling Benjamin Disraeli

[wtp]

Playboy letters

I think you mean Penthouse letters. But it's been a while and I could be misremembering. Though I do still mentally substitute the words "blood engorged" every time I hear the word "zeppelin". I'm afraid that oozed its way back into the medulla. tmi again...

[MaxedOutMama]

Maybe this is some sort of weird social science experiment. I hope this is not a real person writing this under his real name without regard for what will hit the kids later.

If it is a real guy, he's a sexual pervert who gets off on this.

[David Gest]

Kind of like the Liza Minnelli "arrangement".

[Tsu doh nimh]

This reads like a feminist fantasy piece, written by a woman.

I ran it through an online gender checker - result, probable female writer.

Surprised, I'm not.

[J.M. Heinrichs]

Samuel Foote (1720-1777), via Wiki:
"Foote," (said lord Sandwich) "I have often wondered what catastrophe would bring you to your end; but I think, that you must either die of the p-x, or the halter."
"My lord," (replied Foote instantaneously) "that will depend upon one of two contingencies; — whether I embrace your lordship's mistress, or your lordship's principles."

Cheers