Friday Ephemera

Optimism. // “Tightly holding the pelican by his mouth pouch” and other foreign euphemisms for masturbation. // From above. // Burglars on burglary. // How to teach a baby to climb a fence. // Here is today. // Proportional and sensible. // Ladies, look away now. // The cordless ice drill you’ve always wanted. // Attention, welding enthusiasts. (h/t, Julia) // Japanese water cake. // Why colour grading matters. // Then and now. // Art. // Untarnished. // How to cut string. // So many kinds of things in Star Trek: Voyager. // What metallic electrocrystallization looks like. // On Mandelbrotting and other effects for Doctor Strange. // The Japanese museum of rocks that look like faces. // And finally, VoCo is like Photoshop but for audio and speech. Stay with it, it gets a little odd. 

Comments

[newrouter]

People's Cube Artist Faces 5 Years in Prison for Hanging Up Anti-Terror Posters at GMU

https://pjmedia.com/trending/2016/11/16/peoples-cube-artist-faces-5-years-in-jail-for-hanging-up-anti-terror-posters-at-gmu/

[Hal]

Optimism.

[Insert insertion or size joke here]

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

Building a house from a kit

[Joan]

Ladies, look away now.

I didn't look away.
And now I can't unsee.

#SkippingBreakfastToday

[Hal]

Important furniture use recommendation: Don't.

[Sam]

And finally, VoCo is like Photoshop but for audio and speech. Stay with it, it gets a little odd.

o_O

A guild of evil project?

[David]

I didn’t look away. And now I can’t unsee.

No refunds, credit note only.

Here’s the Doctor Strange trailer, as redubbed by an 18-year-old Malaysian. Headphones recommended.

And in case you’re wondering, both of these headlines are real and were published three days apart.

[David]

And further to recent posts, here’s screenwriter David Mamet on civil discourse and politics, and the asymmetries of left and right.

[sk60]

Ladies, look away now.

Excuse me while I go and take a shower.

Followed by another shower.

[Lisboeta]

Ice drill

"No more placing the screw at your midsection." Is this another masturbation-related euphemism?

[John D]

Ladies, look away now.

*brushes teeth*

[R. Sherman]

So in Poland it's, "Hit the German on the helmet." Quite the mix of European history and psychological pathology wrapped up in that phrase.

[Rafi]

Optimism. // “Tightly holding the pelican by his mouth pouch” and other foreign euphemisms for masturbation.

I see what you did there.

[Lord Bob]

So in Poland it's, "Hit the German on the helmet." Quite the mix of European history and psychological pathology wrapped up in that phrase.

I suppose you've all heard the old Polish joke which goes: "If the Germans and Russians invade again, who do you shoot first?:

Answer: "The Germans. Business before pleasure."

I too enjoy a businesslike wank.

[Geezer]

A guild of evil project?
That's:

Guild of Evil™
The Official Motto:
"No refunds, credit note only."

I'm waiting for someone to design a proper coat of arms. (So we can have rings.)
In the meantime, David can sell hats, t-shirts, and coffee mugs emblazoned with our name and motto.

[DensityDuck]

"Ladies, look away"

Every kid in history class is always like "how did cholera and plague spread so quickly through mideival Europe and Asia", and, y'know, this is how.

[sH2]

Ladies, look away now.

"Vibrant and enriched"

[Lab Rat]

I couldn't resist...

http://heatst.com/world/feminist-snow-plowing-system-brings-stockholm-to-a-standstill/

[Hal]

I suppose you've all heard the old Polish joke . . . .

A Polish farmer is ploughing his field when he hits an obstruction in the soil - a dirty old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it to clean it off, and a genie appears in a puff of smoke.

"Thank goodness you found my lamp I was getting bored," says the Genie. "I will grant you any three wishes you desire."

The farmer thinks and thinks and finally says: "I want the Mongols to invade Poland... and then go home."

The genie looks confused, but he shrugs, and snaps his fingers, and the Mongols invade. They rampage through the country, looting and pillaging... and then they go home.

"OK," says the genie, "that was your first wish. What else do you want?"

"I want the Mongols to invade Poland again... and then go home."

The genie sighs. "Fine, it's your wish, I guess." He snaps his fingers again, and the Mongols return. They set the farmhouse on fire, and steal the chickens, and then they go home.

"And what is your final wish?" asks the genie.

"I want the Mongols to invade Poland again, and then go home," says the farmer without hesitation.

So the Mongols invade once again, and steal everything that isn't nailed down. They steal the farmer's old wife, and his plough, and rough him up a bit, and then they leave.

As they are both standing in the smoking, ransacked ruins of the farmhouse, the genie says: "OK, I have to know. What the hell was that about? You could have wished for anything in the whole world, and you had the Mongols invade your own country three times, and totally destroy it. Why?!"

The farmer looks very pleased with himself. "Well, you see, in order to invade us three times and go home, they had to go through Russia six times!"

[David]

I couldn’t resist...

No sniggering at the back.

Incidentally, you can just paste the URL into your comment. Tags aren’t necessary.

[Hal]

In the meantime, David can sell hats, t-shirts, and coffee mugs emblazoned with our name and motto.

I like it!

[Bilbaoboy]

David

You made my Friday.

Your selections are always good but this one is double ace bolero, as we used to say.

[David]

You made my Friday.

I can’t decide whether that’s flattering or you’re just easily pleased.

Have you tried drinking?

[Fred the Fourth]

After watching that Patrick Willems video on color (sorry, I are American) grading, I have to put in another plug for "Every Frame A Painting", a U Tube video essay series about films, by Tony Zhou.
You can thank me later.

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

A Polish farmer is ploughing his field when he hits an obstruction in the soil - a dirty old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it to clean it off, and a genie appears in a puff of smoke.

I'm reminded of this cartoon (not quite safe for work).

[Lord Bob]

I hadn't heard that joke, Hal! I am enlightened.

[WTP]

re I couldn't resist

One could predict such things might happen but one would have to be a dirty rotten sexist misogynist. I'm beginning to believe the future belongs to dirty rotten sexist misogynists but such is what a dirty rotten sexist misogynist would be expected to say.

I don't practice Santeria, I ain't got no crystal ball.

[WTP]

BTW, as I have been remiss in my GoE dues but am as of today re-gainfully employed, I share my filthy socialist lucre, extracted from sucker taxpayers, with you.

[David]

I share my filthy socialist lucre, extracted from sucker taxpayers, with you.

Bless you, sir. That would explain the pinging of my phone.

May your socks never be mispaired, however hastily they’ve been thrown in a drawer.

[Lab Rat]

Incidentally, you can just paste the URL into your comment. Tags aren’t necessary.

Aha - thankye - I will do that from now on!

One could predict such things might happen but one would have to be a dirty rotten sexist misogynist.

Then I guess that would make me one of those as well, even though I'm a woman...er...female...er...XX chromosome homo sapiens... I am of the opinion that feminism as it exists today is a huge load of manure...although that's not quite right as the manure could be used as fertilizer for crops and thus has some merit.

[Farnsworth M. Muldoon]

Clarkson, May, Hammond are back as of today on Amazon; carry on.

[Fred the Fourth]

A surveyor is reworking the Polish-Russian border after the war (which war? not relevant..)
His line appears to run right through the middle of an old farmhouse, so he knocks and inquires after the owner.
"You have to be on one side of the border or the other. Which will it be? Russia or Poland?"
The farmer thinks for a minute and says "I want to be in Poland."
"I can do that. But if you don't mind telling me, why Poland?"
Farmer says "I can't stand those Russian winters."

[WTP]

Fred, just told that joke to my of Polish ancestry wife. She didn't get it.

[Fred the Fourth]

WTP: I must have more information.

BTW, I'm looking at various online graphics design resources about a T-Shirt. Suggestions about motifs, intents, and themes welcome.
This is merely a labor of love, since the alternative is spending more of my limited blood pressure resources attempting to parse the latest idiocies from the "current events" file.
I'm thinking some designer based in the Baltics might have the necessary mind set for this job.

[Fred the Fourth]

Perhaps a decanter or rock glass design might be more suitable.....

[Fred the Fourth]

Argh. "rocks glass"
In case this is some obscure Americanism: a squarish glass suitable for Whisky or Bourbon on ice.

[PiperPaul]

"I'm looking at various online graphics design resources about a T-Shirt."

I did this for snopes a couple times many years ago, before they took a left turn. Don't know if I would be of help since it's easier to do this type of thing now (via CafePress and the like).

[PiperPaul]

Hey, wow, someone actually bought one off eBay:

.

[Hal]

. . . the Polish-Russian border after the war (which war? not relevant..)

Romance Of A Horsethief.

Takes place on the Russian/German border.

[Hal]

it's easier to do this type of thing now (via CafePress and the like).

The First Church Of The Last Laugh.

The world's largest church. The world's oldest religion.

And emphatically featuring the gift shop.

I picked up the stein a few years back . . .

[J.M. Heinrichs]

Coat of Arms:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-Z7Hk0HNk9yw/UBSXKChY2BI/AAAAAAAAFxc/nrQ1h4ZuPaw/s320/coat+of+arms.jpg

Cheers

[David]

Clarkson, May, Hammond are back as of today on Amazon;

The opening set piece, with its escalation in scope, was rather special.

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA]

May your socks never be mispaired, however hastily they’ve been thrown in a drawer.

I buy my socks by the 10-pack. I've got 20 identical white socks, and 20 identical black socks.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

The opening set piece, with its escalation in scope, was rather special.

Indeed; overall there were a couple of rough edges that I expect will get sorted, but what the BBC doesn't get, and even worse the abomination that is US Top Gear, is that the dynamic of those three cannot be duplicated - there were a couple of spots that I was laughing so hard that, to quote them, "poo almost came out".

I buy my socks by the 10-pack. I've got 20 identical white socks, and 20 identical black socks.

Eliminate the middleman, wash them together and 40 pair of gray.

[PiperPaul]

.

[David]

Heh.

[PiperPaul]

I'll see if my lame leet Blender skillzzzz are up to 3D-ing something together and then animate it.

[Nikw211]

On Mandelbrotting and other effects for Doctor Strange.

Having just seen this story here, I find I've altogether lost my appetite for tales of reality-defying events and outlandish, alien universes colliding with our own.

[Nikw211]

Ladies, look away now.

Having just seen that video there, I find I've altogether lost my appetite. Full stop.

[PiperPaul]

Oooh, lookie, an online crest generator!

.

[Lisboeta]

I suppose you've all heard the old Polish joke ....

No, I hadn't. But I did think it was funny.

[Col. Milquetoast]

I think the best coat of arms in the world would be the town of Hensbroek, Netherlands

[Jonathan]

So, top researchers have now discovered that breastfeeding is something that women do. Evidently, this is now a problem.

Although breastfeeding is assumed to be “natural” and a biological function, we problematize the practice as both gendered and heteronormative.

[Jonathan]

Sorry David. Link for the above.

[David]

Although breastfeeding is assumed to be “natural” and a biological function, we problematize the practice as both gendered and heteronormative.

Must be those “nebulous boundaries of biology.”

But imagine if these tools escaped the Clown Quarter and were accidentally put in charge of something important. Air traffic control, say.

[Henry]

Friday Ephemera.. Perfect for a rainy Sunday morning.

[Spiny Norman]

James Bond sends a toxic message , but you knew that already.

[David]

but you knew that already.

We do indeed.

[PiperPaul]

Love this line from that page:

"She spies some unattended blame and quickly slides her rear over it, (on our behalf, of course). As if it were an egg."

!!!

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

...we problematize the practice as both gendered and heteronormative.

prob·lem·a·tize

ˈpräbləməˌtīz/

verb

make into or regard as a problem requiring a solution.

Well, OK. More like a solution in search of a problem given that in the absence of a pathological problem causing an excess of prolactin, men will not lactate, therefore it is gendered, and given that the vast majority of pregnancies, even in Portland, Oregon, are the result of normal male-female human reproduction tactics, practices, and procedures, it is also "heteronormative".

That these jamokes come up with this nonsense only proves that life in the West is way too easy.

[David]

More like a solution in search of a problem

The lead author of the above piece of, um, scholarship is Phyllis Rippey. Apparently, she’s “drawn to this area of inequality” – i.e., breast feeding – “because of the complexity in grappling with the biological realities of reproduction within a masculinist, neoliberal, and capitalist market economy that requires an unembodied worker.”

[Farnsworth M. Muldoon]

The lead author of the above piece of, um, scholarship is Phyllis Rippey. Apparently, she’s “drawn to this area of inequality”...

But wait - that's not all !

I have also partnered in research with Mireille McLaughlin examining the role of occupation on the value of transferring the French language to one's children among Canadian Francophones outside of Quebec.

That is some genuine Canadian frontier gibberish, I tell you what, eh.

Selected Publications

A Land of Milk andHoney? Exploring Infant Feeding Practices in Lesbian Families, Journal of GLBT Family Studies (April 2016)

The degree to which all of mankind - humankind, no, personkind, has benefited from this much needed, in fact vital, "work" cannot ever be measured.

[Spiny Norman]

By Jove, Farnsworth, I think You've got it! =^D

[Jonathan]

The degree to which all of mankind - humankind, no, personkind, has benefited from this much needed, in fact vital, "work" cannot ever be measured.

I'm beginning to think that Mr Ecks might be right - burn it all down and start again.

[Farnsworth M. Muldoon]

I think You've got it!

Maybe, but I am not at all sure about the science behind this one.

[Spiny Norman]

Yeah, we know. Every leftwing cause, no matter how trivial, is "fundamental to combating climate change".

Science!

[Hal]

Apparently never mind tea, consider instead the actual drink of politicians.

Well, Scottish politicians.

[PiperPaul]

ClimateChange: jobs for the otherwise unemployable!

[Daniel Ream]

That is some genuine Canadian frontier gibberish, I tell you what, eh.

It's actually a bigger problem than you think. There are large enclaves of Francophones scattered all through Canada, and for parents who want to retain that culture it's hard, swimming as their children are in a sea of people who don't speak French. They have their own schools, local newspapers, etc. Aside from the enclaves and the capital, outside of Quebec bilingualism is basically nonexistent.

I admit I have no idea what "occupation" has to do with any of that, although certainly all the Francophones outside Quebec I know are gainfully employed.