David Thompson


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June 24, 2017



“Patience, Monty. Patience.”


*Gives dog to neighbours. Buys tropical fish.*


In surveys eight of ten cats said they'd prefer their owners.


All that licking is just the rehearsal.

Confused Old Misfit

Every three to four years some journalistic twinky throws this one up. It had been going on for centuries . The dog business that is.


What I hadn’t considered was this possibility:

It’s tempting to think that if you’re close to your dog and have treated it well, you’re off the hook if you die. But dog behaviour isn’t quite so clean cut. None of the case studies I saw indicated any prior history of animal abuse. On the contrary, several reports noted that the owners had very good relationships with their dogs, according to friends and neighbours.

Instead, consider a pet’s psychological state: “One possible explanation for such behaviour is that a pet will try to help an unconscious owner first by licking or nudging,” [forensic examiner, Markus] Rothschild writes in his report, “but when this fails to produce any results, the behaviour of the animal can become more frantic and in a state of panic, can lead to biting.” From biting, it’s an easy jump to eating, [forensic anthropologist, Carolyn] Rando says: “So it’s not necessarily that the dog wants to eat, but eating gets stimulated when they taste blood.”

Cats, of course, will do it because it’s the culmination of a 10-year plan.


I've done quite a few post mortems. It's very common for dogs to eat their dead and decaying owners. Cats as well. Of course cats enjoy it, dogs at least look ashamed........I hope.


I’ve done quite a few post mortems.

Professionally, I hope. Not as an… unorthodox hobby.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Meanwhile, in some quarters of the Orient, it is just a question of who kicks the bucket first...

I will now report for regrooving for blatant raycissism


My wife emailed this story to me last night. As I told her, National Geographic needs to stick to their customer base of 12 year old boys. More pictures of butt naked aborigines and maps of the Caucasus.


I cook chicken for my cats. I don't know if that appeases them or furthers their interest in real meat. We'll see. Or someone will.


National Geographic needs to stick to their customer base of 12 year old boys people in dentist's waiting rooms



" On the way to an animal sanctuary..."

Not 'on the way to a farm in the country far away'...?


In the days before the internet, a catalogue called 'AMOK' (I'm fairly certain others on here remember it) retailed such autopsy reports with photographs (as well as Russ Meyer, Tom of Finland, usual stuff). This was my education. This is why I never achieved anything. This is why I come here.


This is why I come here.

Heh. If memory serves, I once bought a copy of Amok Journal in the ICA bookshop. I think a friend of mine still owns a copy.

Daniel Ream

Not as an… unorthodox hobby.

*slowly puts down scalpel*

*edges away from dining room table*

What? It was like that when I got here.


Even hamsters and birds have been known to scavenge on occasion.

People have been eaten by hamsters?


People have been eaten by hamsters?

They will devour bugs, quite excitedly, given the chance. And tiny pieces of ham. So, if said beast were loose and you were to keel over and expire, I suppose some nibbling around the edges could happen, eventually.

On the upside, you’re more likely to outlive a hamster.


People have been eaten by hamsters?

Does Richard Gere know about this?

I know, I know...correction booth...


Your pets love you...with some fava beans and a good chianti.




Here, boy! Here, boy/!

Uh--never mind...


This article is coincidentally appropriate since I just checked on Cthulhu and noticed the little rascal had eaten one of his ten worshippers. (If he eats them all he reverts to his larval state and you have to start all over from scratch.). Fortunately you can resurrect them if you have enough points. I guess the German shepherd was short on points.

The article did not say what happened to the shepherd.

If any dog would eat people I think it would be a chihuahua. They're vicious little terrors.

Chester Draws

If any dog would eat people I think it would be a chihuahua. They're vicious little terrors.

Given that the northern Mexican peoples ate them, and sacrificed them (possibly burning them alive) it would only be fair.


OK, I'll grant the chihuahuas good reason for their misanthropy.

Now, if you can provide our betta a good excuse for pooping right on top of his Easter-Island-type plastic head, maybe I'll stop giving him the fish-eye.😆


Of course the offense was poopetrated right AFTER his water change.


If I cracked it at home and wouldn't be discovered for days, I hope my pets would eat me. I'm not trying to be funny, seriously, I'm already dead so what do I care? Plus starving to death is a horrible way to die. I actually found this post quite comforting.


Hi Juliaeryn, I agree. If my dog wishes to eat my kibbles and various bits when I'm no longer in need of them, he's welcome.

Hopp Singg

"Ohmigosh, Toto, we landed on a witch and killed her ... um, I'll wait for you over there."


Hi pogonip, yeah exactly. It's like organ donation... parts of me go to keep my animals alive, but instead of my kidneys or lungs it's my soft tissue, nose and eyeballs.

Hopp Singg

Also, does this explain why the ancient Greeks envisioned a three-headed dog guarding their larder the gates of hell? Maybe they knew something?

Kalle Boivin

Who cares if your pet eats you? As long as you're dead, might as well be useful, and who knows how long until they find you? Rather your pet starve? Anthropomorphism. Animals don't have western civilization values. But I know my kitty loves me!


Cats are all decievers.

Jim Whyte

Slightly OT: who was the nobleman that attempted to donate his remains to Battersea Dogs' Home as feed? Name escapes me.


So a man one way or another deposits sperm into your uterus, your own eggs receive one, a baby grows in this uterus, comes out of your vagina, you produce milk from your breats, but you are a man.

I don't mind how people define themselves, but if a man can do all these things why exactly would they be going to the trouble of defining themselves as a "man" - I mean the term is completely meaningless if a man and a woman are indistinguishable anyway. Surely?

Zionist Overlord #73

There's got to be some way to connect Dan's post to the ones above it, but it escapes me.


There’s got to be some way to connect Dan’s post to the ones above it, but it escapes me.

I’m assuming it was meant for Friday’s thread, where there was some discussion of the rarefied allure of “non-binary” people.


Maybe the Big Dinner was born out of the dog's finally exploding in frustration after X years of never knowing from day to day whether it had a Master or Mistress.

OK. They're tied together.

Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA

What's Marie Prevost, chopped liver?

Jeff Guinn
In 24 percent of the cases in the 2015 review, which all involved dogs, less than a day had passed before the partially eaten body was found. What’s more, some of the dogs had access to normal food they hadn’t eaten.

Could be payback for this.

The Sage

I can't believe that nobody has yet said anything like

"Of course he'd eat you -- you're his Chum."


I’ll fetch your coat.


In that case, you'd be his Pal, not his Chum:



Hey, Sage, nice coat! A bit warm for it out here though, wouldn't you say?


I cook chicken for my cats. I don't know if that appeases them or furthers their interest in real meat.

Oh what the hell have I've been doing? Good thing, I suppose not allowing the cats into the bedroom at night is one small comfort.


Oh what the hell have I been doing?

I skimmed the page (but didn't read it) and noticed the pictures. My solution is simple: I have no pets. (Unless you include my mildew collection.) Keeping myself fed is enough of a chore.

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