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November 30, 2018

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Sam Duncan

“the bedtime companion of your dreams”

Well, the bloke in the photo seems happy enough. Wait... no, it can't be...

Pogonip

Has the fartiste been thrown off Twitter?

Hopp Singg

Is this even legal?

20 Top Lawyers Were Beaten By Legal AI

I mean, tomorrow.

R. Sherman

Is this even legal?

Most states have criminal prohibitions against practicing law without a license, but there are gray areas. For example, real estate agents "write" contracts in the sense that they fill in the blanks on pre-printed forms which have been written by lawyers somewhere. If they try to create a contract from scratch, they cross the line. A person can buy a generic promissory note in a stationary store or find one online and use it himself, but if he opens a store front to do commercial paper for others, he's hosed.

AI is a different beast entirely and in a sense, we've been there for some time. You can go to a website like Legal Zoom, answer some questions and for a fee it will spit out all the docs necessary to form a business in your jurisdiction for example. The theory is that you're paying for access to a database but making the decisions for what you need on your own.

In truth, AI or similar things will completely destroy most legal/law firm/lawyer "bread & butter" business, i.e. estate planning, business formation, real estate, non-contested no frills divorce, etc. within the next decade if not sooner. Even law firms will start using it for routine document review in lieu of hiring young law school grads at high starting salaries. Actually, that part of the legal business has been in hospice for a while.

Gary

A very small story...

http://www.designcurial.com/news/mona-lisa-replica-painted-using-eyelash-5896186/

Pogonip

MeToo goes there:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/nosacredcows/2018/11/two-more-women-accuse-neil-degrasse-tyson-of-sexual-misconduct/

I myself am only vaguely familiar with Tyson, but I do understand he is considered a subject of veneration by liberals, as well as an unassailable authority on any subject on which he may air on opinion.

Or at least, he was.

Tick, tick, tick...

Pogonip

Oops. Should be “...AN opinion.” Sorry.

lotocoti

Dr Wilkinson is a wisewoman.
Apparently.

Clam

a rudely interrupted live-stream of note

"This shit don't stop, maan"

Narrator: But the shit did stop.

Clam

not one, but two items of flatulence-related news.

He has a Patreon.

https://www.patreon.com/paulflart

David

Morning, all.

Narrator: But the shit did stop.

I’m still marvelling at just how much of a moron Mr Hollings is. I mean, it’s quite a thing to behold.

Also, via Ben, a primary-school lunch beverage of note.

David

Also, as noted previously, the state of woke publishing isn’t quite as healthy as its proponents might wish. It turns out that the number of people willing to pay to read mind-crushingly woke insights is smaller than anticipated.

Mike

the state of woke publishing isn’t quite as healthy as its proponents might wish.

Get woke, go broke.

MC

the bedtime companion of your dreams

Not big enough...

David

Get woke, go broke.

Vanity is a powerful drug.

David

Not big enough…

Yes, but the “legs are flexible and separate,” permitting adornment with the panties of your choice.

I’ll put you down for three.

JuliaM

Meanwhile, 'it's the unique way it's funded', apparently:

https://twitter.com/standardnews/status/1068423282154704897

JuliaM

Oh, and I almost forgot!

*sings* "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."

https://twitter.com/vancat85/status/1068424466458386432

David

*sings* “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas...”

I see we’re to call them “protection trees.” That’s a comfort.

TomJ
Also, via Ben, a primary-school lunch beverage of note.

If we're doing notable beverages

R. Sherman

Dr. Wilkinson is a wisewoman

Related.

David

He has a Patreon.

Yes, a select group of people are apparently willing to pay to watch things of this nature.

Blogging’s looking pretty classy right now.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Preppers, storing essentials for the apocalypse, Brexit style.

I've been trying to follow the whole Brexit mess, but I was unaware that the EU wolfpacks were going to intercept the quinoa and three-color couscous convoys on the Savannah to Liverpool to Murmansk run.

David

I’ve been trying to follow the whole Brexit mess,

In terms of hysteria, think of Brexit as the British version of “Orange Man Bad.”

pst314

Dr Wilkinson is a wisewoman.

Well, anyone appearing in a TED Talk must be wise, verging on god-like. Right?

R. Sherman

Preppers, storing essentials for the apocalypse, Brexit style.

Um, the first rule of preparing for the apocalypse is you don't let the Daily Mail do multiple column inches on your preparation which include photo of your stash and the house where all your supplies are located. Don't these people read Sci Fi any more?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

In terms of hysteria, think of Brexit as the British version of “Orange Man Bad.”

I rather got that impression, and the list of catastrophes and things that will be unavailable rivals the list of things "climate change" is alleged to cause.

Heinz canned baked beans (to tie in with fartistes and butt pillows) will be unavailable ? If I can get the real UK version of those here in Tinytown, South Flyoverlandia, I am going to go out on a limb and guess they are not really made by blind Portuguese nuns in a secret factory under the Hague and only shipped to the UK in armored train cars guarded by Interpol via the channel tunnel.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

The difference between a stupid name, and an unfortunate name.

Pst314

Not big enough...

“I like big pillows and I cannot lie...”

Alice

not one, but two items of flatulence-related news.

"The following video contains graphic content" :-D

jabrwok

...butt pillows? I'm more of a breast man myself (link is NSFW).

To each his own though. The butt pillow would make a great gift if coupled with a Whoopie Cushion I think:-).

Boatswain's Mate

In re: Big Knickers.

I loved how the author of that blurb stated that the Ozzie steer is "194 cm tall and 1.4 tonnes of weight." But "[i]n freedom units, that's 6 feet 4 inches tall and a little [more than] 3,000 pounds."

Because AMERICA, dammit! USA! USA! USA, and all that.

Sam

It's fun when you come up with an idea - and do nothing with it of course - just to see it come to into existence years later.

As of today, my uncredited inventions include:

-Magnetic Levitation Trains
-Butt Pillows

Surely my genius will continue to go unrecognized.

R. Sherman

...butt pillows? I'm more of a breast man myself...

Because AMERICA, dammit! USA! USA! USA, and all that.

Setting aside the, shall we say, niche interests of some of the commentariat on these pages (I'm not judging, mind you), I would note, my first thought upon reviewing Jabrwok's link was, "God bless Capitalism."

And yes, I'm quite serious.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

I'm more of a breast man myself (link is NSFW).

I see a lawsuit in the making, with some of those, if you rollover in the night you could put an eye out.

WTP

I see a lawsuit in the making, with some of those, if you rollover in the night you could put an eye out.

See, this is why we can’t have nice things...Lawyers.

Patrick Brown
Oh, and Big Knickers.

That wasn't the story I was expecting. I thought it would be the one about the Christmas lights in Walsall last year...

Or the ones in Sevastopol the year before...

Sam Duncan

“For example, real estate agents "write" contracts in the sense that they fill in the blanks on pre-printed forms which have been written by lawyers somewhere.”

I don't know what it was like in other jurisdictions, but here in Scotland, lawyers bought and sold houses until at least the '60s, and actually well into the '70s (they still do if you want, obviously, but until then it was the standard way anyone would go about it). I still remember my dad ranting about these jumped-up estate agents stealing his business. And for a lawyer in general practice at that time, it was their core business.

But hey, the market provides. Mind you, the rest of your comment makes me glad I didn't follow him into the profession.

“Meanwhile, 'it's the unique way it's funded', apparently”

Unfortunately, due to that unique funding, GWGB doesn't apply to the Beeb.

“I like big pillows and I cannot lie...”

Just in case anyone hasn't heard it. (Minus several million nerd points if you say, “Oh, it sounds like the version they did on Glee!” You're a Bad Person.)

R. Sherman

But hey, the market provides. Mind you, the rest of your comment makes me glad I didn't follow him into the profession.

I've told my own kids I'll disown them if they decide they want to be an attorney. It's not worth the time or expense. As a practical matter, the "solicitor" part of the business here in the U.S. is destined for the way of all flesh. There will still be a need for "barristers," but precious few of law graduates actually have the stones to try a lawsuit in court in front of a jury.

BTW, real estate should involve lawyers in my view, because, as I told my clients, I get paid regardless of whether the sale closes or not. Real estate agents only get paid if something sells. Consequently, their interest lies in making sure thing are ignored or minimized. My interest is making sure you don't screw up the largest purchase of your life. Most of my real estate litigation practice involved cases where no lawyer was involved and real estate agents told purchasers or sellers, "it will be alright."

As you might imagine, there's a cobra-mongoose relationship between lawyers and real estate people in the U.S.

Sam Duncan

“there's a cobra-mongoose relationship between lawyers and real estate people in the U.S.”

My dad's been retired for - crikey - over 20 years now, but yes, that all sounds very familiar.

David

A beautiful moment, captured forever.

Brings a tear to the eye.

R. Sherman

Brings a tear to the eye.

It's the smell.

Glad to have been of help.

Monty James

Trump has to get the Senate to confirm a new Witchfinder-General.

Joan

Brings a tear to the eye.

This is why you're supposed to do the proposal before you have the kids. :-)

Monty James

All I could think when I read this is that someone had the job of shaving her.

Sam Duncan

Why do flies suddenly appear every time you open a beer?

Fun story in itself, but not notably Ephemeworthy. However, I defy anyone not to sing the headline to the tune of the Carpenters' “Close to You”.

Darleen

Not only is parody dead, they are beating the corpse.

David

Not only is parody dead, they are beating the corpse.

It’s strange how so many of our publicly-funded arts organisations, the ones that routinely plead poverty, always seem to have time and resources for questionable peripheral activities. It also occurs to me that insofar as people with disfigurements face social difficulties, this is unlikely to be because the rest of us assume that they must therefore be bad people, akin to serial killers or cat-stroking supervillains bent on world domination.

Hal

I loved how the author of that blurb stated that the Ozzie steer is "194 cm tall and 1.4 tonnes of weight." But "[i]n freedom units, that's 6 feet 4 inches tall and a little [more than] 3,000 pounds."

Because AMERICA, dammit! USA! USA! USA, and all that.

Once upon a time the UK did a change over to metric . . . ---Australia may have done the same, but--- . . . and at some point I read of someone in the UK who was Greatly Concerned with Getting It Right, very carefully memorized all the conversion tables, noted exactly what one is Supposed To Say, had been reading all the Warnings Regarding The Wrong System and went off to his local store to get some lumber for a project.

The article ended with something to the effect of;

So I finally got to the counter and carefully recited that I needed a piece of wood that was X meters by y centimeters by z centimeters.

Without even pausing, the man at the counter turned to yell behind him "Someone get this bloke a six foot two 'b four!"

Somehow I felt that the measurement conversion experience was going to be just fine.

Pst314

real-time air-traffic audio streams

Presumably it will not include my favorite, which finishes "Yes, in 1944, but it was nighttime and I didn't land."

Daniel Ream

It also occurs to me that insofar as people with disfigurements face social difficulties, this is unlikely to be because the rest of us assume that they must therefore be bad people

The reason villains so often have severe facial disfigurement is precisely because it's visual shorthand. Disfigured on the outside, disfgured on the inside. Like it or not, the delusion that beauty is goodness (and the obverse) is persistent and predates cinema.

“I like big pillows and I cannot lie...”

A couple of years ago three mates and I ran out to the drive-through for lunch in the middle of a crunch day. The girl behind the speaker informed us that they were all out of the smaller burger buns, and "were we okay with bigger buns?"

Cue Car Karaoke.

Fred the Fourth

Hal, all true. And even sillier when one knows that there are at least 4 different sizes of 2x4.
E.g. Rough, rough milled, S2S, and S4S (surfaced 4 sides).
None of these are 2x4 inches as any carpenter can tell you.
But the worst part is inflation over time. The 2x4 lumber in my 60 year old house is significantly bigger than modern 2x4, making repairs an exercise in custom fitting.

Fred the Fourth

Pst314,
"But I didn't land, just dropped something off."

Sam Duncan

“Our campaign is calling on those in the film industry to stop using scars, burns or marks as shorthand for villainy.”

Yeah, but massive tax-funded sinecures aren't visual...

David

The reason villains so often have severe facial disfigurement is precisely because it’s visual shorthand.

Scarred and resentful, yes. But outside of a cinema, in the street or in a checkout queue, is that still a default association?

Aesthetics aside, I suppose disfigurement is a reminder of our own weakness and mortality, from which some will inevitably recoil. Others may see disfigurement as embarrassing, even by association, a status issue. But I’m not convinced that there’s still a widespread aversion on grounds of suspecting bad intent, at least not in developed societies. I’d have thought pity, social awkwardness or morbid curiosity were much more common.

There’s an employee at a nearby café who’s quite startlingly disfigured – to an extent that on my first encounter I had to make an effort not to stare – but I’ve yet to see anyone dragging their children away in fear of villainy. I’ve seen people either acting with indifference, maybe practised indifference, or overcompensating slightly and being a little more polite than might otherwise be expected. I also have a relative with Treacher Collins syndrome and I’ve never heard her complain of being thought wicked.

Though, I grant you, two is a small sample size.

Pogonip

Sam, it fits the tune better if you sing “...every time you crack a beer.” “...pop a beer” would also work.

Theophrastus

https://www.wowktv.com/news/national/woman-pulls-knife-on-man-after-he-complained-she-farted-loudly-/1624855235

If only Lincoln had repatriated them...

Baceseras

Will they pledge to stop using Scarlatti trios as shorthand for "boring rich people's boring party"?

"It's astonishing to think that films have done this so often and for so long. The time has come for this to stop." -- said some big cheese in the Arts Biz, quoted in the Sun.

Pogonip

I had not heard of Treacher Collins syndrome. Was your relative able to have plastic surgery?

Pst314

The reason villains so often have severe facial disfigurement is precisely because it’s visual shorthand.

Visual shorthand for “disfiguring scars are a natural consequence of a violent life”.

Not everyone with scars got them dishonorably, but violent people are more likely to have them, and in drama they may be reminders of important events.

FlynPigRanch

Two more giant cows have been found. Cowboy another Holstein in California, and Dozer a Holstein cross in Steinbach Manitoba.
With the worldwide movement of cow embryos for breeding, it would be interesting to see if the 3 are related.

Sam Duncan

“Sam, it fits the tune better if you sing '...every time you crack a beer.' '...pop a beer' would also work.”

And I've just realised the rest of the song still works. Dammit. That was “our song” with The One That Got Away, and now I've gone and spoiled it.

(Hmm. Maybe that's why she... Naaah. I'm so charming.)

“Two more giant cows have been found. Cowboy another Holstein in California, and Dozer a Holstein cross in Steinbach Manitoba.”

Now look, I know it's probably not aliens, but has anybody checked their eyes for lasers? Y'know, just in case?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

You want your fires supersized ? Fine, you may have seven.

PiperPaul

I have discovered something important!

There exists a cow metaphors website!

Alexandre Kimenyi
California State University at Sacramento

http://www.kimenyi.com/cow-metaphors.php

I am udderly surprised and milking this topic for all it's worth (also might buy one of those pillows mentioned earlier).

Perhaps it is a sincere cultural study and I am being disrespectful by trying to score cheap joke points. I haven't scrolled that far yet.

WTP

All I could think when I read this is that someone had the job of shaving her.

All I could think of is how absolutely beautiful and logical the way the story of an orangutan forced into prostitution in Borneo segues into a harang about people in Iceland buying “non-sustainable” palm oil, which is of course wrong, wrong, wrong. I mean of course the Icelanders buying the palm oil and thus forcing orangutans into prostitution. Well to be fair, orangutan because only one that we know of! Which raises a question that I have, is there an appropriate, especially given what we now know about them, slanderous term for those filthy scum in Iceland who are responsible for this abomination, this sin against God and nature? By Zeus there damn well better be one cause I’m right pissed right now.

Darleen

Just done today ...and totally worth your time

Ray

Hal,

Bloke goes to a timber yard.
"How much is your four by two?"
"Sorry mate," says the assistant, "we call it 100 by 50 now."
"OK," says the bloke, "how much is your 100 by 50?"
"Four bob a foot."

badum tish.

Ray

Also I would like to point out that all the boobie pillows with prominent nipples have sold out. There's a message there for the ladies, I think.

ACTOldFart

Further thoughts on movie villains. In the Batman movies, the Joker's real name is Jack Napier, and the Riddler's is Ed Nygma. Quite cute.

I just today watched the Bela Lugosi (1931) version of Dracula. In it, every time Lugosi appears, he is in immaculate white tie and tails, and hair not a millimetre out of place. If he can't see himslef in the mirror, how can he always turn himslef out so perfectly? Or check that he looks so spiffy, if he has a henchvampire to do it all for him?

Daniel Ream

Visual shorthand for “disfiguring scars are a natural consequence of a violent life”.

Not everyone with scars got them dishonorably, but violent people are more likely to have them, and in drama they may be reminders of important events.

Name every action movie hero you know with a large or disfiguring scar on their face.

Pogonip

ACToldfart, that’s what the three vampire ladies were there for.

David

The reason villains so often have severe facial disfigurement is precisely because it’s visual shorthand.

It’s true that disfigured villains are a cinematic trope and overused, often lazily, but the real-world association being complained about isn’t, I think, entirely convincing. For instance, the people used in the campaign’s own marketing don’t look like associates of Blofeld, or criminal lunatics who fell into vats of industrial acid while on a murder spree. I didn’t see them and immediately think that they must be untrustworthy or unkind. One woman has some kind of burns, perhaps injuries from an acid attack, which doesn’t suggest that she’s a terrible person, but rather the victim of one.

And when a publicly-funded arts organisation is laying down conditions regarding the portrayal of cinematic villains – they can’t be this, they can’t be that – that isn’t an unambiguously happy situation.

TomJ
Name every action movie hero you know with a large or disfiguring scar on their face.

Harry Potter.

Mags

Name every action movie hero you know with a large or disfiguring scar on their face.

Deadpool.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Name every action movie hero you know with a large or disfiguring scar on their face.

Maybe not all strictly action movies but:

Inigo Montoya;

The Scottish dude with the Glasgow smile playing the Irish dude in Braveheart;

Danny Trejo when he plays against type;

Various Van Johnson roles where the makeup guys didn't cover it;

Leonidas in the latest iteration;

The rugged scar (see above), and its cousin the eye patch - Nick Fury has both.

...precisely because it’s visual shorthand.

Indeed, but for both good and bad, it would seem.

Captain Nemo

Possibly NSFW due to extensive profanity in the music used, here's Thomas the Tank Engine just bustin' some moves:

https://twitter.com/Mr_Martin81/status/1068807553692430336

via: https://twitter.com/DamCou

Ted S., Catskill Mtns., NY, USA

Name every action movie hero you know with a large or disfiguring scar on their face.

Gene Kelly in The Pirate comes to mind.

Ten

One woman has some kind of burns, perhaps injuries from an acid attack, which doesn’t suggest that she’s a terrible person, but rather the victim of one.

The 2017 The Tick humorously plays Yara Martinez's Ms. Lint directly to this stereotype.

https://www.bing.com/th?id=OIP.88DkhIU6p5bAlonzDwh62gAAAA&pid=Api

PiperPaul

"I mean of course the Icelanders buying the palm oil and thus forcing orangutans into prostitution"

I nominate this for Sentence of the Week.

PiperPaul

Aw, crap. I wrote the above before reading this:

"All the boobie pillows with prominent nipples have sold out."

WTP

Aw, crap. I wrote the above before reading this:

Damn. I was > < that close. Oh well. Never give up. Never, never, never give up.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

It is as if they go out of their way to parody themselves.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Who says the people in DC are out of touch with the rest of the country ?

[+]

In terms of hysteria, think of Brexit as the British version of “Orange Man Bad.”

"Family frightened of no-deal Brexit stockpiles quinoa and passata"

https://metro.co.uk/2018/11/28/family-frightened-of-no-deal-brexit-stockpiles-quinoa-and-passata-8185104/

David

“Family frightened of no-deal Brexit stockpiles quinoa and passata”

The choice of Heinz squeezy mayonnaise should have been a warning sign.

R. Sherman

It is as if they go out of their way to parody themselves.

I scrolled through the article and got to the word "Lutheran." Without even looking at the "pastors" congregational website, I knew it was affiliated with the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America (ELCA), a group which would Martin would scarcely recognize. Sadly, conventions like the Missouri (which tossed the ELCA heretics out in the '70s)and Wisconsin synods get tarred with the same brush.

Darleen

Who says the people in DC are out of touch with the rest of the country ?

I will lay odds the geographical illiterates in that office are under 30 and went to publik skool.

They don't know all the states, but I bet they know how to put a condom on a banana.

Sam Duncan

“Family frightened of no-deal Brexit stockpiles quinoa and passata”

Until I saw the URL I honestly thought that would be the Daily Mash. Unbelievable.

“Who says the people in DC are out of touch with the rest of the country ?”

“Sorry, this content is not available in your region.” Another one of the many benefits of EU membership, no doubt. (Like that's going to stop me.)

bgates

Subhed of the week to Muldoon's link about the Harvard professor who announced you're all eating too many French fries:

His comments sparked predictable outrage online

Easily the best six word summary of this century so far.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

I will lay odds the geographical illiterates in that office are under 30 and went to publik skool.

♫Look for the union label♫

At least they knew Mexico wasn't part of the US. Wait till they find out there is an old York, Jersey, and Hampshire.

Daniel Ream

Harry Potter.
Deadpool
Danny Trejo
Inigo Montoya
Gene Kelly

Point proven, thanks all.

TimT

A worthwhile tiny house project.

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