Her Womanly Woes
Friday Ephemeraren’t

Trump, Erections, And A Lack Thereof

Salon interrupts its usual programming – repeatedly announcing how terrible white people are – to bring us this:

Trump’s assault on the country’s mental health is part of a much larger pattern: the Republican Party and the conservative movement have, for decades, advanced an agenda which has hurt the overall health and well-being of most Americans.

I suspect the “most Americans” bit is doing some heavy lifting there. As we saw recently, those whose minds come undone at the mere thought of Mr Trump - resulting in alcoholism, divorces, the stalking of ex-boyfriends, and sessions with psychiatrists - tend to belong to a fairly specific demographic. One that, oddly enough, includes readers of Salon.

Donald Trump’s negative impact on mental health extends to the intimate sexual lives of many people as well.

We’re told this by Mr Chauncey DeVega, Salon’s politics staff writer, who attempts to bolster his claims by wheeling out some niche expertise:  

I recently spoke with Dr Susan Block. “Dr Suzy” is the founder and director of the Dr Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences. 

Okay, then.

Dr Suzy, our high priestess of the erotic arts and sciences, promptly informs us,   

Trump’s campaign and presidency has created a type of PTSD — what I call “Post-Trump Sex Disorder.” Trump has created feelings of fear, loathing, and nausea. People just don’t want to have sex.

Dr Suzy’s pronouncements are varied and numerous, though her train of thought is, it has to be said, not the easiest to follow:

The news media is part of the problem as well. The news is full of stories about bad sex. They don’t really like to talk about good sex. When you have this media obsession with bad sex with the usual “all American” war worship and racism, as well as economic disparities and the way that corporations are in control, it really sucks the life out of a person. 

Apparently, the news media and unspecified corporations are behind it all. Stealing our sexual essence, I mean.

We also cannot forget all of the “ammosexuals” who substitute their favourite guns for a working penis.

No, of course. We mustn’t forget those.

Yes, Donald Trump is a turn-off for many people.

While I can boast no credentials as a high priestess of the erotic arts and sciences, unlike Dr Susan Block, “founder and director of the Dr Susan Block Institute for the Erotic Arts & Sciences,” a layman’s thought occurs. If the existence of Donald Trump is interfering with your sex life, bringing it to a standstill, then perhaps you’re thinking about Mr Trump a little too much. More than one ought, at least while under the duvet and attempting to get busy.

However, as Dr Suzy explains, it’s not all bad news:

But for some people they are turned on and titillated by Donald Trump

Oh, there’s no backing out now. We’re just getting started, baby. 

Both men and women really do find Trump to be an appealing “bad boy” and “evil daddy” who’s really hot.

An evil daddy.

And of course, evil can be very sexy. Evil is fascinating. 

This, um, tangent continues for several paragraphs. Apparently, Dr Suzy is in her wheelhouse, her realm of arcane knowledge:

Donald Trump embodies the symbolic cultural role as the “Big Mean Sexy Daddy.”

Such is the febrile erotic atmosphere, Mr DeVega gets excited too:

Donald Trump leads a political cult whose members want to literally be inside of him, to become him, to have a libidinal relationship with the Great Leader. This includes both men and women. The fascist aesthetic can be very erotic for the followers.

Now beaded with sweat and not to be outdone, Dr Suzy replies:

Trump’s supporters want to be spanked by him.

If anyone’s touching themselves right now, I’m going to flick the lights on and off.

Anyway, this goes on for some time, the general thrust being that Trump voters are both repressed and depraved, have sexual fantasies about their daughters, are inclined to spanking fetishes, and are “frightened and made angry by strong… confident women.” Needless to say, how these insights were arrived at isn’t entirely clear. Apparently, bald assertion will have to do.

We’re also told, emphatically,

Conservative men are very turned on by the thought of seeing their wives or girlfriends with other men… It scares them but it also makes their penises hard. 

This latter claim may also strike readers as something of a reach, given that the recent spate of articles championing cuckoldry have been written, not by conservatives, but by ladies and gentleman of a woke and progressive persuasion, and published, triumphantly, in the left-leaning media, including CNN and the famously Trump-supporting New York Times. As one self-declared cuckold put it during an interview with Vice, “Most people in the scene tend to be [politically] left.” But hey, let’s not inhibit the tumescent fantasy.

There is, of course, more, some of it quite lurid. But this is, I maintain, a respectable establishment.

Towels are available behind the bar.