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March 14, 2019

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Mags

Today's word is 'awkward'.

David

Today’s word is ‘awkward’.

Judging by the Guardian’s problem pages, it happens more often than you’d think. Or at least the same drama gets repackaged every four years.

Xas7wcrg9e

From the comments, regarding the father's demand that the letter writer cease being with his daughter..

Tell the father that you will end the relationship but only on the condition that the his daughter knows the real reason. Then see if he is still as keen on that idea.

--

Not just the daughter. Her mother too. If the father wants to ruin potentially lifelong relationships, it's only fair that what goes around, comes around.

--

And his Dog. The Dog deserves to know the truth as well

.. I can't help feeling the family hamster is getting a bum deal out of this unsolicited advice...

Connor

Is this a porn movie plot twist?

MC

I can't help feeling the family hamster is getting a bum deal out of this unsolicited advice...

Dear Lord, don't bring bumming the hamster into it!

Or at least the same drama gets repackaged every four years.

And they wonder why no-one believes them or respects them.

There is some woman, whose name escapes me, who has written a ream of articles for the Daily Telegraph and the Daily Mail, in which she drones on how hard it is to find a man when you're a terribly successful hackette who's been to university and speaks foreign and everything. The articles are both surprisingly similar and surprising contradictory, suggesting she's rehashing one or two incidents from her life (or imagination) and is trying to make a career out of it.

Tim Newman featured her once...

MC

Here we go: http://www.desertsun.co.uk/blog/7126/

David

Is this a porn movie plot twist?

Or a crowd-pleasing rom-com. Honey, I Shagged Your Father.

David

If anyone has trouble with comments not appearing, email me and I’ll agitate the spam filter.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Speaking of the Guardian, one from the problem pages:

It is interesting to note that the authoress of the advice column is the wife of Billy Connolly, so it is possible that this is just a piss take.

Rowdy

Pamela was hot. I was bitterly disappointed when she took herself off the market.

Jonathan

Sex differences observed in the brains of human foetuses.

Also: "Actress Debra Messing Posts Empowering 'Vagina' Cupcakes, Gets Trashed As Transphobic And Issues Apology."

via Yeyo.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Some people just thrive on being miserable "woke" jerks who just have to insert their bile into everything.

Aside from being unable to tell for certain if the kid in green is a boy or girl, even if it is a boy, how much of a soulless arschloch do you have to be to politicize a photo of a kid who has most likely gotten chemo walking in a hospital with a pal or sister ?

The must be an island somewhere where all these idiots can be sent so they can all sit around and be miserable scolds together.

David

how much of a soulless arschloch do you have to be to politicize a photo of a kid who has most likely gotten chemo walking in a hospital with a pal or sister ?

To ask the question...

Joan

'Students Demand Free Fabric Softener To Combat Racism'

https://www.dailycaller.com/2019/03/12/sarah-lawrence-fabric-softener-racism-demands/

Farnsworth M Muldoon

To ask the question...

True, however, it still seems like there is an endless competition to see who can be the most offended by, and get the most indignant over, the most innocuous thing.

Pogonip

“...special housing for students of color...”

I’m so old I can remember when that was called “separate-but-equal” and “segregation” in the U. S.

Hey, can Brits explain to me why woke Brits don’t like Brexit and other Brits do?

Tim, your site’s getting hijacked by the free-no-catch Amazon cards again. I don’t understand why my pop-up blocker can’t stop those.

Pogonip

Farnsworth, what does the miserable woke jerk to the side of the cute picture say? I can’t see it.

Pogonip

Re the fetal sex differences:

—Time magazine, ca. 1975: “Men And Women Are Different.” You don’t say! Stop the presses!

—West Germany, early ‘80’s: scientist Gunther Dorner, who’s been studying differences in the brains of homo- and heterosexual men for quite a while, believes he’s found the cause of male homosexuality—early in-utero feminization of the brain, if I remember right—says it can be reversed if male hormones are administered at the right time, and says he believes that “society must now face the question of whether it wishes to cure male homosexuality in the womb.” Society, of course, wasn’t about to do any such thing, so here we are today, still going round and round on the subject. Plus ca change...

jabrwok

The must be an island somewhere where all these idiots can be sent so they can all sit around and be miserable scolds together.

I nominate the Kerguelen Islands.

Ray

Pogonip,
Just as Satanism is not a real religion, being merely an inversion of Christianity, so leftism is for the most part not a real ideology, but an odd collection of groups with a grudge against independent white men. If the they're for it, the left is against it, on principle.

You see the same in the US where the democrats used to be for immigration control but now that it's a republican issue they're agin it.

jabrwok

scientist Gunther Dorner

I've read about the hormonal explanation before, and based on somewhat anecdotal evidence (third-party report of confessions of a FtM tranny), I have to wonder whether sex hormones might alleviate both homosexuality and trans-sexuality post-natally.

The FtM trannie said, reportedly, that upon taking testosterone supplements she found that her understanding of mathematical concepts which had always baffled her had suddenly become much clearer.

I doubt anyone's doing such research though. The threat of outraged mobs with torches and Twit-forks is a likely deterrent, at least here in the West.

Farnswoth M Muldoon

I nominate the Kerguelen Islands.

Good choice, not only is it French but...

Agricultural activities were limited until 2007 to raising sheep...

...very appropriate for them.

Pogonip

Oh, yes. Even in the early ‘80’s American scientists had to tread very, very carefully.

On a happier note, this is a classy joint, and David and the henchlesbians work hard to keep it that way. They polish the merkins and comb the bar every night. But they can’t do it all. They’re getting overwhelmed. So...meet Jock, the new employee. Jock will keep the books (the real set), bartend, wait tables, feed and water the pickled “eggs,” maintain supplies of hump fat, mop up the italics, polish the merkins, comb the tables, Oust the restrooms, play Scrabble with the henchlesbians when things are slow so they don’t get bored, and keep the coasters rounded up (they get lost when David’s not around to maintain order and we use them as Frisbees).

And since Jock is a border collie, he will probably do all these things at once.

Pogonip

Second the Kerguelens. Then they’ll actually have something legitimate to complain about.

Pogonip

Jabrwok, as nutty as it sounds, judging angles, striking distance, trajectory, all that stuff, got easier after I went through menopause. Though I’d trade it all to be permanently rid of the mustache. But I bet I’d have a chance at hitting a ball now.

(Even as we speak, if he’s still with us, Dr. Dorner is probably researching lesbians and softball...)

Clam

I met my girlfriend’s parents – and realised I once slept with her father.

Calling Dr Freud...

David

Calling Dr Freud...

It’s what every woman wants – a boyfriend who knows what her dad’s like in bed.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Woke zoo. It is not yet known if identifies as an aardvark.

PiperPaul

"The must be an island somewhere where all these idiots can be sent so they can all sit around and be miserable scolds together."

We could use helicopters to take them there.

Karol

https://www.takimag.com/article/truth-or-trope/

“Trope” is an increasingly fashionable term out of deconstructionist literary theory. The word basically means “cliché” or “stereotype,” but it is intended to obviate your tiresome quibbles about whether or not a particular cliché or stereotype is true by assuming away the relevance of truth.

The use of “trope” signals a faith in the lit theory that the concept of “reality” is irrelevant, perhaps fictitious, and definitely oppressive. There’s no such thing as nature, only social constructs, which can presumably be deconstructed out of existence by socially reengineering the discourse.

Tom

We could use helicopters to take them there.

Hmmmm...

Helicopters you say?

Sam Duncan

“Hey, can Brits explain to me why woke Brits don’t like Brexit and other Brits do?”

You've answered your own question, really: they hate it because the non-woke want it. Back in the '70s, when we joined the damned thing, the trendy Lefty position was to be against - it was a “capitalists' club”, dontcherknow - and to be fair to old Corbyn, he maintained that position until... well, until he realised that all his new-found fans disagreed with him.

The less flippant answer is that it's a bit like the border wall. Although there are many reasons to leave the EU, and polls have shown that it's not people's main one for voting to do so, the right of EU citizens (which includes all those new ones turning up in Italy and Greece) to free movement across the Union has been the trigger for the most recent round of debate about it. Obviously the enwoken can't be seen to oppose that.

The fact that the EU's immigration and free movement policies actually force us to favour pasty-faced Poles and Finns over Commonwealth citizens from India and Jamaica doesn't seem to occur to them.

David

Hey, can Brits explain to me why woke Brits don’t like Brexit and other Brits do?

I’ll just leave this here.

Pogonip

Yeah, go ahead, Jock will pick it up when we’re done. 🐶

Pogonip

Do the British Isles ever have severe thunderstorms? Those are sort of like a mini- hurricane, lots of rain and flooding and winds up to 70-80 mph. Here, we’re in that season.

Pogonip

Here’s Professor Dorner:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hormones_and_Brain_Differentiation

It doesn’t say whether he’s still kicking.

I for one would be against implementing his idea because fiddling with human brains tends to result in nasty surprises, e. g. the lobotomy fad.

Sam

woke Brits don’t like Brexit and other Brits do

Since I'm an ugly American and don't wish to erase Brit bodies by appropriating indigenous islander space in Brexit discussions, what really interests me in how you people feel about other wordsmashes, or "portmanteau" if you're nasty.

How did Brits feel about Brangelina and Bennifer? Do they embrace Grapples or abhor them? How large of a boost to the UK GDP would replacing "fish and chips" with "fips" achieve? Would capitol city dwellers consider moving to Mexifornia, or is Londinstan diverse enough thankyouverymuch? Do Oxbridge types look down on using sporks to eat turducken?

Might not seem important, but what is life without infotainment?

Pogonip

A lot better, that’s what.

David

Right, it’s The Other Half’s birthday so we’re heading out for dinner. Play nicely. Use coasters.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Meanwhile in the UK, an MP tries to outstupid our own She Guevara - let's mandate GPS in knives!

Also a national database - Right, that is 8 butter knives, 8 steak knives, 8 place knives, a bread knife, a parer, an 8 piece cutlery set, 2 Swiss army knives, a scaling knife - call the armed police, the place is an arsenal, and the other flats are just as bad, must be a terror cell !

Pogonip

Happy birthday, Mr. Half! 🎂

Frisbee time, everyone! Grab a coaster!

Sam

I met my girlfriend’s parents – and realised I once slept with her father.

Gotta dump her ASAP, right? I mean, just imagine how expensive Christmas will be.

Watcher In The Dark

Two things: first being agony columns.

Years ago I knew a bloke who went to work at a red-top paper (I will not name the journal, as you will laugh, callous bastards you all are). My mate's desk was next to the chap whose job was to make up the paper's agony column. In all fairness, this was a combination of new-ish paper and the people who read it were highly unlikely to write a letter to a newspaper they 'read' in the morning tea break. Might be different today as people can text from their mobiles, natch, but back then... Anyway, this man would sit at his typewriter (yes, it's that long ago) and suddenly say 'Oh, that's good one!' and type up some scenario in which muscular man has hot female, either likely to be against his wife's wishes or probably upset the woman's hubby. Simpler times, perhaps, but there we are.

I do therefore wonder what makes stuck-up rags like The Guardian put in their agony columns. Tittle-tattle over drinks in the bar at lunchtime, or idle chatter over the quinoa selection at Waitrose?

Part two is Brexit. I went to a party in London (not my usual haunt, glad to say) just after the famous referendum and as soon as it began one man leaning on the cooker shouted: 'I assume everyone here voted against Brexit.' As I was passing through the kitchen in search of the loo -- apparently down south they have them in the house, which is unbelievable -- I declined to put my hand up to say "I did." I know, I'm a coward, but I could sense the atmosphere was one of revenge in possibly having their cheap French wine supplies thrown into doubt.

You see, for those who have no concept of Londoners being denied access to cheap Froggy things, this was a big issue. if I wrote an agony column, I'd put that in. No bonking admittedly, but a real life dilemma right there.

Watcher In The Dark

Correction: I meant "I didn't" in regard to how I voted over staying in the EUSSR. Sorry, but not sorry if you see what I mean.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

I'm a coward, but I could sense the atmosphere was one of revenge...

If the situation is as if you are at the Little Big Horn and the only one left standing not wearing feathers, there is no shame in going to ground (unless you have a non-GPS enabled assault butter knife or other kitchen utensil).

Sam

The efforts of IDEA charter schools in the US warms my cold, dead heart. I've come to realize that education should be priority #1 in re-taking Western Civilization from the vandals currently controlling it's commanding heights. If, as a libertarian, I must defend factory farming and due process for rapists I wish to make those who worship at the altar of public schools defend the child abuse their policy preferences inflict.

Pogonip

Since Mr. Half already has a flamethrower, should we pool our money to get him a GPS chef’s knife for his birthday?

I have a pink chef’s knife that has stayed sharp for years . Please do not tell the pink chef I stole his knife.

(I didn’t steal it, actually, it was one of those breast-cancer promotions.). 😄

Pogonip

Good to see a charter school that’s not a scam! (My U.S. state is infested with the scam kind.)

Pogonip

Watcher, there’s a site called Had Enough Therapy that you may enjoy. Proprietor Stuart Schneiderman loves fisking high-toned agony columns. Have fun!

Pogonip

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-378163/Duped-motherhood.html

Here’s one for the “lying on the floor crying” box.

Has this poor lady no one who cared enough about her to tell her the truth about herself? I know that if someone hadn’t done that for me I’d be miserable just like her. And now it’s too late, unless British law allows her to adopt at 50.

Matt

Has this poor lady no one who cared enough about her to tell her the truth about herself?

That's Kate Mulvey, mentioned above by MC. Her articles over the years are a kind of morality play, a Rakette's Progress where bad things keep on happening to her that bring her to the boundary of self-awareness, but then she turns back to imagining that she's fabulous and her friends envy her and men are intimidated by her intelligence.

In a more recent episode, she had to move back in with her parents at the age of 55. Tim's commenters think it's too much - that she's a clickbait persona designed to appeal both to bitter aging rakettes and to gloating moralizers.

Hal

Her articles over the years are a kind of morality play, a Rakette's Progress where bad things keep on happening to her that bring her to the boundary of self-awareness, . . .

How 'bout Jeffery Bernard, instead? He strikes me as far more entertaining . . . .

His column, entitled "Low Life" . . . . described by Jonathan Meades as a "suicide note in weekly instalments" and principally chronicled his daily round of intoxication and dissipation in the Coach and Horses public house and its fateful consequences.

Some people are in the habit of writing angry letters to the press. I get the other way 'round. The press is in the habit of writing angry letters to me.
---Peter O'Toole, as Jeffery Bernard, in Jeffery Bernard Is Unwell

Tim Newman

Tim, your site’s getting hijacked by the free-no-catch Amazon cards again. I don’t understand why my pop-up blocker can’t stop those.

Gah, I’m sorry. If it happens, post the URL in the comments and I’ll block it.

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