Resistance Is Futile

Via Neontaster comes news of an intriguing technological development. Apparently, the device “makes the patient feel comfortable,” while “the strong currents impact and rub.” Hey, I’m just reading what it says here.  

Oh, and yes, there is a more intimate video. 

Also, open thread.

Comments

[H]

Oh, and yes, there is a more intimate video.

Nightmare fuel.

[David]

“I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

[Mike]

there is a more intimate video.

No, no, no. No way. Fool me once...

[Hal]

You can't blame the military for your fat ass, according to a new VA ruling

[Connor]

$4,999 is a lot of money.

*sells car*

[bobby b]

It gives a price of "$4,999.99 - $5,999.99."

I don't even want to know what the available options are.

[Penseivat]

It truly is an intriguing, technological, development, which should be placed at several bus stops where I live. We may as well have something to do while waiting for our (non) Arriva bus!

[David]

I don’t even want to know what the available options are.

Oh yes you do.

[Jen]

An actual orgasmatron.

[Frank]

As per the Engrish at the bottom of the second link, features of the miracle device include:

(2)Provide a full range of visual, auditory and olfaction stimulation

It smells too.

[[+]]

Why would Skynet need a DNA sample?

[David]

a full range of visual, auditory and olfaction stimulation

I have to say, in the final video, as the device starts, er, thrusting, the 50s sci-fi humming sound was quite special. Twinned with the gravelly, crunchy noise, it positively screams “Insert penis here.”

[John D]

It made my wife laugh.

[David]

It made my wife laugh.

You may want to start checking those credit card statements.

[David]

Oh dear. As a result of the post above, my YouTube recommendations are taking a strange turn.

[Burnsie]

Now THAT qualifies for the "you know you want one" category.

[David]

One of my friends has just emailed, “Not quite sure why it needs lights inside.”

Answers on a postcard, please.

[Pogonip]

Psst! David! Your thread is open...

[WTP]

In glorious future, government does EVERYTHING for you.

[Frank]

One of my friends has just emailed, “Not quite sure why it needs lights inside.”

Answers on a postcard, please.

The same reason it needs USB connectivity and a dock for a tablet on the top. Extensibility and future proofing of course. Also it is important for the sake of keeping the insides clean for the next donor.

[Col. Milquetoast]

I assume there is a contraption on the other side to help with insemination.

Probably one of the scariest Daleks I've ever seen. Lubricate! Stimulate! Exseminate!

[Alice]

Is it a blood pressure machine?

[PiperPaul]

I like the way this has been placed in the 'Dating Decisions' category.

[Xas7wcrg9e]

Hey, I’m just reading what it says here.

Should anyone want a party version, where group participation is not only an option, but actively encouraged, Amazon has one of these for the bargain price of only £137.88 (+£36.36 UK Delivery, 1-4 players)

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Yeah, being experts at copying, they got this idea from Harlan Ellison's A Boy And His Dog after Clinton threw the DVD in with one of his technology "exports".

However, regarding the technical specs, numbers 3 and 4 makes me wonder who the designers were using for test dummies (though it might explain their embarrassment), and number 6 makes me wonder if the designers know the real thing doesn't come with factory equipped illumination.

[Steve E]

It looks like a life-size lady shick razor with a special attachment. It may be a trick to remove the source of the patriarchy's power.

[Steve E]

Sorry here's the original. You decide.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

It may be a trick to remove the source of the patriarchy's power.

They are trying to sap and impurify our precious bodily fluids.

That's the way your hardcore commie works. POE, deny them your essence.

[Steve E]

Let's try this again:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D3aoZXbXkAAhjUw.jpg

My html didn't work.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

It looks like a life-size lady shick razor with a special attachment.

The one in the video also looks like a life-size Panic Poppin' Pete Stress Reliever Squeeze Toy.

[Jonathan]

Combine it with This and away you go! (never to be seen again).

[Fred Streeter]

Yeah, being experts at copying, they got this idea from Harlan Ellison's A Boy And His Dog after Clinton threw the DVD in with one of his technology "exports"

Proof that Mr Einstein was right.

[Clam]

I was hoping for jetpacks but I guess this will do.

[aelfheld]

Is it a blood pressure machine? -- Alice

After a fashion, yes.

[aelfheld]

MP5 player, and tablet PC can be choosed.

Facebook Livestream will never be the same.

[Farnsworth "Irish Ice" Muldoon]

I like big bots and I can not lie
You other brothers can't deny
That when a bot is rolls in with a itty interface
And a pulsing thing in that place
You get sprung, want to pull up tough
'Cause you notice that bot was stuffed

[David]

I like big bots and I can not lie

I’m cutting you off after that double.

[Tim Newman]

She’s serious, too:

https://twitter.com/mochamomma/status/1103314886220689408?s=21

[JuliaM]

"...donors reluctant to masturbate in a hospital setting"

Wait, so....isn't that all of them?

Or there are some donors that are eager...?

[JuliaM]

SteveE:"Sorry here's the original. You decide."

I can't believe they forgot to add WHEELS!!

[Adam]

1 The next development will be someone applying to marry one. It will be approved.

2 If I were reluctant to provide a sperm sample in a clinic, being faced with the Spermatron 1000 would convince me to get busy, pronto.

3 I would not stick so much as an elbow into that dank hole. You don’t know what might be lurking down there, ready to pounce.

[Farnsworth "Black Irish Ice" Muldoon]

I’m cutting you off after that double.

Yo, always like Mister Charlie, trying to keep a brother down.

[David]

She’s serious, too

Ah yes. To get ahead in the modern world, what students need is more of that Magic Negro Oral Tradition™. Apparently, minority students in the USA – specifically, Illinois - just can’t cope with this new-fangled written word business.

Remind me, who are the racists again?

[Darleen]

She’s serious, too:

From further down in the thread:

I totally agree. The idea that a civilization was not advanced because they didn’t leave written history particularly galls me.

The question begging is epic...

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

She’s serious, too

We act as if the written word is to be worshipped and we discount oral traditions of indigenous folk and many other people of color. Book knowledge is prioritized and reading is a LEISURE activity.

Good point, because as we all know, "oral traditions" never get anything lost, warped, or otherwise mutated in the telling from one person to the next, it is as if they are carved in stone.

[Darleen]

just can’t cope with this new-fangled written word business.

As I saw in dicentra's reply in the thread, and from what I remember growing up in those ancient times of the mid-20th century, memorizing poems or specific bits of historical documents and speeches, and reciting them in front of the class was a regular feature of education.

That has been dismissed by the educrats for being too "rote".

[David]

Speaking of poisonous educators:

Unfortunately, rather than a renewed commitment to methodologically sound research into education policy and practice, the conference program demonstrates a preoccupation with promoting a virulent new brand of racism. A keyword search of the conference program reveals 422 hits for whiteness — more than for “personalized learning” (16), “school boards” (19), “standardised testing” (20), “high school graduation” (23) “reading achievement” (24), “digital learning” (25), “policy analysis” (31), “early education” (38), “teacher evaluation” (41) “literacy instruction” (42), “bilingual education” (48), and “achievement gap” (75) combined.

But hey, priorities.

[Darleen]

But Leftists are so tolerant.

[SumDumGuy]

She’s serious, too:

Has this woman never played a game of telephone?

[Watcher In The Dark]

As a pencil sharpener, that device doesn't look very good. Also incredibly noisy. You'd hardly be able to think of what you were doing.

Wait, that is what it is, right? A pencil sharpener? Or maybe a carrot peeler...

[Hal]

There's an interesting observation regarding all the commentary on "genocide" in the Americas

The Great Dying, the Little Ice Age, and Us

When Christopher Columbus arrived in the Caribbean in 1492, there were about 60 million people living in the Americas, . . . .

A century later there were only 6 million native Americans left: a 90% fatality rate. Yet at that time, there were still only about a quarter-million Europeans in the Americas. They clearly couldn’t have killed the other 54 million natives – but their diseases did.

Even now journalists reporting on this story go on referring to the European ‘genocide’ of the native peoples, but that’s nonsense.

. . .

The tragedy was inevitable from first contact. If the only Eurasians to reach the Americas had been peace-loving Spanish nuns – or peace-loving Chinese monks, for that matter – the Great Dying would have happened anyway.

[jones]

"news of an intriguing technological development"

It looks like my razor.

Is it dual-purpose?

[Steve E]

Someone needs a nap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=1&v=Rd7bwQkbnoA

Seriously, we're in the midst of a mental health crisis among young adults. People like the young lady in the video shouldn't be anywhere near a college until they've dealt with their issues. Just listen to her diatribe about wearing a turban and seeing how long it takes before she gets attacked.

Colleges only indulge them and encourage the behaviour. Will they (the colleges) ever be held accountable?

[Uma Thurmond's Feet]

Our host: "Oh dear. As a result of the post above, my YouTube recommendations are taking a strange turn."

Mine suggests "Top 10 Most Brutal Forms of Execution in History."

YMMV

[Hal]

Oh dear. As a result of the post above, my YouTube recommendations are taking a strange turn.

Mebbe if you mix something else in.

[Teal]

People like the young lady in the video shouldn't be anywhere near a college until they've dealt with their issues.

Judging by her turban argument, she's not intelligent, and for that reason she shouldn't be in college. But she is sane, grounded in reality, and acting in her self- and group-interest. She perceives correctly that white people are reluctant to defend themselves against confrontational blacks. She knows that she has a good chance of forcing a humiliating concession, where the MAGA hat goes into her trophy cabinet, and she's emboldened for the next incident. She also knows, whatever she says about black bodies being murdered, that she's in a safe managed environment where the worst thing that can happen to her is what happened in the video - the campus cop asked her to keep her voice down, which she can reframe as The Man oppressing her for heroically speaking up.

[Pogonip]

Invasion of the giant technicolor squirrels:

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/yes-giant-technicolor-squirrels-actually-roam-forests-southern-india-180971886/

[Chester Draws]

The tragedy was inevitable from first contact. If the only Eurasians to reach the Americas had been peace-loving Spanish nuns – or peace-loving Chinese monks, for that matter – the Great Dying would have happened anyway.

And it happened both ways too. There were many millions died in Europe of the new American diseases.

Still are, if we counting (tobacco) smoking as one.

[Daniel Ream]

She’s serious, too

Her thesis, apparently, is that the Sumerians, Egyptians and Indus Valley natives were white.

I found the "reading is a leisure activity" assertion particularly risible.

[dicentra]

According to the book 1491, the devastation was closer to 97% of the American population was wiped out.

[Darleen]

Good lord. I don't even know where to begin.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

I don't even know where to begin.

Ref to the 50s tale was a tad outdated.

Aside from the fact that it was a Hans Christian Andersen tale, not "50s" (well maybe 1850s...), translated to Normals English that means "I will now try to cover for the fact that I am so illiterate I never heard of a classic fairy tale".

Regardless, this guy sums it all up:

Ben Rees

Replying to @livia_aliberti

You are the real racist, equating chocolate to skin colour! The irony in this is it's about the story of the ugly duckling which is a story of not judging one by their appearance, but you can't help yourself can you?

[TimT]

People, stop fighting over the racist chocolate ducklings and just hand it over to me. I will safely dispose of them.

[TimT]

Aside from the fact that it was a Hans Christian Andersen tale, not "50s" (well maybe 1850s...), translated to Normals English that means "I will now try to cover for the fact that I am so illiterate I never heard of a classic fairy tale".

Well, obviously. As some shining Twitter Godling recently announced, reading is racist. Report to ThoughtCrime Central this instant!

[David]

Her thesis, apparently, is that the Sumerians, Egyptians and Indus Valley natives were white.

Practically every second utterance is dubious, question-begging or bizarrely stupid, all aired with the impervious self-satisfaction of those who think themselves woke. And this mistress of supposedly corrective pedagogy – the one who smugly tells others to “try critical thinking” - appears to rely quite heavily on doctrinaire slogans and racial conspiracy theories.

I’m sure it’s entirely coincidental that Angry Studies and Education courses attract students with some of the lowest SAT scores, while indulging those students with by far the most generous grading.

[David]

Elsewhere in the Clown Quarter:

A Pennsylvania university is promoting the concept of men cuddling as a way to help them deal with stress and “redefine masculinity”… The men attending must be “hygienically sound” and “remain fully clothed at all times.” The group’s organizers state that all cuddling is “non-sexual.” However, they do note that participants may become aroused during cuddling and that if that occurs, it should be treated as a normal thing.

Any takers? No tongues, mind.

[David]

Tim Newman on the complications of no-strings sex.

[pst314]

Her thesis, apparently, is that the Sumerians, Egyptians and Indus Valley natives were white.

So she won't be offended if I start a joke with "Three Hittites walk into a bar..."

[David]

Leftist love and tolerance, part 4,052. “Let me get your address.”

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

However, they do note that participants may become aroused during cuddling and that if that occurs, it should be treated as a normal thing...

...and several Spermanator 9000 units will be available to those so afflicted.

From Tim's...

...even when both parties are completely uninterested in anything serious or romantic, you can still eventually end up in the bath-products aisle together...

Wrong aisle for the Betadine or Hibiclens total body pre-shagop products.

[David]

Wrong aisle for the Betadine or Hibiclens

As I get older, I seem to spend more time marvelling at how complicated other people’s lives and relationships are.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

...marvelling at how complicated other people’s lives and relationships are.

Couples therapists, is there anything they don't know ?

Meanwhile, though it may explain the man-bun, Gentlemen, man your razors and Wahl clippers !

[David]

Gentlemen, man your razors and Wahl clippers !

[ Strokes smooth jawline. ]

[jabrwok]

Still are, if we counting (tobacco) smoking as one.

Pretty sure tobacco (and the smoking thereof) were pre-Columbian vices exclusive to the Americas. Can't blame Whitey for that one!

[jabrwok]

Regarding the couples-therapy article.

Marriage is a "people-growing machine.

Disagree. Marriage is a social institution which exists to ensure that men have equal parental status with women. Without marriage, the paternity of any given sprog is an open question (unlike *maternity*, which comes with some unmistakable physiological clues). And few men are eager to work themselves into early graves building, maintaining, and defending their communities and societies for the benefit of *other peoples* children. So much easier to sit around the campfire eating fermented fruits and banging whichever female strikes one's interest.

Any "personal growth" attendant upon marriage is purely incidental.

[pst314]

Still are, if we counting (tobacco) smoking as one.

But a Native American with a pack of cigarettes is being Deeply Spiritual. :-D

[Xas7wcrg9e]

@jabrwok:

unlike *maternity*, which comes with some unmistakable physiological clues

Ah, but, https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2373851/One-tradition-wont-missed-Home-Secretary-longer-required-witness-birth-royal-child-ensure-isnt-imposter.html

There is one Royal birth tradition, dating back several centuries, which the Duchess of Cambridge was probably happy has been abandoned: the Home Secretary was not be present at the birth.

It was once customary for the Home Secretary, as a senior member of the Cabinet, to attend royal births to ensure the new arrival was a genuine descendant of the monarch and had not an imposter smuggled in.

[jabrwok]

@Xas7wcrg9e: that's an interesting tradition, but while it would serve to ensure that no other mother's child was substituted for the royal sprog, it doesn't do anything to confirm the *paternity* of the child. The exclusive sexual rights of the husband to his wife were supposed to do that.

Not a perfect solution, granted, but given enough societal buy-in, and sufficient penalties for infidelity, it worked well enough, long enough, to get men to build the modern world.

[Xas7wcrg9e]

it doesn't do anything to confirm the *paternity* of the child

Well quite. Hence the suspicions around the Ginger Prince...

[Tennis]

However, they do note that participants may become aroused during cuddling and that if that occurs, it should be treated as a normal thing.

https://www.meetup.com/N-W-Philly-Mens-Only-Cuddle-Group/ - Some guys may want to cuddle with a man who may carry the energy of a loving father, a brother, or the jock who may not have affirmed them in high school.

There are different kinds of love being mixed up here - friendship, brotherly love, hero worship, etc. Men do lack opportunities to practice those kinds of love. Fraternal organizations that used to provide spaces for male intimacy have been denigrated and legally harassed into shutting down or going co-ed. And it's still thought to be "intriguingly perceptive" to see repressed homosexuality wherever male bonding is successfully going on.

A men-only dinner club or hiking club or book group could have provided a space for men to share their emotions. But men can't be trusted in such groups - it might lead to Locker Room Talk.

What men are allowed to have is a Not Gay Cuddling Club, supervised, I suspect, by people who are titillated by using their therapeutic authority to double-bind men into overstepping their boundaries of comfortable touch. It's not gay and if you think it's gay, you must be homophobic, and if you're homophobic you must be gay.

In this (NSFW) clip from a German documentary, the leader of a group therapy session for men who struggle with toxic/fragile masculinity tells the participants that they're going to be paired up as "shower buddies" to soap each other down in a gentle brotherly way in a one-person shower, and whatever discomfort they feel (perhaps about Homosexualitaet, smirk, snigger), they should examine and interrogate. No, sane healthy men should recognize their discomfort and walk away from such creepy situations. If you weren't sure about the therapist's predispositions, or you want more titillation, you can watch the rest of the documentary where he gathers the therapy group outdoors to strip to their underwear and wrestle in the mud.

[David]

Fraternal organizations that used to provide spaces for male intimacy have been denigrated and legally harassed into shutting down or going co-ed.

As noted here a while ago, even male singing groups have been targeted – by ladies who expect corresponding all-female singing groups, and female groups of all kinds, to remain, as it were, unmolested. I doubt we need speculate long as to what kind of ladies they are, or what their motives might be.

What men are allowed to have is a Not Gay Cuddling Club, supervised, I suspect, by people who are titillated by using their therapeutic authority to double-bind men into overstepping their boundaries of comfortable touch.

To assume otherwise would, I think, be rather naïve. These projects and initiatives tend to be the work of unpleasant, psychologically damaged people who almost certainly wish to damage others. Woke piety should always trip an alarm.

[svh]

Not Gay Cuddling Club

Band name.

[Jonathan]

Some guys may want to cuddle with a man...

Let me stop you right there.

[a different James]

It was once customary for the Home Secretary, as a senior member of the Cabinet, to attend royal births to ensure the new arrival was a genuine descendant of the monarch and had not an imposter smuggled in.

I suspect that the Royal Family would be better served in the long run with a few impostors.

Chaz and Sons would hardly be put to stud if they were horses.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

These projects and initiatives tend to be the work of unpleasant, psychologically damaged people who almost certainly wish to damage others.

Woke "journalist".

One of the biggest regrets of my life is not pissing in Bill Kristol’s salmon. I was waiting on the disgraced neoconservative pundit and chief Iraq War cheerleader about 10 years ago at a restaurant in Cambridge and to my eternal dismay, some combination of professionalism and pusillanimity prevented me from appropriately seasoning his entree. A ramekin of blood on the side might have been the better option, come to think of it.

RTHT for some hyperbolic woke piety and handwaving over evil people who are evil because they don't think* as he does.

*("Think" - lol)

[Pogonip]

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6883233/Indian-cashew-processors-2-day-left-burns-shells-superfood-loved-vegans.html

You think YOUR job’s awful...

I see nothing we can do to help these ladies—if we stop buying cashews, they’re out of work & even worse off.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Carp - clickez vous ici for the story above.

[WTP]

Bill Kristol’s salmon? Gimme a chance to down a couple dozen three beers...

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Gimme a chance to down a couple dozen three beers...

Yeah, Kristol, but not for his BS reasons, and he'd try to do it to yours too which is the real issue with this idiots mentality.

[WTP]

I’d pay to see him try with either one of us for opposite reasons.

[WTP]

Meant to add, not knowing who exactly the guy is but knowing who exactly BK is, I’d likely have more respect for the leftist. He may be an idiot but BK is the lowest form of traitor scum. Not that I found him very reliable in the first place. There’s a somewhat famous article by Dontknowwho about being at a party and picking out who would go nazi. I coulda done the same with the NeverTrump crowd. Phonies the lot of them.

[Revelation]

(((livia a. aliberti)))

Every damn time.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

...not knowing who exactly the guy is...I’d likely have more respect for the leftist.

RTWT and you will, and you won't...

[pst314]

There are different kinds of love being mixed up here - friendship, brotherly love, hero worship, etc.

Remember when obnoxious gay writers started to label all expressions of male friendship as "homoerotic"?

[pst314]

clickez vous ici for the story above.

So the Boston Globe is a willing disseminator of incitement to criminal acts. What, then, should be the attitude of actual Americans toward the Globe and its management?

[Pogonip]

Bill Kristol is the political equivalent of a Kardashian, famous for being famous. He’s a fixture on talking-head shows although he’s a complete fool and has been wrong about every topic on which he has expounded for at least 25 years. If you want to know who’s going to win an election, watch Kristol; whoever he says will win, will lose.

[Pogonip]

Luke O’Neil also appears to be a fool. Maybe he can take over the always-wrong slot when Kristol finally gives up.

[Darleen]

Remember when obnoxious gay writers started to label all expressions of male friendship as "homoerotic"?

It's part of an agenda of poisoning the bonds between men as friends - indeed, any close relationship that doesn't include The State is suspect.

You didn't think destroying the family unit was their only target?

[Darleen]

Men do lack opportunities to practice those kinds of love.

And some men aren't "joiners", so that makes it more important for the women in their lives to help nurture what male friendships their husband, fiance, boyfriend has.

Close male friendships are vital regardless of what a close friendship he may have with wife/girlfriend. It is not the same.

[TimT]

Remember when obnoxious gay writers started to label all expressions of male friendship as "homoerotic"?

It's not just the literary gaystapo, it's the whole progressive Zeitgeist. Sexualise everything. Nothing exists outside of the Sexual Revolution!

The footage from that German documentary is hilarious, by the way. 'Shower buddies' in German is 'Duschbuddies'. He says something like 'Jeder von euch bekommt einen Duschbuddy'. Only, that sounds uncomfortably close to the English 'Douche buddy'...