Did You Pack The Jar Of Testicles?

Would a future women-only space colony have to live with that same fear? Would the very idea of a self-sufficient community of women so infuriate and threaten men that they would take it as a challenge to seek out and invade any feminist planet? And what about the frozen sperm?

I’m sorry. I’m reading the Guardian. Perhaps things will settle down.

If our future colony is reliant on what it can transport from Earth, stocks will eventually run out unless they can be replenished, which means giving birth to at least a few male children. Whether, in a matriarchal society without examples of male aggression, those boys would grow up to be the kind of man who grabs a peaceful protester by the back of her neck remains one of the great unknowns.

Or not. Never mind.

Readers may be tickled by the conceit that men would be infuriated and threatened by the departure from Earth of the planet’s feminists. And not, say, delighted. In fact, given recent trends, it seems more likely that feminists would be the ones determined to sabotage and eliminate any all-male spaces, while exempting themselves from comparable restrictions. 

The rest is fairly predictable, the standard template, with jabs at “jowly white men in positions of power,” and inspirational rumblings in which women “just take the sperm and leave the men behind.” This bold vision of tomorrow is then traded for a more modest scenario, a compromise of sorts, in which, rather than being “redundant” and eliminated entirely, men are merely “educated… out of bullying and aggressive attitudes towards women” - an education that entails “putting women in positions of power on this planet before we think about how to populate others.”

We await the Guardian article in which a male columnist, perhaps white and somewhat jowly, ponders the appalling nature of women and how they require correction lest they contaminate the heavens with their inherent awfulness.

Via Guardian Science.

Comments

[Mike]

a self-sufficient community of women

Let me stop you right there.

[TDK]

Oh Yes! - Ark B - that's a government project I can get behind

[Joan]

Would the very idea of a self-sufficient community of women so infuriate and threaten men that they would take it as a challenge to seek out and invade any feminist planet?

Nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

[Atempdog]

Whether, in a matriarchal society without examples of male aggression, those boys would grow up to be the kind of man who grabs a peaceful protester by the back of her neck remains one of the great unknowns.

Because boys growing up in homes without fathers always turn out to be so peaceful.

[David]

Because boys growing up in homes without fathers always turn out to be so peaceful.

[ Slides fancy cocktail along bar. ]

On the house.

[Atempdog]

After the colony fails:
"It wasn't real matriarchy."

[David]

Other feminist ruminations on space travel can be found here and here.

[jabrwok]

Would the very idea of a self-sufficient community of women so infuriate and threaten men that they would take it as a challenge to seek out and invade any feminist planet?

No. Just sit back and watch (and laugh) as the Strong, Independent Womxn see their society collapse around them while they're busy playing Mean Girl games and blaming the Patriarchy for the decay of their infrastructure (assuming they had one to begin with).

[Dennisthemenace]

I'm sure the colony will all go beautifully well until a spider or a mouse turns up.

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

If they don’t take along at least one guy, there’s no sense in packing any pickles...

[JCL]

Raising Gazorpazorp

[David Reed]

Do we get to choose who goes?

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

In Herland, the women had evolved to give birth only to daughters, but if our future colony is reliant on what it can transport from Earth, stocks will eventually run out unless they can be replenished, which means giving birth to at least a few male children.

A few. Right, so in a couple generations they will all be nicely inbred, and as we have seen, that works out well in the long run.

...the inflammatory question of who would be eligible for such a mission under the definition of “woman”.

There you go, I am sure those "women" would be more than willing to give up their precious bodily fluids for the sisterhood - problem sorted.

Perhaps the solution to our current despair lies not in eliminating future generations of men, but in educating them out of bullying and aggressive attitudes towards women, and that starts with putting women in positions of power on this planet...

Yes, because that too is working out really well with the likes of May, Merkel, almost the entire government of Sweden, and a pile of our bozos over on this side of the pond.

I don't think she has really thought this through.

[geek49203]

I think this is a wonderful idea. My ex can do there, and instead of having a major mountain range and 10-hour drive between us, we can have a fully galaxy.

And then she can have girl talk about how men stink, and about how her ex was awful....

[Robert the Biker]

I can hardly wait for the hijinks at "that time of the month" since I read somewhere that women in close proximity, nurses, nuns etc. tend to synchronise. Just imagine all the tears and flying crockery, and not a single man for ten light years to blame!

[sH2]

Readers may be tickled by the conceit that men would be infuriated and threatened by the departure from Earth of the planet’s feminists. And not, say, delighted.

Is there a Go Fund Me page?

[Trent]

https://davidthompson.typepad.com/davidthompson/2014/03/elsewhere-115.html

So, just like so many members of the Phallocracy, [Mary Daly] fantasizes about a harem-like future. (I imagine she might diverge from the Phallocracy's consensus on I Dream of Jeannie outfits.)

[Sam]

a self-sufficient community of women so infuriate and threaten men

"CURSE THOSE DAMNED SULF-SUFFICIENT WOMEN! GRRRRRR! It makes my blood boil when women can TAKE CARE OF THEMSELVES! ATTACK IMMEDIATELY!!"

LOLOLOLOLOL...and a big ol honk honk. Thank you Guardian, you're a treasure.

[Sam]

Did You Pack The Jar Of Testicles?

"Yes, but I can't get the bloody thing opened! Here, you try - I loosened it a bit."

/colony disappears in one generation

[Sporkatus]

In before the inevitable (in-Evita-ble?) B-Ark jokes.

[Sam Duncan]

“a matriarchal society without examples of male aggression”

But what about... no, I'm sure it'll be fine.

[Sporkatus]

Nevermind, missed the one at #2. A regular Jinsu of sharpness, I am.

[David]

A regular Jinsu of sharpness, I am.

I didn’t like to spoil the moment. You seemed so happy.

[Daniel Ream]

I read somewhere that women in close proximity, nurses, nuns etc. tend to synchronise.

It turns out that's a myth. Get enough women in one spot with randomly distributed menses and enough of them will overlap to make it look like more than coincidence.

[fnord]

Just imagine all the tears and flying crockery, and not a single man for ten light years to blame!

The idea that a mere ten light years distance would be enough to prevent feminists from blaming men is just so precious!

[David]

I’m just going to leave this here, I think.

What?

[pst314]

It turns out that's a myth. Get enough women in one spot with randomly distributed menses and enough of them will overlap to make it look like more than coincidence.

So, sort of like the Biorhythms fad of the sixties.

[Jay]

This mass migration effort would require huge amounts of resources, engineering and risky exploratory drive.

Can any point to any massive human exploration/migration project at all in human history that was driven by and accomplished by women?

Any?

Because the evil 'male agression'* is the same force that has accomplished so much (for good or not so good) in human history.

And there are very good evolutionary reasons why males have a rather different motivational drive than females.

[Jeff Guinn]

Would the very idea of a self-sufficient community of women ...

Research idea: Spend the day tomorrow listing all the things that women either can't, or won't do.

That community would be back to mud huts within the week.

[Uma Thurmond's Feet]

https://www.returnofkings.com/32053/this-accidental-experiment-shows-the-superiority-of-patriarchy>"But it wasn't a true matriarchy."

[Uma Thurmond's Feet]

Crap. Preview is still my friend.

But it wasn't a true matriarchy."

[Jay Harper]

Isn't there a weight limit in space capsules? It's going to take a ling time to populate the feminist colony one Fat feminist at a time. Just saying.

[jabrwok]

Can any point to any massive human...migration project at all in human history that was driven by and accomplished by women?

Does the current invasion of Europe by the Musselmen count?

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

Beautiful colors, not so beautiful deformities:

https://www.thisiscolossal.com/2019/06/tsubaki-goldfish/?mc_cid=d0a73b3da7&mc_eid=d63b7b651c

[Hopp Singg]

It's going to take a ling time to populate the feminist colony one Fat feminist at a time. Just saying.

In space, they're all weightless. They might refuse to ever land.

They'll still have mass, though. Perhaps we can use them to deflect asteroids?

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

Thought u all might enjoy this, I thought it was funny:

http://www.wisdomination.com/accurate-dictionary/

[Baceseras]

My favorite comment:

Life need challenge not effortless devices. or singing only well know recipes.

I want that carved above my door. Or at least printed on a t-shirt.

[aelfheld]

TDK, 'ware dirty telephones.

[Darleen]

((Oops... I posted this to wrong thread … let me try again :::sigh::: then hope for more coffee))

that’s before you even get to the inflammatory question of who would be eligible for such a mission under the definition of “woman”.

Ruh-roh, writer Stephanie Merritt should hope she and her scare quotes don't come to the attention of Vivian Kane.

[David]

Thought u all might enjoy this,

Emotional labour – Being asked to back up your arguments.

And,

False consciousness – Sanity viewed from a totalitarian perspective.

And,

Instagram – A tool for grooming attention whores into actual ones.

So yes.

[David]

Oops... I posted this to wrong thread…

I saw you wandering off and looking confused. I assumed you’d lost your shoes again.

[Steve E]

The Jar Of Testicles (pronounced like Hercules) sounds like something from Roman Mythology.

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

It does, doesn’t it?😄

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

Has anyone seen my shoes?

[Darleen]

Has anyone seen my shoes?

Oh, heck. In my under-caffeinated state, I think I may be wearing them.

[Sean Peake]

Can imagine the volume of white wine they'd have to import on a weekly basis?

[NTSOG]

''... the very idea of a self-sufficient community of women ...'' I guess it's possible, but I don't know if it's ever happened, except possibly in Stalinist Russia.

As for ''... in a matriarchal society without examples of male aggression, ...'', but what about female aggression? I seem to remember a recent discussion [on this site] about bitches [female dogs] being far more aggressive than male dogs and that led to a discussion about the aggressive nature of human females, mostly to each other as nature's way of securing the safety of the immediate family, including progeny.

[Baceseras]

The fear that even in a happy, thriving matriarchy, a male child might "grow up to be the kind of man who grabs a peaceful protester by the back of her neck" . . . wait a sec, what is there left to protest about in a happy, thriving matriarchy?

[Sam]

what is there left to protest about in a happy, thriving matriarchy?

How rude Maggie was when lecturing me about how I decoupled the quantum reactor, for starters! What. A. Bitch.

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

No, Darleen is wearing David’s shoes. Who has MY shoes? Show of feet, please.

[bgates]

the inflammatory question of who would be eligible for such a mission

I object in the strongest possible terms to the use of the word "inflammatory" as though it had negative connotations. The Differently Immune Systemed Community will endure this lexical genocide no longer. On their behalf, I demand The Guardian fire the author of that article and every editor who let the sentence pass, and further that their pensions and unused vacation time payout be donated to a bank account in the Caymans that will be used for, I dunno, Raising Awareness or something.

[Burnsie]

Via Guardian Science.

*Snort*

[TimT]

Writers at the Grauniad seem to have gone from reading about tests on sperm in outer space and possible human colonies on Mars to heady fantasies of Femtopias in the stars alarmingly quickly.

[Tony from Launceston (Tasmania)]

If you have ever kept chickens you will have noticed that if there is no Rooster one of the females grows larger and starts to grow a Coxcomb. So .....

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

I’ve read they may also start trying to breed the other females.

Tony, please tell us a bit about Tasmania.

[Ron Butler]

I'm guessing the first generation would be pretty uniformly oriented toward their own sex. Unless you believe that sexual orientation is rigorously genetically determined, though, a problem -- heterosexuality -- would begin to rear its (ahem) head in the second generation, and would need to be stamped out by social disapproval, psychiatric 'reeducation,' legal punishment, hormone 'therapy,' electroshock, etc. Whatever is required.

Only forty or so years into the colony's history and we're already settling into a dystopia that would make Orwell, Huxley AND Zamyatin blanch.

[TimT]

If you have ever kept chickens you will have noticed that if there is no Rooster one of the females grows larger and starts to grow a Coxcomb.

This is true, our chooks fall into this pattern.

After a number of years one of our chooks started adopting rooster-like habits, occasionally mating with the other chooks. The older ones occasionally try to crow, too. Though one thing roosters do is find food for the other chickens and keep all the flock in order; our self-appointed roosters felt no need to bother with that!

Mind you, our chooks never once cared if we misgendered them and didn't give a shit about what pronouns we used for them...

[TDK]

aelfheld: TDK, 'ware dirty telephones.

One person got the reference! Thank you.

I doubt the women who write this garbage do their own cleaning.

[David]

Twelve million pageviews. Bloody hell.

Excuse me while I lick my own eyebrows.

[sk60]

Twelve million pageviews.

I knew you when you were a nobody. :-)

[David]

I knew you when you were a nobody. :-)

No change there. I realise it’s terribly vulgar to trumpet such things, but I’m surprised. A dozen years ago, this didn’t seem at all likely.

[ Dashes backstage, emerges in tuxedo, gestures for spotlight. ]

“I’d like to thank my agent, my hairstylist, and all of the little people who made me the towering glory that I am today…”

[TimT]

From glowering Tory to towering glory?

(No pickled eggs for me tonight).

[pst314]

"...if there is no Rooster one of the females grows larger and starts to grow a Coxcomb."

Does it also start wearing jeans and motorcycle boots?

I'll just let myself out.

[pst314]

Excuse me while I lick my own eyebrows.

Ah, but can you catch bugs in mid-flight?

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

I can on the rare occasions I see a lightning bug. They’ve become scarce around here the last few years. And I haven’t seen a June bug in at least 30 years. In these parts. at least, I think they may be extinct.

[Biergood]

Crack some beers, boys. Party at my house! They're gone!