Our Betters In Love (2)
January 22, 2020
Further to this recent tale of aching tenderness, it’s time for another visit to the pages of Slate, where our progressive betters mull the quandaries of modern living:
I’m a woman in my mid-30s, and I’ve identified as asexual and aromantic basically forever. A few months ago, something changed, and I experienced sexual attraction for the first time,
Ah, a sexual blossoming.
I’m kind of touch-averse,
I befriended a man online. We were a little flirty right from the start, but I drew a hard line in the sand because he’s (unhappily) married, and that’s very much against my moral code.
Thank goodness for moral codes.
Our relationship escalated during this time and turned sexual (still just over text or online).
That hard line in the sand.
As we go further, though, I’m starting to wonder if I’m a terrible person for encouraging and enabling this man to cheat on his wife, just because he treats me in a way that no one else ever has. He tells me I’m beautiful and desirable and values me so much more than I am often able to value myself.
Yeah, screw the wife. I got mine and now I’m hot, baby.
I know you can’t tell me if I’m a terrible person,
Quiet at the back.
but am I doing a terrible thing? How do I find this kind of relationship with someone who is actually available, when being touched before I fully trust someone will give me a panic attack? Yes, I’m in therapy, and this is something that we’re working on, and no, I have no history of trauma—I just get extremely anxious about being touched.
Slate’s advice columnist offers a stern rebuke:
Stop this inappropriate virtual relationship.
And some progressive counsel:
You might have an easier time with people who are queer or polyamorous than with dude-ly dudes. So, maybe prioritise OkCupid and Feeld over Tinder.
Because someone with serious trust issues, in therapy, and prone to panic attacks, will doubtless thrive in the world of polyamory.
This being Slate, there is of course more niche moral agonising:
I am fat. Despite this, I’m in mostly good health (just a little joint and muscle pain), and for the first time since I was young, I love my body! I’ve been joining some fat-positive and fat-liberation movements, because, you know, we deserve to have rights and be a part of life! But lately, my foot has been hurting, and even though I am on good terms with my body, I’m noticing certain physical pains that I don’t remember having when I weighed even just 100 pounds less.
The word just appears to be doing some heavy lifting there. Apparently, 100 pounds is a small unit of weight gain. A gnat’s eyelash.
I think I would like to start trying to lose weight again, just until I get comfortable. Am I betraying a worthy cause by losing weight? I feel like a fraud for even thinking about it.
And elsewhere on the page, there’s this:
He wants our sex tape, but he just had a baby with another woman.
Oh, world of woe.