Our Betters In Love (2)

Further to this recent tale of aching tenderness, it’s time for another visit to the pages of Slate, where our progressive betters mull the quandaries of modern living:  

I’m a woman in my mid-30s, and I’ve identified as asexual and aromantic basically forever. A few months ago, something changed, and I experienced sexual attraction for the first time, 

Ah, a sexual blossoming.

I’m kind of touch-averse, 

Albeit complicated.

I befriended a man online. We were a little flirty right from the start, but I drew a hard line in the sand because he’s (unhappily) married, and that’s very much against my moral code. 

Thank goodness for moral codes.

Our relationship escalated during this time and turned sexual (still just over text or online).

That hard line in the sand.

As we go further, though, I’m starting to wonder if I’m a terrible person for encouraging and enabling this man to cheat on his wife, just because he treats me in a way that no one else ever has. He tells me I’m beautiful and desirable and values me so much more than I am often able to value myself.

Yeah, screw the wife. I got mine and now I’m hot, baby.

I know you can’t tell me if I’m a terrible person,

Quiet at the back.

but am I doing a terrible thing? How do I find this kind of relationship with someone who is actually available, when being touched before I fully trust someone will give me a panic attack? Yes, I’m in therapy, and this is something that we’re working on, and no, I have no history of trauma—I just get extremely anxious about being touched.

Slate’s advice columnist offers a stern rebuke:

Stop this inappropriate virtual relationship. 

And some progressive counsel:

You might have an easier time with people who are queer or polyamorous than with dude-ly dudes. So, maybe prioritise OkCupid and Feeld over Tinder.

Because someone with serious trust issues, in therapy, and prone to panic attacks, will doubtless thrive in the world of polyamory. 

This being Slate, there is of course more niche moral agonising: 

I am fat. Despite this, I’m in mostly good health (just a little joint and muscle pain), and for the first time since I was young, I love my body! I’ve been joining some fat-positive and fat-liberation movements, because, you know, we deserve to have rights and be a part of life! But lately, my foot has been hurting, and even though I am on good terms with my body, I’m noticing certain physical pains that I don’t remember having when I weighed even just 100 pounds less.

The word just appears to be doing some heavy lifting there. Apparently, 100 pounds is a small unit of weight gain. A gnat’s eyelash.

I think I would like to start trying to lose weight again, just until I get comfortable. Am I betraying a worthy cause by losing weight? I feel like a fraud for even thinking about it.

And elsewhere on the page, there’s this:

He wants our sex tape, but he just had a baby with another woman.

Oh, world of woe.

Comments

[Liz]

You might have an easier time with people who are queer or polyamorous than with dude-ly dudes.

A straight woman will have an easier time getting laid if she dates gay people?

[David]

A straight woman will have an easier time getting laid if she dates gay people?

Apparently.

[Y. Knott]

"Apparently."

- Yes, but is she poisoning their gayness by introducing "feelings" for "normal" sex? Is she not a contemptible traitor for joining their group and then tempting them away from their liberated lifestyle into cisgenderedness? Isn't she?

It gets confusing.

[Xas7wcrg9e]

A straight woman will have an easier time getting laid if she dates gay people?

A potential squeeze is less likely to be cis-married* to a cis-opposite partner, in the author's eyes, I imagine...

Note that I'd take this opportunity to even hint at the slightest allegation of (obviously unintended) homophobia in the author's commentary.

===

* Is that a term? Google suggests it isn't, and it should be!: "A cis-hetero married to exactly one cis-hetero of the opposite gender."

[Xas7wcrg9e]

Note that I'd take this opportunity

*Not* - oh for an edit button; for those things that are missed in the preview screen...

[Joan]

Apparently, 100 pounds is a small unit of weight gain. A gnat’s eyelash.

It's 2/3rds of another person.

[Burnsie]

Is this Slate's annual Doormat issue?

Women seemed a lot sturdier back in my coming-of-age years.

[David]

It’s 2/3rds of another person.

When you’re using the weight of a typical teenage boy as a small unit of measurement, and a trivial matter, I think it’s fair to say you should be dialling back on the carbs and sugar.

Just a tad.

[Squires]

I always thought it imprudent to look towards pornography for sexual instruction. Looking to a pornagrapher for healthy relationship advice is quite the one up on that.

Generally it’s not even a good idea for a girl to take dating advice from another female.

It's 2/3rds of another person.

“My body is collapsing under my weight, but I don’t want to lose the cult I’m in that says I am in the right state.”

[David]

Generally it’s not even a good idea for a girl to take dating advice from another female.

I was under the impression that teenagers now just Snapchat their genitals at each other.

[Tom]

I was under the impression that teenagers now just Snapchat their genitals at each other.

That actually sounds uncomfortable, if not downright painful.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

And elsewhere on the page, there’s this:

Also this:

My boyfriend and I lost our virginities to each other a few weeks ago...He also isn’t really big. He’s pretty average size.

A virgin, but an expert on the comparative size of johnsons ?

...teenagers now just Snapchat their genitals at each other.

Ah - just so, thanks for the explanation...

[marc in calgary]

Two of my sisters each weigh 105-110 lbs. each.

That 100 lbs gain is not "just" some gain. (Again, the "just" seems to be doing a lot of lifting).

The above person with the extra person inside of them should liberate that person inside.

and no, I will not give up my armrest for one of your rolls to spill onto while flying or taking the train into the central business district.

marc, almost totally NORMAL in calgary ...

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

And elsewhere on the page, there’s this:

Also this, which is a bit puzzling, mainly because I am thinking that if a "trans son", wanted one, a preference for one might indicate a potential lack of actual transness.

[Xas7wcrg9e]

a preference for one might indicate a potential lack of actual transness.

But, but, but... a fleshlight isn't going to be much use with pleasuring his male vagina™ now, is it? Well not if used as prescribed that is...

[Killer Marmot]

The health risks of being grossly overweight don't care about social attitudes. That's the punch line for those who are being encouraged to love their fat.

[BrassG]

That page reads like a Freudian trial by combat.

[Governor Squid]

I’ve been joining some fat-positive and fat-liberation movements...

I'm trying to decide if "fat-liberation movement" is the silliest contradiction I've seen since "marijuana initiative," or if it's just a fancy way of saying "exercise."

I don't think I'll ever get the hang of the 21st Century.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

I’ve been joining some fat-positive and fat-liberation movements...

Related...

[David]

fat-positive and fat-liberation movements

Because wheezing, immobility and chronic discomfort equals good times.

[WTP]

Again, doughnuts and pizza. We need to be sending these people free doughnuts and pizza. It's the only way. OK, helicopters too but that's gonna require a lot of trips. Doughnuts and pizza are, I think, much more cost effective.

[Uma Thurmond's Feet]

That page reads like a Freudian trial by combat.

Thread winner

[Hopp Singg]

He can always have two wives if he's a Nigerian prince, honey. Ask him.

You might be pleasantly surprised.

[Baceseras]

Drawing a hard line in the sand never works, because, sand.

[Baceseras]

Yes, I'm in therapy.

Interminable? (Rhetorical question.)

[Sam]

Do women earnestly read this crap in order to feel better about their own plights? Serious question. Because it just makes me sad.

[Heather]

The advice part is particularly stupid. I think the "don't touch me" lady should block the married guy on her phone, go to a club, do a couple of shots and make out with some hottie on the dance floor. Way cheaper than therapy and much more fun.

[Sam Duncan]

“Stop this inappropriate virtual relationship.”

Endless amusement can be afforded by replacing the word “inappropriate” with “sinful” in the pontifications of Our Betters. It means basically the same thing in their theology.

“Generally it’s not even a good idea for a girl to take dating advice from another female.”

I'm not entirely sure that it's a good idea for anyone to take dating advice from anyone, to be honest. (Wait. Was that dating advice? Woah... meta, er... dude.)

[Darleen]

Do women earnestly read this crap in order to feel better about their own plights? Serious question.

I can only speak for myself, but when I was younger "Dear Abby" was a daily read. Not for the "feel better" but to see if there was something I hadn't seen before and if my own advice would match. As I got older, it just got so repetitious I stop reading.

Now, both the scenarios and the advice mostly makes me want to pound my head on the wall. And I keep wondering how much of this is just straight-out fiction.

[Daniel Ream]

Yes, I’m in therapy, and this is something that we’re working on, and no, I have no history of trauma

She's lying.

Assuming every single one of these agony aunt letters isn't just made up to sell washing powder, that is.

[Chester Draws]

I'm glad that I wasn't the only one who struggled with the metaphor of a hard line in sand.

Apparently Trump does it though.

[Lady Cutekitten]

Dear Abby has always insisted she can tell the fake letters from the real ones.

Re missing the big holiday, that happened to me once because of an ill-timed winter storm. I enjoyed it. Chatted with some people in a similar holding pattern, sat by the room window watching the snow fall and fall and fall, watched the p.m.Christmas news roundup, and off to bed. Very peaceful.

[Fred the Fourth]

Darleen, Lady,

I think I have mentioned here before about my housemate back in the 80s - a San Francisco area sportswriter. He told stories about ongoing contests in the newsroom to get fake Dear Abby letters published. Points awarded for ridiculosity and innuendo. No points if not published. But at Slate I'm sure they have layers and layers of editors to prevent that...

[Darleen]

Cringe alert.

[JuliaM]

"Cringe alert."

A colleague said to me just yesterday 'I'm a bit sick and tired of this generation. What the hell is wrong with them?'. This was out of the blue, we'd been discussing work.

I think I'll send her this.

[Xas7wcrg9e]

"Cringe alert."

*'Clunge', surely?

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

"Cringe alert."

Marone. The worst part is these idiots actually take themselves seriously and think they are accomplishing something.

Meanwhile and related...

Regarding Terry Jones, this probably won't be satire.

[Farnswoth M Muldoon]

Meanwhile, back to the love lives of our betters, one Miss Vicky Spratt laments The Dangerous Rise Of Men Who Won’t Date “Woke” Women.

Dangerous, I tells ya. It is mainly a diatribe about Laurence Fox to cover for the fact she and her harpy pals can't get dates.

Not wanting to date "woke" women, far from being laughable, is actually one of the more insidious aspects of it. Spend an afternoon on any major dating app and you’ll come across (generally white) men saying openly sexist and misogynistic things. They might say "no psychos" or that they "fucking hate big eyebrows" in their bios. And, by and large, they also tend to hold extremely right-wing views and see themselves as victims of liberal thinking.

In fact, as I was writing this, a dear friend sent me a screenshot of a guy she’s just matched with who describes Jordan B Peterson as his "dream dinner guest". Yes, the same Jordan B Peterson who thinks that white privilege is a "Marxist lie" and wants millennials to drop their obsession with "social justice".

Right, their not wanting to date the un-woke is peachy, though, because only the woke get to have preferences.

Susan Faludi wrote about the link between violence, anger and anti-feminism prophetically...She added: "When the enemy has no face, society will invent one."

Later that same day...

Make no mistake, the far right is already capitalising on Fox’s words, gassing him up and turning him into an icon. He has added to their backlash and given it oxygen. Every time he is invited onto a TV or radio show to talk about it, that oxygen will cause the backlash to burn hotter and faster, irrespective of whether we’re watching or not. It’s important not to trivialise this anti-woke, anti-women backlash.

Leftists Project™

For men like Fox, who feel they have been wronged somehow, that they are missing out on opportunities...

When it comes to dating woke wxymn, I doubt he thinks so.

[[+]]

"I Live With Six Brothers. I Have Sex With Two of Them. It’s Fine, They Know"

https://slate.com/human-interest/2020/01/sex-with-two-brothers-relationship-name-advice.html

[BrassG]

"Cringe alert."

What a lovely grenade target they make.

[David]

It is mainly a diatribe about Laurence Fox to cover for the fact she and her harpy pals can’t get dates.

I think it was the New Statesman that claimed Mr Fox has obviously been “radicalised” - which is an odd way of describing someone whose views are most likely shared by a majority of British people, and which were normative, indeed humdrum, until very recently. “Radical” views including the belief that one should try to pick the best person for the job, rather than prioritising a candidate’s sex or skin colour. Or the belief that Britain isn’t in fact a White Devil Babylon.

[PiperPaul]

"Mr Fox has obviously been “radicalised”"

I know you are but what am I?

Obviously we are dealing with child-level minds, so why not respond appropriately?

[Sam]

To these people Laurence Fox truly is a radical, no exaggeration. It's not even the "lefty's project" trope at work here, but rather a group for whom absolute and never faltering moral certitude is required for continuing membership in the club of their peers. We've seen how they treat their fellow crazy train travelers who slip up even once, so of course someone with the temerity to disagree - most especially when it's one of the Pale Penis "people" - is by definition radically opposed to their life's mission.

But I choose to be optimistic. It took one drone missile to expose the entire Iranian regime for the desperate incompetents that they are, and it appears to take mere common sense and mockery to expose the barely-concealed hatred the monolith left harbors for everyday norms.

[David]

I know you are but what am I?

It does seem to be our old friend projection. Still, it’ll be interesting to see the reactions when I tell, say, my sisters-in-law, and father-in-law, and nieces, and any number of other friends and family members, that they too must have been radicalised by the unwoke shadowpeople.

[Uma Thurmond's Feet]

You would think that the willingness of men to declare they won't date "woke" wymi- wyomi- whyomings would be a blessing. Why date them, possibly marry them, and make two people miserable?

[Chester Draws]

For men like Fox, who feel they have been wronged somehow, that they are missing out on opportunities...

I very much doubt Fox feels he has been wronged. He grew up in quite a privileged background, and knows that. He's been presented with quite a few opportunities, and has taken some of them.

I was less privileged financially, but there's nothing quite like parents who are stable, loving and caring to set one up for life. And I know that. Being white and male hasn't been a disadvantage very often either. And I know that.

Why do the woke feel that because we disagree about their proposed solutions -- because they're mental and counter-productive -- that we disagree about the reality that there is still some racism and some sexism?

The issue I have with spotting micro-aggressions, is that it gets in the way of calling out actual aggression. I enables bullies, albeit of a particular political bent, rather than preventing them. I've seen, and in one case been on the end of, some serious workplace bullying. Micro-aggressions were the least of the targets' worries in situations like that.

[Uma Thurmond's Feet]

Micro-aggressions were the least of the targets' worries in situations like that.

Besides, if you can't handle micro-aggressions yourself, the problem is not society. There's a reason why these are called micro.

But what it actually is about is acquiring authority over others, and venting the spleen and wants what you have, without going through the effort (or maybe because they lack the ability) to get it themselves.

[Darleen]

Minimally, the first 2.5 minutes of this.

Watching the young woman's facial expressions and realizing she wasn't actually there to listen to an answer to her question.

[Trevor]

Minimally, the first 2.5 minutes of this.

It was kind of the host to parse the question and explain to Jordan what it really meant. This was from Australian TV's Q&A, a programme that almost makes BBC's Question Time palatable in comparison. A major difference is that the Australian show features a performance, as in this example when late-civilisational degeneracy and the Stone Age collaborated to make beautiful music together.

[Steve E]

But what it actually is about is acquiring authority over others...

Well this is the nub isn't it. They're so bought into marxism and neo-marxism that they see all struggles as group struggles and they use this paradigm to describe everyone else's actions and interactions. But, but they have a huge blind spot and don't see that their own point of view involves exerting power over other groups of people.

What's interesting is that to please a capitalist all you have to do is put in your time in his factory and buy his stuff. After that, he doesn't care what you do. These intersectionalist, neo-marxists are never happy. They want to control not only what you do, but how you think. And, these light-weight "intellectuals" don't even know what they want you to do and think.

According to Marx, Communism can only exist when "communist man" comes into existence. These people are not "communist man." They're not even the proletariat. What they want is a dictatorship where they can do and say what they want while telling everyone else what to do.

[ There's a Red-under-my-bed rant off ]

[Steve E]

It was kind of the host to parse the question and explain to Jordan what it really meant.

I thought the same thing and was waiting for someone to explain to the host that group behaviour is the sum of individual behaviour and so whether you approach things from the top or the bottom you still have to change what indivduals do to change what groups do.

Peterson has incredible patience. I would have punched the guy in the nose at the end of the show.

[Hal]

Regarding Terry Jones, this probably won't be satire.

Too bad, 'cause, The Pythons.

Amongst all the quite deserved praise and summaries, John Cleese quickly announced the definitive eulogy:

Two down, four to go!

[pst314]

explain to the host that group behaviour is the sum of individual behaviour

Someone who is does not have his own life in order is very unlikely to have any correct understanding of how to put society in better order. Furthermore, people in their teens and twenties are just too ignorant and need to live a while before making demands.

[Darleen]

the Australian show features a performance, as in this example

oh dear lord … I can only believe that show is broadcast due to taxpayer funding?

[Darleen]

Peterson has incredible patience.

Peterson's "No" is the most incredible, effective Dad moment witnessed in a long time.

I can play just that bit over and over and it makes me smile each time.

[ACTOldFart]

oh dear lord … I can only believe that show is broadcast due to taxpayer funding?

Spot on Darleen, the ABC here is Australia costs us poor bloody taxpayers over $A1 billion per year, and produces acres of mediocre lightweight biassed crap across myriad TV, radio and on-line channels. Basically a self-indulgent bandwidth-wasting national disgrace.

Rant over

[fnord]

Spot on Darleen, the ABC here is Australia costs us poor bloody taxpayers over $A1 billion per year, and produces acres of mediocre lightweight biassed crap across myriad TV, radio and on-line channels. Basically a self-indulgent bandwidth-wasting national disgrace.

====
At least the BBC, which I imagine the ABC fondly believes it's emulating, produced quality dramas and comedy; hell, Yes Minister alone is worth several years worth of TV license fees. Has the ABC produced anything of comprable quality?

[ACTOldFart]

Has the ABC produced anything of comprable quality?

I really think the answer to that is a short, bald "No". They produce some of their own drama series, but they are so overladen with green wet left, feminist and social justice messages, and so poor in production values, as to be unwatchable.

And as to anything approaching "high culture", forget it. Australia must be the only first world society where you will find more Shakespeare performances, and more adaptations of Dickens et al, on free-to-air commercial TV than on the national public broadcaster. Largely because the ABC's policy is not to show any of "that old-fashioned stuff" at all.

Here endeth the second rant.

[JML]

To be fair, ABC Radio is not too bad. It's the TV and online output that's egregious. It would be great if they scrapped all that, but it's not going to happen.

[Daniel Ream]

produces acres of mediocre lightweight biassed crap across myriad TV, radio and on-line channels. Basically a self-indulgent bandwidth-wasting national disgrace.

CBC: Hold my beer, eh.

[Governor Squid]

You would think that the willingness of men to declare they won't date "woke" wymi- wyomi- whyomings would be a blessing. Why date them, possibly marry them, and make two people miserable?

Because the ones complaining are already miserable, and want some company apart from the Feminist Book Store Glee Club.