Above Us, Our Betters
Friday Ephemera

Modern Love

From the realm of woke sophistication that is New York magazine:

What It’s Like to Isolate With Your Girlfriend and Her Other Boyfriend.

Or, put another way,

As the coronavirus forces millions of Americans to practice social distancing and stay in their homes, relationships are being put to the test… The situation is even more complicated when you’re staying inside not just with your partner, but with your partner’s partner as well.

To illustrate this terribly progressive lifestyle arrangement, we’re introduced to a Brooklynite comedian and podcaster named Billy, his girlfriend Megan, and his girlfriend Megan’s other boyfriend Kyle.

This is Billy’s first polyamorous relationship, and while he doesn’t know his metamour Kyle that well, he says he’s doing his best to respect his space.

Yes, metamour. Other descriptive choices are available.

Quizzed on the indoor celebrations of Meghan’s birthday, Billy says,

We didn’t get to do too much. We watched some TV shows, we smoked weed, I gave her some birthday sexual lovin’. 

I’m assuming there’s some kind of rota system. Perhaps a pecking order.

I live in Brooklyn, and my girlfriend and metamour live in Jersey City. Megan and I have been dating about nine months, and she and her boyfriend have been dating for about two and a half years… They have a two-bedroom apartment here, so I have been staying in the guest room. For the last couple of nights Megan’s slept in bed with me. But then last night, she fell asleep with me, and I woke up alone. I guess at some point in the night she went to Kyle’s room and slept with him. 

Needless to say, the situation requires a certain give-and-take:

Because I’m in their space, I’m in his space, and I don’t wanna be encroaching on that.

It’s an interesting way of putting it, all things considered.

So, if he’s like, “You need to open a window to smoke weed,” I’m like, okay, I will make sure to do that.

We learn that Megan and Kyle have “been going through some relationship difficulties themselves.” Yes, I thought that would shock you.  

[Megan] manages who she spends her time with… I can take as much or as little as she gives, so I keep reminding her that if she wants to spend a couple of nights sleeping in bed with Kyle, that’s great. I’m very flexible.

No laughing at the back.

We’re then treated to – or rather, bored by – a list of complications that veer towards the neurotic at considerable speed:  

I still get a little cautious about how handsy to be with Megan in front of Kyle, how kissy to be in front of him. There’s a small little urge in me that’s like, Oh, I want him to like me

Because everyone dreams of an intimate relationship based on awkwardness and in which you have to continually hesitate, self-censor and fret about such things. However, our Brooklynite podcaster sees an upside to his exhaustingly self-conscious three-way entanglement:

There’s a part of me that’s relieved that Megan has another person here, because then I don’t have to be everything to her. I don’t have to give her all the attention that’s needed, I don’t have to give her all of the cuddles that are needed, because she has another partner. 

Ooh. He’s a keeper.

Via Ace, who quips,  

Basically, this guy is not just a sexual c**k, but a physical property c**k as well. He has to walk around on eggshells while staying at his girlfriend’s boyfriend’s place.

Ah, the stuff of love.

Previously in New York magazine, and very much related

Oh, and we mustn’t forget this veritable feast of woke brain fever