The Lockdown Diaries

Time, I think, for an open thread, in which to share links and bicker. Feel free to recount your adventures during The Old Testament Event of 2020, aka, The Toilet-Paper Apocalypse.

For those in need of diversion, the Reheated series is there to be poked at. 

Comments

[Jen]

How coronavirus emptied the world's streets.

https://www.amusingplanet.com/2020/03/how-coronavirus-emptied-worlds-streets.html

[Lancastrian Oik]

How coronavirus emptied the world's streets.

"The normally polluted waters of the canals of Venice have become so clear that one can see the bottom".

That's probably due to the absence of vaporettos and gondolas which means the silt on the very shallow lagoon floor is not being stirred up.

Sorry if that's a bit prosaic.

[David]

For those in search of an afternoon project.

[BrassG]

"Sorry if that's a bit prosaic."

Shhh! Can't make any socio-political hay from that.

[David]

And for readers overseas.

Via Julia.

[Sam Duncan]

I just keep thinking of the Onion's first post-9/11 headline: A Shattered Nation Longs to Care About Stupid Bullshit Again.

(While searching for the actual article, I came across this. I can relate to that right now, too. As a world-class hypochondriac, a global pandemic is pretty much my worst nightmare.)

[David]

As a world-class hypochondriac, a global pandemic is pretty much my worst nightmare.

Yes, it can be a bit, “Oh my God, I’m coming down with Atomic Death Plague,” when in fact you just forgot to take your antihistamine.

[MC]

Atomic Death Plague

Band name.

[David]

On the upside, hereabouts at least, there’s lovely weather for it.

[Darleen]

Mom brag moment (#1 daughter, CCT RN)

[David]

[ Slides well-thumbed sausage roll along bar to Darleen. ]

On the house.

[Squires]

[Stealthily lifts sausage roll, peers at underside. Replaces sausage roll carefully, mutters, “Did Lucas Industries make every fucking thing in this joint?” Looks to henchlesbians suddenly, staring as if seeing them for the first time.]

[Steve E]

Oh sweet Saint Andreas hear our prayer.

https://torontosun.com/news/world/bag-it-dont-flush-it-californians-using-t-shirts-in-place-of-toilet-paper-leading-to-sewer-blockages/wcm/7a6fa794-7a4f-4994-b184-8bb266d44488

[David]

[Stealthily lifts sausage roll, peers at underside…]

Ignore the turquoise furry patches. That’s just… seasoning.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

...a global pandemic is pretty much my worst nightmare...

[pedant]"Pandemic" just means widespread epidemic, often of a new, or new strain, of disease, there is nothing specific about virulence. There could be, for instance, a pandemic of athlete's foot refractory to Tinactin™, every year there is a pandemic of flu, and so on. Pandemic does not automatically mean second coming of the bubonic plague even though the media trumpets it as if so.[/pedant]

Oh sweet Saint Andreas hear our prayer.

On a positive note, unlike San Francisco, at least they are not just all crapping in the street.

[Fred the Fourth]

Hey, people badmouth Lucas, but my own experience (1949 MG-TC and 1974 MGB (yes I have difficulty learning from experience, why do you ask?)) was that 1) the electrics broke frequently, but B) they were very easy to repair if you had the bits. The essential thing to avoid is attempting to integrate modern bits into Lucas systems. (Wow. I just used Lucas and System in the same sentence.) I had endless trouble with a solid state voltage regulator in the MGB, for instance.

While I'm here, do the carbs on the Henchlesbians need their oil topped up? I just happen to have some with me.

[David]

at least they are not just all crapping in the street.

[ Gingerly picks up unloved sausage roll, returns it to display shelf behind bar. ]

[aelfheld]

"The normally polluted waters of the canals of Venice have become so clear that one can see the bottom".

Except . . .

They haven't.

[Hal]

On a positive note, unlike San Francisco, at least they are not just all crapping in the street.

Hmmm. Since you bring up the dogs owned by hipsters, I wonder if there's been the article(s) on the desperate travails of I know there's a lockdown, but I'm just trying to get a dog walked 'cause I was so socially trapped that I actually got a dog.

. . . . of course on an other hand, there might not be any such articles, anyone actually in that trap would find it too genuinely revealing . . . .

[Lancastrian Oik]

1974 MGB

Brave man.

And, despite being a fellow petrolhead, I do not share your enthusiasm for the said products. It was not without good reason that “Joe” Lucas was known to British motorists as “The Prince Of Darkness”.

[smokepunk]

not sure if you've seen this David... https://www.spiked-online.com/2020/03/17/the-luxury-of-apocalypticism/

[Chester Draws]

"The normally polluted waters of the canals of Venice have become so clear that one can see the bottom".

If things are actually polluted, they take more than a couple of weeks to clear up. Touting the supposed clearing as "proof" of pollution is actually just showing how little pollution there is.

For dolphins to swim up into harbours after the boats stop moving, as I saw on film recently, there has to be dolphins already in the area.

On an unrelated note, as I was driving home yesterday, I had to slow down because some idiot was coming past the other way at 70 km/hour in a residential street with children (50 km/hr). But he was safe -- because he was wearing a face mask! Many people's assessments of risk are completely screwed.

[svh]

One for our host...

https://boundingintocomics.com/2020/03/24/after-flagging-viewership-star-trek-picard-star-patrick-stewart-unveils-free-access-to-cbs-all-access-through-april/

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

Greta Thunberg says she has Coronavirus. As far as I can tell from the news, she’s the only kid in the world who is symptomatic enough to wonder if she might have it and get tested.

[Darleen]

she’s the only kid in the world

Maybe that's why she's claiming it ... she's been knocked from the headlines. Oh the humanity!

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

Just found another article saying she didn’t get tested, she just figured she and her dad had it, so she isolated them. (I swear, Mr. Thunberg is either the world’s biggest 🐈 or, if he dreamed up the whole scam and is forcing his kid to participate, he’s the world’s biggest con man.)

[Fred the Fourth]

Oik,
I'm at the Toyota / Subaru age now. Much less exciting.
But about those carbs...

[Uma Thurmond's Feet]

One for our host...

Wasn't getting the Corona virus bad enough?

[Russtovich]

[Slides well-thumbed sausage roll along bar to Darleen. ]

The most important question being... was it well-thumbed before or after the virus panic began?

[Jeff Guinn]

The Wing Is a Women’s Utopia. Unless You Work There.

Who would have ever suspected that a social club set up by woke women for woke women could turn into a festival of back-stabbing, bitchery, status-obsession, and a serious depletion of the world's supply of pink?

Stepping into a Wing location feels a little like being sealed inside a pop-feminist Biodome. It is pitched as a social experiment: what the world would look like if it were designed by and for women, or at least millennial women with meaningful employment and a cultivated Instagram aesthetic. The Wing looks beautiful and expensive, with curvy pink interiors that recall the womb. The thermostat hovers around 72 degrees, to satisfy women’s higher temperature needs. A color-coded library features books by female authors only. There are well-appointed pump rooms, as well as private phone booths named after Lisa Simpson, Anita Hill and Lady Macbeth. There is an in-house cafe, the Perch, serving wines sourced from female vintners, and an in-house babysitting annex, the Little Wing, where members’ children may be looked after. The vibe is a fusion of sisterly inclusion and exclusive luxury: Private memberships run up to $3,000 per year, and the wait-list is 9,000 names long.

[pst314]

private phone booths named after Lisa Simpson, Anita Hill and Lady Macbeth

Quintessentially feminist: Lisa Simpson is a well-meaning but foolish busybody, Anita Hill is a malicious slanderer, and Lady Macbeth was a murderer.

[pst314]

Who would have ever suspected that a social club set up by woke women for woke women could turn into a festival of back-stabbing, bitchery, status-obsession...

I would, having known many feminists, and having worked at one time or another for a few female bosses.
This reminds me of 1970's feminist science fiction stories in which women living without men create true utopias, and in some of which men are (humanely) exterminated because, well, what else can you do with the hopeless beasts?

[Felicity]

Day is off to a good start:)

https://twitter.com/SirBasilBrush/status/1242428065835356166?s=20

[TimT]

Who would have ever suspected that a social club set up by woke women for woke women could turn into a festival of back-stabbing, bitchery, status-obsession...

Reminds me of this story about the demise of a millennial-female-centred media group.

https://www.thecut.com/2019/06/babe-net-aziz-ansari-date-rise-and-fall.html

Turns out the one male member of the team had been sleeping with the lot of them, just about, and jealousy and insecurity abounded.

[felicity]

Mom brag moment

Barmen, drink for Darleen on my tab. Not the hooch, top shelf please.

[Richard Cranium]

As for "The Wing", there cannot be a female-only club in the US; since there cannot be a male-only club in the US, lawsuits to require them to allow men are only moments away.

[Fred the Fourth]

Mr. Head,
From what I could glean from comments on various sites, some gent has already filed.

[Fred the Fourth]

Wait...$3000 a year for private membership?
There's the problem right there.
You want to keep the nekulturny out, you need to charge more like $30,000.
No wonder there's bad behavior.
I mean, just look around in here! Not a backstab in memory.
That reminds me. Am I the only one David seems to have missed mailing my receipt? My tax guy wants it.

[Chester Draws]

As for "The Wing", there cannot be a female-only club in the US; since there cannot be a male-only club in the US, lawsuits to require them to allow men are only moments away.

A club is when a group of like-minded people form an association for themselves. I know that people tend to refer to businesses like Manchester United as "clubs", but that is for historical reasons only, and they really shouldn't.

To that extent, is The Wing a club? It certainly doesn't seem to resemble either gentleman's or workingmen's clubs, where membership implied ownership too.

[MC]

Who would have ever suspected that a social club set up by woke women for woke women could turn into a festival of back-stabbing, bitchery, status-obsession...

I would, having known many feminists, and having worked at one time or another for a few female bosses.

I have worked for a number of female bosses and never found them difficult, even when they were difficult people. Admittedly these were just normal women, not feminazis. I would say a man working for a female boss or amongst women will have a much better time than a woman in the same position.

About a decade ago, I was a manager in a female-heavy environment and was approached by a female staff member who tearfully complained that she could no longer cope with the spoken and unspoken competition over who was the best-dressed in the office. Fashion was apparently a way to enforce the pecking order.

They simply can't play nicely together. Gentleman's clubs have worked perfectly for centuries, yet wimmin-only clubs seem to be full of roiling anger.

[MC]

Interesting take on the Commie Bat Plague: https://www.ft.com/content/5ff6469a-6dd8-11ea-89df-41bea055720b

The new coronavirus may already have infected far more people in the UK than scientists had previously estimated — perhaps as much as half the population — according to modelling by researchers at the University of Oxford.

[JuliaM]

"I swear, Mr. Thunberg is either the world’s biggest 🐈 or, if he dreamed up the whole scam and is forcing his kid to participate, he’s the world’s biggest con man."

If we're voting, my money's on the latter.

[David]

not sure if you’ve seen this David

Apocalyptic theatrics do seem related to the kinds of recreational outrage and status-signalling we’ve often discussed here. Despite the claims of concern, whether for the planet or some abstracted humanity, it strikes me as rather selfish and often malign in its effect. I wouldn’t care to be a teenager today, saturated in this mindset.

One for our host...

The producers and studio did seem oddly reluctant to release any viewing figures, which is rarely a good sign. And I suppose this is what happens when you hire writers who can’t piece together a compelling and coherent yarn, and when your star and executive producer repeatedly insult half of the audience before the thing even airs. It scarcely needs pointing out that the waffle by Patrick Stewart and Alex Kurtzman about “compassion” and “being better,” and “caring for the good of other people,” rather jars with both the tone and particulars of the series itself, which is largely joyless and often morally bewildering.

[David]

And speaking of things that don’t bear scrutiny:

Professors across the country are taking to social media to express their concern over being forced to deliver their course lectures online amid the coronavirus outbreak, sharing with each other tips on how to limit the number of people who are able to see what they’re teaching students, and criticizing “right wing sites” and even Campus Reform, specifically. Texas Christian University Associate Professor of Political Science Emily Farris tweeted Thursday, “if you are recording a lecture on anything controversial, be prepared for right wing sites to ask students to share it.” Campus Reform reached out to Farris via Twitter Direct Messaging to allow her the opportunity to further explain her comments or to clarify. She later blocked the author of this article on Twitter.

Stunning and brave.

[Ted S, Catskill Mtns, NY, USA]

Be thankful you're not stuck in lockdown in this house

[David]

Be thankful you’re not stuck in lockdown in this house

Ah, shades of lime green. Tricky to coordinate an outfit with that.

[Saricher]

See, it wasn’t China’s fault: https://twitter.com/sairasameerarao/status/1242262842092347393?s=21

I wonder if she’s offering gift certificates for when this all passes ...

[David]

wonder if she’s offering gift certificates for when this all passes

And once again the question comes to mind: “Are you super-woke, or just a racist with a mental health problem?”

Because, remarkably often, the two seem functionally indistinguishable.

[PiperPaul]

"according to modelling by researchers"

Have they re-purposed the climate computers?

[WTP]

Be thankful you're not stuck in lockdown in this house

C'mon now. That I KNOW I've seen here before. That's my mother-in-law's couch just past the spiral staircase.

[David]

That’s my mother-in-law’s couch just past the spiral staircase.

And then there’s the bathroom, which is a hell unto itself. What with the green shag and migraine-inducing walls. I’m trying to think of the name for the colour of the fittings. A sort of pale puce?

[Sam Duncan]

“Private memberships run up to $3,000 per year”

So... it's basically a gentlewomen's club? A sort of White's for chippy millennial chicks?

White's continues to maintain its standards as an establishment exclusively for gentlemen; brief exceptions were made for the visits by Queen Elizabeth II in 1991 and 2016. ... In January 2018, calling themselves 'Women in Whites', a group of female protesters infiltrated the club to highlight its single-sex policy, one managing to gain entry by pretending to be a man. These persons were removed.

(I love that “These persons...”. In Wikipedia, yet!)

[Fred the Fourth]

Wow. I once rented a big house in the Monterey CA area for a family reunion. Before Yelp reviews and the like, and I only had a few photos to go by. Weirdest place ever. All the various types of rooms haphazardly arranged in three levels and two outbuildings. Pool table in my own bedroom. But the piece de resistance was a meter wide pillar in the middle of the main room on the second floor. Three meters tall, flaring into a dish shape at the top. Not supporting anything,just free standing. And it was a marbled violet color. WTF.

[Squires]

...the piece de resistance was a meter wide pillar in the middle of the main room on the second floor.

Ahem:

https://youtu.be/kZzi25eGlIM

[aelfheld]

I swear, Mr. Thunberg is either the world’s biggest 🐈 or, if he dreamed up the whole scam and is forcing his kid to participate, he’s the world’s biggest con man.

The two aren't mutually exclusive.

[aelfheld]

[...] with curvy pink interiors that recall the womb.

Seriously, who in Hell recalls the womb? Fantasies don't count as recollection.

[Governor Squid]

There are well-appointed pump rooms...

Would one be forgiven for assuming these were rooms full of really cute high-heel shoes for the members to try on?

[aelfheld]

[...] private phone booths named after Lisa Simpson, Anita Hill and Lady Macbeth.

Interesting that they celebrate fiction & purveyors of same rather than, say, Lucrezia Borgia, Catherine de' Medici, or Isabella of France.

[Steve E]

Seriously, who in Hell recalls the womb?

Assuming their likely stance on abortion and when life begins, none of us can recall the womb because, according to them, human life is non existent in the womb. Logic is fun. ;-)

[Governor Squid]

Here's a little palette cleanser: Weird Al performs Classical Gas on the roof at sunset.

[Hal]

See, it wasn’t China’s fault: https://twitter.com/sairasameerarao/status/1242262842092347393?s=21

I wonder if she’s offering gift certificates for when this all passes ...

Oh, right, her---There is indeed the racist posturing, but the really big deal for her is indeed that the assorted lockdowns are cutting into her incoming cash flow.

There's a fellow in Louisiana who's having the exact same reaction and reasoning---i.e., how dare you threaten my big party?!?!?!---and he makes exactly as much sense . . .

[Sam]

the demise of a millennial-female-centred media group via TimT's link...

I read it. In it's entirety. The resulting combination of laughter and vomit was a new experience for me. So thanks/f*** you TimT.

Barkeep, my credit note forthwith if you please.

[Fred the Fourth]

Squires,
I admit I did not examine the purple pillar for embedded demons. My bad.
Perhaps the maze-like design of the whole place was indeed some kind of cage for evils.
No matter, even if so my family all got out intact and sane. Except maybe...hmm. That might explain...

[Hal]

But the piece de resistance was a meter wide pillar in the middle of the main room on the second floor.

For decades, the presentation design of Wagner's Ring was the breastplate and magic helmet variety.

And then someone came up with the idea of doing a totally modernIsh Ring, with breeches and waistcoats from the 1700s at the start, finally finishing up with the industrial revolution or so.

The initial reactions were utter and absolute horror, but after awhile the production did get declared a classic . . . with one issue that the designers just couldn't manage to redesign their way around. In Die Walkure, there is Hunding, and Hunding's house, and he's clearly a major industrial baron, with a house that has an absolutely immense ballroom with entire walls of glass windows . . . . and a tree in the middle of the ballroom.

[Hal]

There are well-appointed pump rooms...

Would one be forgiven for assuming these were rooms full of really cute high-heel shoes for the members to try on?

Works fer me . . . but then more likely . . .

[Fred the Fourth]

Pump room...
I expect Hal has it right.
But now I have to abandon my imaginings based on Austen era Bath.
Sigh. No romance anymore.

[Fred the Fourth]

Ha! This is the most true thing ever. Seen at Insty in a thread about parents trying to cope with kids at home all day.
Commenter "Contumacious" writes:
"If there is a baby boom nine months from now they will all be first children."

[Trevor]

See, it wasn’t China’s fault

Please, Karma, be a thing.

[Hal]

Putting a new face on doing mass.

[Trevor]

Ah, shades of lime green. Tricky to coordinate an outfit with that.

Perhaps, but not impossible.

[Daniel Ream]

parents trying to cope with kids at home all day

I think my favorite was "Second day of home schooling. So far two kids have been suspended for fighting and one teacher fired for drinking on the job."

[Darleen]

"They are threatening me with their language, with their ideals."

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

Donald Trump Killed Her Calathea:

https://www.salon.com/2020/03/21/my-houseplant-garden-is-a-tiny-national-park-donald-trump-can-never-destroy/

The fiend.

Well, actually, she overwatered it and killed it, but it’s Trump’s fault anyway.

This is one of those specimens where I’m pretty, but not entirely, sure it’s a parody. Enjoy!

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

You know, as funny as that article was, it made me feel a bit cheated. I’ve been growing house plants for 40 years and it was never that exciting. Of course, I don’t grow calatheas; I’ve never seen any sense in growing delicate, easy-to-kill plants, foliage plants in particular, when there are so many equally attractive ones that are as tough as a Marine sergeant. So maybe that’s why Donald Trump never snuck in at night and attacked my plants. 😊

Is it true there’s a fad for calatheas? That fad could get expensive in a hurry! I know several people who’ve killed the prayer plant, probably the least delicate of the calatheas.

[David]

“They are threatening me with their language, with their ideals.”

Heh. The titans of tomorrow.

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

“And worse than that, Officer, they’re threatening my plants!”

David, if you get time, I think you could do an excellent fisking of the plant article if you start from the premise that it’s serious. And for all I know, it is. You can never be sure these days.

[David]

On it.

[Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat]

Looking forward to seeing which is funnier, yours or the original!

[David]

There you go. And thank you.