David Thompson
Subscribe

Categories

Blog powered by Typepad

« The Lockdown Diaries (4) | Main | Friday Ephemera »

April 21, 2020

Comments

PaulF

humanity will be bisected into pre-Covid-19 and post-Covid-19

Yes, that seems entirely possible, probable even.

But the rest: sending nudie pictures of yourself to your loved one when you're separated by the lockdown? Not sure it's the best thing to do - these things sometimes get released into the wild, say after a particularly nasty breakup.

But sending a nudie picture to a friend, just because? That way madness lies. Aaaaand what a surprise: we're back into the lock-groove insanity of The Grauniad and similar publications.

Novus

I'm not sure nascent can be modified by almost.

piles of inapt words

Ahem.

Sorry. That's probably a highly colonialist view of language.

David

I’m not easily shocked, but if one of my friends were to send me unsolicited nudes, with clear expectations of enthusiastic affirmation, I think I’d find that a little… odd. And perhaps faintly disturbing.

Novus

Not sure what momentary madness led me to believe that "piles of inapt words" was from the article, not from our esteemed facilitator. Apologies.

MC

So, the youngsters are a bunch of narcissistic wankers then?

MC

What else are we supposed to do with our days besides masturbate excessively and send a flurry of nudes?

Don't these people have jobs? I mean normal jobs, not ones which involve publicly dildoing oneself.

Xas7wcrg9e
And perhaps faintly disturbing.

Perhaps Sir could get some younger, or more attractive, friends? ;)

David

For some reason, the third item here came to mind.

Karl

Did you know that the Pandemic shines a harsh light on Trump's failure to protect pangolins?

No it really does. Stop guffawing at the back. (H/T Watts Up With That)

Xas7wcrg9e
Don't these people have jobs? I mean normal jobs, not ones which involve publicly dildoing oneself.

The ones that do that as an actual job, tend to be paid fairly well.

Unlike, say, failed arts graduates writing for a newspaper. Or:

Ciara Gaffney is a brand strategist for Deutsch [tagline: Not Germany or the bank.]
Karl

Sorry, I have no idea why the mental image of over-wrought indulgent teenagers frantically frotting on Instagram reminded me of the scaly anteater.

Really.

NO idea.

Jen

We need kitchen towel, stat.

LOL

David

LOL

Well, anything absorbent.

JuliaM

‘Thirst traps’..?

*fingers hover over Google*

Burnsie

What else are we supposed to do with our days besides masturbate excessively and send a flurry of nudes?

I don't have an answer for that. I really don't.

Have at it?

At your next "brand strategy" meeting, though, please keep your hands on the desk where we can see them.

David

*fingers hover over Google*

For those too sheltered to know these things, and too shy to Google, a “thirst trap” is a gratuitously or incongruously suggestive photo or social-media message intended to solicit attention, flattering comments or professions of erotic fever – declarations that will not result in any actual sex, but merely make the person in question feel better about themselves, if only temporarily.

See also damaged goods.

Hey, I read.

Xas7wcrg9e
Well, anything absorbent.

I happen to have an unread copy of the Grauniad handy...

‘Thirst traps’..?

"Set a scene, get the right angle, reveal a little thigh, and snap! A thirst trap is a sexy photo posted on social media to attract attention. It can also refer to a person considered sexy—a social-media crush."

You're welcome.

Connor

See also damaged goods.

See also 'thot'.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

So I take it Gen Z is basically claiming to have invented phone sex. A lot of 900 numbers would probably disagree, but OK.

*fingers hover over Google*

A different search engine, but you are not alone, however the second hit was an empowering "how to" manual.

...a brand strategist for Deutsch...

Is the dipthong pronounced "oy" or "oo" ? My German is rusty, no, seriously.

David

an empowering “how to” manual.

My browser history is really taking a beating today.

David

[ Pouts suggestively. ]

Farnsworth M Muldoon

[ Pouts suggestively. ]

Chin up...

Ted S, Catskill Mtns, NY, USA

I’m not easily shocked, but if one of my friends were to send me unsolicited nudes, with clear expectations of enthusiastic affirmation, I think I’d find that a little… odd. And perhaps faintly disturbing.

Please tell me the rest of the degenerates here sent David unsolicited nudes.

(NB: I didn't say nudes *of themselves*.)

David

Please tell me the rest of the degenerates here sent David unsolicited nudes.

[ Locks down inbox, unplugs laptop, hides behind sofa. ]

Sam Duncan

“where almost nascent nostalgia is a thing that exists.”

Sometimes you can at least figure out what pretentious idiots are getting at, but I'm struggling to figure out what she thinks she means by that.

“Flinging the Gregorian calendar into irrelevance, humanity will be bisected into pre-Covid-19 and post-Covid-19”

Yeah, just like we abandoned Pope Greg's system after WWI and WWII. Where does the Groan dig these nutcases up?

“For affirmation, Ms Gaffney links to Buzzfeed”

*snort*

“What else are we supposed to do with our days besides masturbate excessively and send a flurry of nudes?”

You do what you like, love, but I'm looking after my old mum who can't even have her friends round to visit right now. I'm not sure my aunt would accept a nude photo as a substitute for tea and shortbread.

“I’m not easily shocked, but if one of my friends were to send me unsolicited nudes, with clear expectations of enthusiastic affirmation, I think I’d find that a little… odd.”

Oh, I dunno. It depends on the friend, to be honest. But 99% of 'em, yeah... they wouldn't remain friends for as long as it took me to delete the thing.

“Ciara Gaffney is a brand strategist for Deutsch [tagline: Not Germany or the bank.]”

She's doing a bang-up job, then. Really... srategizing... the ol'... brand, there.

Y. Knott

Heh - wait 'til he sees what I taped to the back of the sofa...

[Saunters out, chuckling nonchalantly.]

Min

Quarantine not only encourages, but forces, the prosperity of sexual exploration

Er, wut?

Sam

Alternate title: Please God Let This Virus Give My Life Meaning, vol CDXIII

Also, doesn't this make Anthony Weiner some kind digital flashing Moses for, ahem, "Gen Z"?

Sam

humanity will be bisected into pre-Covid-19 and post-Covid-19

Assuming the West comes to its senses in the next 8-12 months (which is far from assured) I give it 2 years - tops - before COVID is just one of those things certain people talk about from time to time, meme for a few years, then get bored of while everyone adjusts to whatever lasting impact the event had, and nearly completely forgotten in a generation.

Something like the 9/11 attacks mixed with Y2K hysteria.

Caveat: if Trump somehow loses his re-election COVID will be wood-chippered and flung into the memory hole on approximately November 9, 2020.

Hal

Ciara Gaffney, a resident of Los Angeles and a “brand strategist,”

Traditional campfire, or blow torch?

Lord T

With the lockdown I'm now starting my new hobby as a validator. Anyone that is a woman that wants to can send any pics of your genitalia plus a face pic to me and I'll provide foc feedback. As I don't want to be accused of being sexist any males can get the same service from someone else so all are catered for.

David

See also ‘thot’.

Well, yes. I suppose it depends on how much time you’d want to spend with the kind of person who craves repeated, even continual, validation regarding their attractiveness from friends and strangers alike. From daily pouting on Instagram to sending nude selfies to friends. The kind of person who might imagine that such neurotic self-preoccupation is part of a “blossoming sexual liberation.”

I mean, as you know, I don’t wish to sound overly judgemental, but the words aggravating basket case spring to mind.

NielsR

the words aggravating basket case spring to mind.

one wonders what such people are like when able to socialise without having to distance. Only briefly, though.

Governor Squid

I'm not sure my aunt would accept a nude photo as a substitute for tea and shortbread.

It would have to be a really good nude. There's not a lot that can beat tea and shortbread.

Daniel Ream

one wonders what such people are like when able to socialise without having to distance

Exactly the same. They spend more time on their various feeds than interacting with real people.

aelfheld
[...] tasked with reinventing what sex looks like [...]

"The pleasure is momentary, the position ridiculous, and the expense damnable."

No 'reinvention' will alter that.

David

They spend more time on their various feeds than interacting with real people.

I’d imagine many of us, if not most, have at some point encountered someone whose vanity had apparently inhibited the development of any personality or charm. It seems to me that betting everything on appearance is ultimately unwise, even if you’re young and pretty, and spending an inordinate amount of time behaving as though you were being photographed, observed, and therefore acutely self-conscious, is a recipe for chronic affectation and anxiety.

pst314

I suppose it depends on how much time you’d want to spend with the kind of person who craves repeated, even continual, validation regarding their attractiveness from friends and strangers alike.

...which reminds me of the grossly fat, plain-faced people I see wearing t-shirts that loudly proclaim "beautiful" or "sexy" in letters 3 to 6 inches high. Ouch.

Uma Thurmond's Feet

Hal: "Traditional campfire, or blow torch?"

Wally learns brand awareness.

Governor Squid

...t-shirts that loudly proclaim "beautiful" or "sexy" in letters 3 to 6 inches high.

I think that's like being cool or popular or sophisticated. If you need to tell people you are, you're not. (See also Tom "The Expert" Nichols.)

Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat

What else are we supposed to do with our days besides masturbate excessively...?

She could try reading Marcus Aurelius, who found something to do with HIS days, and he didn’t even have the Internet. Or maybe the Canterbury Tales, whose Internet-less characters found plenty to do even in the midst of a plague. (Admittedly, that crowd probably did work at least some masturbation into the schedule.)

Auto-correct wanted to change Canterbury Tales to “anger up a gerbil.” 😳⁉️

orthodoc

What else are we supposed to do with our days besides masturbate excessively and send a flurry of nudes?

Read a book? Practice the violin? Work on putting? Make macaroons?

Either way, don't use too much toilet paper.

OctoChicken Little

Is the dipthong pronounced "oy" or "oo" ? My German is rusty, no, seriously.

It's pronounced "oy," Mr. Muldoon. (I hear the word quite a bit in my day job.)

pst314

Incoming!

David

Incoming!

[ Hands out combs, breath mints, condoms. ]

Sam

[ Hands out combs, breath mints, condoms. ]

[ Patrons stare at items on offer from behind their HAZMAT suits with a mix of confusion and condescension. ]

RebeccaH

Um ... didn't Anthony Weiner go to jail for this kind of thing?

WTP

items on offer from behind their HAZMAT suits

Wait a minute...We have HAZMAT suits? Those aren't the ones that arrived here from China last week, are they? I thought we refused shipment.

Steve E

[...] wearing t-shirts that loudly proclaim "beautiful" or "sexy" in letters 3 to 6 inches high. Ouch.

I just assume they're being ironic.

Hands out [...] condoms.

Oh that's what those are. You might want to check them out. Last week a group in the back used them as party balloons for a mate's birthday.

Hal

which reminds me of the grossly fat, plain-faced people I see wearing t-shirts that loudly proclaim "beautiful" or "sexy" in letters 3 to 6 inches high.

You have the body of a god---Bacchus.

Alex

Governor Squid: or commenters who use handles containing words like "honest" or "truth"; those are sure to be the ones posting the most ridiculous tissues of lies.

GWB

[ Hands out combs, breath mints, condoms. ]

Given the topic, aren't condoms sort of redundant?

David

aren’t condoms sort of redundant?

I’m concerned for the upholstery.

A

To translate into normal language.

She's a slut.

Thank you.

Governor Squid

In the interest of full disclosure, I've never actually won election to the governorship of anything more substantial than a virtual pirate island in an online game. So I really can't throw stones at those whose handles aren't 100% accurate.

(It remains a bit of a thrill each time an Uber driver pulls up and confirms that I'm "Governor.")

Joe Ego

This reminds me of the congresswoman who recently left office due to an ethics scandal. In the aftermath I recall someone complaining that future female politicians would be at a serious disadvantage if all it took was her nudes leaking to kill her chances at election. Because why would any woman grow up nowadays without her naked pictures existing on some random phone or internet forum?

Richard Cranium

I believe in her case, those photos were taken while she was a congresscritter. That's somewhat different than doing something stupid while young.

Ed Snack

And the real scandal wasn't the nude photographs or even the threesome she was involved in - but one of that threesome was a congressional staffer of hers. And due to past scandals (which involved some serious payouts to keep under wraps) banging with the staff is perhaps the only real no-no in Congress these days.

And that's why she was given the DCM.

Rick Henwood

Incoming!

[ Hands out combs, breath mints, condoms. ]

And hide that damn sausage roll. Or has it finally crawled out the door under its own steam?

Jay Guevara

At your next "brand strategy" meeting, though, please keep your hands on the desk where we can see them.

That definitely puts "paid" to ever shaking hands again.

Jay Guevara

which reminds me of the grossly fat, plain-faced people I see wearing t-shirts that loudly proclaim "beautiful" or "sexy" in letters 3 to 6 inches high.

You have the body of a god---Bacchus.

Godzilla.

Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat

.. has it finally crawled out the door on its own steam?

It may well have. It was the result of an unplanned mating of two pickled “eggs,” and seems to have continued to evolve on its own. No telling what else David has going on back there. Yesterday a large, stinky carton postmarked “Dunwich, MA, USA” arrived, and nobody’s seen the French chef since.

Maybe we should call in Danger Mouse and Penfold to investigate.

David

Not entirely unrelated:

Four months before Violet, a 25-year-old transsexual with dollish cheekbones and a primary colour wardrobe, moved to Brooklyn, she toyed with the idea of holding “a farewell tour” in her lifelong home of Portland, Oregon. Her approach to putting a bow on her 20-plus years in a city mocked for its liberal leanings was to collide her two disparate worlds: her friend circle of Juul-puffing mulleted Bernie Bros with her recent professional foray into sucking cock for cash.

Via Ben Sixsmith.

Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat

A hooker with “highly discounted “ rates? How can she be unaware that many girls give it away? You don’t get much more highly discounted than free. Unless she specializes in one of the things most women won’t do, she’s not going to make much.

Like other forms of acting, the job has a time limit anyway. In Chicago the pretty young girls start out with $500 ‘do’s and $700 fuck-me shoes. A smart PYT will save her money. A dumb one will end up standing in the shadows of Clark Street; she’ll be 35 and look 70.

David

In case anyone imagines Ms Gaffney’s unhappy prose, above, is a one-off.

And I’ll just leave this here, I think.

pst314

And I’ll just leave this here, I think.

Her song?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Not entirely unrelated:

Just in case anyone is tempted to click the link, I have condensed the article:

Bernie Bros, male feminists and ‘good guy’ liberals all support sex work, but for some reason they aren’t paying girls like me for sex

a) You are not really a girl;

b) “When I ask them for my own research, they respond, ‘Because I don’t have to.’”

...Violet and I have both observed that our peers can’t get their politics straight. For one, these guys support decriminalizing sex work because they’re feminists, but they also seem to not pay for sex because they’re feminists.

I see, they can't get "their" politics straight (NPI) because you lot have been preaching exactly that Catch-22 to them for years. That there is some genuine example of, “Smart and insightful reported features about modern masculinity.”

OTOH, if you really want, you can read the whole thing and find out what a "bussy" is, not that I wanted to, but click the red links at your own risk.

sH2

moved to Brooklyn,

Holy ground.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Holy ground.

Indeed, Portland and Brooklyn = Medina and Mecca to these bozos.

David

observed that our peers can’t get their politics straight.

Heh. Conceivably, even the scrupulously woke who mouth pieties to whoring, from a distance, in the abstract, may still perceive that the world of whoring isn’t entirely salubrious or conducive to mental health.

And yet the pretence is expected. As in so many things.

David

observed that our peers can’t get their politics straight.

As I’ve mentioned before, as a stroppy teen I rented a rehearsal studio in a building whose doorways were used as a rain shelter and windbreak by the local prostitutes. I got into the habit of saying “Evening, ladies” and being generally polite, not least because they often outnumbered us. I didn’t object to their activities – it didn’t offend me - but I didn’t harbour any illusions about their wretchedness and the squalor of their lives. Which, it has to be said, was pretty hard to miss.

And yet our super-woke whore insists on a strange conceit – i.e., that if you don’t vehemently object to an activity, you should therefore – yes, therefore - be obliged to participate in it, enthusiastically, regardless of circumstance and personal interest.

[ Edited. ]

Jonathan

That left her confused — if these young dudes were politically rooting for sex workers and are in the period of their lives when they’re most likely to first see one, why weren’t they seizing en masse the opportunity for one of Violet’s bargain-bin BJs,

It's a mystery alright...

Violet, a 25-year-old transsexual

Oh.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

...but I didn’t harbour any illusions about their wretchedness and the squalor of their lives.

I doubt the same can be said for this crew who likely think of themselves as latter day Holly Woodlawns or think their backseat "bargin bin BJs" make them the same as an $1000/hour upper east side call girl.

Sam Duncan

Draw no comparison, citizen.

(Shriver's article is good, but that photo stopped me in my tracks. Christ on a bike...)

“Either way, don't use too much toilet paper.”

Actually, in light of this, the toilet paper panic is beginning to make sense.

“In case anyone imagines Ms Gaffney’s unhappy prose, above, is a one-off.”

Are we absolutely sure she isn't another Titania McGrath?

Sam

Madam Cat said: How can she be unaware that many girls give it away?

Citation needed.

Sam

why weren’t they seizing en masse the opportunity for one of Violet’s bargain-bin BJs?

Because even Bernie Bros (or at least their male appendages) understand that you get what you pay for.

Also Bargain-Bin BJs is an excellent band name, though the group's success would have a definite ceiling.

Sam

Thanks for the Spectator link, Mr Duncan. Money quote:

The supine capitulation to a de facto police state in a country long regarded as a cradle of liberty has been one of the most depressing spectacles I’ve ever witnessed.

Indeed. I'm thankful David keeps this barge open, and given the shockingly poor sanitation standards we've all achieved herd immunity long ago. Those who survived, anyway.

Sam

A tragic and sadly predictable outcome for a previously mentioned polyamorous quintet.

David

shockingly poor sanitation standards

On the upside, however, there is a dart board.

Governor Squid

Citation needed.

Q: What's the difference between a Tri-Delt and a university bus?
A: You don't get lucky when a bus crashes in your dorm room.

Governor Squid

Bernie Bros, male feminists and ‘good guy’ liberals all support sex work, but for some reason they aren’t paying girls like me for sex.

How long is the list of things that Bernie Bros support wholeheartedly but won't pay for themselves? I think bargain-bin BJs are like mass transit -- every good citizen thinks it's a really good idea for everybody else to pay for and rely on.

Sam

Karen, trying to be a cool mom by admitting the "talk to the manager" meme is funny, nevertheless still needs to talk to the manager.

Uma Thurmond's Feet

Citation needed.

Late one night in my misspent adulthood, I was dropping off a girl I was acquainted with after an evening in the local tavern. She had bought a pizza to take home with her, and asked if I was hungry.

"No," I said, "I already ate a pizza earlier tonight, but thanks anyway."

It was years before it occurred to me that she didn't ask what I was hungry for.

David

Karen, trying to be a cool mom… nevertheless still needs to talk to the manager.

Even now, when reading these things, I’m still surprised at how rarely there’s a discernible individual voice or evidence of autonomous mental activity. Instead, I just hear the programme running.

PiperPaul

"I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool!"

Daniel Ream

Yesterday a large, stinky carton postmarked “Dunwich, MA, USA” arrived

Oh, the horror.

I just hear the programme running.

Sailer's Law of Female Journalism again.

Squires

brand strategist

I spent several years as the senior copywriter/editor in the marketing department of a successful business, and could not tell you what, exactly, this is. I suspect exactitude would indeed be something averted, were she asked to explain its meaning.

I'm not sure nascent can be modified by almost.

And God said, “Let there almost be light.”

Or:

And God almost said, “Let there be light.”

It means nothing.

Related to the work experience mentioned above, it was an ongoing task to cut out or correct such language in the writing of my millennial then-colleagues. They seemed too often to have an idea of where, vaguely, various words inhabited the English language’s geography of meaning, without knowing the actual, exact meaning of anything.

How often I heard in my head, the voice of Vizzini exclaim, “Inconceivable!

...in which seemingly unhappy people share photos of their genitals, often far and wide, in the hope of being validated.

It’s of the same species as woke signaling, but for the theoretically attractive.

fnord

Where does the Groan dig these nutcases up?

As I've suggested before let's bury them again. Of course I'm speaking metaphorically....of.....course.

pst314

Where does the Groan dig these nutcases up?

"Igor, would you mind telling me whose brain you did give me?"
"Abby...someone."
"Abby who?"
"Abby...Normal."

Rick Henwood

Yesterday a large, stinky carton postmarked “Dunwich, MA, USA” arrived

Dunwich was a ruse, at least for MA. Probably it is a carton of tea, fished out of the Boston harbour a few years back. The French Chef just did what the French do and beat a retreat. He'll show up once the S.A.S. have secured the premises.

Sonny Wayz

Unsolicited Nudes

Piles of Inapt Words

Since nobody else is going to say it, these are obviously band names.

David

“Abby...Normal.”

I’m having a Madeline Kahn flashback.

David

.

WTP

Sigh... Juul-puffing Mullets is the band name. Bargain-bin BJ's was their first album, the indie label one they put out before being "discovered" by the lamest talent scout at Virgin Records.. First album with Virgin flamed out because no one really liked the indie one to begin with. No one knows what became of them because no one cared in the first place.

pst314

The Ten Existential Threats To Humanity – Free Speech Is One Apparently

via Samizdata

Imagine a Birkenstock stamping on a human face, forever.

Hal

it was an ongoing task to cut out or correct such language in the writing of my millennial then-colleagues.

A local grocery store has an announcement:

Optional gloves for non-food handling associates and face masks are now available.

There is no explanation on the sign explaining what a standalone facemask would do with gloves, or hopw a standalone facemask goes about handling food.

Steve E

[...] these are obviously band names.

I don't know. They sound more like album titles to me. Or maybe, Unsolicited Nudes is the band name and Piles of Inapt Words is the album title. I think it's WTP who's the expert on the distinction between band names, album titles, and song titles.

Richard

and although many will ruminate on how we have changed is it not true that most who ruminate also graze?

Sonny Wayz

"...Or maybe, Unsolicited Nudes is the band name and Piles of Inapt Words is the album title..."

You're right. I'm beginning to remember why I flunked music class in elementary school.

WTP

I think it's WTP who's the expert on the distinction between band names, album titles, and song titles.

Thank you. See, that's the kind of recognition I crave deserve.

Unsolicited Nudes - I can see where you may be thinking, thanks to "Bare Naked Ladies", of a marquee of "Live: Unsolicited Nudes"...but it really doesn't quite work the same way. Thus, album title.

Piles of Inapt Words - See this is a track on the album, however the twist is it's an instrumental. Maybe there's an oboe involved, maybe there's not. Not really my place to say.

The comments to this entry are closed.

Blogroll