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August 19, 2020

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Connor

Best enlarged.

I see what you did there.

David

I see what you did there.

This is my innocent face.

[ Holds up stock photo of adorable puppies. ]

The announcement of “NEW cooking instructions” bodes well. I suspect there may be a story there.

Hal

[ Holds up stock photo of adorable puppies. ]

The announcement of “NEW cooking instructions” bodes well.

Stewed puppies? Stir fried?

David

Also encouraging is the one-year-distant best-before date. Presumably, the wholesomeness of the ingredients, and the quality of the dining experience, cannot be impaired by the mere passage of time.

Steve E

Best enlarged.

The notable shrinkage most likely due to the cold of the refrigerator. Just a guess.

asiaseen

The notable shrinkage

Or an offcut of a transvegan

Joan

The announcement of “NEW cooking instructions” bodes well. I suspect there may be a story there.

Lol. Not for all the tea in China.

John

Maybe the new instructions involve building up their self-esteem before cooking commences?

Something along the lines of “don’t believe what you see in the adverts, 5 inches is a perfectly good length”.

George

"The water was cold!"

David

Joan’s been staring at that photo longer than is strictly necessary.

Nikw211

Never heard a podcast referred to as an ideology before.

Also, Joe Rogan is "the biggest threat to critical thinking in the last decade"? Is that possible?

    Jacob, a 28-year-old teacher in Texas, says that [it] can be a very delicate balance. “I would never want to ‘convert’ someone to being liberal, because you shouldn’t be converting anybody to political ideologies,” he says [ .. ] The trouble, Jacob says, is that when he discusses ideas with his students that pose even the mildest challenge to the conservative orthodoxy that prevails in his region, he faces backlash from parents. [ ... ] “I’ve had to accept that from time to time I will teach tolerance, and it will be seen as brainwashing,” he tells me.

Fnnk, heh ... he he he he he a-ha ha ha ha [ Falls into coughing fit. Drinks water. Eyes 'water' glass suspiciously. ]

    Tessa says[:] “I feel like I should be able to do a better job at teaching critical-thinking skills and they should have enough trust in me to believe that I’m telling them the truth.”

    “Honestly,” she adds, “it makes me feel like I’ve failed at my job.”

I was so convinced that this was an Onion- or Babylon Bee-like satire that I had to Google the source to find out.

But as far as I can tell,apparently it's in deadly earnest:

    "[Men's lifestyle magazines were] an area that really needed reinvention and to be blown up, in the same way that Jezebel and the Cut and the women’s side of things had been doing things right for a while [ ... ] there was a real opportunity to fill a need with a certain kind of male consumer and reader [ ... ] it’s never been there just to push razors. It’s been there to be a thought leader on modern masculinity"
David

[ Falls into coughing fit. Drinks water. Eyes ‘water’ glass suspiciously. ]

Again, preening and ludicrous.

Ray

It’s been there to be a thought leader on modern masculinity

I was going to sarcastically say that modern, like social, is now a negative. But then I thought, that's actually true, isn't it? Modern art, modern architecture, modern anything really.

The Sage

Stewed puppies? Stir fried?

How very topical -- https://www.zerohedge.com/geopolitical/kim-jong-un-reportedly-orders-north-koreans-hand-over-pet-dogs-so-they-can-be-eaten

WTP

Heh. Just ran across this. Was the joke intentional?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Benefits_Supervisor_Sleeping?wprov=sfti1

Henry

A couple of empowered young women take on a misogynist who has the temerity to speak to them. Boy, did they show him...

https://twitter.com/warlikefire/status/1294025864615690240

Penseivat

Tell me, ladies, would you put one of those in your mouth?

PiperPaul

longer than is strictly necessary

Snicker.

David

Snicker.

It’s amazing just how quickly this place goes downmarket.

Uma Thurmond's Feet

I'll try my best to raise the tone with this observation:

Why do vegan / vegetarian food manufacturers strive so hard to make their products imitations in look and taste of normal food products? If they market their soy protein patties as a substitute for hamburgers, are they engaging in meatface?

asiaseen

imitations in look and taste of normal food products

Those were normal food products?

ComputerLabRat

Tell me, ladies, would you put one of those in your mouth?

Not if you paid me to. If that 08/21 sticker is the expiration date - what the heck is in that fake "meat"? Plastic?

After seeing the enlarged version - the store should not be displaying those packages vertically in the display case - gravity is not kind to those plant-based pink slime tubes. Although even laying horizontal I don't think they would look much more appetizing. Just maybe a little less like something else :P

Mike

After seeing the enlarged version

*sniggers*

Governor Squid

...it’s never been there just to push razors.

One notes that a search for "Portland" on the Mel Magazine site brings up a number of articles:
-- "We Were Never Taught How to Civilly Disobey"
-- "‘Bottoms, Tops, We All Hate Cops’ Is This Year’s Pride Chant"
-- "Should I Bring My Dog to a Protest?"
-- "Abolish the Department of Homeland Security"

Evidently, it's beyond the pale for young people to listen to Dr. Peterson tell them to take control of their lives, but chucking Molotov cocktails at police stations is perfectly acceptable.

David

After seeing the enlarged version

*sniggers*

Heh.

I’m not even sorry.

Darleen

These people are mad. And your new word today is "rape-pardoned".

aelfheld

Aren't all sausages plant-based?

Hal

Why do vegan / vegetarian food manufacturers strive so hard to make their products imitations in look and taste of normal food products?

Well, remember: The known main problem with a diet that is strictly only vegan or vegetarian is that as soon as you run out of them you have to go back to other forms of meat.

Uma Thurmond's Feet

In addition to meatface, vegan food companies are also engaging in eggface.

Sam Duncan

“Aren't all sausages plant-based?”

As Captain Vimes knew, a sausage without mysterious green bits is deeply suspect. Any trace elements of meat that may happen to enter the process can come under the heading of “Colouring and Flavours”.

(In all seriousness, my great grandfather was a butcher. His customers used to complain that his mince and sausages were more expensive than his steak. To which his answer was that the mince was made of steak and the sausages were made of mince, so what do you expect?)

Baceseras

Maybe Hal can find this -- years ago, when "Hagar the Horrible" was funny, the waiter brought him a huge slab of meat, spilling over the ends of the platter. Hagar pointed to a little speck on top and said, "What's this?" "Sprig of parsley, sir." Hagar howled: "I ordered steak, not steak all smothered in vegetables!"

Steve E

vegan food companies are also engaging in eggface.

Not sure how they get away with this. Food labelling laws are very strict when it comes to normal food. J U S T Egg should be labelled Not At All Egg.

Oh, and what's the hardest part about eating vegetables?

Digesting the wheelchair.

[ Rimshot ]

I'll be here all week. Don't forget to tip your server.

Steve E

Food labelling laws are very strict when it comes to normal food.

For example, around these parts we have a product which a lot of the world calls Canadian bacon. In my part of Canada, we call it peameal bacon, which was originally a cured pork loin rolled in pea meal (dried ground peas). Well it hasn't been made with pea meal for over 70 years. Instead, it is rolled and coated in corn meal; but it's still known as and called peameal bacon. Well, the food police weren't going to stand for this great fraud and fined the food companies forcing them to rename the product "cured pork in cornmeal."

Way more than you ever wanted to know about peameal bacon I'm sure. If you ever visit Toronto (if we're ever allowed to travel again), you should visit the St. Lawrence market and have a peameal bacon on a bun. It's a simple but great sandwich.

Squires

A sausage properly belongs at the peak of any trophic pyramid.

Darleen

You know, if you watch sci-fi movies featuring 8 foot tall aliens with weird orthodontia, tails and acid blood and you see BLACK FOLK as villains, maybe the racist is you.

Governor Squid

And your new word today is "rape-pardoned".

No fooling -- I honestly thought Darleen's reference would link to a joke about how Bill Clinton and Joe Biden both got invited to speak to the DNC yesterday.

Sue Sims

I displayed the picture to my husband, and after staring at it for about 10 seconds, he croaked: 'Take it away. It gives me the willies!'

For all you colonials who may be linguistically challenged, and for the regalement of my compatriots:

https://metro.co.uk/2010/12/02/lloydspharmacy-penis-map-shows-different-words-for-willy-around-uk-596797/

Sue Sims

But 'to give someone the willies' just means 'to creep them out'. (I assume that's US English as well?)

Sam Duncan

“You know, if you watch sci-fi movies featuring 8 foot tall aliens with weird orthodontia, tails and acid blood and you see BLACK FOLK as villains, maybe the racist is you.”

The trouble is that the Xenomorph and Predator don't speak. If they did, you'd discover that they're English.

PiperPaul

penis-map-shows-different-words-for-willy-around-uk

Don't forget the song!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rPkzkV1icWY

Steve E

Don't forget the song!

Or the SNL sketch!

https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2mshi6

Hal

Maybe Hal can find this -- years ago, when "Hagar the Horrible" was funny, . . . .

Hmmm. Does look collectable, but basic Googlemancy ain't getting anything . . . You'd prolly have to find an archive and start dredging . . .

Hal

'Take it away. It gives me the willies!'

For all you colonials who may be linguistically challenged, and for the regalement of my compatriots:

Some number of years back there was a formulaic family-friendly story. very definitely targeting the younger audience, with songs by Michael Jackson, New Kids on the Block, and SWV. . . .

I don't know of the length of the following or if the these are uncut, but apparently there are:

Free Willy

Free Willy 2: The Adventure Home

Free Willy: Escape From Pirate's Cove

Dan

Those are clearly not kosher.

JuliaM

Penseivat: "Tell me, ladies, would you put one of those in your mouth?"

I believe the classic rejoinder is 'if it'll fit in my mouth, I ain't interested, honey...'

Nikw211

You know, if you watch sci-fi movies featuring 8 foot tall aliens with weird orthodontia, tails and acid blood and you see BLACK FOLK as villains, maybe the racist is you.

That article's extraordinary - and not in a good way.

Richard Powell

Could the photo have been taken in the US, where dates are the wrong way round? In that case the 08/21 expiry date would be tomorrow, rather than one year hence. I find imperishable Frankenfoods disconcerting, though I did recently consume some pre-lockdown eggs without any ill-effects. Hard-boiled, obviously.

David

In that case the 08/21 expiry date would be tomorrow, rather than one year hence.

You may be right. And yet somehow that thought hasn’t significantly enhanced the appeal.

David

For those who are curious, possibly tempted, the foodstuff featured above is “made from plant-based ingredients including peas, fava beans and rice.” Oh, and algae. The alleged “meat colour” comes from beets. Said items should not be boiled, or microwaved, or cooked from frozen. They can, however, be grilled, griddled, or fried.

There’s also a “hot Italian” variant with added potato starch and “apple fibre.”

Farnsworth M Muldoon

“made from plant-based ingredients including peas, fava beans and rice.”

Vegan, you say ? You knew this was coming...

asiaseen

White vegans, stop appropriating food

Stick to egg, bacon and a fried slice.

Min

There’s also a “hot Italian” variant

Oo-er.

JuliaM

I'll just leave this here....

https://twitter.com/Andrewmd5/status/1296270650047229953

David

I’ll just leave this here....

So, Mr Sampson says that law-abiding people being preyed upon and having their homes violated, repeatedly, and having their families put in danger by criminal vermin, should cheerily surrender to it and not complain. Because, somehow, they aren’t the victims. You see, Mr Sampson “cares about other people.” But only the ones who want to break into your home, terrorise your family, degrade your lives, and steal your belongings, the things you had to work for.

He then implies that, not being white, he shouldn’t be disagreed with.

It’s not always easy to articulate the precise level of contempt these twats deserve.

Squires

Anya Zoledziowski and Her Fellow Travelers* can fuck right off. The Great Shit Testing cannot come to a violent end soon enough.

So, Mr Sampson...

Is as is so often the case rather light-skinned and apparently has more money to his name than my entire extended family, or all the black people I’ve ever known combined.

Are we taking bets on what kind of neighborhood he grew up in?

David

apparently has more money to his name than my entire extended family, or all the black people I’ve ever known combined.

And yet he denounces your “privilege” for having things that someone may wish to steal. By breaking into your home.

David

Mr Sampson clearly regards himself as an elevated being, a bringer of woke wisdom, a moral sophisticate. Alas, he is merely a preening degenerate, and quite commonplace.

Like Mr Clive Stafford Smith, mentioned here.

PiperPaul

You see, Mr Sampson “cares about other people.”

Or is it cowardice masquerading as compassion, in the hope that expressing these views means he will be immune from the violence (or at least further down on the hit list)?

Uma Thurmond's Feet

"Vegans"

Reminds me of this classic exchange in Scott Pilgrim:

Vegan Police : [whips out notepad] 12:47 on February 1st: You knowingly ingested gelato.

Todd Ingram : Gelato isn't vegan?

Vegan Police : It's milk and eggs, bitch.

Vegan Police : [still reading] On April 4th, 7:30 pm, you partook of a plate of chicken Parmesan.

[Envy gasps, then glares at Todd]

Todd Ingram : [feeble] Chicken isn't vegan?

aelfheld

Ran across this re-reading a Tom Wolfe essay:

Moral indignation is a technique used to endow the idiot with dignity. -- Marshall McLuhan

Seems apt in these times.

sH2

Ace of Spades:

'I would imagine that seeing blacks parading through white neighborhoods with drums and horns at 2am telling whites "No justice, no sleep" and demanding they give their homes to black people is undermining Black Lives Matter's claim that black people are just absolutely terrified of police.'

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/389715.php

Burnsie

Oh, and here’s something savoury.

This is a case where "This Is Not Your Father's Sausage™" would be a catchy slogan and much-needed words of reassurance.

Darleen

I’ll just leave this here....

Sampson does the "oh those are just physical things easily replaced" fuckery that's on par with the shrieking hysterics against anyone worried how they business will survive the Wuhan Bat Lab virus lockdown "You care more about money than LIVES!! RHEEEE!"

Every one of those physical things that amoral carbunkles like Sampson feelz should be up for looting on whim represents "X" amount of time from the owner's life. X time working to earn the money to purchase it. Time that can never be recovered. These assholes are stealing "just a physical thing" they are stealing a portion of that owner's LIFE. And no, it is not "easily" replaced. It will take more TIME from the owner's life to replace it, even if the "just physical things" are insured. And then there's the "just physical things" that represent much more than just the portion of the owner's life to acquire it. The things that represent the lives of the owner's parents or grandparents. Stuff that cannot be replaced.

And that's before even the shattered feelings of security, the feelings of being violated when unknown strangers destroy personal boundaries as well as stealing part of their lives.

There's a reason why the victims of burglaries liken the experience to rape.

WTP

This is a case where "This Is Not Your Father's Sausage™" would be a catchy slogan and much-needed words of reassurance.

Used to be a place in Cocoa, FL called Grandpa's Steak House. You could buy t-shirts there printed with their slogan, "You just can't beat Grandpa's meat".

David

You could buy t-shirts there printed with their slogan, “You just can’t beat Grandpa’s meat”.

[ Peers over spectacles. ]

Right, tomorrow’s Ephemera has been compiled and should materialise just after midnight.

Have a fine evening, all.

Governor Squid

X time working to earn the money to purchase it. Time that can never be recovered.

Sure, but this asshole is a tech CEO, a Forbes 30 Under 30, a Thiel fellow! The sort of chap who puts his pronouns in his bio so the rest of know that he's one of the anointed. He'll make enough money in ten minutes to replace the sort of "mere stuff" people are complaining about, and that ten minutes will be spent in air-conditioned offices, scribbling on a whiteboard or giving an interview for some puff-piece in the Silicon Valley fishwrap.

When you've no comprehension of hard labor nor scarcity, it's easy to shrug off losses like this. Doubly so when you're living in a high-rise condo with armed security in the lobby, making the whole discussion academic.

I'd love to see this clown spout off these "arguments" in an old mining town, explaining to the locals that it's really no big deal when the Sunday dresses -- that some poor working stiff bought his wife and daughters with money he earned from spending 80 days sweating underground -- get stolen off the clothesline by a gypsy family passing through. Tell a bunch of guys with drills and hammers to ask themselves what it is they could have done to make it unnecessary for the wanderers to steal from them.

And what really chaps my ass is that Mr. Sampson will climb into his 10,000-thread-count sheets tonight and sleep like a baby, secure in the knowledge that he's one of the Good Guys because of his exquisitely developed sense of empathy. I hope somebody lights him on fire just so I can refuse to piss on him.

Daniel Ream

if you watch sci-fi movies featuring 8 foot tall aliens

All of the stunt performers who played the aliens in question were black. So there's that.

Then again, all of the actors who played Ferengi on Deep Space Nine were Jewish.

Sam Duncan

http://ace.mu.nu/archives/389715.php”

That's fascinating. According to Wikipedia's list of polls, A Random Democrat was leading Trump 50-38 last October. One poll at the end of July gave him a narrow lead.

I'm not a betting man, but I'm seriously considering putting a few quid on The Donald.

Adam

No mention of John and Lorena Bobbitt in all of these comments? Have we forgotten already?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_and_Lorena_Bobbitt

"...After a while driving and struggling to steer with one hand, she threw it out the window into a roadside field. She eventually stopped and called 9-1-1, telling them what had happened and where the penis could be found. John Bobbitt's penis was found after an exhaustive search, and after being washed with antiseptic and packed in saline ice, it was re-attached in the hospital where he was treated. The operation took nine and a half hours.[3] Bobbitt went on to star in two pornographic films in the 1990s,and states that his penis is "back to normal"...."


A penis isn't vegan?

Sam Duncan

“Have we forgotten already?”

Well, we've been trying to. Thanks. I've been having nightmares about that for 27 years.

Rick Henwood

Now we know the substance of the infamous, unsavory wandering Sausage Roll. Best Before Date explains why it is still hiding under the fridge eyeing Julia.

Rick Henwood

Click to enlarge

That is enlarged?

Hmmm Plant Based

Evidently not Redwood or even a Sunflower. Possibly Alfalfa?

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