David Thompson
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November 29, 2020

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Connor

“Trees are like human beings,”

Er no.

PiperPaul

Trees are like human beings

That wood be impossible.

David

It would be uncontroversial – and not at all newsworthy - to suggest that spending time in a park, or in woodland, or almost any change of setting, might improve one’s mood. Whether that commonplace activity will be radically enhanced by pretentious tree-hugging and claims that trees are “intelligent” and that “negativity… is absorbed into the bark,” is, I think, another matter entirely.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

So look around, and take the tree you like.

Take ? If the tree didn't consent, sounds like that is humanoprivileged anthropocentric violent tree rape.

David

tree rape

Somewhat related.

Captain Nemo

Barking

That's superb. Chapeau!

Burnsie

"Complain to the tree, for a minimum of 15 minutes."

Did she run this idea past the trees first?

It's really asking a lot of them. Poor trees, they can't run away like any sane human would.

Also: if it's not naked tree-hugging, it's not performance art. Standards must be observed.

Burnsie

Somewhat related

Ah, you anticipated my complaint. Well done.

Ted S, Catskill Mtns, NY, USA

One day, while in the south of France,
My good friend said I should hug an olive tree.
She said that dreams come true when you do but,
Can a plant be in any way that beneficial to me?

David

Ah, you anticipated my complaint. Well done.

Customer service.

Felicity

I find a chainsaw works well when trees answer back.

Jess1

"The total vastness of the idea"

Well, I suppose that's better than being half vast...

WTP

I've said it before and I will say it again. Every year trees kill more people than the Kennedys and Clintons combined. It's a fact. You can look it up.

billygoat

In my experience, I've found beech trees to be the most communicative and all conifers to be rather prickly.

Zionist Overlord #73

“Trees are like human beings,”

So, half of them are misogynist, and all of them are racist? Rev up the chainsaw!

Louis J Hooffstetter

I saw trees communicating with each other once... late at night at a Grateful Dead concert.

I guess you can imagine why.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Ah, you anticipated my complaint.

You should hardly be surprised, David is well rooted in this nonsense and would never leaf you out on a limb with unanticipated complaints.

Regina Chick

It seems to be the height of privilege to demand that trees do emotional work without compensation.

Jess1

David is well rooted in this nonsense and would never leaf you out on a limb with unanticipated complaints

That's just well, nuts.

Y. Knott

I confess - I really really like feeling a tree's energy!

Standing or sitting in a cozy armchair before an open hearth on a cold Winter night, its warmth can be very soothing. Why, I've even been known to toast marshmallows in it!

Stan

“They exchanged the truth about God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised.
‭‭Romans‬ ‭1:25‬

Hal

Barking

Granted I've been noting assorted British Stuff mixed with all else for awhile, but when seeing the topic title, I did expect the subject was going to involve geography . . . .

Killer Marmot

I have this theory that the Doctor Doolittle books were in truth stories about the hallucinations of a schizophrenic. I'm not sure they should be read to children.

Squires

negativity... is absorbed into the bark of the tree. And you feel rejuvenated.

So what she’s saying is, we should have toxic relationships with trees.

Why do I suspect that this all started for her at a time when she was all out of mobile life forms to speak to.

Atempdog

Don't the trees have enough problems without some yahoo coming along and burdening the trees with his own problems? Why is it the tree's role to listen to anyone whine?

Nikw211

Abramovic is taking over the TV channel for five hours on 5 December, to teach audiences about performance art.

Marina Abramović on Emma 'mattress girl' Sulkowicz:

    “I really want to meet her ... Many people don’t have the willpower to stick to something no matter what, and that’s what she’s doing.”

Interesting that what strikes Abramović as most admirable in Sulkowicz has nothing to do with the latter's creativity or aesthetics, Heaven forefnd, but merely the younger woman's ability to be doggedly obstinate and refusal to be deterred.

Emma 'mattress girl' Sulkowicz on Marina Abramović:

    “where Marina seeks to mystify, I do my best to demystify.”

Well, if it is the case that her intention is to be as drearily pedestrian and unimaginatively literal as possible then in that respect, I suppose she has been successful to a degree.

aelfheld

If trees had intelligence & feelings (I assume Abramovic means emotions), wouldn't they rather resent being compelled to act as confessors to such a fundamentally unserious person?

Watcher In The Dark

Trees are like human beings? That reminds me, I must away to the branchdressers and get my twigs trimmed.

Hopp Singg

Ah, a Robert Goulet fan, I see...

I talk to the trees
But they don't listen to me
I talk to the stars
But they never hear me
The breeze hasn't time
To stop and hear what I say
I talk to them all in vain

The Smothers Brothers also used to use this one in their act, as I recall.

Y. Knott

"I talk to the trees
But they don't listen to me"


Or as Eccles used to say,

"I talk to the trees
That's why they put me away..."

pst314

I hope we can create some kind of trend, that actually people are going to run to the parks and start complaining to the trees.

Treebeard says she should sod off.

Dis

I was thinking of axes myself, but the writers espousing the undoubted virtues of chainsaws here have left me deeply pruned with feelings of inadequacy.

There's a short clip on YouTube, the end of some comedy skit, where a sad song is sung about how poor 'trees get chained to hippies, and have to listen to really bad bongo music..."

After a tree is treated as suggested by this female, it would probably justifiably crave that chainsaw, for either femicide or self-use...

Baceseras
In Hyde Park, some people like to throw nuts to the squirrels. But others like to throw squirrels to the nuts. Well! If they prefer to throw squirrels to the nuts, who am I to say: Nuts to the squirrels!

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0038419?ref_=nv_sr_srsg_0

WTP

The one time we visited, I think it was in Hyde Park I remember seeing an older gentleman sitting on a bench who attracted attention from the squirrels crawling up and over him as he fed them nuts. Was he some sort of tourist attraction put there by the Chamber of Commerce?

bobby b

"Speak to the trees!" - the new version of "talk to the hand"?

NateWhilk

The Smothers Brothers also used to use this one in their act, as I recall.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4LEfWjHCPVY

Don't forget Clint Eastwood. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN4lm-QEUG4

PJ

I feel sorry for the trees, you'd think she'd have a little concern for them, getting all that negative talk.

jack burton

I used to work at an arboretum. Is that now like a maximum security prison for trees?

Kenneth C Mitchell

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhsWKBx5t3A&ab_channel=blueeyedbaby777

With Clint Eastwood.

Stoutcat

This is the very same Marina Abromovic who was pals with John Podesta and involved all that Pizzagate stuff, right?

Wilbur Hassenfus

The, um, sequoias are from California, not the Amazon.

Squires

Is that now like a maximum security prison for trees?

Do the trees identify as ambulatory?

TexasJarhead

If a performance artist fell in the woods and there was no tree to hear her, would she shut the bleep up?

Dale Switzer

Now we now what "Barking Mad" really means

Sam Duncan

“Trees are like human beings”

Well, you know... apart from the bipedal locomotion, aerobic respiration, heterotrophy*, large brain and nervous system, opposable thumbs... not to mention the leaves... yeah, they're practically identical.

“I talk to the trees
That's why they put me away..."

Argh! Beat me to it!

*Eating stuff, as opposed to photosythesizing. Which I kind of wish we could do - it would save a fortune down the supermarket - but we can't.

tim maguire

If the trees react in any way at all, then this is abusive.

Adam

“Mrs. M screamed at the trees” would be a perfect James Thurber cartoon.

Mikey NTH - Get the Flu Manchu Blues at the Outrage Outlet!

Do you want Ents? Because this is how you get Ents.

Jack Klompus

I prefer to talk to the wind.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrOFgp31CCc

Captain Ned

The maples formed a union, and demanded equal rights ...

Neil Peart

ComputerLabRat

It seems to be the height of privilege to demand that trees do emotional work without compensation.

It's also the height of white privilege to demand that brown bodies (albeit ones with leaves) do emotional work without compensation. It's literally slavery. I can't even.

Governor Squid

"Speak to the trees!" - the new version of "talk to the hand"?

I dunno, but I'm definitely planning to use "Oh, tell it to a tree!" the next time somebody starts haranguing me about privilege.

Barb the Evil Genius

Stoutcat, this has to be the same Marina Abramovic who is into "spirit cooking" as well. Don't look that up unless you have a strong stomach.

aelfheld
If a performance artist fell in the woods and there was no tree to hear her, would she shut the bleep up? -- TexasJarhead

I doff my hat to you sir.

Hal

I did expect the subject was going to involve geography . . . .

Those trees might want to be, ah, watered . . .

Hal

Those trees might want to be, ah, watered . . .

. . . . and, of course, for that matter, the "performance" "artist" might be in need of a moment of criticism . . .


---And, oh, yes, that is Sid Caesar there, isn't it . . .

Former Lurker

SSo, what happens when the tree tells them to bugger off because they are being pathetic little whiners and it doesn't want to hear their crap?

Legiron

Complain that you can't go anywhere... to a tree?

Don't be surprised if it drops a branch on your head.

SteveGW

Ancient wisdom somehow related

A woman, a dog, and a walnut tree
The more you beat 'em the better they be

And note also that

Elm hateth man, and waiteth

(Here, as elsewhere, 'man' embraces 'woman'.)

Daniel Ream

Barking

You'd be better off parking in Dorking and walking.

FlynPigRanch

My dog did an extraordinary amount of complaining to the maple tree in my yard today.

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