David Thompson
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March 24, 2021

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Mike

Damn your infinite cunning. :-)

Tip jar hit.

Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat

“The Year Reheated” is one of your best features. It’s a Swiftian version of Dave Barry.

Liz

Ping!

David

“The Year Reheated” is one of your best features.

Well, they’re a bit of a faff to compile and so I tend to put off doing them until the last minute. But if you throw lots of leftist psychology in a big pile, you start to see its patterns. The vanities and dishonesties become harder to miss.

Tip jar hit.
Ping!

Bless you, sir, and bless you, madam. May your earbuds always be charged and positioned securely.

Karl

you start to see its patterns

Lady Cutekitten reads an awful lot of "Scary Mommy"?

Dean

Something for your trouble, barkeep.

Y. Knott

i don't wear earbuds, but ping! anyways...

David

Something for your trouble, barkeep.
i don’t wear earbuds, but ping! anyways...

Bless you, sirs. May you know the thrill of gritty styling clay, which bestows “chunky separation.”

David

Re earbuds, they’re a mixed blessing. They’re fairly comfortable, less obtrusive than wired headphones, and you can wander about without keeping your phone or whatever near you. But the audio quality, while generally acceptable, isn’t as good as that of high-end cabled headphones, and the latency is still an issue. Not so much with music or podcasts, etc., but when playing games, a small lag is noticeable. You can fiddle with your phone’s settings to minimise it, but still.

Doris

Long time reader, first time commenter(?), commentator(?)Neither of those seem right. Anyhoo, Ping!

David

Anyhoo, Ping!

Bless you, madam. Should a neighbour pass by while you’re taking delivery of an Amazon package, and should said neighbour cheerily enquire as to the treats inside the box, may you never be obliged to explain that the item in question is a rather stylish nose-hair trimmer, complete with tiny built-in torch.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

May you know the thrill of gritty styling clay...

Petrolatum, Kaolin, Polysorbate 20, Beeswax, Pumice, Fragrance

So - Vaseline, the stuff used in anti-diarrhea medications, industrial chemicals to keep it from turning into a totally greasy clump, beeswax (because "organic", I guess), powdered rock, and something so to hide the stench.

Right, and to think people made fun of Jeri-Curl.

Made in Australia

Oh, at it again.

David

and to think people made fun of Jeri-Curl.

Yes, but chunky separation. You can’t put a price on that. Well, actually, you can. About a fiver.

Saul Jacka

Kerching (and thank you).

anon a mouse

A sort of blog concentrate.

Ah. So ensure a proper mixture before serving then, I see...

*hits Amazon for purchase*

David

Kerching (and thank you).
*hits Amazon for purchase*

Bless you, sirs. May your rich butter muffins be perfectly grilled and topped, generously, with brie.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

About a fiver.

For 100 grams ? $0.50/100grams, a little Vaseline, a little Cool Whip (I figure you can substitute Polysorbate-80, melt a candle, some random gravel, your favorite aftershave, and Bob's you father's brother, maybe a fiver for a few pounds (weight, not imperial dollars) of the stuff.

"David's Genuine Olde English Styling Gel", sold where ever the finest nondescript bar food is sold.

Rafi

butter muffins

Band name.

Rafi

Also ping.

David

Also ping.

Bless you, sir. Should you find yourself obliged to watch a Star Trek film, may it be The Undiscovered Country, and not Star Trek Beyond.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

If we don't eat animals, there will be no animals, I guess.

D-List musicians, is there anything they don't know ?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Tariq, at it again.

H

in particular, the end-of-year-summaries, which convey the fullest flavour of what it is we do. A sort of blog concentrate.

That. Thanks, barkeep. Tip jar tickled.

Daniel Ream

the finest nondescript bar food is sold

Oh, I think there are rather a lot of descriptive terms for the bar "food".

A fiver for your troubles, barkeep. Just keep the pickled "eggs" on the far side of the bar, there's a good lad.

David

Thanks, barkeep. Tip jar tickled.
A fiver for your troubles, barkeep.

Bless you, sirs. May you rediscover the pleasures of a good piccalilli.

Arkadiy

/Inserts coin into the bless-o-matic. Listens in rapture...

David

[ Hangs sign above bar: “Free moisturiser!” ]

Some of you, it has to be said, are getting on in years, and there’s only so much I can do with lighting.

I’ll just leave it here, next to the dips.

David

/Inserts coin into the bless-o-matic. Listens in rapture...

Heh. Bless you, sir. May all of your disasters be retrospectively amusing.

pst314

If we don't eat animals, there will be no animals, I guess.
D-List musicians, is there anything they don't know ?

I'd forgotten about Moby until I saw that link. Maybe his public pronouncements are a desperate attempt to avoid slipping from D-List to E-List. Remember when a species of internet troll was named after him?

aelfheld
It was a machine, gleaming and metallic, before which they moved.

A man inserted a coin into the mouth of a steel tiger. The machine began to purr. He pressed buttons cast in the likenesses of animals and demons. There came then a flashing of lights along the lengths of the Nagas, the two holy serpents who twisted about the transparent face of the machine.

The man drew down upon the lever that grew from the side of the machine cast in the likeness of the tail of a fish.

A holy blue light filled the interior of the machine; the serpents pulsed redly; and there, in the midst of the light and a soft music that had begun to play a prayer wheel swung into view and began spinning at a furious pace.

The man wore a beatific expression.

Lord of Light, by Roger Zelazny

anon a mouse

"Listens in rapture..."

Fab Five Freddy told me everybody's fly
Dj spinnin' I said, "My My"
Flash is fast, Flash is cool
François c'est pas, Flash ain't no dude...

pst314

Attn David? the four horsemen of the British kitchen

Darleen

[takes first sip of coffee of the morning, opens computer] What have we here, a button?

Ping

David

Right, I’m heading out for an hour or so. Try not to feel neglected. Muffle your weeping.

David

What have we here, a button?

Bless you, madam. May you find a bag of wigs, if only to ponder how such a thing came to be abandoned near your neighbour’s rubbish bin.

semi retired conservative

I’ll just leave it here, next to the dips.

Dips ?!! You monster.

The preferred nomenclature is "less mentally able"

Sam

I pinged before it was cool.

[ fondles waxed mustache and adjusts problem glasses ]

pst314

A man inserted a coin into the mouth of a steel tiger...

 Hail to Thee Shoes, wearers of feet.
 Good, kind, noble and blessed Shoes.
 Which came to us from Chaos,
 To lighten our hearts and uplift our soles.
 O Shoes, which have supported mankind since the dawn of civilization,
 Ultimate cavities, surrounders of feet,
 Hail, Wondrous, battered Buskins!

 We adore Thee.
 We worship Thee in the fulness of thy Shoeness!

 O Archetypal footgear!
 Supreme notion of Shoes.
 What would we do without Thee?
 Stub our toes, scratch our heels, have our arches go flat.
 Protect us, Thy worshippers, good and blessed Footgear!
 -Creatures of Light and Darkness, by Roger Zelazny

Sam

Future historians will pinpoint the collapse of Western Society to its collective disappointment over the slow collapse of Game Of Thrones.

Change my mind.

pst314

Game of what? ;-)

Em

bag of wigs

Band name. *kerching*

Daniel Ream
I gathered I wasn’t very well liked. Somehow, the feeling pleased me.
- Nine Princes in Amber, by Roger Zelazny
Daniel Ream

its collective disappointment over the slow collapse of Game Of Thrones.

I'm reminded of this, from an anonymous commenter at the Ace of Spades blog:

"I don't think people should have strident opinions about trivialities. Children have strident opinions about trivialities.

Men don't. Men are supposed to be wise enough to know which things are trifling, and which things deserve their concern, and express themselves accordingly."

Sam

We inherited very little in the way of truly concerning things, historically speaking, and therefore seem hell-bent on creating ones out of thin air, until it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

John D

Tip jar hit.

David

*kerching*
Tip jar hit.

Bless you, madam, and bless you, sir. May your playlists impress your children.

pst314

May your playlists impress your children.

My playlists offend every close relative.

a different james

*a modest ping*

Many thanks for the entertainment and education

a different james

Between this, from yesterday

a man doesn't complain for complaining's sake about a problem he can't fix, because stoic, uncomplaining endurance of the unavoidable is how he validates his own opinion of himself and how he avoids revealing weakness to possible competitors: "I'm a tough bastard for putting up with this."

and, from above,

"I don't think people should have strident opinions about trivialities. Children have strident opinions about trivialities.
Men don't. Men are supposed to be wise enough to know which things are trifling, and which things deserve their concern, and express themselves accordingly."

I think there is more insight and common sense than in many university courses.

David

*a modest ping*

Bless you, sir. May you never drip cashew butter oil on your second-favourite shirt, thereby downgrading it to a shirt of no importance.

David

[ Tries frantically to think of new blessings. Curses self for not writing a list in advance. ]

Sam

David has a rigid and unforgiving shirt hierarchy. Y'all can't say you learned nothing today.

Governor Squid

“Free moisturiser!”

David, have you been reading the other essays penned by our favorite put-upon housewife?

(Her other pieces mention that she worked in a NICU before becoming a stay-at-home mom, and that her two kids sleep nine hours a night. If she's too pooped to brush her teeth, it's nothing at all to do with her environment.)

Y. Knott

"May you know the thrill of gritty styling clay

You monster! You FIEND! How do you know I even have HAIR?

{ - Actually I do have hair, not that I would ever put cr@p like that in it - and yeah yeah I know, "No refund, Credit note only." ;}

I oughtta ping you twice for that!

Ian

unforgiving shirt hierarchy

Band name.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

You monster! You FIEND! How do you know I even have HAIR?

Around these parts they use that same basic formula to make tiles and sculptures, so if you have no hair, but have an oven, you can make yourself a nice ceramic toupee or wig from that stuff. Make several, fire them them in different hair colors - perhaps a touch of gray for that distinguished look. You could start a trend...

Bad News Quillan

The check is in the mail.

--Bad News

Vagabond

Value received - Kerching!

Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat

Karl, Scary Mommy is just one of the many services I offer!

Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat

Karl, Scary Mommy is just one of the many services I offer!

pst314

For visitors to this Fine Establishment? WW2 Training Film for US Soldiers | How to Behave in Britain | 1943

Daniel Ream

Oh, dear God. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2rTPXRHXTXo

pst314

Oh, dear God.

You can wonder what sort of broken mind created that video, but I wonder more about the people who would enjoy it.

pst314

Will the white supremacy never end?

“They started saying something like some racial words like, ‘Asian people shouldn’t be in the Black market,’” Lee said. “We’re stealing their money.”

The video showed the women returning to the store, knocking over the displays again. Young eventually charged at Kim, punching her at least eight times. Lee said the women also scratched his face as he tried to fight them off his mother. Lee said the situation escalated when the pair nearly ran him and his father over with their vehicle in the parking lot.

NTSOG

@ DR: I tried to watch it, but after the first few seconds my breakfast started to rise. It's creepy.

pst314

after the first few seconds my breakfast started to rise.

I made it to 25 seconds. Need a drink. No, two.

ComputerLabRat

Oh, dear God.

And they call Trump supporters a cult?? Ye gods - there's more creepy cult behavior in the mainstream coming from the left than I've ever seen from the right. Yeah, there's some groups on the right can seem a bit culty, but it's not mainstream right. The left does seem to want to fall in love Oedipaley with its Messianic Dear Leaders. That mishmash of metaphors is more coherent than a lot of progressive thought these days.

NTSOG

"You-little-Asian-girl."

I presume that, in the eyes of intellectual giants of the Left such as Tariq, the behaviour of the two behemoths in the beauty salon was not racist or violent. The two huge creatures were just 'expressing' themselves as behemoths are wont to do.

Pooklord

Oh Dear God

I managed 20 seconds before I felt convulsions coming on.

It must be a parody, right?

Right?!

Lady Cutekitten of Lolcat

Test

David

The check is in the mail.
Value received - Kerching!

Bless you. When playing Hades’ Star, may you never forget to mute your notifications, resulting in a high-drama against-the-clock raiding mission - involving vast alien battleships and an impending supernova - being repeatedly punctuated by cheery WhatsApp messages about a dog-training video that your father-in-law has shared.

svh

may you never forget to mute your notifications,

I feel your pain.

*ping*

David

I feel your pain.

It helps if you picture Sigourney Weaver wrestling with the cooling unit at the end of Alien. NOT NOW, ADORABLE PUPPY!

*ping*

Bless you, sir. May your online purchases always fit.

And thanks to all who’ve chipped in so far, including all those much too shy to say hello, or who’ve subscribed, or done shopping via the Amazon links. It’s what keeps this place here and is much appreciated.

It briefly softens my blackened heart. So there’s that.

John Lewis

https://youtu.be/ejqSj4wXaqo

I see your Ariel and raise you a Wicked.

Even more vomit-inducing (and I’m bloody sure it’s serious).

Jacobus

Ping eh! (Canadianized version)

Alice

*clears bar tab*
*orders large gin*

David

Ping eh!
*clears bar tab*

Bless you, sir, and bless you, madam. When loading groceries into the boot or back seat, may the shopping trolley remain motionless, and not start rolling at speed towards the nearest expensive car.

Captain Nemo

You have ping-age. Should just about cover the bar tab.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

I see your Ariel and raise you a Wicked.

Fascinating, popular equals competent in Woketopia now, and so popular she was [checks notes] first one eliminated in the primaries.

Not a cult. Nosireebob.

David

You have ping-age. Should just about cover the bar tab.

Bless you, sir. When the end of lockdown is announced, and hairdressers make lists of their customers with a view to arranging appointments, may your name be at the top. Heavily underlined.

Sue Sims

Golly, Piper Paul, how long did that compilation take you? But worth it, just to see (a) the massive creativity and inventiveness of our gracious host, and (b) the pitiable frustrations and minor tragedies he suffers on a daily basis.

Perhaps a ping! will console him.

David

Perhaps a ping! will console him.

My life is an endless, heroic struggle against expired condiments, bin liners, and overly mobile shopping trollies.

And bless you, madam. May your vertical stacking system, a cunning innovation intended to optimise storage space, never fail at a critical moment, resulting in a loud clattering and an air of silent, but quite intense, judgment.

Captain Nemo

When the end of lockdown is announced, and hairdressers make lists of their customers with a view to arranging appointments, may your name be at the top. Heavily underlined.

It's funny you should say that. I have such a resplendent mane of lockdown hair, to the point where my hair is now longer than my mother's - she had one of the last salon appointments before the lockdown - and I can't wait to be rid of it. While I like my hair on the long side, the current state of it is nothing short of ridiculous.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Even more vomit-inducing (and I’m bloody sure it’s serious).

I'm starting to think it is a competition.

Forse

Lickety, rickety … Ping!
(Cheers from Hong Kong)

Peter J

Ping!

David

Lickety, rickety … Ping!
Ping!

Bless you, sirs. May your airtight plastic containers retain their seal integrity.

anon a mouse

airtight plastic containers

Tupperware contacts the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe...

David

Tupperware contacts the law firm of Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe...

I’m not convinced that the accepted standard of air-tightness would be adequate during, say, a space battle.

ComputerLabRat

never fail at a critical moment, resulting in a loud clattering

Thank goodness it was only a loud clattering and not a loud shattering!

This reminds me a I have a rather extensive list of purchases I need to make, and room on the credit card in which to make them. To the portal!

Captain Nemo

Veganism is now racist. Please update your files and lifestyles accordingly:

https://twitter.com/stillgray/status/1375055435342880768

David

This reminds me I have a rather extensive list of purchases I need to make, and room on the credit card in which to make them. To the portal!

Shop like the wind. And bless you. May your phone always be posher than the phones your nephews and nieces have.

aelfheld
It briefly softens my blackened heart. So there’s that.

Good to know the condition is temporary. There is only so much interruption of the natural order the universe can handle.

aelfheld
Veganism is now racist.

Only 'white veganism'.

Though how one determines the colour of a dietary preference is left unexplained.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Veganism is now racist.

Indeed, though I am fairly certain the idiots in that video are just saying those words because they think they are supposed to, but have no clue what they really mean.

Meanwhile, O&G informs us crossword puzzles are racist too.

Literally shaking.

pst314

Ping! Just paid my bar bill, David. Congratulate me on taking the momentous step of reactivating a long-dormant PayPal account.

David

O&G informs us crossword puzzles are racist too.

A topic touched on here.

The author of the piece, Natan Last - the one claiming that crossword puzzles are one of “the systemic forces that threaten women” - is, needless to say, a bit of a twat.

David

Just paid my bar bill, David.

Bless you, sir. Should a nephew ask what a “fax machine” was, may you be amused, and not feel ancient.

pst314

No, what really makes me feel ancient is when they ask what a teletype is, or what that round thing is on the face of an old telephone.
[ pauses to massage liniment into creaky joints ]

pst314

Meanwhile, O&G informs us crossword puzzles are racist too.

Correction: what really makes me feel old is that I remember when The Atlantic was run by sane people who didn't hate America.

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