How Dare You Not Pretend
Tales From The Far Side (2)

Friday Ephemera

Hardcore rocker. || Careful now. || Fashion statement detected. || Innards. || Nice touch. || Snow scenes. (h/t, Julia) || Beach scenes. || And speaking of beaches. || Job candidate of note. || Because you’ve always wondered. || Bodes well. || We must flee. || How stickers are applied to lemons. || How to cut a baby’s hair. || Educating children. || Unemployed dogs. (h/t, Damian) || Golden mole at large. || Virtual ancient Rome (minus Romans, filth, etc.) || Free very soon. || And finally, fragrantly, it’s entirely possible that the grilled chicken may have been detected.

Comments

pst314

snow scenes

I prefer the T-Rex.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Educating children.

I'll see your teacher and raise you this gent.

Daniel Ream

Careful now

If you watch carefully (and at the correct aspect ratio) you can see that he's never got more than one wheel off the road at a time. Off-roading 101. Dude has some skills. Plus the worst that could happen is both rear wheels slip off and the car just bottoms out. It's a hatchback, the centre of gravity is so far forward it'll never translate past the edge.

Daniel Ream

I'll see your teacher and raise you this gent.

WHY ARE THEY ALWAYS TEACHERS

Don't make me tap the sign.

Steve E

Careful now.

What? You were never taught the 1,000 point turn?

And speaking of beaches.

I'm embarrassed to say those signs are now necessary in Canada too. Some members from new-to-Canada enriching=cultures have been polluting some of the Great Lakes' beaches and burying the evidence.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Heh.

Also Heh.

WTP

Innards

OK...considering aaaalllllllll the animal classes on earth, aaallll the amphibians....frogs have at least ONE MOTHER F****ING species that is F****ING transparent and yet THAT is the species that we kill and dissect to teach children anatomy. Look...I'm no PETA guy. I eat tasty animals without having a meltdown over the moral consequences etc. I have very little concern...though admittedly a tiny little...over animal lab testing. And still, it doesn't really upset me that we do kill frogs to teach children anatomy. What seems absolutely bloody absurd is that frogs are so bloody far removed from our species yet they have a frikken transparent species and we still have to kill FROGS to teach biology? Is it the vodka & gin cocktail or am I missing something here?

Darleen

Update your Newspeak dictionary.

WTP

Re Job candidate....It's not like there are such significant hurdles, language or cultural barriers such that...it...cannot move there.

WTP

Because you’ve always wondered.

Pretty close to what I expected. Am I a genius or something? Because I've always wondered. Just kidding... I think I knew what you meant by that and I'm more than a little toasted right now. But I'm having an increasingly hard time dealing with this world in a sober state, so...not that I like excuses but...Christ I hate peoples.

WTP

Bodes well

Granted, I'm not well. So sue me if I go too fast, but... I recently attended a wedding and as traditional as I somewhat am and as formal, as these things go, as this wedding was, there was no throwing of the bouquet...but neither of the garter...but especially no f'n Electric Slide. The bouquet thing kinda disappointed me but I didn't miss it until yesterday.

TimT

From the link:

It's time to cancel the word 'rigor'.

I agree.

It's 'rigour'.

None of this newfangled Webster Dictionary nonsense.

In other colonial dialect news, I learned today that what we Aussies call a 'pot plant' is not the word the rest of the world uses. The rest of the world is weird!

JuliaM

"We must flee."

Pretty sure they aren't the only chaps in the world to experience such, errr, deflation... ;)

Peachy rex

Has Twitter just killed its own platform?

Discuss.

Min

Hardcore rocker.

MORE POWER!

David

Morning, all.

I’ll see your teacher and raise you this gent.

Ah, but we’re not supposed to notice the mental health issues, or act accordingly. That would be bad.

If, for instance, parents were to notice that transgender individuals report much higher rates of childhood abuse, including sexual molestation, and then notice that many victims of such abuse develop serious personality disorders, and in addition notice that some will, as adults, exhibit disturbing attitudes towards children and sexual boundaries… well, I doubt that such concerns would be welcomed.

David

Pretty sure they aren't the only chaps in the world to experience such, errr, deflation... ;)

From an earlier batch, this is still my favourite.

Burnsie

And speaking of beaches

*Crosses Ghana off "must visit beaches" list.*

Maybe Canada would be kind enough to fund similar street signs for San Francisco?

Stephanie Richer

Job candidate of note.

I watched carefully and it was with growing disgust that I realized no filter was in play.

Felicity

hardcore rocker actual lols. Thought the kid was going over the back

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Is it the vodka & gin cocktail or am I missing something here?

Embrace the power of and.

1. They are cheap, relatively half the price of the number two choice, the fetal pig which is a real tragedy because it will never grow up to be bacon or ribs.

2. The innards, with the exception of the reproductive system, are in relatively the same layout as mammals.

3. They are easier to lay out, especially for kids, in a dissection tray than a fetal pig. Also physically easier to dissect.

4. There would be pitch fork and torch parades if cats or dogs were used.

5. We are not at the point of using people. Yet.

6. It is a damn frog, what else west of Calais is it good for?

Stephanie Richer

Unemployed dogs.

Please, mine are my Official Sycophants. It matters not what I say, they gladly whore themselves for kibble, kisses, and cookies, always agreeing with my opinion. It's a dirty job but as the Husband won't do it, I am glad I have them.

The cat, on the other hand . . .

Stephanie Richer

Is it the vodka & gin cocktail or am I missing something here?

For myself, I have declared the Vesper my Saturday Night Cocktail of 2022. Gin. Vodka. Lillet Blanc.

But stirred, not shaken. Bond was wrong in that instruction.

a different james

I’ll see your teacher and raise you this gent.

Questions for our Murican friends.

Do these characters and the miscellaneous neon-haired characters that we see on Twitter/ TikTok comprise a significant proportion of elementary school teachers?

Do these types exist in a cross-section of schools or just in cities where this behaviour is particularly encouraged?

Do these types exist in schools where most of the kids would be black or Latin American? Or is it mostly in white suburbia?

Is there any similar phenomenon among High School teachers and, if not, why?

a different james

hardcore rocker actual lols.

+1

Watching her as a parent I was thinking that she would give you a dozen frights every day. Imagine trying to child-proof a house with her in it

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Great googly moogly, the damn actual Nazis were worse than we thought.

Meanwhile also from Germany...

pst314

Has Twitter just killed its own platform?

Is there some very recent incident you have in mind? Or are you simply thinking of their ever-growing policy of silencing dissent from leftism?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Headline of note...

pst314

We're uncomfortable in our own locker room

I am really sick of 'woke' heterosexuals who insist that there is something wrong with objecting to this sort of invasion of private spaces. And they don't all describe themselves as 'woke': Some of them call themselves libertarians.

LW

We're uncomfortable in our own locker room

I'm sure he enjoys not only humiliating those young women in the sport for which they've worked so hard for so long, but also exposing himself to them, as a special sort of rubbing salt into their wounds.

Sam

Beach scenes.

I can never become aroused again.

[ flings credit note behind bar and resumes 1000 mile stare ]

Sam

Do these characters and the miscellaneous neon-haired characters that we see on Twitter/ TikTok comprise a significant proportion of elementary school teachers?

No, they do not. Being social media in current year, the biggest freaks get the most attention, for example on lovely blogs run by a British gent.

Do these types exist in a cross-section of schools or just in cities where this behaviour is particularly encouraged?

Being herd animals at core you will still get more of what you encourage, less of what you discourage.

While these examples are disturbing, the problem with American public schools is so wide-ranging and systemic that scant few people wish to look upon it honestly and soberly. There are perverse incentives all the way down, and the sort of mushy-brained hippy dippy leftwinger that is, at best, an eager and well-meaning but clueless idiot absolutely dominates the rank and file. The admin are often the more cynical, lazier, and politically attuned who ejected from actual teaching in order to accrue the many benefits of the taxpayer funded monstrosity without the icky work of corralling children.

IE, the insane showcased on Libsoftiktok are but the rainbow-hued (dangerous) distractions from the hordes of group-think addled teachers who are either new - and therefore the exploitable naïve - or long-serving bitter cynics who are riding out the increasing insanity in order to earn retirement.

I will beat this horse dead, resurrect it's corpse, and pummel it again and again. Happy Friday.

Burnsie

We're uncomfortable in our own locker room

What, haven't they seen a woman's penis before?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Her Male Genitals

Band name.

Daniel Ream

Is there any similar phenomenon among High School teachers and, if not, why?

The psychiatrist I consulted with after my ex-wife ran off told me that it was very common for people with BPD/CPTSD to seek out professions where they were in a position of authority with low potential for conflict, as it helps them feel safe. Such as caring for young children and the elderly.

High school students can be rather more fractious, I am told.

Darleen

We're uncomfortable in our own locker room

What you have in Thomas is an autogynephile and guy who gets a kick out of exposing himself to women who, he knows, will be punished if they object.

One of the early cases of such a male suing a high school because the school wanted him to use a separate locker room and leave the girls alone, court documents showed he went out of his way to get naked around the girls. When they started going to a restroom in another part of the school to change without him, he found out and followed them there to change.

LW

guy who gets a kick out of exposing himself to women who, he knows, will be punished if they object.

Like that creature up in Canada, who got his kicks out of forcing women -- usually immigrant women -- to suffer exposure to his genitals because they catered to women who wanted bikini waxes. And then sued them if they didn't obey.

David

And then sued them if they didn’t obey.

Oh yes.

One detail I’d forgotten is that Mr Yaniv was at the time offering his services in “reputation management.”

gwt

When they started going to a restroom in another part of the school to change without him, he found out and followed them there to change.

Two kinds of minority behavior can be distinguished by who's demanding access to what.

The classic minority complaint is why can't the majority just leave us alone, when all we want is a space to be ourselves, where we're not monitored or judged by majority standards. At its best, it's self determination, live and let live, good fences make good neighbors. At its worst, it can amount to quota seeking from the majority's resources, the carving out of enclaves in the majority's space, and an attitude of the minority space being a bridgehead or safe house in enemy territory.

The other kind of minority complaint is we demand access to the majority's private spaces, we demand intimacy with the majority, we demand to be trusted in the high trust spaces of the majority.

The second type motte-and-bailey's into the first type. If they're called out on not wanting to leave the majority alone, they'll claim that all they want is for the majority to leave them alone.

The first minority complaint is given moral artillery support by stock phrases like "what consenting adults do is none of your business" and "why are you so obsessed with what some sexual minority does?". But the second kind of minority demand isn't in the spirit of "this is none of your business". That can be made clear by pointing out in a given case who exactly is trying to get into whose business.

Adam

Unemployed dogs

Our recently found German Shepherd made her occupation to help me take the trash out to the bin every Thursday evening. Her compensation for her assistance is riding in the front seat of the truck around the block.

We had another mutt years ago who quietly dedicated himself to keeping the rabbits down. We didn't know this until he died and the population of rabbits skyrocketed the next year.

Adam

Beach scenes

Question 1: Are those fish eating an eel, or is it a fish-eating eel?

Question 2: WTF is going on there?

Peachy rex

As of last night, you must be registered to *read* Twitter at all. I can't imagine I'm the only one who would rather give up my Twit browsing than join the blob.

pst314

As of last night, you must be registered to *read* Twitter at all. I can't imagine I'm the only one who would rather give up my Twit browsing than join the blob.

That will just further motivate me away from Twitter and to Gab, GETTR, etc.

LW

I think you can still read until you scroll down to "More Tweets". So you can read the exact tweet you came to, plus responses to it, but nothing else.

I like to think that their appeal is becoming more selective.

PiperPaul

“reputation management"

Isn't that the totally honest, not-at-all-a-scam where lies are told about companies and websites unless they pony up some extortion money?

Daniel Ream

Question 2: WTF is going on there?

A fake. There's a ton of these kinds of videos out there.

pst314

A fake. There's a ton of these kinds of videos out there.

That's reassuring, because the video made no sense.

Em

Hardcore rocker.

Wonderful. But I kept stressing about the phone on the floor. :-)

ccscientist

job applicant: holy cow. She (?) sure went to lengths to look strange, even elf ears. Probably wants a job dealing with the public to annoy the most people possible. What is this obsession with being neither male nor female? WTF?

semi retired conservative

What is this obsession with being neither male nor female?

The final step in the evolution of leftist self loathing. Personal nihilism.

pst314

Anti-bike rant here.

"male cyclists on bikes big enough to seat a threesome."

Can anybody explain what the writer means by big bikes?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Can anybody explain what the writer means by big bikes?

pst314

That photo looks many decades old. I've only heard of large, oddball bikes in places like Portland and Seattle.

Daniel Ream

what the writer means by big bikes?

She likes them and cannot lie?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

That photo looks many decades old.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Doors of note.

pst314

Farnsworth: Even in England?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Even in England?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

"male cyclists on bikes big enough to seat a threesome."

asiaseen

What is this obsession with being neither male nor female?

Getting the worst of both worlds and consequent entitlement to mega-victimhood.

Pooklord

Peach Res

I just noticed that about twitter. Must be the new management making bold decisions. I think they think people will login in order to not miss out but I also think they have misjudged their appeal.
Anyway, if it's a choice between logging in or no more twitter, well . . . bye.

TomJ
male cyclists on bikes big enough to seat a threesome.

Maybe she's been watching The Goodies?

It can't be watching the roads, as the sort of cyclist she is venting at goes out of their way to have the least mass of bicycle beneath them as they can afford...

Alice

Ah, but we’re not supposed to notice the mental health issues, or act accordingly. That would be bad.

That.

David

That.

Well, likewise, parents may wonder why some educators find it so exciting to ‘come out’ to children, including primary-school children, even pre-school children, and to discuss their sexuality, repeatedly, in class. Or to turn up for work in tart shoes or full drag, thereby having a captive audience for their own narcissistic psychodrama.

As if this weren’t inapt, unprofessional, and rather creepy. As if their behaviour weren’t an obvious warning sign.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Headline The Babylon Bee couldn't make up.

California trans child molester, 26, gets 2 years in juvenile facility thanks to progressive DA Gascon

Makes perfect sense, I guess.

Because Tubbs began identifying as female after she was taken into custody, and Gascon refused to try her as an adult, Tubbs was sentenced to two years in a juvenile facility.

Of course he did.

Tubbs also has prior violent convictions and conduct as an adult.

Oh.

I wonder is the style guide demands reference to him as "he" when reporting about those crimes.

WTP

I just noticed that about twitter. Must be the new management making bold decisions. I think they think people will login in order to not miss out but I also think they have misjudged their appeal.

The only person I would bother to follow (in the non-twitter sense) on Twitter is Dilbert cartoonist Scott Adams. I've read his blogs and such off and on over the years and got a great deal out of his feed, both good and bad, since Trump and the Damnpanic. I will not join Twitter just for that but I wish he would repost elsewhere. I find those video blogs a bit tiresome to sit through. If it's important or something he tweets sounds interesting I will skip through it and watch maybe 1/3 of one at most. I don't always agree with his conclusions but his raw data analysis is very good. Without the tweets it's going to be too much of a PITA. Does anyone who follows other significant people on Twitter see a reaction from them to this change? What little I've been able to read of Adams it's like he's not aware of it.

Darleen

There are dumb criminals, but I believe that this guy's major failing was not moving to San Francisco or Los Angeles.

Wright was associated with a Facebook page named “Run Outs by Ralai” that bragged of organized retail thefts.

The page boasted, “This is a lifestyle and I’m proud to say I’m the first certified booster with a LLC. Run Outs by Ralai offer the best boosting service in Minnesota. We are planning to expand this year to offer shipping services to other states as well but for now it’s local and we are getting everything y’all need (clothes, shoes, food, housing supplies, and many more) NO STORE IS TOO BIG NO STORE IS TO SMALL RUN OUTS BY RALAI WILL DUST THEM ALL. – Ra’Lasia”

WTP

I wonder is the style guide demands reference to him as "he" when reporting about those crimes.

James Tubbs on Nov. 11, 2021. Tubbs, 26, recently pleaded guilty to molesting a girl in a woman's bathroom eight years ago when she was two weeks away from turning 18.
Seems to my dumb ignorant philistine engineer ass that that should read "when he was two weeks away...". At that time this person they refer to in the present as 'she' was a 'he' so...why f-up logic and reason with pronouns here? Should have used its name. But again, don't ask me. I'm an idiot.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

As of last night, you must be registered to *read* Twitter at all.

Что?

If you don't have a favorite twit already bookmarked, you can just search for whomever you want and get a direct link, e.g., per WTP, "Scott Adams twitter" gets you Scott Adams. No log in needed.

WTP

Farnsworth,

I was able to use that link that you provided for a little bit longer and thought, cool...no problem. Then after scrolling down a piece the login screen hit me. Which also sucks because, on iPad using Brave browser anyway, it locks up the screen for several seconds and you...or I...have to thrash away before the navigation bar appears so I can back out of it..

Farnsworth M Muldoon

WTP,

Weird, I can scroll down as far as I like (quit at December) on three different browsers (GNU IceCat, Brave, & Vivaldi) on a PC and a phone running Lineage 18.1 using DucDuckGo browser. Running a VPN, same story regardless what country things were routed through.

Only thing that happened is that it would occasionally hang for a couple seconds as it loaded more twits, Adams being a rather prolific twitterer.

Maybe a software/memory conflict between Brave and the Apple OS?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

WTP,

Try this - the first twit that comes up, click on the "Scott Adams" next to his avatar, that takes you to the top page with the Dilbert strip header, then Robert should be your father's brother.

pst314

I don't see the Twitter problem on my iPhone, or my employer's laptop which has Edge and Firefox (without script blockers).
I do see the problem on my personal laptop which has Firefox (with NoScript).

sonny wayz

"Mr Yaniv..."

Careful, barkeep. It's unclear whether or not misgendering someone in Canada will get you a criminal record.

At the very least, you'll be in for a session with some sort of kangaroo court.

semi retired conservative

I had to explain to my 89 year old mother last night that the ... "person" ... who just lost at Jeopardy was in fact a transgaga and not an actual biological woman.

She was very suitably confused and kept asking why they kept calling it "her" and why was it allowed to be the all time "womens" champion ?

She grew up during WW2. Doesn't seem kitted out for this 'bright new future'

I wonder if I'll be that way in 40 years when they try to explain to me that AIs are now actual citizen with the same, nay more, rights than me.

PiperPaul



Reposting Muldoon's link above.

WTP

I had to explain to my 89 year old mother last night that the ... "person" ... who just lost at Jeopardy was in fact a transgaga and not an actual biological woman.

Yeah, yeah...next time your 75 year old mother asks you to verify what she...accurately it turns out...thinks "oral sex" is get back to me. Damn Bill Clinton to hell.

----

As for Twitter....after spending the afternoon and $175 on a new battery for wifey's car....which I swear is not the reason I got my lazy ass out of my recliner to try this on the laptop....I swear I was already in the office when her battery died...I just got back to try the link here on my Dell/Windoze 10(?) with Chrome browser and again the tease. As with a couple of the previous attempts, seemed to be OK until I scrolled down to the tweet about Australian media and the Damnpanic or whatever. Though repeated attempts seem to be independent of that specific story. Getting same thing with my iPhone. Siri won't tell me what OS I have and I honestly really don't care anymore but I refused to upgrade past version 14.99999999 or whatever because wife is past 15.0 and goes in and out of being miserable about it. And yes on my iPhone I am using Safari. Make of that what you will. Mock me, ridicule me, make me write bad checks. Chrome is on there somewhere but I rarely use it.

Since retirement I'm very lazy about updating anything. I did update my apps on my iPad just to troubleshoot this problem and because it had been a while. I am actually thinking about downloading (if necessary...do I already have it? Probably but who knows?) and installing the latest Internet Explorer. Not to troubleshoot anything with this per se but just to spite my former techie self.

WTP

Maybe I'm having issues because Robert's my mother's brother as well? They were a big family. People lose track of these things over time.

semi retired conservative

Yeah, yeah...next time your 75 year old mother asks you to verify what she...accurately it turns out...thinks "oral sex" is get back to me. Damn Bill Clinton to hell.

I have literally no idea what you are on about ? Is this some sort of "your mama" joke ?

If so, Leno had a good one on his game show the other day (the wife is a fan of Mr. Chin).

"Your mama is so dumb she thinks a quarterback is some kind of refund."

WTP

Bit of an anachronism...during the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, back in 1998(?)...I actually believe this was on our way to church as well...ok, maybe just dinner...but my 75 year old mother was somewhat apparently confused, or more likely not sure, what the term "oral sex" meant. I'm guessing Dad refused to explain it, though from his war experience if nothing else, I'm quite sure he knew, asked my WIFE and I this question. Believe me, explaining trannies, which were a known entity as far back as the 1970's, is a cakewalk in comparison. I still have the scars. As you probably can tell.

Karl

Information based on scientific facts is a human right, Pope Francis said Friday

The fucking Pope said that. We truly live in the upside-down.

pst314

It's noon in London. Where are all the commenters???

Burnsie

The fucking Pope said that. We truly live in the upside-down.

Hey, no one knows science like a Pope knows science. Galileo got what he deserved, dammit!!

Farnsworth M Muldoon

A single small woke complaint has creates problems for a larger group.

It's noon in London. Where are all the commenters???

Finishing up their elevenses.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Join us, friends, for another exciting episode of "Today In Lunacy™"...

In this exciting episode, Kurt Cobain was a transwoman!

His daughter might have doubts, but seriously, are you going to argue this learned expert?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

OK, this guy's steamboat may be way round the bend, but you have to admire his dedication.

WTP

Thought I might share this response to someone who asked when Donald Trump would be canceled...

Lawrence Patterson Cancel Donald Trump? Why you might as well cancel Christmas. There will always be a Donald Trump. He will live in the majesty of our purple mountains, in eye of a soaring American Bald Eagle. He's in the orange and blue of a Florida sunrise and yes, even in the shivering wind of a Chicago February. Yes, Lawrence, we will always have Trump. If not in the hearts of true American patriots he will live forever in the heads of leftist snowflakes.

stukaturka

In this exciting episode, Kurt Cobain was a transwoman!

she is ours now. we will not be returning her.

Says the transflag bluetick. But Cobain was always theirs, wasn't he? He was never a swaggering 70's rocker, he was stamped out from the pattern of the sensitive Generation X man, exposing his vulnerabilities, "not like other guys".

I don't people who grew up on the Internet appreciate how pervasive that kind of self-effacing supplicating masculinity was in the early 90s. Young men who'd spent their formative years mainlining anti-male content like Thelma and Louise, but with none of today's Internet counternarrative.

pst314

A single small woke complaint has creates problems for a larger group.

He can play Grumpy.

pst314

OK, this guy's steamboat may be way round the bend, but you have to admire his dedication.

More like a battery-powered dinghy.

pst314

...but seriously, are you going to argue this learned expert?

Trans lunatics, now with klezmer music!

Farnsworth M Muldoon

I suppose if you make the same prediction over and over, eventually you'll get it right.

Pentagon experts, is there anything they don't know?

WTP

I suppose if you make the same prediction over and over, eventually you'll get it right.

I don't know about the same, causal prediction but seems they got the follow-on stuff pretty close.

Steve E

He can play Grumpy.

He's an angry elf.

pst314

He's an angry elf.

He might get put on a shelf.

pst314

He can play Grumpy.

Amazon is exploring a "re-interpretation" of the tale with additional dwarves named Horny, Pervy, and Tonker.

Steve E

with additional dwarves named Horny, Pervy, and Tonker.

I think that one might have already been made. Never underestimate the porn industry (I'd provide a link, but probably not a good idea).

sonny wayz

"(I'd provide a link, but probably not a good idea)."

Clicks on 'Incognito Mode'...

pst314

I think that one might have already been made...

There are things I don't want to know.

Clicks on 'Incognito Mode'...

And now I know too much about sonny wayz. ;-)

pst314

[ As the comment thread spirals down into the sewer, David ponders whether to get out the hamster urine spray bottle or to distract his deranged readers with a new post. ]

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