Hell’s Canteen

Where many things come with sliced tomato.

Via Tim Newman. Consider this an open thread.

Comments

[John D]

Cadbury's Bar Six!

[David]

Cadbury’s Bar Six!

As a wee seedling, I think was fond of those. Sliced tomato, and the consequent soggy bread, not so much.

[NJH]

The University of Northampton issues a trigger warning for Orwell's 1984. The citation states that readers may find it, "Offensive and upsetting."

Is there irony here somewhere? Asking for a friend.

[Liam]

Cress is not food.

[NJH]

Cress is a garnish at best.
At this moment, none better though than sweet basil from the garden to make a tomato sing.

[JuliaM]

And to think, people complain these days about ‘unnecessary packaging’..!

[David]

[ Wipes hand on arse of trousers, passes Julia pressed veal and tomato sandwich. ]

[Jen]

Disappointed not to find 'potted meat'.

[David]

Disappointed not to find ‘potted meat’.

I think that might’ve pushed us over the edge. One has to have some standards.

[NJH]

Forget the meat; the disappointment would be if somehow the glutinous corona of jelly had failed to coagulate.

[David]

Though I remember liking something called Sandwich Spread, which was a sort of tangy cabbage and pickle thing.

Ah, simpler times.

[Stephanie Richer]

I recall the first time I visited the UK, in 1979, and was off put when I served a ham sandwich . . . with butter?

[PaulF]

Jen

Disappointed not to find 'potted meat'.

Admittedly, we can see the right hand edge of the shelf. But how do we know that the shelf doesn't extend to the left, possibly to infinity and beyond? Your disappointment may be premature!

[David]

served a ham sandwich . . . with butter?

[ Piano player stops, room falls silent. ]

And what, pray tell, is wrong with that?

[Ted S., Catskill Mtns, NY, USA]

And what, pray tell, is wrong with that?

I butter my bread all the time since I don't use mayonnaise.

[slides piece of "sosage" down bar to David]

[David]

[slides piece of “sosage” down bar to David]

Incoming!

[Stephanie Richer]

And what, pray tell, is wrong with that?

[Squaring her jaw]

It is inferior to a good, robust dollop of horseradish and mustard.

Meanwhile, Québécois journalist fleeing curfews and confinement in the frozen North heads to Florida only to find there are no curfews and confinement, and people are having germs for dessert.

[Stephanie Richer]

Argh - just as I went to post my last comment, a Weimaraner stretched and his paw hit my keyboard, ruining my formatting!

Sorry about that.

[David]

[ Quietly fixes catastrophic shitshow of HTML. Savours moment. ]

[PiperPaul]

Québécois journalist fleeing curfews and confinement

I think in that article he claims that Florida has a higher-than-other-states percentage of Covid deaths (shame on them for not cowering in fear!) but avoids pointing out that Florida has a much higher percentage of retired old folks.

It's amazing how "journalists" can carefully avoid mentioning the blatantly obvious.

[Horace Dunn]

Disappointed not to find 'potted meat'.

Two words: fish paste.

I remember liking something called Sandwich Spread, which was a sort of tangy cabbage and pickle thing.

Ah yes, Sandwich Sick, as it perhaps inevitably became known.

[David]

Ah yes, Sandwich Sick, as it perhaps inevitably became known.

You’re ruining my memories of childhood, you know. Next, you’ll be telling me Vesta curries weren’t the bleeding edge of sophistication.

[Horace Dunn]

You’re ruining my memories of childhood, you know. Next, you’ll be telling me Vesta curries weren’t the bleeding edge of sophistication.

I find the most effective way to ruin such childhood memories is to try the various foodstuffs again in later life. I had a butterscotch Angel Delight (which was aptly named, it was a truly heavenly concoction) a few years ago and it was so ghastly that I could have wept.

In our memories, Vesta curries are, as you say, the height of sophistication, Fray Bentos pies are magnificent and those beefburgers that you got frozen from Tesco's are bliss ... best not to disturb those memories.

Mind you, Cadbury's Smash. What was that all about? That was shite, even back then.

[pst314]

Hell's Canteen

That's a high-class joint: Most of the sandwiches have named meat!

[asiaseen]

For mash get Smash!

Disappointed not to find ‘potted meat’.

Indeed, properly made* it is an upmarket pate de fois gras.

Wasn't it Shipphams who had those dinky barrel-shaped liitle bottles for various pastes?

*There used to be a very good butcher (possible still is) on the corner of the market place in Horncastle that did a good meat paste - and stuffed chine too.

[pst314]

And what, pray tell, is wrong with that?

Haven't you heathens heard of mayonnaise? Ham and swiss with mayo, or better yet ham and swiss and bacon with mayo and lettuce, on a good French bread.

[JuliaM]

Oooh, Sandwich Spread, absolutely lovely on a piece of Ryvita! And Vesta meals are a guilty pleasure, but only the Chow Mein and Paella.

And at Christmas, I rediscovered the delight of squeezing Primula cheese from a tube onto a Ritz…

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

As long as food is the topic...

[WTP]

Meanwhile, Québécois journalist fleeing curfews and confinement in the frozen North heads to Florida only to find there are no curfews and confinement, and people are having germs for dessert.

The Democrat opposition here in FL created an ad a few months ago that was so anti-DeSantis (our R governor, donchaknow) that it effectively felt like a pro-DeSantis ad. I'll see if I can find it. They likely jerked it back.

[WTP]

On a good rye bread. And Jewish rye. From either NYC or South Florida.

[WTP]

Fast forward to about 1:30 on this link.

https://youtu.be/uoMsbi5AAl0

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

From either NYC or South Florida

As if there is a difference...

[pst314]

When your obsessions don't just color your judgement but destroy it: '1917' is a 'homoerotic war movie.

I recall certain gay science fiction writers/critics who claimed to find "obvious" homoeroticism in various novels, which proved that either they were getting strangely aroused by innocent things or they were engaged in a political war to subvert the culture. But probably both.

[pst314]

Moonbats assemble!

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Good news, everyone, a solution to the Ukraine crisis has been found.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Moonbats assemble!

I always suspected there was something sketchy about Milton Keynes.

[anon a mouse]

Disappointed not to find 'potted meat'.

Well, there seems to be something made of penguin further down the shelf, so...

despite much higher new case and hospitalization rates than ours .

Source: New York Times

I think I might have found the writer's problems...

[Sam]

Whoever said in the last thread that the Canuck journalist was engaging in "good boy" behavior (Steve maybe) - is this jackhole trying to brag about his vacation but in a manner that won't attract the ire of his fellow covidian Canucikstanis? That's the only way I can make any sense of the tone of that little bitchfest.

[semi retired conservative]

As a Canajun let me assure you the phrase "Quebecois complains..." is so self obvious as to not need pointing out.

[Steve E]

Good news, everyone, a solution to the Ukraine crisis has been found.

Well how could it not work? it was proven so effective against the Boko Haram (#bringbackourgirls). I know because the Washington Post and Teen Vogue tell me it's true.

[David]

Charles Murray chats with Steve Sailer. The discussion starts about 5 minutes in.

[ccscientist]

Ukraine crisis & boko haram: the woke live by twitter and seem to really think that disapproval on twitter will influence world leaders and terrorists. hahahaha no

[Sam]

This summarizes the current US power matrix very deftly IMHO.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

The pandemic has been relentless for mothers, many of whom have been stuck in an endless cycle of work and child care. Some Massachusetts mothers gathered to do something about it.

One by one, they emerged from the shadows and gathered at the 50-yard line.

They stood in a circle under the soft lights, and for 20 glorious minutes they screamed and screamed and screamed...

Right. That ought to sort things.

[Steve E]

One by one, they emerged from the shadows and gathered at the 50-yard line.

Behind a paywall so I didn't get to read the part where they slink back into the shadows after the screaming. Oh, and head to Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Behind a paywall...

Weird, not on mine.

One of the participants, Jessica Buckley, said many of the mothers were unaware of The New York Times’s primal scream hotline, which is available to mothers who want to yell, laugh, cry or vent for a solid minute.

A hotline. For screaming emergencies.

The gathering, she said, unfolded in five parts, the first four of which were a normal scream, a round of swearing, a “free-for-all” of screams or shouts, and a scream in honor of the mothers who were too busy to attend. The fifth part was a contest to see who could scream the longest. The winner, who screamed for about 30 seconds, was Ms. Buckley, a 36-year-old therapist and mother of two.

A therapist. Of course.

Ms. Harmon, a mother of 3- and 5-year-old daughters, said that her children were driving her “absolutely nuts” during the pandemic.

I suspect that was more like a short putt than a drive, but one wonders why this shit only happens is places like NYC and Boston.

[pst314]

Behind a paywall so I didn't get to read the part where they slink back into the shadows after the screaming.

If you're quick you can get past the paywall: Ctrl-A and Ctrl-C before the page gets blocked, then paste into any text editor.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

...Ctrl-A and Ctrl-C before the page gets blocked...

Just tried that in a different browser that was showing me the paywall - a most excellent workaround for future reference. Thanks.

Another one that often works (also for adblocker blockers), but alas not for the NYT, is 12 Foot Ladder.

[David]

A hotline. For screaming emergencies.

And nothing says “take me seriously as an adult” quite like performative shrieking.

[ccscientist]

screaming: modern woke women are at such a disadvantage, being the first women ever in history to have small children. By the way, no one stopped them through all of this from bringing kids to the playground or having another mother with kids to their house. Except being covidiots of course.

[Darleen]

one wonders why this shit only happens is places like NYC and Boston.

I went to a few links, like the "School of MOM" website and FB page and the vibe I get is a kind of slick monetizing of the kind of support and advice young moms used to get from the grandma group at church. Now it's wrapped up in high-production videos, and in search of a lot of publicity. This from a post on the FB page:

It feels a bit like a calm after a storm this morning.

The past 3 days have been a whirlwind starting with an email that stated... Hi Sarah, My name is x and I work with NBC news and the TODAY show. Hoping to get in touch with you about a possible opportunity. We would love the chance to speak with you!

It's not every day one of those lands in your inbox!

Thank you @todayshow for sharing our local Charlestown scream publicly so that others can give themselves (and their communities!) permission to release the emotions that have been bubbling and are ready to burst from the past couple of years.

What is lingering for me this morning is the conversation I had with my 5 yo about anger when I picked her up from school yesterday.

We talked about how her class watched the segment and then tried screaming together to see how it felt. Her amazing teachers took the opportunity to teach about anger and lead the students to TUNE INTO THEIR BODIES!

This is the world I want my kids to grow up in. A world where we are learning together how to tune into our incredibly wise bodies and listen to them for the guides that they are.

I had tears in my eyes listening to my 5 yo talk about how she experiences anger (ie. when her sister takes her toy!) and then sharing how she can scream to help her body in those moments vs. hit her over the head with a doll (ie. what has happened more often than not).

Then we also talked about how to best wipe your butt 💩at school.... so I'd say the whole day was a WIN.

OOoo!! Today Show! And the 70's retro annoying "our bodies" talk sprinkling all the conversations as if it was something Brand.New.

No, dear hearts, young moms have been counseled on taking care of themselves and/or how to divert fussy toddlers, like, forever. Sheesh.

PS - No, "our bodies" are not "wise". They are a biological machine and while we should pay attention to them, they aren't any wiser than a car.

[asiaseen]

The pandemic has been relentless for mothers, many of whom have been stuck in an endless cycle of work and child care.

I thought the endless cycle of work and child care was the normal state for mothers.

[aelfheld]

It is inferior to a good, robust dollop of horseradish and mustard.

Hear, hear!

[aelfheld]

Haven't you heathens heard of mayonnaise? Ham and swiss with mayo, or better yet ham and swiss and bacon with mayo and lettuce, on a good French bread.

Mayonnaise makes a ham sandwich with butter sound heavenly.

[aelfheld]

[...] The New York Times’s primal scream hotline [...]

Dial-A-Prayer for the deranged.

[pst314]

Mayonnaise makes a ham sandwich with butter sound heavenly.

[ Jots note to Cardinal Fang. ]

[anon a mouse]

"I had tears in my eyes listening to my 5 yo talk about how she experiences anger (ie. when her sister takes her toy!) and then sharing how she can scream"

Lady, I've been in a room with multiple screaming 5 year old girls. "Tears in my eyes" is the mildest reaction...

(BTW, "bullying" is best fought by screaming? Hmmm. Okay, sure, go with that...)

[Steve E]

A world where we are learning together how to tune into our incredibly wise bodies and listen to them for the guides that they are.

Not a cult! No. No. No.

And I can think of plenty of times when my body had me do some not so wise things.

[anon a mouse]

"how to tune into our incredibly wise bodies"

*insert tune a piano jokes here*

[Daniel Ream]

I find the most effective way to ruin such childhood memories is to try the various foodstuffs again in later life

At least in Canada, that's often because the formula actually changes. Canadian "chocolate" bars, for instance, have been composed of increasingly large proportions of soy-based fillers and flavourings over the years. One (probably apocryphal) reason I've heard for why Canadians call them "chocolate bars" and Americans call them "candy bars" is that legally American candy bars aren't chocolate and can't be advertised that way. Regardless, I recall being asked to bring "Canadian candy bars" with me on deployment trips to the US in the 1990s because they were allegedly better quality.

No, "our bodies" are not "wise"

There's also the fact that "primal scream therapy" was found to be ineffective long ago. It makes the problem worse by elevating the aggression/fight-or-flight hormone levels. The screaming is all about lookatmelookatmelookatme, not therapy.

I recall certain gay science fiction writers/critics who claimed to find "obvious" homoeroticism in various novels

The last time I was at a con in Atlanta, I ended up with a free copy of a book written by a member of the gay science fiction club in that city. The book presents itself as supernatural detective noir, which before being eaten alive by the romance novel industry was a tiny but interesting genre. The book's protagonist flip-flops between being a fairly stereotypical Chandler-esque hardboiled detective type and a squealing, effeminate caricature of a gay man. It's possibly the most hamfisted, cringe-inducing treatment of the concept I could imagine. You could get whiplash from the character's bipolar shifts.

As an aside I'm quite enjoying the Legend of Eli Monpress series by Rachel Aaron. Although I can see exactly where she's swiping all of her ideas from, unlike Wheel of Time she's fusing them nicely into something greater than the sum of its parts. And the books don't try to be anything more than what they are, a fun romp with a Shawn Spencer-esque protagonist and just enough danger to provide some suspense.

[Steve E]

Haven't you heathens heard of mayonnaise? Ham and swiss with mayo, or better yet ham and swiss and bacon with mayo and lettuce, on a good French bread.

Mayo on a Ham and Swiss? Ah no thanks. I'm not sure I want to hear what you put on your pastrami or smoked meat sandwich.

If there's no lettuce on that ham sandwich then there's no mayo. Just mustard, preferably stone ground but a good dijon is also acceptable. Mayo is reserved for any kind of turkey sandwich, but works best with an actual roasted or smoked turkey breast, not that pressed cured stuff.

[Uma Thurmond's Feet]

"Squealing, effeminate caricature"

I always prefer the classical gay.

Lord, that singer was ghastly. He doesn't need anyone now; just wait until he loses his looks.

[pst314]

I always prefer the classical gay.

Classical? Wouldn't that be the Sacred Band of Thebes?

[ccscientist]

Many foods only exist because people were desperately trying to preserve them before refrigeration, canning, and preservatives. Pickled fish for example. Pickles in general. Green olives because when you harvest the ripe (black) ones a lot of green fall off too. Smoked meats and sausage. Some of these turned out great and we still eat them. Some, only locals will eat out of tradition (lutefisk). I understand that Spam is big in Hawaii because fresh meat is so expensive. I've had it and it is ok if you are broke...

[Sam]

Spam is big in Hawaii

Spam Musubi is unironically delicious, but I could see how YMMV.

[Steve E]

I remember Bar Six from my youth but I'm having a hard time remembering what it was like. I seem to recall it being a little like a KitKat Bar. It was in six segments (thus the name) and I think it was wafers and hazelnut cream covered in chocolate. Maybe someone can refresh my memory. We definitely didn't have Penguin Bars that I recall.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Spam is big in Hawaii

Started in WWII, there are Hawaii specific flavors, and teriyaki spam musubi with furikake is indeed excellent. Groceries have huge amounts of aisle space dedicated to spam.

[a different james]

I remember liking something called Sandwich Spread, which was a sort of tangy cabbage and pickle thing.

It still occasionally makes its way into my cheese sandwiches when I just can't be bothered.

If I ever feel ashamed I take comfort that there are no Pot Noodles in the house.

One should always have someone else's tastes to look down on.

[a different james]

The chicken salad sandwich is the most expensive- even more than the beef sandwich.

In the 1970s chicken was still a luxury meat

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

One should always have someone else's tastes to look down on.

...and brother, a cabbage pickle spread on cheese certainly fits that bill...

[Baceseras]

Thoreau: "If you find a turtle on a tree stump, you can be sure it didn't get there by itself."
Turtle McTurtleface: "Hold my beer."

[a different james]

...and brother, a cabbage pickle spread on cheese certainly fits that bill...

*takes offence*

At least it was made with plenty of butter on the bread.

[WTP]

Baceseras, stolen. Literally.

In this lunch food justification game, please explain Limburger and Onion sandwiches.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

At least it was made with plenty of butter on the bread.

You are not helping your case...

[Baceseras]

please explain Limburger and Onion sandwiches

?? Never tried them. The smell of Limburger warns me off. But to each his or her respective own.

I suppose someone who insists the sandwich must be on genuine Pumpernickel is expressing a taste, while someone who allows it on any bread that happens to be around is just doing neurotic repetition. Just a guess.

Not a full explanation, I know, but hoping it helps

[pst314]

Spam Musubi is unironically delicious

Includes "1 tablespoon sugar", which would worry me: High-fat AND high-sugar diet = diabetes.

[semi retired conservative]

...and brother, a cabbage pickle spread on cheese certainly fits that bill...

They will pull the jar of Branston Pickle from my cold, dead hands.

The very heart of a decent ploughmans..

[pst314]

Pumpernickel

Mmmmm. Fresh baked pumpernickel from a neighborhood German bakery. Best with thick slices of stronger-flavored meats or cheeses. Or just a slice of bread slathered with fresh butter. Lots of great traditional bread recipes in Germany. Poland too.

[Squires]

...everyone, a solution to the Ukraine crisis has been found.

This will be painted onto the fuselages of the A-10s?

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

They will pull the jar of Branston Pickle from my cold, dead hands.

...the key ingredients in Branston pickle are salt, sugar and vinegar to preserve the food. It also includes cucumbers, cauliflower, onions, rutabagas, tomatoes, apples, and dates, with a tangy sauce that typically has mustard, pepper, nutmeg, garlic, coriander, cinnamon, cayenne, and cloves...

Great googly moogly, I hope Mr. Branston got a good exorcist after coming up with that unholy combo.

"Perfect in a cheese sandwich"

No one not wearing a canvas camisole with wraparound sleeves in a room in Bellevue ever said rutabega and cheese was "perfect".

[Daniel Ream]

Lord, that singer was ghastly

He's appeared twice in episodes of Nickelodeon's Henry Danger, a Dan Schneider-produced show for 6-12 year-olds, playing himself. The show also features frequent cross-dressing and the cast has one closeted transsexual.

Something has gone very wrong over at Nickelodeon.

[pst314]

Spam is big in Hawaii

And in Scandinavia where they sing songs about it. Much better than lutefisk, after all.

[pst314]

Latinx does not go far enough.
We must also replace Irish with Irix, German with Germx, Swedish with Swedex, Polish with Polex, Chinese with Chinex and Roma with Romex.

[pst314]

The book's protagonist flip-flops between being a fairly stereotypical Chandler-esque hardboiled detective type and a squealing, effeminate caricature of a gay man.

A Mary Sue?

My disengagement from professional science fiction publications began when I noticed how book reviews tended to be based not on the quality of the writing but on how many political checkboxes were ticked. Some reviewers and writers seemed to never praise anything unless it fit one or more of the politically correct categories, but without ever telling you this.

[Ed Snack]

Did everyone miss what looks to be chocolate eclairs on the lower shelf ? Forget the sandwiches, if they include real cream and "real" chocolate icing, there's a win for the discerning eater !

And butter, good grass fed cow derived butter goes on every sandwich worthy of the name.

[pst314]

And butter, good grass fed cow derived butter goes on every sandwich worthy of the name.

Godless scientists say 'not so fast':

"You will live to see horrors beyond your comprehension."

[pst314]

And while we're on the subject of cows,

"Dammit, Carl!"

[Daniel Ream]

A Mary Sue?

Ehh. I suspect the hardboiled parts were just copy paste genre emulation and the shrieking, mincing queen parts were author insert, but I never met the author.

Some reviewers and writers seemed to never praise anything unless it fit one or more of the politically correct categories

Yeah, well, Sad Puppies and Noah Ward and all that. It's just all so petty, and honestly on both sides by this point. I may be wrong as I long ago stopped paying attention to the industry side but my impression is that SF publishing was always a tiny niche market with very little money going around - most of the top-tier Canadian SF authors I know personally seem to make a comfortable middle class income at best. The Kindle marketplace is flooded with people self-publishing SF. Admittedly a lot of it is A Billionaire Dinosaur Forced Me Gay levels of quality, but when authors like Larry Correia and Sarah Hoyt can sell directly to their readers none of the rest of it matters any more.

[Fred the Fourth]

pst314,
A story from my father, who was a Marine F4 Corsair pilot in the Korean "police action":
Returning from a mission, he and his brother (also a F4 driver) noted to each other that they had unexpended ammunition. Now, the Squadron CO frowned upon landing with wasted boolets, so...
And as young Marines did in those days, they were flying about 6 inches above the rice paddies, so they "just had to shoot" that bullock standing on a path between two paddies. Because, it was "in the way" and, apparently, it was a North Korean (boo, hiss) cow.
Anyway, they got that cow. Or so they said.
Turns out, though, that that cow had friends. Dad was shot down soon thereafter. No injuries, no drama, but I have a few Kodachromes of him standing next to his F4 on a South Korean beach.

[Pooklord]

Turtle McTurtleface: "Hold my beer."

Am I the only one who pictured a Mr. Tom Cruise at the beginning of the MI:II hearing those Schifrin-esque chords while watching that little turtle?

[asiaseen]

2% milk

From a herd of vegetarian-fed dairy chickens?

My friend wants to know, were the milk-chickens fed with vegetarians or by vegetarians?

[David]

If I ever feel ashamed I take comfort that there are no Pot Noodles in the house. One should always have someone else’s tastes to look down on.

As all God-fearing people know, these are far superior to the lowly Pot Noodle.

[a different james]

As all God-fearing people know, these are far superior to the lowly Pot Noodle

Foreign writing and all. Must be classy!

[David]

Foreign writing and all. Must be classy!

It’s totally reinvented the “can’t be arsed to cook” lifestyle scenario.

[Daniel Ream]

It's a little weird that the hardest SF you can find on TV is a Nickelodeon kids' show.

In that same way that the Outer Limits revival and Monsters! tended to use scripts from failed pilots, this thing reeeally feels like an actual TV show they couldn't sell and re-pitched it to Nick.

[David]

We live in neurotic times.

[Burnsie]

Neil Young, MD, PhD in Virology and Immunology, weighs in on Joe Rogan:

https://twitchy.com/brettt-3136/2022/01/24/neil-young-says-that-spotify-can-have-his-music-or-joe-rogans-podcast-but-not-both/

Okay, Boomer, have it your way.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Meanwhile, ordering pizza somewhere in the UK.

[pst314]

Dad was shot down soon thereafter. No injuries, no drama, but I have a few Kodachromes of him standing next to his F4 on a South Korean beach.

I disagree: any crash landing is drama, no matter how cool-headed the pilot is. Damn. Glad you Dad came home okay.

[pst314]

Neil Young, MD, PhD in Virology and Immunology, weighs in on Joe Rogan

The sixties was a long time ago so my memory may be inaccurate, but as I recall Neil Young was always a hippie fool whose sympathies were with commies.