Friday Ephemera

Some things, alas, cannot be unseen. || A display of colour-matching skills. (h/t, Darleen) || Live cooking feed of note. || Today’s word is carefree. || All the fun of the fair. || Kitten fishing. || Infinity bike. || Your own fab, switched-on Radiophonic Workshop. (h/t, Things) || Fiddle with drum loops. || At last, the smell of old people. || 10, Hyde Park Place. || Doll’s house of note. || “I can do it.” || Do keep up because there will be a test. || How to impress the ladies, a possible series. || “I want something I can hold... something that has value.” || The machine uprising, day one. || Your new morning routine. || Nice save, madam. || Women, you say. (h/t, Julia) || Ladies at large. || And finally, a justified gasp.

Comments

[dcardno]

Surely, "Large Ladies?"

[pst314]

Test? The cake is a lie.

[Daniel Ream]

Live cooking feed of note

There's been a rash of millennial women rediscovering various homemaking skills - sewing, cooking, canning, etc. - but it seems to be evenly split between the ones yearning for some kind of mythical Leave It To Beaver existence, and the ones pandering to them. And the panderers seem to think that picking up these skills is as easy as aping makeup tutorials.

We've got an entire generation, possibly two, of young people who simply weren't taught any of the basic life skills their parents had.

Also that reminds me I need to pick up a fire extinguisher.

[Squires]

How to impress the ladies...

I have my own ways.

There's been a rash of millennial women rediscovering various homemaking skills...

As I've said before, Martina Markota does it better.

[Daniel Ream]

Martina Markota does it better

Her etiquette playlist looks interesting. I've had the occasional interaction with badly-socialized young women and observed that their lives would be much easier if they practiced basic manners - and one of them called me out on it at one point and demanded to know where she was supposed to have learned such, since her parents, teachers and peer group certainly hadn't provided that instruction. I was at a loss, as books on etiquette tend to focus on the intricacies of high tea and which fork goes where, rather than elementaries like stand up straight, smile, say hello and don't swear.

[asiaseen]

Surely, "Large Ladies?"

UHF band - Ultra Heavy Femininity

[Fred the Fourth]

They could have learned most of the essentials of manners from
The Princess Bride:
"Hello" - Greeting
"My name is Inigo Montoya" - Offer name
"You killed my father" - Note personal connection
"Prepare to die" - set expectations

[Joan]

Some things, alas, cannot be unseen.

LOL. Didn't see that coming.

[Mags]

“I want something I can hold... something that has value.”

Creepy teacher #3,005. Who tells a small kid that a hug isn't a good enough gift?

[David]

Morning, all.

Creepy teacher #3,005. Who tells a small kid that a hug isn’t a good enough gift?

Well, quite.

And so, we have some casual boundary overstepping, a protracted, cringe-inducing display of juvenile emotional neediness - from the adult in the room - and a lesson to small children that hugs don’t count as signs of appreciation. And all of this is filmed by the teacher in question, with himself as the star, and then uploaded to social media, as if it portrayed him in a flattering light. Apparently, a male teacher demanding gifts from small children – “Something physical… something that has value” - and demanding Mother’s Day cards - is an example to us all. Because all parents want their children to be educated by a camp, grasping narcissist.

[H]

All the fun of the fair.

Holy crap. Where was that?

[David]

Where was that?

Traverse City, Michigan. A little background here.

[H]

Thanks, barkeep.

[sH2]

Ladies at large.

That's a lot of ass being kicked.

[Ray]

All the fun of the fair.

More toxic masculinity.

[David]

an entire generation, possibly two, of young people who simply weren’t taught any of the basic life skills their parents had.

See also, chores.

A fifteen-year-old nephew once told me that he didn’t know how to boil an egg. The washing machine was also entirely alien to him, along with many other appliances, including the dishwasher.

[Stephanie Richer]

Do keep up ,,,

I saw this just after passing by a headline to an article decrying the loneliness of people in the LGBTQ community. Maybe, I don't know, they'd be less lonely if they weren't SO FUCKING ANNOYING?

Creepy teacher

Punchable. So very punchable. I will expect to see his sad story of being fired in the Daily Mail very soon.

Ladies at Large

TIL Jacksonville has a carb problem.

[John]

I can do it

If anyone is not crying I will personally pay the henchlesbians to do their stuff.

[John]

Ping,

Hopefully enough to buy them some dog biscuits.

[David]

If anyone is not crying I will personally pay the henchlesbians to do their stuff.

[ Passes Mansize tissues. ]

Ping.

Bless you, sir. Should you be expecting some pleasing post – say, a birthday gift or new gadget - may your mailbox contain more than an unsolicited brochure for European holidays by coach, and a leaflet from the local Liberal Democrat MP.

[windbag]

Creepy teacher claims he taught the kids manners over the past year. Yeah, right, like the polite way to demand gifts from people under your authority?

[Captain Nemo]

There are no cats in these images*:

https://twitter.com/Thereisnocat_

*May not be 100% accurate.

If this is a repost, I do apologise. I've not been pooping over as often recently for a variety of reasons.

[Captain Nemo]

I've not been pooping over as often recently for a variety of reasons.

Gah, typo. POPPING. While it's true I've not been POPPING over as often recently for a variety of reasons, constipation is not one of them. Sorry.

[Rafi]

I can do it

Damn you, barkeep. Got something in my eye...

[David]

I’ve not been pooping over as often recently for a variety of reasons.

[ Peers over spectacles. ]

[David]

Damn you, barkeep. Got something in my eye...

I see I may need a bigger box of super-manly tissues.

As used by Vikings, lumberjacks and professional wrestlers.

[Jen]

At last, the smell of old people.

But I want to smell like *young* people.

[asiaseen]

LARA will have inspectors on sight at the Ionia County Free Fair in the days leading up to their opening, inspecting any of the rides on sight that haven't yet had an annual inspection.

As long as they are also on site, that should be OK

[David]

If anyone is not crying...

Damn you, barkeep. Got something in my eye...

Don’t make me dig out the one with the abandoned puppy. You’ll be a wreck for days.

[pst314]

Polish immigrant state trooper stops to help driver. Driver is Lech Welesa

[David]

A vacancy has arisen.

[pst314]

There's been a rash of millennial women rediscovering various homemaking skills...

I get the impression that today's cooking shows tend to be gimmicky--celebrity chefs, exotic recipes, competitors winning or losing, competitors getting sabotaged by rats, etc. In contrast, the cooking shows of my childhood were more practical, just showing the viewers how to do things step by step. Are my current perceptions and youthful memories accurate?

[pst314]

Are my current perceptions and youthful memories accurate?

But then, maybe the role of basic instruction has been taken over by YouTube videos while the cable TV channels focus on spectacle. (How long until we have a show titled "The Kardashians Cook Dinner While Making Asses of Themselves"?)

[pst314]

A vacancy has arisen.

Oh no! Anyway....

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Will this help us sell more burgers?

Burgers?

[ccscientist]

creepy teacher: adults don't need presents from anyone, much less from children. Was at a neighbor's and her family were giving her b-day gifts. She was expecting in total a trip to Paris (I kid you not) from the group. Demanding much?

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Important work from "A team of scientists in the field of studying parasitic organisms..."

[WTP]

Some things, alas, cannot be unseen.

Some things cannot be seen. Now. Apparently.

[Steve E]

Are my current perceptions and youthful memories accurate?

You are correct sir. But it's okay, because the people watching don't cook any more anyway.

"A team of scientists in the field of studying parasitic organisms..."

Read that as parasitic "orgasms" and thought whaat? Would a dog humping your leg fit into such a category?

[Bigland]

Some things cannot be seen. Now. Apparently.

Fortunately, some helpful people (not me) asked for videobots to save it first:
https://getvideobot.com/video/1523575750326112256

[David]

Some things cannot be seen. Now. Apparently.

Have changed the link. Can you see it now?

[Captain Nemo]

[ Peers over spectacles. ]

What can I say? Life has a habit of intervening when you'd rather be doing something else.

[WTP]

Have changed the link. Can you see it now?

Well...maybe because I don't have a Twitter account but it now says I need to be 18. I take it from the comments testicles are involved. As I haven't had my morning vodka yet I think I'll pass. Thanks though.

, a justified gasp.

I have questions...

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

A follow up to yesterday's Madonna NFT news, she shares her Deep Thoughts™ on the project.

“I say we need a forest with creepy crawly bugs coming out of me,” Madonna quipped. “Not often does a robot centipede crawl out of my vagina.”

"Not often" - so sometimes then?

[David]

I have questions...

I’m glad the window held their weight.

[WTP]

The washing machine was also entirely alien to him

I will cop to that one for my 15 year old self. I never understood why washing machines need to be so damn complicated. Before leaving for college I got a thorough lesson from Mom where she did dumb things down for me. I was so relieved when I got to college and the machines in the dorm had just three simple buttons for cold, warm, and hot. Even to this day I look at my machine and curse the settings. Especially after the wife has moved them around. The bloody electronic board went bad a few years ago and I fixed/replaced it, cursing the whole time about why there couldn't just be three simple buttons.

Also, sorry for the double post above. I got a 503 error. Been having webby problems with new internet provider but for some reason this morning they seem specific to your page.

[David]

Been having webby problems with new internet provider but for some reason this morning they seem specific to your page.

There were a couple of Typepad-wide issues today – slow loading and time-outs – now fixed, I think - so it probably wasn’t you.

[WTP]

I’m glad the window held their weight.

I don't get why the kid could not have been rescued from the window he was hanging from. If the door was locked it seems like it would have been safer to break it down or cut through it rather than the risky move of coming up from below. Not just risky for the rescuer, God bless him, but for the kid as well. I'm guessing/hoping someone was trying that as well but...curious as to the full story. Assuming there is one.

[David]

I never understood why washing machines need to be so damn complicated.

It was more that even the notion of chores was utterly unfamiliar and regarded as some outlandish theoretical imposition. There was simply no expectation that one might contribute by doing small, routine tasks, and thereby learn the most basic adult skills. Say, how to boil an egg.

Especially after the wife has moved them around.

I’m guessing you’ll be sleeping in the neighbours’ garage again.

[Steve E]

Some things, alas, cannot be unseen.

Brought to mind this old classic.

[Darleen]

It was more that even the notion of chores was utterly unfamiliar and regarded as some outlandish theoretical imposition.

Two possibilities -- parents completely reject the role of being labeled the "mean mom/dad" by kids who will complain about the chores. OR the parent who takes on the task of washing/cooking/general tidying is a touch OCD and just can't stand someone else doing X if X isn't exactly to standards.

Kids learning to cook are going to burn the pancakes or over-salt the scrambled eggs a few times. Buck up and eat it anyway.

(BTW, one of the worst things public schools did was eliminate home ec)

[WTP]

Second only to eliminating shop. Especially for so-called “smart” kids. Which for some reason I didn’t understand included me no matter how hard I tried to convince them otherwise.

[Alice]

a leaflet from the local Liberal Democrat MP.

I feel your pain. :-)

[David]

I feel your pain. :-)

Well, it’s all faintly insulting, as you can imagine. Though I’m more mystified by the sudden avalanche of brochures for holidays in which I’ve never expressed interest. I seem to have been added to some mailing list. And so, the bin is rapidly filling with solicitations to spend a week sitting on a coach, or to potter around the teashops of Yorkshire villages.

[pst314]

There were a couple of Typepad-wide issues today – slow loading and time-outs – now fixed, I think - so it probably wasn’t you.

[ Puts anti-anxiety medication back in cabinet. ]

[Sam Duncan]

“Ladies at large.”

Alas, the poor starving masses are always with us.

“I never understood why washing machines need to be so damn complicated.”

I became convinced quite early on that they just do that to make people feel like they're actually contributing to the process. My mum used to spend ages agonising over what cycle to use until she obviously came to the same conclusion: she left it on the same one for years, occasionally turning it down to “Wool“ if there was some ('cos you don't want it to shrink). I do the same: 60°, “Non-colourfast Cotton”. Seems to work.

“now fixed, I think”

Hmm. I first tried to post this an hour ago. Seems okay right now, but I'd hold off on the “fixed”.

[Scot]

I have tried wearing high-waisted trousers & short neckties. The ladies are not impressed.

[pst314]

Strange: I get a large unfamiliar pop-up every time I post a comment.

[pst314]

Strange: I get a large unfamiliar pop-up every time I post a comment.

[WTP]

a leaflet from the local Liberal Democrat MP.

I never do this but...asking for prayers...I will be meeting with my state representative on Monday. Haven't spoken directly to anyone like that since I was a Boy Scout. Fortunately mine is a Republican. Or is supposed to be. Whatever the hell that means anymore.

[David]

now fixed, I think

Or not.

Feel free to pass the time by banging your head on the desk.

[pst314]

Or not

The Deep Old Ones? Could be. (That URL is dead, so plug it into the Internet Archive Wayback Machine.

[Darleen]

Second only to eliminating shop.

Happily, the high school my twin grandsons attended actually had wood shop. Nik especially loved it and his first major piece, and end table, is beautiful. He was working on an accompanying sofa table when CA schools were closed down for over a year. Never got to get back to it.

[ccscientist]

Shop: I got to take drafting, printing, and wood shop in 8th grade. My high school and a 4 bay auto garage, but we moved. All this 50 yrs ago of course. I've hired high school boys to do yard work who didn't know how to rake or cut grass and never pulled weeds. By 8th grade I was chomping at the bit to do grown up stuff--and make $ of course. So I just can't fathom it.

[ComputerLabRat]

Lesbian Visibility Week

I think we might have seen the strapping, lantern-jawed, person in the light blue suit on the left in that picture here before. Definitely seen Teh Admiral. What I don't understand is how those two black females, who I guess are sexually attracted to other females, since it's Lesbian Visibility Week, can sit at that table right next to those other two people who purport to be "lesbians" and just take it. If anyone can push back against the trans mania and not lose their jobs over it, it's got to be black gay women. But - that's wrong, at least in Britain. Isn't a black, gay, woman suing Stonewall over there for getting her fired from her job? Trans really are at the top of the victim totem pole.

[Alex]

I take it from the comments testicles are involved

It's not actual testicles, so nothing to worry about on that score. It's more like those pictures where someone takes a closeup of a bent elbow and crops it to look like a butt.

[David]

Second only to eliminating shop.

I vaguely remember making a hammer in metalwork class, which must’ve lasted a year or so. The class, that is, not the hammer. My creation, it turned out, had… structural issues and didn’t survive that long.

I do remember making bread in a home economics class. That was quite good. To the discerning palate of a twelve-year-old.

[David]

It’s more like those pictures where someone takes a closeup of a bent elbow and crops it to look like a butt.

[ Rolls up sleeve, fetches phone. ]

[pst314]

My high school used to have wood shop, metal shop, auto shop, drafting, and home economics. Those are gone now. Also gone are German and Latin, although French and Spanish remain.
But the math and science curriculum has improved, with the addition of second years of biology, chemistry, physics, algebra. And the addition of pre-calculus and calculus. Also a few engineering and medical classes. Also many classes for "unprepared" students and English as a Second Language students.

[Darleen]

My high school used to have wood shop, metal shop, auto shop, drafting, and home economics.

My high school even had FFA, too.

[Darleen]

Oopsy.

[APL]

I vaguely remember making a hammer in metalwork class

I remember such lads in my days. Actually, I was a little jealous since - because of streaming - these options were unavailable. Stuck with Math and Sciences - which was fine and all, but it still would have been neat to do some machining.

[pst314]

My high school even had FFA, too.

Cool. Smaller town? Mine had all the shop classes because it was a big industrial city and those classes fed the kids into the factory jobs.

[pst314]

I ignored all those shop classes because I was totally focused on a STEM career. But in retrospect I regret this. I should have talked to the teachers about how to squeeze some shop and home ec education into my busy schedule, even if it meant auditing for no credit.

[Captain Nemo]

All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain...

https://twitter.com/hughpearman/status/1525201268523900933

[WTP]

Shop: I got to take drafting, printing, and wood shop in 8th grade.

I did finagle myself into a drafting class, which was something I ended up having to take in college anyway. My father was an excellent draftsman but turns out my handwriting/coordination is just not up to snuff. While my finished product would look neat and acceptable to me, one look at most others and...well...anyway. Only a couple years short of CAD/CAM but I was on to software development by that time.

Really wish I had the shop thing. Just took a weekend course in woodworking and most of us in the class were there because we didn't get it in school for various reasons. Turns out there are only three high schools in the county (Orlando area) that have shop classes.

[Darleen]

Cool. Smaller town?

Not really. Sonora High School in Brea, CA ... though it was a different time in the 70s.

The twins' school was Norco HS in Norco "Horsetown, USA" CA - so shop plus a student can major in agriculture, too.

[Governor Squid]

A fifteen-year-old nephew once told me that he didn’t know how to boil an egg.

I thank God that my mother taught me how to cook when I was still living at home. No big deal when I lived on campus and ate in the dining hall, but upon getting my first apartment I quickly realized that my roommates had no kitchen skills to speak of, relying instead on a lot of frozen dinners, mac & cheese and carryout. I found that I could get out of bathroom-cleaning duty simply by cooking up a big pot of chili and some cornbread for the apartment.

Hell, I landed a girlfriend way out of my league just because I cooked her a decent Italian meal (okay, maybe the wine helped a little). It kills me that young people don't understand how powerful a good meal can be, or who think cooking well is something you can't accomplish without attending culinary school.

Now I'm seeing adverts for a toaster oven with a barcode reader because today's young professional can't handle instructions like "bake at 375F for 18 minutes" without having a breakdown. I weep for the future.

[pst314]

Not really. Sonora High School in Brea, CA...

Los Angeles greater metro area, then. Beautiful climate. La Brea Tar Pits are elsewhere.

so shop plus a student can major in agriculture, too.

Really cool.

In retrospect, I think what I really needed was "shop and home ec for homeowners": Basic carpentry/electrical/plumbing. Elements of flooring, drywall, and other simpler remodeling tasks. Basic sewing for repair of clothing and textiles. Basic cooking. Basic gardening. If I had had any damn foresight I would have pumped my mother and grandparents for everything they knew, instead of just passively accepting what they taught me, since grandma grew up on a farm and she taught Mom. Ditto Dad with the simpler plumbing and carpentry jobs that he did around the house. I picked up a bit from him, but did not make an effort to get systematic knowledge.

[pst314]

Oh--and basic maintenance of autos, air conditioners, furnaces, lawnmowers, appliances like washers and dryers, etc.: Know how to do what you might need to do, and know when to leave it to the pros.

[Sam Duncan]

Belgium, man... Belgium! (A cautionary tale for anyone who thinks those there Europeans have it All Figured Out.)

[Dan C]

“henchlesbians”

I don’t know where that comes from but it is laugh-out-loud funny.

[pst314]

I don’t know where that comes from but it is laugh-out-loud funny.

Our host's Guild of Evil has some interesting personnel. Just one piece of advice: Never, never, never forget to close your italics. [ Pops pill to suppress PTSD symptoms. ]

[pst314]

"Seize the memes of production!"

Not sure where I saw that, earlier this week.

[pst314]

Okay, nice landing. Flaps up... Oops.

[pst314]

Advice for when reading the news or listening to the left:

“I keep telling you, that what you must listen for is the dog that doesn’t bark, for the the thing that is not said, for the story that is not told…”
--John Kass

[pst314]

A dramatic Good Samaritan moment. Multiple good Samaritans. Sadly, this reminds me why I avoid certain neighborhoods: It is more likely that I would be robbed and left to die of my heart attack.

[WTP]

Belgium, man... Belgium!

Meh. Orlando runs two-diesel engine, three car (maybe two) passenger car commuter heavy rail on a one dimensional north-south line that actually loses money JUST ON SELLING THE TICKETS. Or did last I checked shortly before the damnpanic. At least the Belgians (whatever that means) aren't continuing to lose money on the endeavor...or are they?

[PiperPaul]

Our host's Guild of Evil

Don't mention the punishment devices in the dungeon.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

Don't mention the punishment devices in the dungeon.

...or the ambulatory bar food.

[Squires]

...didn't know how to rake...

Didn't know how to walk or close their hands?

[CMOT Dibbler]

...or the ambulatory bar food.

Shocking, just shocking.

[ccscientist]

oopsy: hahahaha what the internet was made for.

[Steve E]

today's young professional can't handle instructions like "bake at 375F for 18 minutes" without having a breakdown.

Even Wolf Cubs had a "House Keeping" badge (it had a vaccum cleaner on it). I had to go to Bagheera's house, make the beds, vacuum the rugs and prepare a lunch (boiled hot dogs, steamed buns, and McCain frozen oven fries. It was 1970 and I was 10-years old. I think the Cub Scouts created this badge so that the adult leaders could get free house cleaning.

pst314 said earlier that there was a time when cooking shows taught you how to cook. I learned how to cook by watching PBS on the weekend. It got me out of bed to watch the weekly marathon of cooking shows--Julia Child, Yan Can Cook, The Frugal Gourmet, Martha Stewart--really too many to name. I'm trying to teach my boys how to cook and how to shop for food.

Last night my oldest and I did Japanese (he's a bit of a japanophile) with a Beef Sukiyaki hot pot. I bought him a table top induction burner, a japanese style skillet/pot and a japanese cook book. We finally got to try them out with the wife out of town. It was a feast. Previously we had made sushi--nigiri and various rolls. He's too modest to show off.

[Steve E]

I learned how to cook by watching PBS...

I should add that I also learned how to do things around the house by watching This Old House and how to garden by watching The Victory Garden.

[Farnsworth M Muldoon]

A little Orwellian but not exactly surprising these days.

[Daniel Ream]

Here in Canada, the Home Depot used to run regular free/materials-only classes where you could learn to paint a house, do simple plumbing, patch a hole in drywall, etc., etc. No longer. As ubiquitous as how-to videos now are on YouTube, there is no substitute for developing the manual skills and muscle memory by doing it for real.

[Daniel Ream]

A little Orwellian but not exactly surprising these days.

There is a real problem in that people - usually those who were sexually abused as children - who have pedophiliac urges but want help resisting them can't get any, because in many jurisdictions as soon as they admit that to a therapist it triggers a host of legally mandated reporting that makes things much worse.

This is not that. "Allyn" Walker is an apologist and shouldn't be anywhere near children or any program that involves children at any remove.

[Alex DeWynter]

Second only to eliminating shop.

Being a Person of Cervix in the 80s I had to fight tooth and nail to get shop in high school. I'd learned to cook from my mother and grandmother, but my father was a librarian. He would grab a book to figure out how to do basic plumbing/car/electrical/etc. maintenance, but it wasn't his jam and not anything he was inclined to pass along to my brother or me. I confess, it also seriously pissed me off to get stuck into something called an 'elective' class when I had not, and would not have, chosen it.

I never understood why washing machines need to be so damn complicated.

I encountered this just recently when my nonagenarian mother's washer broke irremediably and I went looking for a replacement. She wanted something simple and straightforward, with two dials -- load size and white/color/dark temperature settings -- and an on/off button. Unfortunately, nobody makes such a device anymore, and it was all I could do to find one that didn't have its own twitter account.

[anon a mouse]

"Ladies"?
So, what happens when the food supply runs a bit...low?

Hmmm.