The Mystery That Is Me
Only Looking (2)

Friday Ephemera

A situation had arisen. || Can you guess ten seconds? (h/t, Things) || The concept of sideways. || Smooth operator. || Temptation. || Patient dogs. || The joys of public transport, part 4,865. || The progressive retail experience, part 434. || They hunt in packs. || I’ll tell you when to stop. || Ladies, is this true? || Gummi bear lovers, look away now. || The collected kitsch of Siegfried and Roy. || At last, a chocolate giraffe. || The sex robots are coming. || “Distinct transitioning odours.” || Sandwich filling. || Three hours of Norwegian snowfall. || Tight dress, big breasts. || It’s a job. || Social gaffe detected. || If you could dance on the Moon. || And finally, please write down and memorise her fashionable complications.

Comments

ComputerLabRat

Ladies, is this true?

For social media influencer types, probably, yes. For the average female, no. Some of those Instagram people look plastic they have so much makeup on.

Jenny

Tight dress, big breasts

This was just mean, David!

pst314

Wait--it's Friday already??

pst314

The joys of "diverse" neighborhoods.

pst314

The joys of public transport, part 4,865.
The progressive retail experience, part 434.
“Distinct transitioning odours.”
please write down and memorise her fashionable complications.

Can't we move all these, er, people, to an island somewhere? Maybe Inaccessible?

pst314

An insight into Eastern European culture: The Clinic.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Professional garden gnomes.

pst314

"Universally recognized as pure evil"

[ Looks up. Eyes narrow. Looks at David with new suspicion. ]

pst314

Professional garden gnomes.

Time to start an advocacy group.

Alex DeWynter

The sex robots are coming.

I might have had a gripe about the lack of male sexbots in that clip, then Chesty McMonotone started 'talking.' Ye gods. Serious question: do guys actually find that arousing?

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Serious question: do guys actually find that arousing?

That thing, not in the least, even it it was at the level of a Cherry 2000 it would get old quick.

Dawei
Gummi bear lovers, look away now.

Say no to the YouTube Shorts UI! Normal link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1iBThaP_TaY

“Distinct transitioning odours.”

A pitch-perfect parody of Vice/Mic/Bustle/Everyday Feminism - bravo.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

A pitch-perfect parody of Vice/Mic/Bustle/Everyday Feminism - bravo.

If it is, it is a parody of Biblical proportions that puts the Babylon Bee to shame.

Richard Cranium
Tight dress, big breasts

Thought #1 while clicking the link: "I know I'm going to regret this."

Thought #2 after clicking the link: "I see our host as a parakeet who has fluffed its feathers after biting the living dogshit out of my finger when I introduced my finger into its cage."

Thought #3 while writing this: "Well done."

Steve E

The sex robots are coming.

The sex robot you want...


Tight dress, big breasts.

The sex robot you deserve.

Alex

</i>

Steve E

Thanks. I posted from my phone and it does all kinds of unpleasant things when I try to post. It took three tried as it was which explains the wonky spacing and the open italics. I shall report for regrooving.

pooklord

10 seconds- 9.753

Mags

Can you guess ten seconds?

Third attempt. :-)

David

Morning, all.

Thought #1 while clicking the link: “I know I’m going to regret this.”

And yet here we are.

Again.

JuliaM

" The collected kitsch of Siegfried and Roy."

Mats Jonasson and Baccarat sitting there like jewels in a midden, though...

David

Wait—it’s Friday already??

Tell me about it.

David

He just can’t.

John

He just can’t

George, Zippy and Bungle want their hat back.

David

Does this count as “social justice”?

David

George, Zippy and Bungle want their hat back.

Effete Hat Guy clearly imagines himself as above such low-status things as patriotic sentiment or attachment to one’s country, albeit expressed via the medium of beach chairs, and which he disdains as “Ew, Trumpy.” But a society in which Effete Hat Guy is the norm, or very common, is unlikely to fare well when a rival population, perhaps one less alienated from itself, wants to take his stuff.

Richard Cranium
Does this count as “social justice”?

The attacker and his pack survived, so I'd say "not really".

Captain Nemo

Tight dress, big breasts.

I never thought I'd ever see a human being do such a convincing impression of an over-done roast turkey. And yet, there it is.

Richard Cranium

Interesting view of the input end...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fW3Dx_EpegU

TimT

Sandwich filling.

I'm not sure I'm going to like this latest episode of Octonauts.

Alan

Tight dress, big breasts.

*shakes fist at barkeep*

David

*shakes fist at barkeep*

No refunds. Credit note only.

pst314

He just can’t

Betcha he disliked the American flag before he ever heard of Trump.

This dislike of the flag has long been common among liberals: If you just wander through any city you will see that flags are much more common in conservative neighborhoods than in liberal ones, even on Independence Day, Memorial Day, and Veterans Day.

When my sister and her husband bought their North Woods second home, she commented with scorn at the tacky American flags on the property. Later, when caring for our parents, I noticed that I was the only one who would put up the American flag on Independence Day.

pst314

*shakes fist at barkeep*

Mandy, Candy and Brandy say that their sisters are looking for employment. (No openings on John Derbyshire's island paradise.) They only do ordinary office and clerical work, but they do like to wear shorts and halters in the office and bikinis when they play volleyball on their lunch hours.

Clam

Tight dress, big breasts.

Got to say, that's not what I was hoping for. :-)

David

Got to say, that’s not what I was hoping for. :-)

Was the garment not tight? Were the breasts not big?

[ Turns to judge. ]

I rest my case.

pst314

Does this count as “social justice”?

I'll up the ante: My idea of justice requires not only that the thug be killed on the spot, but that his "dindu nuffin" family be properly dealt with too.

Harcourt Fenton Mudd

Got to say, that's not what I was hoping for. :-)

Allow me to introduce myself.

pst314

If it is, it is a parody of Biblical proportions that puts the Babylon Bee to shame.

More:

"Hey there! 👋 IQfy is a lifestyle and social commentary imprint of the Sunshine Initiative. We design and publish storyful, smarter content to uplift feminine folks globally and elevate the conversation generally. Our Twitter also has the side mission of seeking out and signal boosting the smartest tweets on issues of the day...The Team Sunshine flag, representing the feminine radiating sunlight onto the masculine world below..."

Many more paragraphs of gibberish at that link.

pst314

David, your antiquated galleons will no longer protect you from Florida Man.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

How to escape being kidnapped.

pst314

Roman alarm clock.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

A food delivery service offers dietary advice.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Join us now for, "The Dong Always Tings Twice", another exciting Iowahawk Mystery™!

pst314

This looks intriguing and attractive. As long as the staff does not include someone named Pseudolus.

Captain Nemo

Have you ever asked your bootmaker for cock?

https://twitter.com/wallaceme/status/1534913170376167424

Farnsworth M Muldoon

This looks intriguing and attractive.

Britain’s most extraordinary new house recreates the sights, sounds and smells of a luxury imperial home in 4th-century Britain

Not if it has a flush toilet.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

It's funny, because it's true.

pst314

Not if it has a flush toilet.

That is an anachronistic sacrifice I am willing to make. [ Gazes nobly into the distant blue skies. ]

pst314

For the easily bored. And the decadent idle classes.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Join us now for another exciting episode of "Today in Racism™", cheap sandwiches.

A new feature, David's Puzzle Corner, one of these things is not like the others! Can you spot it?

pst314

Join us now for another exciting episode of "Today in Racism™", cheap sandwiches.

Madame Defarge says that she is running out of yarn.

WTP

Does this count as “social justice”?

Once upon a time there would be no question. Today I think it's fair to at least consider the possibility that she may have shit in his bed. These things happen, you know.

Liz

Can you guess ten seconds?

Do we have to get *exactly* 10 seconds?

pst314

Annals of American Progressive justice: Geico ordered to pay $5.2M to woman who claims she caught STD during sex in car. Link courtesy of Iowahawk.

David

Do we have to get *exactly* 10 seconds?

Anything less than three decimal places would be anarchy.

PiperPaul

Anything less than three decimal places

Yeah but is it metric time or old-fashioned racist, imperial time?

Sam Duncan

10 seconds: 10.223. I'll take that.

(Oh, hell... who am I kidding? No I won't. That's my weekend ruined.)

“Not if it has a flush toilet.”

It probably wasn't as bad as you think. The Romans didn't have flush-on-demand toilets, but they did have running water. Here's the latrine at the fort of Housesteads, on Hadrian's Wall, for example. The water ran along either side of the building, with seats placed over the top. The basin that looks a bit like a modern toilet was for the, er... sponges. On sticks.

Hey, I didn't say it was brilliant, just better than you might expect.

“cheap sandwiches.”

“Simply racist”. Yet no evidence of racial prejudice is provided.

David

10 seconds: 10.223. I’ll take that.
(Oh, hell... who am I kidding? No I won’t. That's my weekend ruined.)

My work here is done.

WTP

To be “that akshually guy”…timing to the 1/1000th of a second gets problematic for a number of reasons. World records for distinct/objective/discreet events such as swimming are only recognized at the 1/100th level. The systems will report to the 1/1000th but unless it has changed (somewhat) recently I don’t think they officially differentiate 1st/2nd place down to that level of accuracy. It’s been years since I specifically looked into it so I could be wrong on the latter part. Either way, there are arguments there.

David

THREE DECIMAL PLACES.

asiaseen

Can you guess ten seconds?

10.165 secs good enough for government work?

WTP

A-LOOOOOOO-mi-num. And now I’m getting nonplussed again. Literally. See what you did?

ccscientist

racist sandwhiches: it is actually the other way around. In LA for example, they passed zoning to prevent any new fast food in poor areas, because poor people can't be trusted to choose good food. So they are forcing poor people to eat more expensive food. Yeah. Regs that forced fast food restaurants to offer healthy food like salads have led to food being tossed because no one orders it. So prices rise. Same thing when NYC forced small groceries (bodegas) to offer a full selection of fruits and veggies. The ruling class wants everyone to be forced to live as if they were rich.

Sam Duncan

WTP: Good point. Motorsport only started using thousandths in the '80s, when electronic transponders became accurate enough. At 200mph you travel an appreciable distance in that time (off the top of my head, it's about three inches), so it's worth doing.

That said, in qualifying for the 1997 European Grand Prix at Jerez, Jacques Villeneuve, Michael Schumacher, and Heinz-Harald Frentzen all posted exactly the same time: 1:21.072. I seem to recall some talk about going to ten-thousandths, but it was decided not to be worth the expense. Which seems to have been the right choice. Although they still happen occasionally, identical times are extremely rare.

With a manual stopwatch, it's barely worth doing decimal places at all. The average reaction time is about 200 milliseconds; by the time you see something happen and stop the watch, you're looking at an accuracy of about a quarter of a second, so even measuring tenths is pushing your luck a bit. Of course, when the thing you're timing is actually going on in your own head, that probably doesn't apply.

Probably. Now I come to think of it, I'm not sure. Anyone?

David

10.223. I’ll take that.
10.165 secs

I shudder to think how slapdash your cooking must be.

John

How to escape being kidnapped

Very reminiscent of the excellent black comedy series “The real McCoy” from 20 or so years ago.

MC

Not sure whether Distinct Transitioning Odours or Tight Dress, Big Breasts upset me the most… I’ll get back to you once I’ve finished this bottle.

Dan C

10.165 secs good enough for government work?

If it’s for a warhead than yeah, good enough for me.

semi retired conservative

She told me it didn't smell like what I described it as and it just smelled like vagina. I tried asking my mother about what it could be and she couldn't give me any answers because she's not informed on this topic.

Paraphrased "Mama don't know nuffin about backhole front holes"

See. It is always the parents fault !

(for raising that imbecile in the first instance).

asiaseen

I shudder to think how slapdash your cooking must be

My cooking technique is based on the ILAR principle - It Looks About Right. So, indeed, shudder away.

David

[ Starts weighing individual grains of salt. ]

Steve E

[ Starts weighing individual grains of salt. ]

The only sure way to get an accurate measurement. This teaspoon thing just doesn't work for salt. Certain salts are denser than others. You could end up with an over or under salted dish.

pst314

Smothers Brothers in real life.

Fay

Fashionable Complications

I didn't give it my permission to use my name as it's pronoun.

FlynPigRanch

Tight dress, Big breasts........

I had to look at her twice to see her once.

pst314

Ukraine trolls Russia. Again.

pst314

...and Lithuania joins in.

ccscientist

Kyiv was founding by Vikings, the Rus. Russia was a Viking kingdom. Sweden should take it back.

pst314

[ Mongols interrupt the thread. ] "Hey, what about our contributions to Russian national character/dysfunction?

Dyspeptic Curmudgeon

10.012 on first attempt. Quitting while ahead!

BlokeInAshed

Tight dress, big breasts

I looked at that one first, anticipating I suppose something like Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman.
Now I am a bit gun-shy of the rest.
In this instance, the darker garment isn't sufficiently "slimming"

Felicity

Gummy bear lovers, look away now

I bring you a tale of drama, loss and love. https://twitter.com/LmfaoWith/status/1532476477404504081?s=20&t=BKb8gWRidqcTdbkcj3lmBw

[+]

But a society in which Effete Hat Guy is the norm, or very common, is unlikely to fare well when a rival population, perhaps one less alienated from itself, wants to take his stuff.

That.

David

That.

Maybe Effete Hat Guy thinks that such stuff-taking scenarios shouldn’t be a thing. Maybe he thinks that countries and borders somehow shouldn’t exist, and that people shouldn’t identify with where they live. But these thoughts will not inhibit those whose worldview is rather different from his own. And who want his stuff.

It reminded me of Ms Yassmin Abdel-Magied, a London-based writer, broadcaster, and activist, who announced during the Jubilee,

There are union jacks everywhere – it’s like a waking nightmare.

Given Ms Abdel-Magied’s apparent horror at festive symbols of the country in which she has recently chosen to live, you have to wonder why she came, and why she stays. Sudan, her place of birth, would presumably welcome her enormous, throbbing talents, and doubtless she would flourish there every bit as much.

It’s a familiar pattern. The ostentatious disdaining, to signal status, of values and structures on which one’s own comfort, and ability to sneer, very much depends. See also Laurie Penny.

Nikw211

It reminded me of Ms Yassmin Abdel-Magied ...

Having previously been unaware of this particular enlightened intellectual, I went to her Wikipedia entry which, if accurate, and presumably it is, makes for fascinating reading in light of her "waking nightmare" comment:

    Yassmin Midhat Abdel-Magied was born in Khartoum, Sudan.

    As skilled migrants, her parents moved to Brisbane, Australia with her when aged 18 months in late 1992 [ ... ]

    Abdel-Magied's father, Midhat Abdel-Magied, completed a PhD in electrical engineering at Imperial College, London [ ... ]

    Yassmin's mother, Faiza El-Higzi, was a qualified architect in Sudan, and now holds postgraduate degrees across various disciplines [ ... ].

    Abdel-Magied attended primary school at the Islamic College of Brisbane and the independent Christian high school John Paul College, at which there was no policy against wearing a hijab

David Baddiel, a British comedian and writer, once commented on the Scottish tennis player, Andy Murray, that it was funny how everyone assumed that because he was from Scotland he must be working class (not the case at all).

At the time, it was an off-the-cuff comment on a BBC radio programme poking gentle fun at London's intelligentsia.

It was mildly funny then, but Channel 4 (UK), the BBC, and The Guardian has for quite some time championed and promoted a number of ethnic minority intellectuals, writers and the like on the unstated assumption that such people are authentic voices of the oppressed.

Afua Hirsch is one good example (educated at the exclusive all-girls Wimbledon High School before going on to Oxford, naturally, her parents and even grandparents' were educated at Oxford and Cambridge and held elite posts in the old colonial establishment).

Priyamvada Gopal is another - a child of diplomats, she was educated at an exclusive international school in Vienna, Austria, and is now professor at the University of Cambridge, where she complains of being discriminated against by the porters.

There are no doubt more.

The words "controlled opposition" and "managed dissent" come to mind for some reason.

PiperPaul

"controlled opposition" and "managed dissent"

"The behavior of any bureaucratic organization can best be understood by assuming that it is controlled by a secret cabal of its enemies."

- Robert Conquest

David

in light of her “waking nightmare” comment

Ms Abdel-Magied’s “activism” seems largely to consist of calling people racist, apparently at random, while somehow ignoring her own rather obvious racial animus. Say, regarding the people who were good enough to provide her with a new and comfortable home.

If I were to emigrate to South Korea, for instance, and immediately began insulting the home and character of my new neighbours, calling them names, and recoiling in loud horror from any sense of national identity or cultural common ground, I might expect my churlishness and ingratitude to have consequences. Say, the locals expediting my departure.

pst314

Maybe Effete Hat Guy thinks that such stuff-taking scenarios shouldn’t be a thing. Maybe he thinks that countries and borders somehow shouldn’t exist, and that people shouldn’t identify with where they live.

See George Orwell's essay "No, Not One", his scathing review of pacifist-anarchist Alex Comfort's political-tract-as-novel "No Such Liberty" in which Comfort presents passivity as the moral way to oppose Hitler: One should not take up arms to fight Hitler's armies, but rather should retreat behind the armies of those nations that will oppose him--first Holland, then England, and finally America. (The protagonist declares that he will not fight the Nazis, thinking it better to "overcome Hitler with love".) That book review launched a vitriolic back-and-forth in Partisan Review in which Comfort accused Orwell of "engaging in intellectual hunting again" (note the "again"). I am not aware that Comfort every reassessed much less repudiated his cowardice-masquerading-as-morality.

The review and the exchange of letters can be found in The Collected Essays Journalism and Letters of George Orwell, Volume 2: "My Country Right or Left, 1940-1943". The entire 4-volume collection is well worth owning.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

... “activism” seems largely to consist of calling people racist...

Speaking of which, time again to update your dictionaries.

"Obesity" is now "people in larger bodies", and "morbid obesity" is right out in favor of "severely".

One of the reasons for this change is of course:

It comes after a separate team of researchers claimed the word obesity is racist and should be dropped in favour of 'people in larger bodies'.

Only a racist would take that to imply that wypipo don't become obese.

Sixteen patients trying to lose weight were also quizzed over the phone about how the language made them feel...They highlighted how the word 'failure' implied a personal responsibility for lack of weight loss, suggesting that a lack of willpower or self-control is to blame.

I know, it is the doctor's fault completely, and. like every other group that wants the world to adapt to them, these guys have suggestions:

This means having bathrooms that are easily negotiated by heavier individuals, sturdy armless chairs in waiting rooms, offices with large exam tables, gowns and blood pressure cuffs in appropriate sizes and reading materials for individuals that are appropriate and “weight-friendly” (rather than fashion magazines with thin supermodels). The following checklist provides suggested guidelines to improve the healthcare environment for individuals affected by obesity:

Scroll to bottom to see the comprehensive lois of how doctors need to redo their offices just for this lot.

I know the original link is to a Daily Mail story, but but enjoy the journal article that sparked it.

Joe Nadglowski, president of the Obesity Action Coalition, said: 'The old expression "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" doesn't apply for those living with obesity.'

I am thinking it is gravity more than words.

PiperPaul

group that wants the world to adapt to them

What percentage of the world's problems are caused by this?

pst314

like every other group that wants the world to adapt to them, these guys have suggestions

They're so dense, light bends around them.

ccscientist

I have friends who either escaped persecution or worked very hard to get here and they are the most patriotic americans you can imagine. But they don't aspire to be "elite" (engineers, dentists) so they don't virtue signal.
It is so tiresome to show how enlightened you are by running down patriotism and your country. Please show me another country that fought a war to end slavery or fought WWII and did not take territory and gave money to the losers (Japan, Germany) to rebuild. Go ahead. I'll wait.

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Yes, a necessity, I can't imagine how we all got on without it all these millennia.

ccscientist

"individuals affected by obesity" notice how every oppressed group is helpless, lacking agency, but wypeepo must change, which implies that only they have agency and will power. Unless obese of course.
"obesity" is racist? hahaha no

Farnsworth M Muldoon

Join us again for another thrilling episode of "Today In Racism™, Chapter 39,876 "Gay Wypipo".

LGBTQ+ rights and anti-racism campaigner Alexander Leon says white gay privilege means walking into a queer space knowing that it has been created with you in mind...As a result, Alexander says, those who don’t fit this specific and narrow image of queerness are left out.

One solution, he suggests, is for LGBTQ+ people of colour to create their own spaces to exist comfortably as their full selves – but progress can’t stop there.

George, "segregation today, segregation tomorrow, segregation forever...", Wallace approves this message.

pst314

Please show me another country that fought a war to end slavery or fought WWII and did not take territory and gave money to the losers (Japan, Germany) to rebuild. Go ahead. I'll wait.

I have read and heard of personal accounts of people who came to America after WWII because the American soldiers they encountered: The Germans were cruel and genocidal. The Russians pretended to be liberators but behaved as sadistic rapacious conquerors. The Americans in contrast behaved like genuine liberators, kind and generous. Europeans who had experienced the Germans and Russians thought "Who are these Americans? That is the sort of country I want to live in."

pst314

Alexander says, those who don’t fit this specific and narrow image of queerness are left out.

This will recur:

pst314

Yes, a necessity, I can't imagine how we all got on without it all these millennia.

How have societies traditionally dealt with groomers?

pst314

"individuals affected by obesity" notice how every oppressed group is helpless, lacking agency

The morbidly obese cannot escape fattening food because each is at the bottom of a gravity well.

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